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Articles on this Page
- 08/11/17--11:15: _Selena Gomez's ex Z...
- 08/11/17--11:26: _Prince Harry's ex s...
- 08/11/17--12:11: _The biggest mistake...
- 08/12/17--01:32: _Science has shown t...
- 08/13/17--01:00: _These are the major...
- 08/14/17--07:57: _Sexting is becoming...
- 08/14/17--08:00: _Khloe Kardashian re...
- 08/14/17--09:15: _One lesson any coup...
- 08/15/17--07:50: _Men who eat a certa...
- 08/15/17--09:59: _Americans in their ...
- 08/15/17--13:37: _Anna Faris speaks o...
- 08/15/17--14:27: _9 things that could...
- 08/16/17--14:52: _31 people share the...
- 08/17/17--03:46: _People often stay i...
- 08/17/17--08:43: _Everyone told Kim K...
- 08/17/17--10:50: _9 ways to ruin your...
- 08/18/17--08:07: _13 facts about divo...
- 08/19/17--12:35: _13 facts about chea...
- 08/20/17--10:20: _'Kitchen thinking' ...
- 08/20/17--13:31: _The epic timeline o...
- Zedd and Selena Gomez had a very short-lived romance back in 2015.
- Zedd recently opened up in an interview about the dark side to dating the superstar.
- The EDM star detailed a time when he was "pissed" after getting caught up in a media frenzy.
- While he knew what he was getting into, Zedd had no idea that the relationship would change his life.
- Cressida Bonas opened up about her relationship with Prince Harry.
- The couple dated for two years before breaking up in 2014.
- Bonas revealed that she feels pigeonholed in her career after dating royalty.
- Much of her career has been focused on her relationship with Prince Harry, even in her pursuit to be a respected actress.
- Experts told INSIDER that the biggest mistake people make when going on a first date is being too negative.
- Complaining about your own personal problems and past relationships or telling rude jokes may just be too much for a first date.
- Don't be afraid to be yourself, but keep it light.
- 08/14/17--07:57: Sexting is becoming a new relationship milestone for couples
- An app surveyed people and 74% of Americans say that they have "sexted" with their partners.
- That number is up from previous years.
- A researcher said this could be a sign that sexting is becoming a new relationship milestone.
- Khloe Kardashian revealed that she "definitely" wants to have children in an interview with the Daily Mail's You magazine.
- The reality star said that she and her boyfriend Tristan Thompson want to have children "when the time is right," adding that he is "a great dad" to his eight-month-old son.
- Kardashian said she is optimistic about her future with Thompson, and wants to get married.
- "I'm in the best relationship I've ever been in and it doesn't take a ring for me to feel that way," she said. "I believe in marriage and I want to be married again one day but I don't have a time frame."
- "The Walking Dead" alum Jon Bernthal has six movies out this year and a new Netflix series.
- He's also married with three children and three pit bulls.
- Bernthal tells INSIDER he has one rule to keep his work and personal lives balanced.
- He always makes sure he's 100% present wherever he may be. When he's with his family, he doesn't use his cell phone or do work.
- When he's at work, he commits to that completely for his kids.
- He hopes one day when they're able to see his work they'll notice how hard he worked for them.
- Anna Faris said 'thank you' to her fans on her podcast for their support following her separation from Chris Pratt.
- Pratt and Faris announced early last week that they were separating after eight years of marriage.
- The two have asked for privacy while they go through their split for their son's sake.
- 08/15/17--14:27: 9 things that could be causing you to have painful sex
- People often don't even realise they are in an abusive relationship.
- It can be hard for others to understand why someone stays with an abusive partner.
- It's often because of something called "trauma bonding," where you become addicted to the hormonal rollercoaster an abuser sends you on.
- A constant pattern of nonperformance — your partner promises you things, but keeps behaving to the contrary.
- Others are disturbed by something that is said or done to you in your relationship, but you brush it off.
- You feel stuck in the relationship because you see no way out.
- You keep having the same fights with your partner that go round in circles with no real winner.
- You're punished or given the silent treatment by your partner when you say or do something "wrong."
- You feel unable to detach from your relationship even though you don't truly trust or even like the person you're in it with.
- When you try and leave, you are plagued by such longing to get back with your partner you feel it might destroy you.
- Kim Kardashian opened up about her feelings before and after her 2011 wedding to Kris Humphries.
- She said she had doubts and that her mom offered to "handle it" while she walked away from the marriage.
- Kardashian said she brushed it off as cold feet but that it was actually indicative of larger doubts about her relationship.
- It can be hard to distinguish real doubts from cold feet, but there are some ways to tell.
- 08/17/17--10:50: 9 ways to ruin your relationship for good
- It's normal for relationships to have some degree of conflict
- But psychological research has found behaviors that weaken a partnership over time
- Below, find nine of the most common — and what to do instead
- Divorce rates in the US are at an all-time low
- Everyone's relationship is different, and so is every divorce
- Research has shown certain factors make a divorce more likely
- Don't take the findings as a prediction for your own relationship
- 08/19/17--12:35: 13 facts about cheating that couples — and singles — should know
- Infidelity means different things to different people
- Psychologists and relationship experts have spent years studying the science of infidelity
- Some of their most compelling findings are below — but remember, they aren't predictions of the future
The INSIDER Summary:
Oh my! Zedd and Selena Gomez were one of our favorite short-lived romances. They both seemed so sweet and so good for each other! However, there was a dark side. On Aug. 10, Zedd revealed the one thing that pissed him off about her.
It’s been quite a while since Zedd, 27, and Selena Gomez, 25, dated in 2015, but we still have a special place for the couple in our hearts. Zedd was always so sweet and tender toward Selly, even after they split. However, it turns out that that wasn’t ALWAYS the case. As a matter of fact, he told Billboard that there was a time when he was downright “pissed” while dating her! Click here for pics of the former duo.
“Reporters were calling my parents,” he said, describing how insane the media frenzy was after the public learned of the star-studded relationship. “People were hacking my friends’ phones. I was pissed.” It’s not that he was surprised, but it was still freaky to be so bombarded. “I kind of knew what I was getting myself into,” he explained. “She is one of the most talked about people in the world, but I had no idea how much that would change my life.”
