• We rounded up books from a variety of experts that explain why marriage is so hard and how you can strengthen your relationship.
• The authors touch on topics including infidelity, personality clashes, and even time-management.
• Each one provides tips that you can implement starting today.

Marriage is complicated. That's a given.

So it helps to take a comprehensive look at the whole institution: When did we start having such high expectations for our partners? How do we fall for people who drive us crazy in the long run? Why in the world do we think about cheating if our relationship looks perfect?

The authors of the five books below — whose ranks include a psychotherapist, a productivity researcher, and a social psychologist — draw on their unique expertise to come up with some answers to these and other important questions. Their insights will help you look with fresh eyes at your own partnership and get inspired to change it for the better.

Read on for the books that will help strengthen your marriage.

SEE ALSO: 8 books to read before you get married

'The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work' by Eli J. Finkel

This book breaks down into two parts: an exploration of the historical factors that make marriage so hard and a series of creative strategies for strengthening your relationship.

"All-or-nothing marriage" is the term Finkel — a social psychologist — and his colleagues developed to describe modern relationships. We're placing more expectations on our relationships than ever before — we want our partner to be our best friend, our lover, our intellectual sparring partner, maybe our co-parent — while simultaneously investing less time and energy in the relationship. The inevitable result is that we're disappointed.

What to do? Well, for one, consider asking less of your relationship. (Really!) Maybe your partner isn't the type to have philosophical debates late into the night; maybe you've got a friend who loves to do that.

Or, consider not asking so much of your relationship right now, if things are especially stressful. Maybe you just had a baby or maybe you're under a lot of pressure at work. Adjusting your expectations and being realistic about what the relationship can do for you at this point in time is key.

Find it here »

'The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity' by Esther Perel

Esther Perel is something of a celebrity couples therapist — she's the author of the bestselling book "Mating in Captivity," she's given hit TED Talks, and she's the host of an audio series titled, "Where Should We Begin?"

Now, Perel has sunk her teeth into the subject of cheating, drawing on 30 years of experience to explain everything from how a couple recovers from infidelity to why infidelity can occur even in seemingly happy relationships.

Perel is strikingly insightful. On the topic of why people in happy relationships cheat, she explains that it can be a form of "self-seeking," as opposed to an attempt to escape the other person. And on the topic of recovery from cheating, Perel says something good can come out of the process: the restoration of honesty and passion.

Regardless of whether you've been personally affected by infidelity — and Perel says most people have been — the book will make you rethink your understanding of human intimacy and relationships.

Find it here »

'The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too) by Gretchen Rubin

Rubin is another well-known voice in the self-improvement domain. She's the author of multiple bestselling books, including "The Happiness Project," and she hosts the podcast "Happier With Gretchen Rubin."

"The Four Tendencies" isn't about romantic relationships per se — instead it's a look at how your personality type affects your life in general. But Rubin does put these personality types in the relationship context, in order to help readers understand why they're attracted to certain people and why the same conflicts keep popping up with their partners.

For example, "obligers"— people who meet outer expectations but don't always meet inner ones — often pair up with "rebels"— who resist both inner and outer expectations. And while "upholders"— who meet both inner and outer expectations— may be initially attracted to rebels, eventually they'll start to clash. (All these labels get less confusing once you sit down to read the book.)

Rubin does a good job of helping readers become more tolerant of people who are different from them — especially if that person is their spouse — and of helping them figure out how to manage those differences effectively.

Find it here »

• The happiest retirees live life to the fullest by traveling, dining out, and spending money on things they've always wanted.
• Relationship happiness has the biggest impact on retirement contentment.
• A third of retirees say that health problems are their biggest interference.

"Happiness," it's been said, "is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will evade you." In other words, by actively pursuing a happy state, you reduce your chances of achieving it.

That may be true from a philosophical standpoint, but when it comes to retirement planning, new research suggests there may in fact be specific steps you can take to enjoy a more rewarding post-career life.

Researchers from The American College, Eastern New Mexico University, and Texas Tech looked at financial, lifestyle and other data on 1,526 retirees to see what makes for a more satisfying retirement.

When it comes to having a more enjoyable retirement, the experiences of older Americans shows that there are three main ways you may be able to tilt the odds in your favor.

1. Spend more money on having fun.

When the researchers examined how retirees spend their money — on everything from cars and housing-related items to food and insurance — they found that spending in only one category tended to predict retirement satisfaction: leisure, or "experiential commodities" as they say, which includes such activities as dining out, travel, entertainment, and hobbies.

It's hardly shocking that splurging on dinner at a nice restaurant will leave you feeling more warm and fuzzy inside than forking over the same sum to have your car's oil changed and the tires balanced and rotated.

But don't put the bump in satisfaction down to mere hedonism.

Rather, it's because shelling out dough for leisure activities — or what one of the study's co-author's, The American College's Michael Finke described to me as as "social spending"— takes us outside of ourselves and keep us more engaged with the world.

You don't want to overdo it, though, and have an initially blissful retirement devolve into a survival test in your dotage because you spent too freely on leisure pursuits early on.

But to the extent you have discretionary funds built into your retirement budget, don't be afraid to target them to activities that give you the biggest happiness bang for your buck.

2. Nurture your personal relationships.

How close you feel to family and friends can also affect how much you enjoy retirement. For example, the researchers found that when it comes to relationships, how well you and your spouse get along had the biggest impact — even larger than that of leisure spending — with retirees who described their relations with their spouse as being very or quite close likely to experience higher levels of life satisfaction than those with a poor spousal relationship.

This stands to reason. After all, if you're married, your spouse is the person you're probably going to be spending the most time with. And if that relationship is sour, it will likely be harder for you to truly savor other aspects of retirement.

Surprisingly, the researchers found "no evidence to support children contributing to retirees life satisfaction," although having close relationships with friends and, to a lesser extent, other family members does.

I have to admit I did a double-take on this assertion about children, as it seems inconsistent with the importance most parents place on their relationships with their kids.

But the issue here isn't how much we love or value our offspring, but whose company is likely to provide us with the most enjoyment in retirement. "And it appears that the people we get the most satisfaction from spending time with," says Finke, "may not be our children, but the friends with whom we have more in common and share similar interests."

In any case, relationships, not to mention physical intimacy, can play a major role in how much you enjoy life after work. So as you near and enter retirement, you'll want to be sure to evaluate your relationships with the people who matter to you and try to sustain and improve those relationships (and if possible cultivate new ones) as you age.

3. Do all you can to maintain your health.

You can also improve your shot at a happy retirement by staying healthy. Indeed, retirees who reported they were in good, very good, or excellent health were more likely to feel satisfied with their retirement than those with poor or even fair health. What's more, health status was even more likely to lead to retirement satisfaction than good relationships or leisure spending.

Other research bears out just how much good health is linked to retirement happiness. According to a recent Nationwide Retirement Institute survey, a third of recent retirees say that health problems are interfering with their retirement.

Of course, you don't have absolute control over your health. But there are a number of things you can do to reduce the chance that an illness or other physical problems will cast a pall on your post-career life, including staying active and exercising regularly, getting regular checkups, and receiving proper treatment for any ongoing health issues.

Aside from enhancing your enjoyment of retirement in general, looking after your physical well-being may also help you feel more financially secure by possibly lowering the amount of money you'll have to shell out for health care, which is one of retirees' largest expenses.

There are other ways aside from those mentioned in this paper that may also be able to help you can improve your prospects for a more satisfying retirement. For example, a 2015 Merrill Lynch report found that seniors who give back in some way, such as by volunteering, were more likely to say they were happy and had a strong sense of purpose in their lives.

SEE ALSO: It doesn't matter how much meditation or time management you do — the only way to improve stress is to work less

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• Marriage is hard work for anyone.