Clearly Zedd isn’t interested in being involved in that kind of media frenzy again. He refused to tell Billboard whether or not he’s dating anyone at the moment. One thing he will talk about is his strong feelings towards Donald Trump. “No matter how big the scandal is, no matter how insane a [Trump] tweet is, it just keeps going. You feel powerless, and that’s terrible to me,” he ranted. “Take that to a bigger scale and you end up in North Korea, where people are slaves of their own country!” He even urged his fellow EDM stars to use their voices, even when it’s scary. “They don’t want to lose fans. I understand where they are coming from, but I disagree with that being a good reason not to speak up.”
The INSIDER Summary:
Dating is difficult—for proof, just look at Aziz Ansari, who has built an entire television show around it, or watch the most recent episode of "The Bachelorette," including its difficult breakup. But one would imagine (or daydream) that dating a royal might make the entire ordeal feel like a fairy tale…but according to one woman who knows, it’s far more demanding and full of expectations. Just ask Cressida Bonas—Prince Harry’s former girlfriend is speaking out about their time together and how she’s changed since their breakup.
The couple dated for two years, after they were set up by Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice. But despite murmurs of a royal wedding, they broke up in 2014. After a few wild years, Prince Harry settled down with American "Suits" actress and philanthropist Meghan Markle. Bonas is now back with her former boyfriend, Harry Wentworth-Stanley.
In the BBC Radio 4 interview, the socialite and actress discusses her role as George Orwell’s second wife in a new play. “I don’t think anyone is good or bad,” Bonas said of her character, although one could surmise it could be equally said of her conflicted ex. But the conversation didn’t revolve entirely around the new play.
“We try and see women in their own right as well as not being overshadowed by the men in their lives. But I wonder if your own personal experience had given you some insight. Of course you received huge amounts of publicity when you dated Prince Harry. Did that give you an insight into having your life defined…by a much more famous man?” the host asked.
“I think it’s that thing of being pigeonholed,” Bonas responded. “It’s incredibly frustrating, especially in the industry that I’m in, but it is the way it is,” she continued. Now she’s “making a stand and saying no, actually, this is who I am and this is what I want to do.” Bonas deftly brought the conversation back to her acting career, proving that while she might not be a royal, she certainly has the decorum expected of one.
The INSIDER Summary:
First dates are stressful. Whether you met your date online, they're a friend of a friend, or it's just a random person you met while out in the world, it can be tough to know what to say, where to go, and what to wear.
Even more stressful is when you feel like you put on your best face, were presentable for two hours, and then you hear nothing from that person ever again.
There are a million reasons why someone may not be so keen on going on a second date that have nothing to do with you. They may still be getting over an ex and putting themselves out there made them realize they just weren't ready. They may be getting really slammed with work or planning a backpacking trip or have a sick relative. The point is, while it's a natural response to blame yourself, you're not always the cause.
But if you're stuck in a repeating pattern of endless first dates that never seem to turn into second ones — despite how much you'd like them to pursue that person — it may be worth examining your own behavior on these dates.
I'm going to assume you're a person who is smart enough to show up to a date looking your best, smelling your best, and keeping the conversation free of racial slurs. I'm also going to assume that you don't pour soup on waiters when your food isn't to your liking and that you don't try and convert your dates into joining a cult.
If any of my assumptions are wrong, however, we can stop right there and you can try fixing those behaviors first.
But assuming you're a normal, well-adjusted person, your dating trouble may just be coming down to a common behavior on dates: being negative.
An off-color joke or self-deprecating story may put them off.
We're all guilty of it: we share a crummy office story to get a laugh, complain about the state of our commute, or slip in a horror story from another first date to show that we're having a great time by comparison. But you don't really know this person, you don't know what they will find funny or what will put them off.
"Swearing and off-color remarks are okay, to a point," dating coach Amie Leadingham told INSIDER. "Polls have shown that people who swear a lot turn people off."
If telling these types of stories and jokes is part of your personality, don't hide it too much, Leadingham said. They can be funny and show who you are. But when on a first date, keep it a little mild to test the waters.
Revealing your red-flags too early may send them running for the hills.
We all have bad traits that we're aware of and it's important to note them. But putting them on display or remarking upon them on a first date is a little too much for most people to take.
"Being too candid on a first date can be a real turn-off," author and dating coach Rosalind Sedacca told INSIDER.
"It's intimidating for some, off-putting for others, and a sure way to sabotage a possible romance right from the start.
If you know you're messy or you just can't seem to get along with peoples' parents, don't bring that up on a first date, no matter how honest you want to be. Your partner will gauge what these faults might be in time and it will be easier to swallow a bit later into the relationship.
Don't use your date as a therapist.
If you're having some tough times at home or at work, dating can be a minefield. It's OK to admit to your date that you had a rough day at work, but you're happy to be out with them now. What you don't want to do is dwell on your day, discuss office politics with them, reveal your past heartbreaks, and discuss your failing finances.
"You might desire to be an open book and have your date know 'the real you,' but revealing too much, too soon can be overwhelming for the other person," Rhonda Milrad, founder of the online relationship community, Relationup, told INSIDER. "Instead of appearing that you have your act together, your date will you leave with the impression that you have too much baggage for them to deal with."
If you end up dating this person, it will become vital that you share your personal issues and be able to talk to them in an open manner. But the first date is not the correct time or venue, and it's not fair to dump all of that on someone you barely know.
Keeping a date light is paramount to its success. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to go on a 30-minute-long diatribe about why you actually hate pizza if you start dating this person.
Admitting you were unfaithful in past relationships is a gamble. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a phrase that can damage your reputation for a long time, if you're unlucky.
According to some scientific research, there could actually be some fact behind the idiom.
A new study, published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, followed 484 participants in mixed gender romantic relationships. The researchers asked the participants to report their own "extra-dyadic sexual involvement"— having sexual relations with someone other than their partner — and also whether they had suspected their partners of infidelity in each romantic relationship they had been in.
The results showed that people who had messed around in their first relationship were three times more likely to cheat in their next relationship compared to those who had stayed faithful.
Those who knew that their previous partners had cheated on them were twice as likely to have their next partners do the dirty on them too. Suspicion also appeared to be hard to shake, as people who suspected their first relationship partners of cheating were four times more likely to report suspicion in later relationships.
One reason for this could be the fact that when we lie, our brain actually gets used to it. This was the finding of a study published in Nature Neuroscience, which showed that telling small lies desensitises our brains to the associated negative emotions, which may encourage us to tell bigger lies in the future.
In other words, those little white lies we tell all the time might build up into bigger, more serious untruths.
In the study, participants were divided into pairs. One was shown a glass jar full of coins, and the other a blurry picture of the same jar. The participant with the jar was instructed to help their partner guess how many coins it contained.
One group of participants were told they would get a cash prize if their partner overestimated the number of coins, leading them to lie and exaggerate. The researchers saw that the amygdala — the area of the brain responsible for emotions — responded when participants lied, but this response weakened when lies were repeatedly told.
A similar thing could happen when somebody cheats on their partner. The first time they do it, they will probably feel terrible. However, if it happens again, they will feel slightly less bad, and so on. It could all be down to the biology of the brain, and what the amygdala is making you feel.
In an interview with Elite Daily, researcher at Princeton Neuroscience and co-author of the study Neil Garrett said: "What our study and others suggest is a powerful factor that prevents us from cheating is our emotional reaction to it, how bad we feel essentially, and the process of adaptation reduces this reaction, thereby allowing us to cheat more."
"With serial cheaters, it could be the case that they initially felt bad about cheating, but have cheated so much they've adapted to their ways and simply don't feel bad about cheating any more."
He added: "Another possibility is that they never felt bad about cheating to begin with, so they didn't need adaptation to occur, they were comfortable with it from the get-go."
Matthew Hussey, dating expert at howtogettheguy.com and howtogettheguy.com/blog and author of New York Times bestseller "Get the Guy," told Business Insider UK what to watch out for in the early stages of dating.
Here's a transcript of the video:
In the early stages of dating red flags are everything. You have to pay attention to everything you see.
I was told once: You can see why a relationship is going to end in the first week of a relationship if you pay attention.
We have to pay attention to the red flags. Red flags could be that you're at a restaurant and the person you're with is mean with the waiter, or the barman.
If somebody is not kind to the people around you, even if they are being kind to you, you know that when they don't care about somebody that's how they act. One day that might be you.
The same is true of gossip. If they are gossiping about their friends, or if they are giving you details that they shouldn't about somebody who spoke to them in confidence. One day they're going to gossip about you. One day they're going to reveal your secrets.
To me, in the early stages, I'm always looking for: Is somebody kind? Are they someone who is thoughtful? Are they someone who is generous? I'm looking for the fundamentals.
The little details? Those things can be compromised on.
The fundamentals of character, those are what you need to be looking for. If people violate those, that's a major red flag.
The INSIDER Summary:
If you find yourself sending sexually explicit photos or texts to your partner when you're apart, then you're in the majority.
According to a study conducted by menstruation health app "Clue" and The Kinsey Institute, 74% of Americans — and 67% of all international respondents — said that they have swapped saucy pictures and messages with their partners.
This number is up from the previous study five years ago, when only 21% of those surveyed admitted to engaging in "sexting" with their partners. While the amount of people who sext has increased, the way we do it is still kind of old-school: 65% of people who sexted said they did so over a texting app, while 35% said they used Snapchat.
So many people are sexting and the most common group to engage in the activity is 18-20 year olds (43%). Because of this, Amanda Gesselman, a research scientist at the Kinsey Institute, told The New York Post that sexting is on its way to becoming a new relationship milestone.
"Sexting may be becoming a new, but typical, step in a sexual or romantic relationship," she said.
And while sexting has created some concerns about privacy in the past, Gesselman said in a release of the study that the results show that people are actually using technology to connect and strengthen their relationships with their partners.
"While there are many reports on the consequences of technology on our private lives, these results relay a more positive story: that people are leaning on technology to help them create better experiences for themselves and their partners," she said.
With a supportive partner you can trust to keep your interactions private, sexting can be a great way to spice up your relationship. And with so many of us engaging in this act, this is as good a reminder as any not to scroll through your friends' camera rolls when they show you a photo!
The INSIDER Summary:
The reality star, who is dating NBA player Tristan Thompson, has talked about starting a family in the future, and shared more about her plans in an interview with the Daily Mail's You magazine.
"I definitely want a family, but I don't feel any pressure," she said in the August 12 interview. She added that "Tristan is a great dad"— the Cleveland Cavaliers player has an 8-month-old son with his ex — and said that "he definitely wants more children."
My birthday was incredible! Dream like almost! It's actually hard to put into words how special I feel and it's mainly because of this man right here! Thank you baby for treating me like a Queen every single day! Thank you to all of my friends and family for helping surprise me and for being the best anyone could ask for!! (Tap for glam details)
It doesn't look like they'll be having kids just yet, though.
"We both feel that it will happen when the time is right. We're still in a new relationship and I love us having time together," she said. "Once you have kids you can't get back your non-kid years. My sisters and I bother my mum all the time, so I know it's not, like, 'When they're 18, you don't worry about them again.' You worry about your children for the rest of your life."
Kardashian suggested another reason for waiting to have children. "The concern I have is raising little human beings in a world that's filled with such hate and terror," she said. "That seems very scary."
While she's not in a rush to have kids, the "Revenge Body" star is optimistic about her future with Thompson and said that she wants to get married again; Kardashian's divorce from her ex-husband Lamar Odom was finalized in December 2016.
"I'm in the best relationship I've ever been in and it doesn't take a ring for me to feel that way," she said. "I believe in marriage and I want to be married again one day but I don't have a time frame. Why do people think that marriage equates to happiness? There are a lot of people in unhealthy marriages."
At the moment, it seems that Kardashian is happy in her relationship and where it's headed.
As for having children, for the time being, she's content with being the fun aunt who babysits her nieces and nephews.