• But some of the biggest names in business are enjoying very long marriages with their partners.

• Business Insider looked into each marriage to get a sense of the strategies each couple uses to make things work.

Marriage takes a lot of work.

So how do some of the biggest names in business manage to juggle their relationships while also running huge companies and organizations?

The answer is, it depends. No two relationships are exactly alike, and different pairs may employ different strategies in order to achieve marital bliss.

Still, a number of business moguls have seemingly got things figured out. Top businesspeople like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates have both been married for over 20 years.

Here's a look at a few relationship strategies employed by some of the biggest names in business.

SEE ALSO: A look inside the marriage of world's richest couple, Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos — who met at work, were engaged in 3 months, and own more land than almost anyone else in America

Equality and a strong sense of partnership are important to any marriage. But when Bill and Melinda Gates first started dating, they weren't on an even playing field. He was the CEO and founder of Microsoft, while she was a product manager at the company. Melinda later said her relationship with her husband of 23 years has changed over time.

"We've had to change to really be coequals," she told Fortune. "It's not something that immediately happens overnight, but we're both committed to it." Today, the couple even runs their namesake powerhouse philanthropic organization together.

Source: Business Insider, Fortune, Business Insider

Some analysts believe Amazon is on track to become the first trillion dollar company in the world. However, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and his novelist wife MacKenzie are what family friend Danny Hillis called "such a normal, close-knit family, it's almost abnormal," according to Vogue.

Actor Meghan Markle's life has undoubtedly changed since she began dating Prince Harry last year, but with news of their recent engagement, her life is about to change in an even bigger way.

We've rounded up all of the major ways Markle's life will be altered when we finally get another royal wedding. 

SEE ALSO: Everything to know about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's royal love story

She may have to give up her career.

Markle is an accomplished actor, philanthropist, blogger, and fashion designer. And although the Crown loves ambitious partners for royals, wives of royals are often "encouraged" to give that up and focus on royal pursuits once they marry into the family. 

Many have noted that Markle shut down her blog, "The Tig," in the past few months and has started using her platform to speak about charities she is passionate about — a career more in line with what she'd be encouraged to do as a royal. 

There's nothing explicitly saying she'd have to give up on acting, but Grace Kelly notably abandoned her acting career when she became Princess of Monaco. 

She can't be active in politics.

Though Markle is outspoken about social issues and racial issues, she would not be able to be an active participant in politics when she marries Harry. 

Royals are apparently forbidden from discussing specific political views publicly and they don't vote. Members of the royal family are also prevented from running for office. So, alas, Meghan won't be making her presidential run anytime soon. 

She can never play Monopoly at home.

This is an odd, but true fact. The royal family is expressly forbidden from playing the board game "Monopoly" with each other because the games apparently got "too vicious." 

Hopefully Harry tipped her off to this before she brings the game as a fun activity over the holidays. 

INSIDER is hiring a paid intern to write about health, nutrition, fitness, and wellness for our website.

This person is a clear writer who is obsessed with living a healthy lifestyle. Expect to write about healthy foods and fitness, with a focus on women's health, including stories about birth control, fertility and pregnancy. 

This internship position is at our Flatiron headquarters in New York City. It starts in January and runs for six months. Interns are encouraged to work full-time (40 hours a week) if their schedule allows.

We're looking for the following: 

• Excellent writing skills
• Passion for health
• Ability to be creative and package stories in exciting ways, and work at a fast pace
• A journalism background

Our interns are an integral part of our team. We seek out self-starters and people who are enthusiastic about collaborating with reporters, producers, social media editors, and other team members.

At INSIDER, our motto is "Life is an adventure." We tell stories for, about, and by people who seize life. That means they love to travel, try new foods, listen to new music, and fight for what’s right — and they admire people who do the same. INSIDER is distributed across social media, including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and YouTube , as well as on the web.

If this sounds like your dream job, apply here with a resume and cover letter telling us why you want to be our health intern.

See all of INSIDER's current job openings here.

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• Meghan Markle is an American actress and activist who's engaged to Prince Harry.
• Once they get married in 2018, Markle will likely get a royal title.
• Royals experts say she'll probably be known as the Duchess of Sussex.

Meghan Markle is an accomplished woman in her own right. She's the star of TV drama "Suits,"a thoughtful writer, an activist who's worked with the UN, and the creator of an affordable fashion line. 

She's also engaged to Prince Harry of the British royal family. The couple formally announced their plan to tie the knot in a statement released November 27.

Now, royals fans are wondering what kind of royal title Markle might receive once the wedding happens. (It's just one of the many ways her life will change after marrying Harry.) Here's what we know so far. 

She would become a princess by marriage. 

Harry's title is currently "His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales." Royal family expert Imogen Lloyd Webber once told People that Markle would "definitely" be called "Her Royal Highness Princess Henry of Wales."

She wouldn't be "Princess Megan" for the same reason that Kate Middleton is not "Princess Kate." Neither of them was born royal — but became (or could become) royal by marriage. (Here are 18 commoners who married into royalty.)

She'd probably become a duchess, too. 

It's tradition for men of the royal family to get a new title, bestowed by the queen, when they marry. Take William: For most of his life, he was just "His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales." But upon his marriage to Kate Middleton in 2011, he became the Duke of Cambridge, and Kate became the Duchess of Cambridge. 

Webber suspected that Prince Harry will become the Duke of Sussex upon his eventual marriage, and royal historian Marlene Koenig agreed. That would make Markle the Duchess of Sussex.

The titles Duke and Duchess of Clarence and Buckingham are also "available" — meaning the people who last held them have died and the titles are free to be bestowed by the Queen. The Dukedom of Sussex, for example, has been available since 1843. 

It seems like most royals experts and bloggers are putting their money on Sussex, but sadly, there's no way to know for sure unless a marriage really happens. 

What do these titles mean, anyway?

Titles like "Duke" are part of the Peerage. Essentially, it's a ranked system for British nobility. 

Way back in the day, the monarch bestowed these titles on "peers of the realm"— people who swore loyalty to the crown in exchange for land or money, according to the Peerage experts at Debrett's London. The five possible titles, ranked from highest to lowest: duke, marquess, earl, viscount, and baron.

In addition to being bestowed, the titles could also be inherited, but only by male heirs. 

All the people who had these titles formed the Peerage, and for a long time, the Peerage also had the right to sit in the British Parliament. Seems just slightly unfair — and that's probably why the British government voted to rescind that right back in 1999, with the House of Lords Act.

Today, these ranked titles still exist, and just as before, they can only be bestowed by the monarch or inherited by a son.

While lots of Peerage titles are held by royals, but you don't have to be royal to have one. And even though the members of Peerage lack the political power they once had, Debrett's guide says that "their social influence remains undimmed, and their lives remain a source of interest and speculation." We can't argue with that. 

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SEE ALSO: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle just got engaged

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NOW WATCH: Prince Harry just danced on stage and sang along with Coldplay

• Rob and Joli Switzer are going viral for the unique way they made their long-distance relationship work.
• Over the span of three years, the couple decided to meet up in a different city around the world every time they reunited.
• The two got married in June, earlier this year.
• Together, Rob and Joli have visited Italy, Portugal, Russia, the Philippines, and more.

One of the biggest challenges of long-distance relationships is setting aside time to see your partner.

Newlyweds Rob and Joli Switzer are going viral for the unique way they overcame this obstacle. Over the span of three years, instead of visiting each other in their hometowns, the two decided to meet up in a different city every time they reunited.

In every city, the couple also took a picture kissing in the same exact pose, with Joli leaning back in Rob's arms while he held up her right leg.

The two, who named their pose the "dipkiss," recently shared photos from their adventures on their blog, Dipkiss Travels, and on Instagram.