"My house is the fun house for my nieces and nephews," she said. "We do arts and crafts and bake a lot. We like to play outside and in the pool, just being goofy. I have water balloons and we have water fights. I'm like a big kid myself. At night when I babysit them we have dance parties. I love to give their mums the evening off."
She added that the highlight of her year was the arrival of her niece Dream, her brother Rob Kardashian's baby with Blac Chyna. "She looks exactly like him," she said. "I melt when I see him with her because he's a phenomenal father, just like my dad was."
Kardashian first publicly hinted at her plans to start a family with Thompson in the season 13 finale of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians," which aired on June 11.
"Tristan and I definitely talk about starting a family," she said. "He wants to have five or six kids with me and that's lovely. We could start at one and we could grow from there. But now knowing I'm not on birth control is just like — it's scary. It's like a really big step."
"I am really, really excited about my future, just me and Tristan," she added. "We're doing so well and I'm looking forward to seeing where all that goes."
The INSIDER Summary:
In any relationship, it can become difficult to balance family and work, especially if you're putting in long hours at the office. When you're a movie and TV star, that can make it even trickier.
"The Walking Dead" alum Jon Bernthal knows this all too well from personal experience. Since he left the show in 2012, he's appeared in movies like "The Wolf of Wall Street" and "Fury" and joined the Marvel world as anti-hero Punisher. This year alone he has at least six movies coming out along with his own "Daredevil" spin-off, "The Punisher," on Netflix.
At the same time as his career started to take off, Bernthal got married and started a family. He has two young sons, Henry and Billy, and a two-year-old daughter, Adeline. He also has three pit bulls named Boss, Venice, and Bam Bam, the latter of whom is a pup.
While speaking with Bernthal about his latest movie "Shot Caller," INSIDER asked the 40-year-old actor and father of three how he manages to balance such a demanding schedule while finding time for his loved ones. It's something any couple can appreciate.
"The rule I try to live by is to really be where I am while I'm there. When I'm with my family I'm with my family and that's it," Bernthal tells INSIDER. "We moved to a really small little mountain town, and when I'm with my family, there's no cellphones, there's no work, there's no nothing. It's just me with the kids."
It's so easy to get caught up in social media and looking at your phone while around your significant other, friends, or family that you may lose sight of what's in front of you. Next time you're with others, consider ditching the cell phone before reaching for a selfie.
Though Bernthal posts photos of his family and dogs to social media for his fans when he's with his family, he makes sure they get all of his attention. Bernthal brings that same level of focus when he's on set filming.
"On the same token, when I'm work, I'm just at work," Bernthal continued. "I try to dive in 100% and stay in it and at the end of the day I'm trying to build something in every character that I help create and every movie that I'm part of. It has my children's name on it, so I try to take that enormously seriously and I know that, unfortunately, a lot of the stuff that I make my kids can't watch now, but down the road I hope they'll watch it and they'll say, you know, 'Dad worked hard. Dad gave it everything and there's a reason why he was away so much.'"
"I would say it is sort of the crux of every problem I have," Bernthal added of balancing work and family. "I think for the most part as a family, I've got an unbelievable wife who just makes it all work and I'm incredibly lucky. I'm in love."
Bernthal's next movie, "Shot Caller," is currently available on DirecTV and will be in theaters August 18.
Swapping the deodorant in your gym bag for an apple might not sound like a very wise decision.
But according to a small, creative study, it could be just the trick to hooking your next date. Straight women in the study preferred the smell of sweaty men with diets high in produce over that of men who stuck to refined carbs like bread and pasta.
Apparently, the nose is the true window to the heart.
For the study, researchers divvied up 43 men and 9 women according to their gender. After testing the men's diets using a skin test (bright red, yellow, and orange foods tinge our skins ever-so-slightly when we eat them regularly), the researchers had the men exercise while wearing a clean, unscented cotton T-shirt. Afterwards, they had the women sniff their sweaty, post-workout tees.
Interestingly, the women preferred the body odor of the men who ate lots of fruits and vegetables over the smell of the men who ate mostly refined carbohydrates.
"We've known for a while that odor is an important component of attractiveness, especially for women," Ian Stephen, a professor of evolution, genetics, and psychology at Macquarie University in Australia and an author on the study, told NPR.
Although Stephen's study was small, he's not the first researcher to look into the three-pronged connection between diet, odor, and attractiveness. Several studies, including a handful of experiments from Charles University anthropologist Jitka Fialová, suggest that what we eat profoundly impacts not only how we smell but also that our odor could be a powerful indicator of our health — something of particular interest to a potential mate, evolutionarily-speaking.
We know that diets based around fruits and veggies are the healthiest meal plans overall.
"When you look at overall dietary patterns it's a more whole-foods, plant-based diet that tends to be healthier in terms of less disease risk,"Cara Anselmo, a nutritionist and dietitian at New York's Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, told Business Insider.
So it is perhaps not so surprising that when we eat healthy, we smell healthy — and potential dates might notice.
"Women basically found that men who ate more vegetables smelled nicer," Stephen said.
• In 2016, 20% of older Americans said they'd had sex with someone other than their spouse; 14% of younger Americans said the same.
• This is a stark contrast to the early 1990s, when older Americans were less likely to have extramarital sex.
• Americans in their 50s and 60s report the highest rates of extramarital sex, which might have to do with the fact that they became adults during the sexual revolution.
Every year since 1991, the General Social Survey has asked Americans a potentially uncomfortable question: "Have you ever had sex with someone other than your husband or wife while you were married?"
And every year, about 16% of respondents answer "yes."
Yet that stable 16% figure masks some important — and surprising — changes around who exactly is having extramarital sex.
A recent analysis by Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor at the University of Utah, published on the conservative-leaning Institute for Family Studies blog, suggests that older Americans (55 and older) are now more likely to have sex outside their marriages than younger Americans (55 and younger).
In 2016, 20% of older respondents said they'd had sex with someone other than their spouse; 14% of younger respondents said the same.
That's in sharp contrast to the early 1990s, when older Americans were less likely to have sex outside their marriages than their younger counterparts.
Things get tricky when you start trying to explain this phenomenon. It can't be simply that older people are having more extramarital sex simply because they've been married for longer — because up until 2004, older Americans were straying less.