Check out some of our favorite shots below.

Rob and Joli first met in 2010 at a "party for travelers" in the Philippines. 

According to their blog, the two quickly became friends and stayed in touch by sending each other messages online.

After three years, the pair started dating in 2013.

However, since Rob lived in the US and Joli lived in the Philippines, they had to figure out a way to make their long distance relationship work.

The couple decided to reunite in a different city around the world every time they saw each other.

According to BuzzFeed News, Rob and Joli saved "every bit" they earned from their full-time jobs and only used their paid vacation time to meet up.

"We both loved to travel as a hobby anyway so it worked well for us," the couple told BuzzFeed.

To cope with their tough situation, the couple started taking a "dipkiss" photo in every city they visited together.

"Everyone was taking jump shots and signature travel poses, so we thought about creating our own cute romantic pose just for kicks," Rob and Joli explained to BuzzFeed.

In addition to the Philippines, Rob and Joli have also visited Italy, Portugal, Russia, and more.

Rob proposed to Joli in Moscow, and the couple got married in June, earlier this year.

So far, Rob has traveled to six continents and 50 different countries while Joli has been to five continents and 28 countries.

Rob and Joli now live together in Maryland, but they're still exploring the world, "one 'dipkiss' at a time."

The two hope that their project can help inspire people to travel, especially with someone they love.

See more photos from Rob and Joli on their blog, Dipkiss Travels.

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• Most of us will have experienced jealousy in our romantic relationships at some time or another.
• People with multiple partners are called "polyamorous."
• They purposefully introduce more people into their romantic lives, which could be tricky to do if you're a jealous person.
• However, according to research, many polyamorous people don't feel jealousy, or it at least disappears over time.

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. It makes us upset, angry, and irrational.

We often feel the most intense feelings of jealousy when it comes to our romantic partners. Maybe you think your girlfriend is spending an inordinate amount of time with a colleague, or your husband is being secretive about his phone. It's a sliding scale, but most of us are bound to feel jealous at some point in our love lives.

Why, then, do some people choose to allow their partners to have multiple romantic attachments?

People in polyamorous relationships not only allow it, but they actually enjoy having more than one relationship at once.

Polyamory is defined as the practice of having intimate relationships with more than one partner. 

Dr Elisabeth Sheff, expert witness, speaker, and coach of polyamory and author of "The Polyamorists Next Door," has been studying polyamory for over two decades. She told Business Insider that some people really never experience the jealousy triggers that set the rest of us off.

"Hardly anything triggers them to jealousy — they don't experience it," she said. "Some of them go so far as to having a hard time understanding it. Their partners explain it to them, and they're like 'Why would I care about what someone else is doing? Why does it bother you what someone else is doing when you're not there?'"

Some of these people do eventually learn to feel differently, however.

During her longitudinal study, Sheff noted that some people came back after 15 years reporting they finally knew what it was like to feel jealous. However, many have never reported feeling any differently, meaning they may just not be wired that way.

"Maybe they just haven't experienced that specific moment," Sheff said. "All kinds of different things are going to make people jealous, and you never really know what it will be. It's often when something new is introduced — a new partner, a new situation... And someone who really truly never felt it before is like, 'Oh, so that's what that is. That sucks.'"

Polyamory has its benefits

Most people who Sheff has studied in happy polyamorous relationships have also reported that their feelings of jealousy decrease over the years. For many people in these relationships, to make it work, the benefits outweigh any costs of feeling envious of your partner's other romantic involvements.

For example, they get a wider variety of needs met. Polyamory gives people the opportunity to spend time with different people when others are not available. Sheff herself is in a polyamorous relationship with her wife, and says it is ideal for when she travels for up to two months at a time.

"I travel all the time and my wife gets lonely. It's really hard on her," she said. "To have someone around for her would be great. She could get company, and I would feel much less guilty."

Another benefit is a more varied sex life. Just because you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, doesn't mean they will enjoy the same things in bed as you.

"If you don't want to have kinky sex, but your partner wants you to tie them up and spank them, or you do it but you're kind of grossed out by it, it's not going to be that fun for anybody," Sheff explained. "Whereas if your partner can find someone who is totally psyched for that, nobody has to have the kind of sex they don't want to have, and everybody gets to have the kind of sex they find fun and appealing."

It's not all about sleeping with multiple people

Contrary to popular belief, polyamory isn't all about sex, though. In fact, Sheff argues it's actually predominantly the friendships and connections outside of the bedroom that make polyamorous relationships work.

Different perspectives on situations and support can help meet people's emotional needs more easily.

Also, having more people around can be beneficial to parenting. For starters, there are more people to help with babysitting, but Sheff says more ideas to come up with ways to deal with problematic teenagers are also useful.

"One person can be completely flummoxed, and somebody else can go up and talk to him and see what they come up with," she said. "They may come back with a more reasonable explanation."

She added that partners don't tend to take on disciplinary roles, though.

"It really comes down to the parents to discipline and make lasting decisions and things like that. The children are very clear on who their parents are. They're never confused by that."

Sheff tends to work with people who are happy in their polyamorous lives, and so admits she is looking through rose-coloured glasses at the situation.

However, through her research she has found that polyamorous people are often more open and better at communicating with each other — so if jealousy was getting the better of someone, they may be more likely to talk to their partners about it, rather than letting it stew.

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• Research shows people tend to build stronger bonds through mutual dislike than sharing positive feelings toward someone. 
• Expressing hatred defies social lines and expresses vulnerability, which can satisfy others' need for connection.
• While this can help you build connections, it's a risky way to actively try to build relationships.

Have you ever heard the cliche, "no bond is stronger than two people who hate the same person?" It turns out there is actually some truth to that statement. Despite hating people being a socially unacceptable act, on the few occasions when people have the guts and/or strong emotion to motivate them to share their negative opinions about a person, it often pays off in the form of new or stronger connections.

Research has found that people form stronger bonds when they are able to talk about their dislike toward someone else than when they both have positive feelings toward someone.

The question is, why does an action as disrespectful as spewing negativity about other people increase hateful individual's quantity and quality of connections?

The fiery emotions that fuel hatred

If you are a generally positive, forgiving person, the concept of hating others, much less someone you barely know, is a foreign concept to you. The majority of the time, people don't say hateful things because they are a cruel, judgmental, antisocial person. Instead, common feelings and psychological needs bring out the worst behaviors in some individuals and prompt them to say negative statements about another person.

Here are four of the primary reasons why people hate others:

1. People want a scapegoat

When you are struggling, whether it's problems at work, low self-esteem, conflicts in your relationships, etc., it feels much better to funnel your negative energy into blaming someone else than to confront your own role in your problems. A lot of people join hate groups because it allows them to funnel the blame for all of their problems into another group of people while being supported by a group of people who share their beliefs and make them feel like they belong.

2. They're lonely and seeking connections, even hateful ones

Many other people join hate groups because it fills their need for friendship and belonging. You don't need to do or be anything special, all you have to do is be negative towards other people. It feels easy. Likewise, some people find it easier to make connections by putting others down and seeing who agrees than to prove to people that they are interesting and valuable companions.

3. They fear the unknown

When someone new enters a group, particularly if they are in a position of influence, many people immediately begin gossiping negative things about the person because they fear how that individual will change their group dynamics. Sharing hatred toward the new person is a way for the existing group to strengthen their bonds in defensive against the outsider.

4. Their insecurities get the best of them

Hatred also surfaces when people are highly insecure. Often, they'll compare themselves to other people and when they come to the conclusion that the other person may be better than them or possesses traits that they don't want to acknowledge that they also share, people may speak out against that person to project their anxiety onto them.

Understanding the bonding power of hatred

Expressing dislike for other people is controversial. We're taught from a young age that you should only say nice things about other people, so when someone says something negative, it catches other people's attention and draws them in. If people share the negative opinions, it opens the ability for people to form connections in three key ways:

1. Hatred defines social lines

Humans desire structure and certainty in their social lives. To establish that, people naturally divide into in-groups (social circles where everyone feel like they belong with one another) and out-groups (people who exist outside of social circles and are typically not welcomed into them). When people declare their dislike for others, it helps people understand the boundaries between social circles. This is a powerful motivator for people to form bonds because it satisfies their need to feel connected to others.

2. Mutual dislike evokes a stronger response than mutual like

In one study, people were shown a video of two people having a conversation in which the man is politely hitting on the woman. After being asked if they liked or disliked the man, they were told they were going to meet people who shared their opinion of them and asked how likely they were going to get along with the person they meet. People who had a negative opinion of the man were far more likely to say they would get along well with someone who shared their negative opinion than those who had a positive opinion.

#3 Sharing hatred can be an expression of vulnerability

Research shows that to form lasting, intimate bonds with people, you have to be vulnerable with them–that is you have to share your authentic, unfiltered feelings. Instead of being negative toward another person because of the internal struggles described above, you may share that you hate someone for a valid, personal reason such as they hurt you or hurt someone and/or something you care about. This instance is a moment of vulnerability because you are sharing a difficult experience which can lead others to hate the other person on your behalf and bond with you.

Bonds of hatred come at a cost

Though there are some bonding benefits to spewing negativity about other people, don't try to use this tactic to make friends because its risks far outweigh any good that comes from it. Be aware of these potential consequences of speaking poorly about others:

To know if someone else dislikes the same person as you, one of you has to make the first move and say something negative. This can come at a serious cost to your reputation of people around you if they do not agree with your negative opinions. Researchers have discovered that when we hear someone talking about other people, we impose the content of what's said onto the speaker. It's a phenomenon called spontaneous trait transference and to understand how it works, pretend you and I met at a conference and are having a conversation like this:

You: "Hey Vanessa, what did you think of the last speaker?"

Me: "Ugh, he was so boring and dry. I had trouble keeping myself awake."

This can go one of two ways: If you also thought the speaker was boring, we would bond over our shared dislike of him. But, if you thought the speaker was interesting or at the very least, deserving of a decent review, you would hear my opinion and think that I am boring and dry because your brain would project my statements onto me. It might not be instantaneous or something you're fully conscious of, but how you feel about me would decrease in response toward my negativity toward another person.

On the flip side, if I raved about how intelligent the speaker was and how I loved his energy, your brain would also project those traits onto me and give you a more positive impression of me.

Another danger of sharing negative opinions toward other individuals, particularly when you are with people you don't know well is that you create a negative emotional impression of yourself. People only remember a small portion of what you say however, they develop concrete memories of how you made them feel. If your words evoke anger, frustration, disgust and other cynical emotions in other people, they are going to associate those feelings with you. Most people don't like feeling those ways and may be less eager to see you in the future because you bring down their emotional state.

Bottom line: Given these risks, unless your hatred is founded in a socially acceptable ideological belief, comes from a personal experience of being hurt or could be otherwise justified by most people, it is best to keep it to yourself.

SEE ALSO: 5 things I wish I'd known in my 20s before owning a house and having kids

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If you're attending your first wedding, it can feel overwhelming to keep up with all of the things you should and shouldn't do. But it turns out, even seasoned wedding guests sometimes get the etiquette rules wrong.

Whether you eagerly look forward to every wedding you're invited to, or those embossed, calligraphy-laden envelopes fill you with a sense of unease, here’s what you need to know about staying in the couple's good graces and being a model guest.

Always RSVP on time

You might think that this sounds like a total no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how often people don’t follow this basic credo.

“Always send your RSVP in and make sure it's on time,” Elizabeth Tulipana, founder of Anticipation Events, told INSIDER. “Once you plan a wedding and realize how much every additional guest costs and the annoyance of tracking down guests who haven't responded, you realized this is a huge wedding guest faux pas.”

Save your friends the stress and trouble and just send in your RSVP card as soon as you know if you’ll be attending. They’ll be grateful and you won’t have to worry about it hanging over your head.

Don’t bring a plus one if you didn’t get a plus one

Again, you might think you’d never be that person that shows up at an event with a plus one if you didn’t get one on your invitation, but it can happen even accidentally.

“Read the envelope to know who was invited,” Kerline Docteur, lead planner and designer at Joie de Vie Weddings & Events, said. “Unless the person’s name and guest are listed, don't assume you have a plus one, or ask to bring an additional guest. The envelope (and often RSVP card) gives you an indication as to who was invited.”

Make sure you’re on time

There’s no such thing as fashionably late when it comes to attending a wedding. There will, almost always, be an exact time listed on the invitation you receive. Make sure you show up a little bit before that time so that you can find your seat and not be rushed or running behind.

“Yes, weddings are usually designed to start later than the invitation says, but the last thing you want is to have to stand at the back of the venue so you aren't accidentally part of the processional,” Allison Davis, founder and principal producer at Davis Row, told INSIDER. “And no matter when you show up, don't walk down the aisle!”

Stick to the side aisles or entrances to get to your seat without interfering with the wedding party’s walk down the aisle, especially if you’re cutting it close, despite your best intentions.

• Business Insider looked into how some of the most successful people out there met their spouses and partners.

• Several couples, like Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos and Bill and Melinda Gates, met at work.

• Others met at recreational events, like a charity poker tournament or a high school football game.

When Bill Gates first asked out his now-wife, Melinda, she said no.

When Lebron James first asked out his now-wife, Savannah, she had no idea who he was.

Warren Buffett's first wife introduced him to his future second wife.

Take a look below at how eight hugely successful couples first met:

SEE ALSO: A look inside the marriage of world's richest couple, Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos — who met at work, were engaged in 3 months, and own more land than almost anyone else in America

DON'T MISS: Inside billionaire Warren Buffett's unconventional marriage, which included an open arrangement and 3-way Christmas cards

LeBron James and his future wife Savannah both grew up in Akron, Ohio and attended rival high schools. The couple first met at a high school football game.

She told Harper's Bazaar she wasn't aware of his growing star when she accepted his invitation to go check out one of his basketball games: "I had no idea who he was."

Source: Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, Sports Illustrated, Business Insider

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates first asked Melinda, a newly hired product manager, out to dinner at a company picnic in 1987.

The only problem? He wanted to schedule the date two weeks in advance. She responded, "That's not spontaneous enough for me," Fortune reported in 2015.

Later that evening, Gates called her up later that night with a wry question: "Is this spontaneous enough for you?" Turns out, it was.

Source: Fortune, Business Insider, Business Insider

Spanx founder Sara Blakely met her husband — Marquis Jets cofounder Jesse Itzler — at the 2006 Net Jet Annual Las Vegas Poker Tournament. One of her sales representatives wrangled her a seat at the main table with Itzler.

He told Success.com he was fascinated by her departure from the game: "Who goes to bed at 9:30 at night in Vegas? That intrigued me. And she loved to laugh, and that intrigued me, too."

Source: Business Insider, Success.com

• Polyamory is when couples allow each other to have multiple romantic partners outside their primary relationship.
• There are several different approaches, such as triads which consist of three people.
• Sometimes couples try out polyamory naively, especially when a straight couple wants to find another bi woman to join them.
• This is called "unicorn hunting," and it's something of a cliché in the poly community.

To some people, the idea of polyamory — the term describing having more than one romantic partner — is exciting.

In polyamorous relationships, a couple decides they will give each other the freedom to meet, flirt, and hook up with other people. Sometimes they may invite another person into the relationship permanently, in what's known as a triad.