Wolfinger notes that people born between 1940 and 1959 report the highest rates of extramarital sex — and these are the people who became adults during the sexual revolution. As Wolfinger writes: "Perhaps some people do become more likely to have outside sex partners as they age, but only if they grew up during the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s."
The introduction of medications such as Viagra may also help explain why older Americans recently started having more extramarital sex, Wolfinger says.
It's important to keep in mind that the GSS doesn't ask people whether they were "cheating"— some people may be in open marriages or may have made other arrangements with their partner that allow them to have sex with other people.
The GSS also asks about having sex with someone other than your spouse, meaning people in unmarried relationships who have sex with someone other than their partner aren't included. Nor are people who have "emotional affairs" with someone other than their partner.
But if you are in a marriage affected by infidelity, there are steps you can take to repair the relationship. As M. Gary Neuman, who developed the "Creating Your Best Marriage" video program, told Business Insider, the cheater has to feel some remorse and want to change their life and the victim has to make sure the cheater has completely stopped cheating.
Remember, too: We tend to underestimate the likelihood that our partner will cheat on us.
In one University of Calgary and McMaster Children's Hospital study, university students in heterosexual dating relationships said the average person of the opposite sex has about a 42% chance of cheating on their partner. But when it came to their own partners, participants estimated that there was about a 5% chance that their partner had already cheated on them and about an 8% chance that they would cheat on them in the future.
Meanwhile, about 9% of participants said they'd really strayed.
NOW WATCH: How to save your relationship after cheating
The INSIDER Summary:
When Chris Pratt and Anna Faris announced their separation after eight years of marriage, it was a shocking blow to their fans — easily one of the most surprising celeb breakups of 2017. Neither has spoken directly about the situation since, but they're not in hiding, either. Pratt made his first post-split appearance at the 2017 Teen Choice Awards on Sunday, and now Faris has spoken out via her podcast to thank fans for their support.
Considering all she's dealing with both in her personal life and in her career — which includes a starring role on the CBS sitcom "Mom" and a forthcoming book with a foreword by Pratt — fans would have forgiven the actress for skipping this week's installment of her "Anna Faris Is Unqualified" podcast. But the 40-year-old was apparently prepared for the situation and pre-recorded a crossover episode with the "My Favorite Murder" podcasters.
Before things got rolling, though, Faris popped in with a quick intro, saying, "Hey, dear listeners, I just want to thank you all so much for all the love I've been receiving, and I truly love you."
The remarks were Faris' first since she and Pratt broke the initial news of their split in a joint statement on social media. "We are sad to announce we are legally separating," the statement read. "We tried hard for a long time, and we're really disappointed. Our son has two parents who love him very much and for his sake we went to keep this situation as private as possible moving forward. We still love each other and will always cherish our time together."
After she posted the news to Instagram, fans inundated her account with supportive comments telling her to "stay strong" and praising her as "smart, funny, and beautiful."
Sex can be an enjoyable act that bonds you and your partner or simply a source of pleasure in your life. But for so many people, sex can be something scary and hard to enjoy because of pain during the act.
According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, one in three women have reported pain during intercourse. However, it's not often discussed. Many people find themselves avoiding sex or trudging through it despite the pain, which can have psychological and physical consequences.
But understanding the underlying causes of painful sex is important. That's why we spoke with experts to round up some of the most common reasons women could be experiencing pain during sex. It goes without saying that if you're experiencing pain or any of these symptoms, you may want to talk to your doctor as well.
Here's what the experts had to say:
You could suffer from vaginal dryness.
This is probably the most common reason for pain during sex, according to experts. Dryness can be caused by numerous things from smoking, irritating soap, antidepressants, and simply your body's natural state.
If you feel that vaginal dryness may be to blame for pain during sex, you have a few simple options. Increasing the amount of foreplay with your partner or using a lubricant can made a big difference in how things feel, OB-GYN and women's health expert Dr. Sherry Ross told INSIDER.
If you find that still isn't doing the trick, speak with your doctor about stronger medications or lubricants you can try.
You could suffer from Vaginismus.
Vaginismus is a condition that can make sex uncomfortable or nearly impossible for many people with vaginas.
Vaginismus is an involuntary vaginal muscle spasm that prevents penetration. It's hard to peg down what exactly causes vaginismus, but some causes can include urinary tract infections, yeast infections, and, most commonly, trauma.
"Physical therapy, psychotherapy, and medication help in dealing with this," Dr. Ross said.
You might be doing it from the wrong position.
All bodies are different and when having sex with another person, there can be tons of complications. If you and your partner are having difficulties having sex, it may just be about the positions you're trying.
If you've only attempted sex in a certain type or position, try switching it up. You might find that moving in a different way makes things more comfortable.
"The 'missionary' position tends to be easier for women and their anatomy whereas 'doggie style' or from behind allows for deeper penetration for the male but more discomfort and pain for many women," said Ross.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider
Whether or not you believe in love at first sight, there was probably a moment that you knew you loved, or were starting to fall in love with, your partner.
These moments can be silly or heartbreaking, just like the relationships and the people in them. INSIDER rounded up the best moments froma fewdifferent Redditthreads to show the beauty in all of these moments.
"I was more worried about her being worried about me than my own safety."
"I had been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half, when I pulled out at an intersection and almost got side-swiped. I had to jerk the wheel and everything. Immediately I thought, 'Man that was close! I didn't have my seat-belt on, either. She would be so upset if I got hurt!'
"And that's when I realized that I was more worried about her being worried about me than my own safety.
"I know it's goofy and not very 'touching,' but that's when I realized that I was in love, because I didn't want anything to hurt her; not even bad news.
"I told her about it about a week later and she thought it was sweet. That was pretty much it (she isn't nearly as sentimental as I am). We have been together for 9 years, and married for the last 5. Oh, we got a baby, too." - Redditor marblefoot
"I knew we both took each other as we were."
"Something just came over me and I realized how happy I was."