But it's not as simple as finding a third person you both fancy. In fact, according to Dr Elisabeth Sheff, expert witness, speaker, and coach of polyamory and author of "The Polyamorists Next Door," straight couples often come into the polyamorous community expecting to find a bi woman to join them. This, she said, is called "unicorn hunting."

Sheff's former husband introduced her to the idea of polyamory with exactly this intention. He wanted another woman to sleep with, but he didn't particularly want her to be able to meet other men. Apparently in the poly community, this is quite a cliché.

"She's known as 'the unicorn' because she's so rare, and almost mythical," Sheff told Business Insider. "He thought he was so edgy and out there, and we could have a wife the two of us together.

"As it turns out, it's every straight boy's fantasy. It doesn't fly well in the poly community. And when he didn't get what he wanted, he had a tantrum, and didn't want to do it anymore."

When couples can't find a unicorn, Sheff said it's common that the woman has actually started to quite enjoy the freedom of polyamory. She may have been reluctant to try it at first, but turns out to be the one who enjoys it more.

"The woman of the couple finds other people to socialise with, and the man realises he's not the centre of attention that he [thought he] would be, and thinks 'this isn't as much fun as I thought it would be,'" Sheff said. "These couples either blow up, [or] some of them return to monogamy... and she might have a little more clout than she used to. But if she really likes it, and he really can't stand it, they'll break up."

Remember — everyone has feelings

Alex* is in a polyamorous relationship with his wife. They were monogamous for a long time, but ended up making friends with many polyamorous people, and it turned into quite a normal thing in their social circle.

He told Business Insider he's not aware of a situation where a male-female couple actively seeking a bi woman has worked out well.

"I don't really feel like there is a consistent way of thinking about these things in the many varied ways people approach polyamory," he said. "But amongst my friends 'unicorn hunting' is usually considered with suspicion and scorn."

"The stereotype at least is that unicorn hunting couples are looking to treat a partner as an object in their relationship," he added. "They want someone — maybe anyone, reducible to their gender, sexuality, and availability — that fits into their lives and fits their relationship without thinking about the needs and human perspectives of the person they're looking for."

In other words, it can look a lot like people wanting to have their cake and eat it too, without actually taking into account anyone else's feelings. This is what Sheff felt when her ex-husband first came up with the idea.

"My instinct is to say that 'unicorn hunting' couples are likely not taking the considerate and compassionate approach which I associate with polyamory," Alex said. "But like I say, this is something of a stereotype, and folk are welcome to do whatever works for them, right?"

* Name changed for anonymity.

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• The Weeknd reportedly unfollowed Selena Gomez on Instagram following their split. 
• This comes weeks after she apparently did the same to him. 
• This may seem petty, but experts told INSIDER this can be an important step in healing after a breakup. 

No one loves to see their ex after a breakup, but it's kind of tough to avoid when they're an uber-famous actress and singer like Selena Gomez. Still, it seems like The Weeknd is guarding his heart and limiting his exposure to his famous ex after their reported split. 

The singer, whose real name is Abel Tesfaye, apparently unfollowed Gomez on Instagram and deleted all four photos that he had of her on his account, according to Cosmopolitan. This may seem like he's the one creating distance and drama, but he's really just following Gomez's lead: she unfollowed him more than a week ago but left the photos of them up. 

This may seem a little petty, but purging your ex from your social media accounts can actually be an important and monumental step towards healing after a breakup in the 21st century.

INSIDER spoke to two experts who explained why The Weeknd and Gomez made the right move. 

Seeing them can cause unnecessary pain. 

Instagram bombards you with photos of people — some you don't know that well — living their best life, creating some serious FOMO.  Seeing these photos from an ex, however, can actually set you back in your healing process. 

"If you're constantly tempted to check up on your ex and find yourself getting jealous, sad, or lonely seeing his or her posts and updates, it's probably time to utilize the block button for your own mental health," Jonathan and David Bennett, co-founders of the site The Popular Man, told INSIDER. 

Keeping them in your feed can tempt you to contact them with a seemingly harmless "like" or comment. Having photo of you two show up in your "memories" can cause you to think about them. For all these reasons, it may be best to give them the boot both in the form of an "unfollow" and a photo delete. 

There are ways to do it without them knowing. 

If you and your ex are still on good terms, blocking them or deleting them can seem unnecessarily harsh. But don't let that be the reason why you grin and bear seeing them on your feed. Jonathan and David recommend "soft-blocking" them, aka using the mute and unfollow functions on Twitter and Facebook respectively. 

This can also ensure that you're doing this to give yourself closure: not to get back at them. 

"Blocking can be a bad idea when it's used as a tool to get back at the ex," Jonathan and David told INSIDER. "Blocking an ex to make sure the ex sees it and gets upset just shows you aren't truly ready to move on."

It can be empowering. 

If the break up was especially rough or the person won't respect your boundaries, blocking them sends a message that you are done and need your space. 

"If the breakup was particularly painful or the person is toxic, the act of blocking can be empowering," Jonathan and David told INSIDER. "Clicking the block button is a powerful symbol that you're moving on and not looking back."

Ultimately you have to figure out what is right for you and your social media habits: if you still want to poke (does poking still exist?) your ex, feel free to do so. Just be sure keeping them around isn't keeping you stuck in the past. 

And with reports that The Weeknd and Selena have both moved on to new flames, it seems like an old-fashioned un-friend is the key to healing pretty quickly. 

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• Love at first sight might not be a real thing, according to new research.
• It could simply be instant physical attraction, or a result of attaching present feelings to past memories.
• No study covers all situations though, so don't give up hope just yet.

Everyone is in the mood for love after finding out about Price Harry and Meghan Markle's engagement. In their first interview after making the announcement, Harry delighted us by saying he knew Markle was "the one" the very first time they met.

However, the cynics among us don't believe in love at first sight — and according to science, we might be right.

A new study, published in the journal Personal Relationships, is one of the first papers to try and get to the bottom of whether people really can be smitten right from the first moment they see each other.

Researchers from the University of Groningen studied 396 Dutch and German students, asking them to fill out a questionnaire about their current romantic relationship status, as well as looking at pictures of several potential partners they'd never met.

They were asked to rate their feelings of attraction to the strangers, as well as any feelings of love, intimacy, passion, and commitment. They also had to state whether or not they agreed with the statement: "I am experiencing love at first sight."

More participants came into a psych lab and were asked similar questions about pictures of potential lovers.

Others took part in two studies involving speed dating exercises. Potential couples met for either 90 or 20 minutes, then were asked about how attracted they were to their dates, and whether they thought it was love at first sight.

Overall, the study concluded that love at first sight probably isn't real — sorry.

It turns out it's probably nothing to do with true love at all, but "lust at first sight," or an instant sexual connection or attraction to another person. While we may convince ourselves love at first sight happened with our significant other, it's more likely just us projecting our current feelings to past memories.

Across the whole study, 32 participants described 49 times they thought they experienced love at first sight, either towards real people in the dating scenario or a photo. However, none of the declarations of love at first sight were reciprocated.

"Our findings suggest that love at first sight reported at actual first sight resembles neither passionate love nor love more generally," the researchers concluded in the study.

Still, the next time someone is gushing about their love at first sight and it's making you feel bad about your own romantic situation, remind youself it could just be a fragment of their imagination.

For the romantics out there, don't worry — all of these scenarios in the study were artificially set up, and the people reporting instant love did genuinely believe in it, so that's something.

Don't lose hope of a prince falling in love with you the first time he sees you just yet.

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• Worrying too much about breaking up with your partner could mean you make your fears a reality.
• According to new research, fretting about a relationship ending could make you less committed to it.

Breakups inevitably happen. No matter how much time and effort we invest in a relationship, there's no guarantee it will last forever.

But there's no point in fretting about it. In fact, according to a new study, obsessively worrying about whether you and your partner are going to make it could actually doom your relationship.

The research, published in the journal Motivation and Emotion, sought to find out if the fear of a relationship ending could cause a break up.

A group of 104 participants were asked about themselves and the state of their relationships. Then, the researchers from Vita-Salute San Raffaele University in Italy manipulated some of them to believe their relationships could end.

The scientists crafted people's perceptions by giving them statistics about how likely relationships are to fail, and giving them false feedback about their own relationship's chances.

Afterwards, the participants were asked how committed they were to their relationship, and how they felt towards their partner.

Participants reported having more intense romantic feelings and levels of commitment if no mention of their relationship ending was made. Their levels of romance and commitment decreased when they heard they could be at a high risk for a break up.

"This shows that, when faced with a 'too high' risk of ending the relationship, participants clearly reduced the intensity of their positive feelings towards the romantic partner," said Simona Sciara, a psychologist at the university and one of the authors of the study.

In other words, if someone thinks their relationship is at a high risk, they are more likely to pull away to protect themselves. That in turn increases the odds things won't work out.

Strangely, levels of romance and commitment also decreased when participants were told they had a low risk of breaking up. Telling them they had a moderate chance of a break up, however, made participants feel more committed to their relationship.

Giuseppe Pantaleo, psychologist and the other author of the study, said it is important for healthcare professionals to be aware of how the perceived risks of break ups can affect people. After all, research has shown how a broken heart can cause as much long-term damage as a heart attack.

"Relationship breakup... plays a critical role in the onset of depression, psychological distress, and reduced life satisfaction," he said.

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• Many people believe that they seem to attract only narcissists when they date.
• But it might be that they don't know how to set standards while dating or how to disengage with a narcissist.
• Effectively, they're just keeping narcissists around longer than a person who can recognize when to walk away from a narcissist.
• It's best to cut off partners who try to manipulate you.

Many people feel as if they are "narcissist magnets." If there is a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder within 100 feet, they believe that somehow that person will be attracted to them. 

They often ask me: "Why am I attracting more narcissists than anyone else around me? What can I do to stop this?"

If you share this problem, I may have some answers for you.

It may not be that you attract more narcissists than other people, but you may be keeping more. Let me explain.

Let's imagine that you are looking for a new mate. You go out on a date with someone that you find attractive and witty. After a few dates, you notice that your new romantic interest is exquisitely sensitive to slights, needs to be the center of admiring attention, ignores your feelings, and requires lots of reassurance about how great he or she is.

You do not need to be able to diagnose a narcissist to be disturbed by this type of behavior. 

At this point, many people who have no knowledge of narcissism at all will politely disengage themselves from the relationship because the trouble of catering to their new friend's needs outweighs any possible benefits. 

What do you do?

Here are some questions to think about:

• Have you ever ended a relationship because the other person was too selfish? 
• Do you have clear boundaries that you enforce about what types of behaviors you will or will not tolerate from a romantic partner?
• If a relationship began wonderfully, but quickly goes downhill, do you stay in it hoping that it will improve?
• Do you put up with being devalued?
• Do you make excuses for the other person's bad behavior?—They don't really mean it. They had a hard day.
• If the person's behavior turns abusive do you leave immediately?

If any of the above seem to relate to you, you probably need to revisit your standards of what you will tolerate from a romantic partner. 

This does not mean that you should never date people with narcissistic traits, but you do need to develop better strategies for sifting out those people whose bad behavior distresses you. Some people do this automatically.

If they feel taken advantage of or uncomfortable, they exit the relationship without looking back. You may be giving the wrong people too many chances and staying with them too long. This increases the likelihood that you are keeping narcissistic people that others would weed out before they got seriously hurt.

An Example: Tina and Bob on a first date

Tina was on a first date with Bob and enjoying his company. He was attractive and seemed to be very interested in her. They found lots of things to talk about and she could feel a strong physical attraction developing between them.

But, then Bob starting asking Tina some questions that she found too intrusive for a first date: "Why had her last relationship broken up? How many previous sexual partners did she have?"

Tina tried to change the topic, but Bob kept going back to asking her even more intrusive things. What he found amusing and interesting topics of conversation, Tina found painful and embarrassing. 

Bob was tone-deaf to Tina's hints, so she decided to be more direct: "Your questions are making me uncomfortable. They feel too personal for our level of relationship. Let's just enjoy our date together and talk about something else."

Instead of just changing the topic or apologizing, Bob got defensive and attacked Tina: "I was just trying to get to know you better. Why are you so sensitive?" 

Tina took this as a warning sign that she and Bob would not be a happy couple. She wanted someone who cared about what she felt, and it was obvious to her that Bob was too wrapped up in his own agenda to suit her needs. 

She ended the date early. Later, when he contacted her again, she thanked him, but said that she did not think that they were well-suited and refused to see him. 

Tina's refusal seemed to heighten Bob's interest. She received a flurry of flattering text messages over the next week asking her to give him another chance.

Giving chase as a narcissistic response to rejection

This is one of the typical narcissistic responses to rejection. The more Tina pulled away, the more Bob pursued her. For Bob, the ground had shifted. It was not that he liked Tina more than before, but he felt the need to convince her to see him again. 

He hated that Tina had made the decision to dump him before he had decided to dump her. It became a matter of pride to Bob to get Tina back. 

Many people get seduced back into relationships with narcissistic people because the person pursues them in what feels like such a flattering way. They mistake the narcissist's desire to win, for love of them as an individual.

This is a basic misunderstanding of what is going on. This pursuit has nothing to do with your good qualities or their positive feelings about you. It is all about the narcissistic individual's self-esteem. At this point, they could care less about you and your good qualities. All they care about is winning. 

Let me share with you a few basic rules that we can extract from the example of Tina and Bob that may help you avoid ongoing unpleasant relationships with people who have narcissistic disorders.

A few basic rules to avoid ongoing unpleasant relationships with narcissists 

Rule 1: If you have already rejected them for bad behavior, do not take them back. It is highly unlikely that they will behave any differently in the future.

Rule 2: If they did not respect your boundaries in the beginning of the relationship, they will not respect your boundaries later.

Another Example: Tara and Sam and the jewelry store

Tara is a very beautiful, very acquisitive, and very narcissistic woman. She and Sam had been dating for a few weeks. One day they were out together for a romantic evening and they happened to pass a jewelry store. Tara stopped and started telling Sam how beautiful everything in the window was. 

The store was open and Tara suggested that they go in just to look. Sam felt uncomfortable but wanted to please Tara so he agreed. Tara stopped in front of showcase filled with bracelets. 

"Oh Sam," she said, "I hope you don't mind if I try on a couple. They are so beautiful!" Sam did not know how to gracefully say "no," so he instead he said, "Of course. Whatever you want." 

Tara tried on quite a few, then narrowed it down to her two favorite ones. She put one of them on each wrist, and asked Sam in front of the salesperson, "Which do you like best?" 

Sam felt trapped. He had not intended to buy Tara an expensive present, but once he said that he liked one better than the other, he somehow felt obligated to offer to buy it for Tara. 

Tara walked out pleased with herself and her new bracelet and Sam felt angry and miserable.  

Sam liked Tara, but he had not realized until then how often she had manipulated him into situations where he felt taken advantage of. He realized that Tara was a very selfish woman who did not really care about him or his feelings. 

Sam decided that this situation was unlikely to change and that he did not want to pursue the relationship with Tara any further. He never asked her out again.

Devaluing is another common narcissistic response to rejection

Tara sent him a few sweet texts and thanked him profusely for his generous gift. When he did not respond, she became angry and then sent him a long, nasty, rambling text message that ended with her calling him "a miserable, cheap, heartless loser." 