"Met a girl at university in March 2011, we hit it off really well and eventually decide to make things exclusive. We were both dumb 18 year olds, but something really, really felt connected about us and we had already said 'I love you' in April (one month in — I know, stupid). Anyways, we live about an hour apart when we're on summer holidays, but having never done long distance it seems really far away and we're both nervous about how things between us will change only seeing each other about once a week for four months right at the beginning of the relationship.
"Anyways, school ends, we both go home to our respective parents' house, and make plans to see each other at my girlfriend's house after about 10 days. She lives right in Toronto whereas I lived on the outskirts, so I take the train into the city and to meet her right downtown. We're trying to find each other on the crowded street (I didn't really know the city at that time so I was kind of going in circles looking for her).
"Eventually, I spot her on a busy street corner looking around, but she hasn't seen me yet. Something just came over me and I realized how happy I was, how happy she made me, and how much I really cared about her. I don't know why but for some reason seeing her then for the first time away from school really made it click for me. Just had our four year anniversary last week and I feel the same as I did that day." - Redditor richandbrilliant
See the rest of the story at Business Insider
Those who have never been in an abusive relationship struggle to understand how people remain in one for so long. If somebody was mistreating you, "why did you stick around?" they ask.
For survivors, this can be a really tough question to answer. The lucky ones escape, and stumble upon articles or books that give them the terms to be able to understand what happened to them, and thus describe their experience. Other times, though, this doesn't happen, and people might not even be aware they were in a relationship that could be classed as "abusive."
This is because we are conditioned to believe abuse is always physical. On TV and in films, we see characters who are obviously evil. They are violent to their partners, shout at them aggressively, or even murder them in a fit of rage. While this does happen, it's not a true representation of the abuse many others experience.
According to therapist Shannon Thomas, author of "Healing from Hidden Abuse," psychological abuse is insidious, and it occurs a over time like an IV drip of poison entering your veins.
It starts with an off-hand comment here, or an insult there, but often victims brush these moments off. This is because abusive people are great at pretending to be everything you're looking for in a partner, and they love bomb you with affection. Victims tend to believe this is the abuser's real self, and when the mask starts to slip more and more, they believe its "out of character" and it must be their own fault for making their partner angry.
People stay in these relationships partly because they are trying to win back the abuser's affection. However, Thomas told Business Insider that victims also become biologically attached to their abusers through something called "trauma bonding."
It's like an addictive drug.
It's a bit like becoming addicted to a drug. A psychologically abusive relationship is a rollercoaster, with punishment and then intermittent reinforcement of kindness when you "behave." This means the body is going through its own turmoil, with high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, paired with dopamine when given affection as a reward.
"You have this back and forth, and the body becomes addicted," Thomas said. "When we’re looking for something that we want, that we once had, which is a connection with somebody, and they are playing cat and mouse where they are pulling it back and forth, then the body really does become dependent on having that approval."
This hormonal rollercoaster really takes its toll on someone's body. Victims might find they break out in acne, even though they've always had good skin. They might have chest pains. Thomas has said that in her practise she has even seen her clients develop autoimmune disorders.
"Their bodies start to shut down, and they start really struggling with chronic pain, migraines, and some arthritic type pains and conditions, and they just can’t fight infections as well," she said. "The body really can only take so much stress."
Victims stay in these relationships despite of the stress on their bodies, because often it isn't clear to them what the problems really are. Through gaslighting, control, and intermittent love, the abuser has their partner backed into a corner of self-blame and desperation of trying to win back the affection of the person they love.
Unfortunately, for many people, when they try to leave these relationships they are so bonded to their abuser that they return. Others don't try to leave at all, and are only freed from the clutches of the abuse when they are discarded.
An abusive relationship with a narcissist or psychopath tends to follow the same pattern: idealisation, devaluation, and discarding. At some point, the victim will be so broken, the abuser will no longer get any benefit from using them. They may have totally bankrupted them, or destroyed their confidence, or worse, and they move on to their next target.
However, once they are gone, the victim — or survivor as Thomas calls them at this point — can finally start coming round to the idea they were abused. They can grieve, and finally see the damage that was being done, and realise it wasn't their fault.
That's when the healing can really begin, Thomas says, and the survivor can realise that they were targeted not because they were weak, but because they had so much to give.
These are the signs you might be in a trauma bond with someone, according to Psych Central:
The INSIDER Summary:
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West may seem like they've always been a power couple, but you might remember that Kardashian had a 72-day marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries way back in 2011.
While the short-lived marriage was the subject of tabloid fodder and late-night jokes, Kardashian revealed the real panic she felt just before the televised wedding.
In a massive interview the Kardashian and Jenner sisters gave to The Hollywood Reporter on the occasion of their show's 10th year, Kim explained the doubt and indecision she felt just before the wedding, saying that her mother, Kris Jenner, offered to scrap the whole ceremony for her.
"The night before, my mom pulled me aside, off camera, and was like, 'This isn't it for you. Why don't you go away and I'll handle it?'" Kardashian told The Hollywood Reporter.
Kim said that even producers on the show, who would have had a stake in the televised weddings' success, offered her an out.
"There was all this attention on the wedding, and I thought maybe it was just the pressure of the show giving me this anxiety," she told the Reporter. "My friends told me I just had cold feet, but even the producers said, 'You don't seem happy. You don't have to go through with this.'"
Many married couples can probably identify a bit with Kim's anxiety going into the wedding — even if theirs wasn't set to air as a television special. It's natural for prospective brides and grooms to get "cold feet" before the wedding and it's not always an indicator that you're unhappy. But how do you know if that anxiety is healthy or if it's a sign you shouldn't be going through with your wedding?
If you find out some red flags about your partner, it's more than cold feet.
If your partner decides pre-wedding is a great time to reveal some skeletons in their closet, it's, of course, going to make you feel more than a little anxious.
While it's great that they want to let you know this information before you make a formal and legal commitment, they also need to understand that dropping a bomb on you could make you want to back out of the marriage.
Put the actual wedding out of your mind: if they would have told you that information after a few months of dating, with no proposal in sight, would you have stayed in the partnership?
If the answer is no, it's a good sign that those pre-wedding jitters are actually fears about your marriage. It may be best to call it off and give yourself some more time to process this info — or end the relationship all together.
If thinking about being with that person forever makes you want to cry, it might not be cold feet.
Weddings, though magical, are stressful as hell. That can put some serious strain on any partnership and even make the marriage itself seem scary.
But if you can put the wedding itself aside in your mind and just think about the rest of your life with that person and it still doesn't seem appealing to you, your cold feet may be less about the wedding, and more about choosing the wrong person.
"Picking" a life partner is stressful, so it is natural to feel nervous about it. But if you don't feel at least a little bit of a relief along with that stress, the outlook for your marriage might be bleak.
If you talk to your married friends or trusted advisers, and that doesn't calm you, it might be more than cold feet.
The best advice you can get is from people who have been there before. Everyone's experiences with weddings are different and some of your friends may never admit to having cold feet, but hearing their perspectives can help put yours in check.
If you don't have many married friends, or one's who are willing to get real with you, you can talk to trusted family or spiritual advisers or a therapist. They'll most likely have had friends or clients who have gone through something similar and can help you see how your doubts stack up to those peoples'.
Obviously, you know yourself best, but if those close to you think that your doubts are more substantial than "holy crap, I'm committing to someone forever and ever, that's crazy!" then it may be worth thinking about calling it off.
So it's more than cold feet: what now?
In an interview with producer and TV host Ryan Seacrest, he told the Hollywood Reporter that Kim Kardashian called him days after the wedding and was very candid about the doubts she still had about Humphries.
"It was just a few days after, and she just didn't feel like it was right," he told them.
Of course, knowing that she and Humphries would split just two months after they married, we know that Kardashian's cold feet were more than just some jitters.
There is something to be said for that correlation: A 2012 study conducted by the University of California, Los Angeles claimed that couples who admitted to feeling cold feet are about 2.5 times more likely to end up divorced than those who don't. But keeping your cold feet to yourself is not a way to prevent a split for happening.
Be open with your partner about your doubts. They may be feeling the same way, which can lead you both to a solution that works for you — wedding or not.
If the talk comes as a surprise to them, well, its better that they know now, before consenting to marry someone who is essentially a ticking time bomb of doubt and fear.
Doubts about your marriage do not have to spell the end of your relationship, but it might. Wanting to have a wedding does not outweigh the potential lifetime ahead of unhappiness if you're not sure.
And who knows, you could even split with a Kris, only to get your very own Kanye West.
Every romantic relationship goes through ups and downs. Even if you just had a massive fight about who stained the living-room couch with coffee (we know: It wasn't you), it's not the end of the world.
That said, certain behavior patterns can weaken a partnership over time, leaving one or both people wanting out.
Psychological literature is rife with examples of such behaviors. Below, we've rounded up nine of the most common.
Note: If you recognize one or more of these patterns in your relationship, that doesn't necessarily mean you're headed for Splitsville. Use this opportunity to take a step back, take a deep breath, and see what you can do to work it out.
Distancing yourself from your partner
A 2016 study, published in the journal Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, found there's a deadly combination of characteristics that predict relationship dissatisfaction: sensitivity to rejection and the tendency to cut your partner off emotionally.
People who are really worried about getting hurt might distance themselves from their partners, which ends up making the relationship less satisfying in the long run. In other words, they effectively create what they fear.
If this sounds like you, try telling your partner about your fears. You might be surprised to learn that they share some of those concerns, and you can work through them together.
Closing yourself off to new experiences
A growing body of research suggests that couples who try new things together are happier in their relationship.
The inverse might be true, too: Writing in Psychology Today, clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone says when you stop being open to developing shared new interests, it can hurt the relationship and create resentment between partners.
So take up your partner's offer to try a new restaurant or go hiking instead of spending Saturday at the movies — at least once in a while.
Hiding your finances
Nearly two in five Americans in one poll for the National Endowment for Financial Education said they've lied to their partner about money (financial infidelity), which can lead to fights, distrust, and in some cases divorce.
The problem is that money isn't just about numbers — it can symbolize power and love. So insecurity about what your partner's doing with his or her money means insecurity about the relationship in general.
Before you decide to combine (or even partially combine) finances with your partner, it helps to have a conversation about budgeting and your financial histories, and to come up with guidelines for making big individual purchases.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider
In 2015, the US divorce rate hit a 40-year low.
According to data from Bowling Green State University, there were 16.9 divorces for every 1,000 women that year.
To determine the factors that make divorce more likely and the effects — positive and negative — of ending your marriage, we dug into years of research on the predictors and consequences of marital dissolution. Below, we've highlighted some of the most intriguing findings.
Keep in mind that all these studies offer general takeaways about modern relationships — no one can predict with 100% accuracy what will happen to yours.
Couples may be most likely to divorce in March and August.
2016 research from the University of Washington, presented at the American Sociological Association, found that March and August bring spikes in divorce filings.
The researchers say it's meaningful that March and August follow holiday or vacation periods. In the paper, they suggest that holidays represent something like "optimism cycles"— we see them as a chance to start anew in our relationships, only to find that the same problems exist once they're over.
The researchers also suspect that oftentimes our holiday experiences can be stressful and disappointing, laying bare the real issues in our marriage. As soon as they're over, we're ready to call it quits.
Married people who watch porn may be more likely to divorce.
A 2017 study, published in the Journal of Sex Research, found that married people who start watching pornography are about twice as likely to get divorced as those who don't.
The study involved about 2,000 participants over the course of nearly a decade. It found that the effect was stronger for women, who were about three times as likely to get divorced if they started watching porn during the study period.
But, as Elizabeth Nolan Brown points out on Reason, it's possible that taking up a porn habit may signal that something else is going wrong in your relationship. Maybe you're dissatisfied with your sex life or maybe you and your partner aren't communicating well.
In other words, it might not be the porn, per se, that's causing marital problems. It might be a symptom of other underlying issues.
Couples who marry in their late 20s may be less likely to divorce.
Research led by Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor at the University of Utah, found that contrary to a long-held belief, waiting longer to wed doesn't necessarily predict a stronger marriage.