Sam was relieved that he had not stayed in the relationship longer.

You do not have to be able to diagnose someone as a narcissist in order to decide to get out of the relationship. Sam was not a diagnostician, nor was he sophisticated about psychology.

He was, however, able to recognize when he felt uncomfortable and manipulated. Sam cut Tara out of his life because he had an idea of how he wanted to be treated and trusted his own sense that Tara was mistreating him in some way that crossed his personal boundaries. Her final insulting email just confirmed for Sam that he had made the right decision.

Rule 3: Trust your gut

If being with this person makes you feel uncomfortable or they regularly maneuver you into doing things that you do not want to do, he or she is probably not right for you. Trust your own instincts.  

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP is in private practice in NYC and the author of the book "Borderline, narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety."

SEE ALSO: We are experiencing a narcissism epidemic — here's how to deal with the worst offenders

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• Relationships are complicated, and they take a lot of work.
• But that work can be fun — and easy.
• Here are some easy strategies for strengthening your relationship on a daily basis, from saying "thanks" to putting a ban on talking about housework.

Relationships take work. A lot of work. But a week at a couples' retreat — while potentially nice — isn't the only way to reestablish intimacy.

You have multiple opportunities every day to show your partner you care, get to know them better, and defuse petty arguments.

Below, find seven strategies for strengthening your relationship, none of which take more than 10 minutes.

SEE ALSO: 10-minute changes to your daily routine that can make you happier

Try 'mindful conversation'

"Mindful conversation" isn't designed to help romantic couples, per se — but it's a useful exercise in learning to actually listen to what your partner is saying, instead of tuning out or waiting for your chance to jump in.

Here's how it works (one of you can be "A" and the other can be "B"):

1. A talks and B listens for a set time period (say, three minutes)

2. B responds with, "What I heard you say is …"

3. A gives feedback and B responds until A is satisfied.

4. A and B switch roles. 

It might be awkward at first, but it gets easier over time.

Hug or kiss your partner

Happiness expert Gretchen Rubin previously told Business Insider that she and her family make a habit of practicing "warm greetings and farewells." Every time someone comes or goes, everyone gives a sincere hello or goodbye.

It's a habit most couples could stand to adopt. According to IKEA's "Life at Home" report, while most people surveyed say it's important to hug or kiss their partner in the morning, far fewer people report showing this kind of physical affection before heading out the door.

And yet research suggests that physical affection is related to greater satisfaction in romantic relationships. So take a minute or two to show your partner how much you care about them.

Say 'thank you' for something small

In "The Gratitude Diaries," journalist Janice Kaplan chronicles her yearlong experiment with being more grateful for everything and everyone in her life — including her husband.

She writes that thanking her husband for something as small as fixing a leaky faucet ended up improving her overall marriage.

As Business Insider's Erin Brodwin has reported, psychologists have known for a while that couples who express gratitude toward each other are more likely to stay together. In fact, thanking your partner even once can bring you two closer months later.

That's possibly because a single act of gratitude sparks a cycle of gratitude and generosity: You thank your partner, so your partner feels appreciated and invests more in the relationship, which in turn makes you feel more grateful to them.

• In response to a story Business Insider published about "sugar babies," one reader wrote to us to share his "sugar dating" experience.
• He's been a "sugar daddy" for over 10 years and has been seeing one sugar baby for three years.
• He said the women he dates are not prostitutes, but "everyday people" with "jobs and an otherwise regular life."

After Business Insider published a story about how some college students are becoming "sugar babies" to help pay for college, we heard from several "sugar daddies" who said there was more to it. One reader wrote to us about his "sugar dating" experience.

This reader works in tech in Silicon Valley, and has an income "well over $250,000" and a net worth "well over $1.5 million." He is in his mid-60s.

His account, edited for clarity, is below, and he remains anonymous for privacy purposes.

Outsiders tend to equate being a sugar baby with prostitution, but that's not how I see it.

To me, sugar dating is more like an arranged temporary marriage where you do your own arranging.

A prostitute not only offers sex acts for money and sees multiple men a day, but that's how she makes her living. A sugar baby wants an ongoing relationship. She wants a guy who she can get along with. She wants what a girlfriend or wife might get if they found a well-off man. She has a job that mostly pays her bills, but she is looking to improve her lifestyle. And she does not talk about sex for money.

But most of them know if the arrangement is going to continue past the first date they have to make like a girlfriend and become intimate.

I've been a sugar daddy for more than a decade

I've had an account on SeekingArrangement.com since 2006, but I also tried Sugardaddyforme.com and was on Craigslist Erotic Services for years before that section was closed down.

I have met countless women from these sites. I talk with them and hear their stories. I've seen some of the women for years and others were just one time and some in-between.

The picture the advertisements paint of a hot, young college girl meeting a rich guy who pays them to look pretty while eating dinner and traveling places is mostly fake. Women read the stories and try to get that easy gig, but it's not really there.

The women I meet are everyday people. They have jobs and an otherwise regular life. You'd never know they are a sugar baby. In fact, most women keep the whole thing quiet and, at most, discuss it with one girlfriend who is doing the same thing and maybe taught them the gig.

Most women only last a couple of weeks as a sugar baby, often because they get tired of getting weird propositions from creepy men who don't actually have the money to help them out. I treat sugar babies like regular people and figure out what they are up for and go with that.

The typical sugar baby has a goal, like saving up for a car, taking a trip, or getting a new apartment. She is likely in-between boyfriends, or just broke up with a boyfriend, or she's divorced and doesn't want dating drama. Some of them like that an older guy with money fancies them. Older women who have been married expect things, while sugar babies are grateful to get them.

It's like having a girlfriend — but I'll never get married

For three years now, I have been seeing one sugar baby. She's half my age but our relationship is like boyfriend and girlfriend.

As a sugar daddy, you are in the honeymoon stage most of the time — you get treated well, you get lots of romantic evenings and you are seen as a savior of the women in distress and the facilitator of her better lifestyle.

I have gone on vacations with some women and given some women extra money, but that's after I get to know them well. I've had women ask for money just for dinner, but I don't go for that. Why would I? I've had women ask for money up front or for a large allowance, but no thanks to that either. There are nice girls on sugar baby dating sites who are just looking for some help with their bills, but there are a lot of scammers, too.

Student loans are a problem for many younger sugar babies though, and there's no doubt many come to the site for cash to make their monthly payment. I've met two active college girls over the years, one who went to Berkeley and one who went to UC Davis.

Like all of the sugar babies I've interacted with, I gave them a per-visit donation of $200 to $300, plus dinner, gifts, and outings. But I know that very good looking college girls ask for $500 to $600, and some of them get it.

A guy has to be careful of who he is dealing with — many will tell you that they are a college girl when they obviously are not. The first thing I do when contacting someone is get their email and phone number and Google it. They often show up on Facebook, but sometimes on escort sites.

Once I get to know a woman, I might spend $1,000 to $2,000 a month, with dinners, vacations, and shopping on top of that. Some women ask for $5,000 to $10,000 a month, but I'd be surprised if they get that — unless they got lucky and met a millionaire from Manhattan.

My current sugar baby has a good job where she makes about $45,000 a year, but she couldn't afford an apartment without a roommate. Thanks to me she now lives in a one bedroom condo on her own and is happy. I have also taken her to Europe three times and she was thrilled.

I would never get married given the no-contest divorce laws in California and the courts that favor the woman. I have friends who lost their retirement savings late in life due to a wife who got tired of the marriage and took the house and bank account and then found a boyfriend who did her bidding.

My own brother has had a long divorce and custody battle. In fact, he's spent much more on divorce lawyers over the years than I have on sugar babies.

I'm having fun and I can still afford to retire.