Instead, as Wolfinger wrote on the Institute for Family Studies blog in 2015, the best time to marry seems to be between the early 20s and early 30s. If you wait until you're older than 32, your chances of divorce start to creep up (though they're still not as high as if you get married in your teens).
As Wolfinger wrote, "For almost everyone, the late twenties seems to be the best time to tie the knot."
See the rest of the story at Business Insider
Infidelity is murky territory. Does a one-night stand at a bachelor party count? How about an emotional entanglement with a close friend that doesn't involve anything physical?
Psychologists and relationship experts have spent years studying the science of infidelity, turning up surprising insights into what different couples consider cheating, how they react to cheating, and how they bounce back after someone strays.
We looked into some of that research and pulled out the most compelling results. Read on to see what we found — and how you can apply these findings to your own relationship.
If you're economically dependent on your spouse, you're more likely to cheat on them
A 2015 study of about 2,800 people between ages 18 and 32, published in the American Sociological Review, suggests that a person who is completely economically dependent on their spouse is more likely to be unfaithful.
That's especially true for a man who relies financially on a woman. Fifteen percent of men who are completely financially dependent on their wives cheat, compared to 5% of dependent women.
Here's the really interesting part: Men are less likely to cheat the more money they make relative to their spouse — until they bring in 70% of the household income, at which point they become more likely to cheat again.
Women are also less likely to cheat the more money they make relative to their spouse — but their cheating rates don't seem to go up at any point.
Men and women react differently to flirting outside their relationship
A 2008 study published in the journal Interpersonal Relations and Group Processes found that after men flirted with an attractive person of the opposite sex, they were less tolerant of their partner's transgressions. Women, on the other hand, were more so.
The study also found that men could be taught to write down a strategy to protect their relationship from tempting alternatives. In fact, after developing their strategy, men were just as likely as women to protect their partnership, as measured through a virtual-reality game.
We feel differently based on the sex of the person our partner cheats with
For a 2015 study, published in the journal Personal Relationships, men and women read about hypothetical scenarios in which their partner had sex with someone of a different sex or the same sex.
When researchers asked participants how they would feel about it, the men were more likely to be angry and more inclined to end a relationship if their partner cheated with someone of a different sex. But they were more likely to be aroused if their partner cheated with someone of the same sex.
Women also said they'd feel more negatively if their partner cheated with someone of a different sex. But they'd be more inclined to end the relationship if their partner cheated with someone of the same sex.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider
Picture this. You and your partner get into an argument: Whose job is it to pick up the kids from school today? Your partner says it's your responsibility — she's got an important work thing. You insist it's her turn — you've picked them up every day this week.
Then, out of nowhere, your partner blurts out, "And you were an hour late to date night last month!"
Psychologists call this strategy "kitchen sinking"— i.e. you throw "everything but the kitchen sink" at your partner. It's generally an unproductive tactic.
More recently, psychologists learned that "kitchen thinking"— i.e. simply thinking about past, unrelated slights during a conflict, even if you don't verbalize them — can be unproductive, too.
The study on kitchen thinking was published in 2016, in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. One key finding was that anxiously attached people— those who want close relationships but fear abandonment and have some trust issues — are more likely to kitchen think.
The study authors — Kassandra Cortes and Anne E. Wilson at the University of Waterloo — conducted four experiments on kitchen thinking and anxious attachment.
A conclusion from the first three experiments is that anxiously attached participants saw negative relationship experiences as more recent — and therefore easier to mentally retrieve — than other participants did.
The fourth experiment tested the effects of kitchen thinking in real relationship conflicts. About 200 adults in romantic relationships were asked to remember a past argument with their partner, when their partner did something wrong or hurtful.
Then, researchers asked the participants to respond to prompts such as, "During the conflict, I remembered other hurtful things my partner has done in the past." Participants also indicated how severe the conflict was, how constructively or destructively they responded to the conflict, and how often they fight with their partner.
The researchers write: "People who reported thinking about other unrelated past slights during their conflict also reported reacting to the conflict at hand more destructively — they reported having more conflict as a result of kitchen thinking, having less healthy conflict, and feeling worse about their relationships."
Anxiously attached people were more likely to kitchen think, and also reacted more destructively to the conflict.
The most pressing question here is how to help anxiously attached people — or really, anyone — minimize kitchen thinking and improve their relationships. Interestingly, Cortes told Broadly: "We can't say with certainty that telling people not to think about past negative memories during conflicts is the right approach. In fact, that could backfire."
So more research on this topic is necessary. In the meantime, it could be helpful to simply notice your tendency to kitchen think.
Sometimes our thoughts spiral out of control so quickly that we're angry or upset before we realize it. Awareness of potentially counterproductive habits is a good first step toward healthier conflict management.
It may seem like you were born knowing the term "Kimye," but Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have only been an official couple for about five years.
The pair, who started off as good friends, have certainly made it an eventful time though, so you'd be forgiven for forgetting a few things along the way.
We've rounded up the most crazy, heartbreaking, and touching moments from their time together.
2003-2006: Kanye and Kim met, and Kanye was smitten.
The pair met and became friends in 2003, but Kim was dating rapper Ray-J at the time.
It started out pretty platonic, but Kanye later revealed it was when he saw a picture of Kardashian with her friend Paris Hilton that he knew he loved her.
"I just knew I wanted her to be my girl for a long time,"he told Ryan Seacrest in 2013. "I remember I saw a picture of her and Paris Hilton, and I remember telling my boy, 'Have you seen that girl Kim Kar-dijon?'"
2008: Kanye featured Kim as Princess Leia in a comedy show.
Later, West recruited Kardashian for a hip-hop puppet show called "Alligator Boots."
Though the show never took off, you can see the future Mr. and Mrs. West playing a stormtrooper and Princess Leia in her slave outfit here. It's clear that they had chemistry from the start.
2009: Kanye did his first verse about Kim.
Kanye performed a verse on Keri Hilson's single "Knock You Down" with the lines "You were always the cheerleader of my dreams / Seem to only date the head of football teams / And I was the class clown that always kept you laughing / We were never meant to be, baby we just happened."
"You should leave your boyfriend now."
See the rest of the story at Business Insider