If you are a sugar daddy or sugar baby and would like to share your story, please email yourmoney@businessinsider.com.

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• Maison Vallance is currently going viral for accidentally sending an inappropriate photo of his girlfriend, Meghan, to his mom.
• In the photo, Meghan is posing on Vallance's bed with a shirt that his mom had asked him to find.
• However, some long red ropes can be seen hanging from the bed's headboard in the background of the photo.
• And, well, let's just say they're not there for decorative reasons.
• Vallance's friend Brooke pointed out the incriminating detail on Twitter — but it was too late.
• While his mom hasn't seen the ropes yet, Vallance told BuzzFeed News he doesn't think she'd freak out.

A 22-year-old man named Maison Vallance is currently going viral for basically living everyone's worst nightmare.

Back in November, the Tennessee resident accidentally sent an inappropriate photo of his girlfriend to his mom. It all started when Vallance's mom asked him to find a red shirt she had given him. When Vallance found the shirt in his room, he snapped a cute photo of his girlfriend, Meghan, posing with the shirt on his bed and texted it to his mom.

Vallance later shared the same photo on his Twitter account because he thought his girlfriend looked "too pretty not to post it."

This all sounds innocent enough, right? Vallance thought so too — until his friend Brooke pointed out that he had left one pretty explicit detail in the background of the photo: some long red ropes hanging from the bed's headboard.

"I'm going to regret this as soon as I ask, but the ropes.....?" Brooke wrote on Twitter.

When Vallance saw her comment, he, of course, freaked out. "Ok just realized I sent this to my mom with THE ROPES ATTACHED TO MY HEADBOARD....." he tweeted.

While Vallance hasn't explicitly confirmed what the ropes are for — although he did tweet they're there "for constraining purposes"— the entire internet is pretty much thinking the same thing.

And Vallance even tweeted the following suggestion after his photo went viral: "Get y'all a headboard, 2 hitch rings, and some rope. Best $20 you’ll spend."

Luckily, it seems like Vallance's mom hasn't noticed the ropes yet. He told BuzzFeed News that he thinks she hasn't "clicked open the photo on iMessage."

Thankfully, even if Vallance's mom ends up seeing the ropes, Vallance doesn't think she'd care.

"She's very comfortable with me and I'm comfortable with her," he told BuzzFeed News.

In fact, he even plans on telling his mom about it and predicts she'll say something like, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I think it will be funny and I'll just say, OK, let's forget about this now," he said to BuzzFeed.

INSIDER has reached out to Maison Vallance for comment.

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• It is very important that all partners, whether romantic or business, share the same goals and vision of the future.
• Working on clear communication with your partner will improve productivity.
• When forming a partnership, it's important to think about possible outcomes — like what happens if the business closes.
• When in doubt, bring in a neutral third party to help make a tough decision.

We work with a lot of partnerships. Some of these entail family-member or husband-and-wife teams, like our own. Often, they are friends who want to work together because each brings something unique and useful to the partnership.

There have been many brilliant partnerships (think Steve Jobs/Steve Wozniak/Ronald Wayne, at Apple; or Larry Page and Sergey Brin, at Google; even Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers; and Laurel and Hardy!). However, whether it's a family relationship or not, partnerships come with both blessings and issues. If you are already in a partnership or just considering the move, here is some advice we've learned firsthand over our decades of experience.

Make sure goals align.

Once, when we were hired to set strategy for a company owned by two equal partners, we asked what they wanted the company to look like in ten years. They described completely different visions of the future!

One partner described the one location business they currently owned as having additional square footage and better operating procedures. The other described a 100-location franchise operation. So, we had to start by spending the next two days getting the partners to compromise on a business plan. Five years earlier, the partners had been on the same page, but over time their visions for the business had changed. Unfortunately, this can and does happen.

Here's how to act when this happens to you:

Communicate openly and honestly.

 When you are in business with others, it is imperative that you speak frequently about the organization. Both the current and future organization. If this stirs unpleasant emotions, partners may choose to stay silent. But that is a response that can only lead to disaster down the line.

It can be helpful to work with someone from outside the company to facilitate communication between you and your partner. Look for a coach or consultant with excellent communication skills and a background in business and someone whom both partners can respect. Yes, it is a bit like marriage counseling, but a partnership is very much like a marriage.

Set written goals at least annually.

Another way to ensure that both partners work toward common goals is to write them down. Okay, we know this isn't new advice, but frequency also matters. We suggest an annual goal-setting/strategy session with more frequent meetings to review and determine actions. We find that this keeps partners communicating and focused on the most important issues and opportunities.

At the beginning, consider the end.

While you're forming your partnership, think about how you will unravel the business when the time comes — and it will, in scenarios like these:

One partner wants to sell and the other doesn't. 

Whether it is because of age, desire or a myriad of other reasons, one partner may decide it is time to get out, while the other wants to continue in the business. For instance, we know of a company where one partner is 25 years older than the other.

Within the next 10 years, the older partner will want to start unwinding his holdings in preparation for retirement. Unfortunately, the partners haven't discussed how this will happen. How will they value the company? How will the business afford to pay the partner who wants to sell? If possible, while the partnership is amicable, we believe the partners should make these decisions.

A partner dies. 

Are you prepared if your partner dies? First, the business may suffer some degree of trauma due to its losing one of its principals. However, unless you have made provisions in advance, you, as the remaining partner, will inherit one or more new "partners." Specifically, the heirs of the deceased partner will own his/her shares. If you don't want to be in business with your partner's spouse and/or kids, you should look into key man insurance or put other provisions into your partnership agreement.

Both partners are ready to retire or want to sell the business. 

This is the easiest situation. Both partners agree that it is time to sell. However, there can still be complications if one partner wants to sell his/her shares to a family member or to key employees while the other partner has different plans. Again, make sure that you know how you will value the business in order to ensure that the sale is fair to all.

Know how you will negotiate tough decisions.

All partners eventually face disagreements. When this happens to you, how will you decide? In 50/50 partnerships,disagreements can be difficult, especially if both partners feel strongly about going in different directions. We worked briefly with 50/50 partners who had a history of butting heads. We worked with them through a couple of their battles.

However, in the end, they came to an impasse and decided the only way out was to sell the company. This might have been avoided had they predetermined a tie-breaking mechanism — while the relationship was still amicable.

Here are ways to address such an impasse:

Expertise or roles rule. 

If the partners have specific expertise or roles within the organization, the partners may agree to defer to that partner's expertise. For instance, in our partnership, Doug's expertise includes finance, accounting - basically anything to do with numbers. Polly's expertise lies with the people realm.

Polly always defers to Doug when it comes to decisions that have to do with finance. Doug defers to Polly when the decision has to do with people. This could also work when roles are well defined in categories like sales and marketing versus operations.

Bring in a neutral third party (NTP). 

We have helped partners to work with an NTP who can be the deciding vote. We ourselves have played this role in some partnerships. To make this work, the partners agree, in advance, that they will pitch their ideas or side to the NTP.

The NTP then votes in favor of whichever idea appears to be in the company's best interest. This person can be a paid outside coach or consultant. Alternately, he or she may be someone to whom the company gives a small amount (e.g. 2 percent) of the company's stock, in return for this service. That way, the mediator has a vested interest in the company's success.

Partners often find each other through mutual passions. Other times, it's through the combining of disparate skills that make the union a cohesive whole.

Unfortunately, however blessed the "marriage" seems in the beginning, it is bound to run into issues as it progresses. To navigate the rough times, make sure you have ways to stay aligned, make tough decisions and, when needed, eventually dissolve the partnership. Having these tools in place will make the partnership stronger — to say nothing of more pleasant.

SEE ALSO: People build stronger connections when they hate the same things — but it's a risky way to make friends

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