Earlier this year, we surveyed 656 millennial women to see how they feel about splitting the check on dates. As we started to look deeper into the numbers, however, another talking point came up — how much women make in comparison with their partners. Of the straight women surveyed, 55% of those coupled off had lower salaries than their respective partners. Only 24% of the straight women reported that they earned more than their significant others.

Even more interesting? More women were making significantly less than their partners. When we broke down the pay disparity, 31% of the women in the first group were making $75,000 or less than their partners a year. Of the latter group, only 5% percent of the women were making significantly more.

We decided to talk to a few of the women who make strikingly smaller salaries than their partners, and find out the stories behind the numbers. First up, an interview with a money diarist in Shanghai, a 22-year-old who earns $36,000 compared to her husband's $240,000. 

How did you and your husband meet?

"We've been married for a little over a year, but we met when I was in high school, and he was in college. There is a five-year difference between us. In college, we started talking about what the future would hold for us. At the time, I was doing significantly better in school than he had done, and he had dropped out of college to take a job. Meanwhile I was planning to get a master's and PhD, so we kind of assumed I would be the one making more in the relationship." 

So what happened once you graduated?

"I founded a startup, and that company sold for $600,000 after everything went through. My takeaway from that was $300,000. That's when I figured, this is the path I want to be on. I just really liked the startup environment."

How did you end up in Shanghai?

"My husband got an offer to go to China on an expat package — if he finished his degree. So he finished his degree, and I got a job here for six months. The job gave me an offer to transfer to San Francisco, but it made more sense for me to stay. It just wasn't worth being apart. I went freelance, and even though I'm making the same amount as before, for some reason it feels weird. The flexible schedule is great, but physically being at home more changes things. Laundry goes off, I go take care of it."

How has going from being a primary breadwinner to being the secondary breadwinner affected you?

"It’s been really, really hard emotionally for the relationship. For me, I always wanted to be a strong, independent woman. But I was the only one to get married out of all my friends, and there's just a stereotype to my position — being here and technically making significantly less than my husband. It plays a lot on my ego. When we go out to eat, I feel extremely guilty about ordering a more expensive drink than my husband, or if I make a big purchase I feel like I have to ask him first. He’s never said anything or alluded to anything ever; he's always reminding me that I made a huge contribution, but I just feel guilty."

Do you think this has affected your husband, as well?

"When I was making more, we were perceived to be on his pay level and living a lower lifestyle, even [after I sold my startup]. Now that the roles have switched, we’re suddenly living the larger lifestyle. He perceives our wealth based on his paycheck, whereas I perceive it based on what we’re both bringing in. A lot of this has to do with my parents. My parents have been together their entire lives, and I grew up watching their spending dynamics. If one person brings in the money, it’s money for all of us. My husband, though, his parents were divorced before he was born, so the money was always separate." 

It seems like he feels less guilty about spending the money you two are earning. Why do you think you're dealing with guilt?

"I’ve thought about it a lot, and I feel like there’s a lot that goes into it. Is it because we should be feeling guilty about our finances? Should I be telling my husband to step back, too? But we save a lot; our finances are OK. So is it because I'm not getting paid as much as him? I don’t know. Maybe it's because our paycheck goes to the States and into bank accounts that my husband has a login for, so I’m not getting the emails or texts that show how much we do have. I have some access to it, but he’s keeping control of that."

How do you deal with the perceptions people may have about not earning as much as your husband?

"The dynamic for expats here is that the man has the expat contract and the wife is here, but she legally cannot work in the country. The wife ends up doing freelance work, selling pastries, crafts, blogging, something on that end. They're a little looked down upon. I am physically able to work here, and the freelance work I am doing is contracted, legal, paid work, but I still feel like I’m getting lumped in with all these other women.

"Part of me feels like I don’t want to be a part of that group, and then I think, Am I a bad person for not wanting to be part of that group? Because a lot of the wives were primary breadwinners at some point in their relationship. One of our closest friends, the wife used to be a CMO at a major fashion brand, and she moved here so her husband could have more flexible hours. He makes a little less now, but they have more time to be together. It’s interesting that we’re all seen as housewives, even though we all make an active contribution — and we all have made contributions to our relationships. It’s just not currently as significant as the person who has the expat package that provides the driver and the housing."

There were a few commenters in Money Diaries who wanted more context to your marriage, even hinting at some sort of trophy-wife status.

"I feel like if I read my diary, I would’ve been like, This is some gorgeous girl...who totally got lucky and married some rich guy, because that's how the diary comes off. We don’t talk about that stereotype, but sometimes I wonder, do people look at us and think, Why the hell did he pick her to marry? I find myself trying to fit into what a trophy wife 'should' be, even though literally a year ago I was making more than my husband. Like today, I was thinking about going to the gym, and thought, You know, I have a really rich husband. Is it expected of me to be beautiful?

It seems like you still have a conflicted relationship with being a woman who makes less than her husband.

"If you asked me a year ago, I would have said there’s nothing wrong with putting trophy wives down. I would’ve been one of the haters toward them. A year ago, I made fun of my sister-in-law who is a stay-at-home mom, but I feel completely different now. I have mixed emotions seeing myself as what some people could consider a trophy wife. In conversations, I don’t want to represent myself as one, but I’m looking at my situation, and I’m thinking, Is this really such a bad thing? I have made, and am making, an active contribution to society and to my relationship, and I plan on doing that in my future."

Would you be OK if the situations and paychecks were reversed?

"There will be another moment in our lifetime where I will have to step up the game. He always says he's completely willing to be a stay-at-home dad. He’s always making sure my career path is still intact, even though we're living here. And I could go out and get a job making more than him. He looks at it like he expects me to make another contribution that’s larger than his, and for him to take a break, and for us to go back and forth. Having that as a plan for the future, in his head, helps him perceive our relationship differently than, 'I’m the sole breadwinner and I have to take care of her.' It’s more like, 'This is for us.'"

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. This is part one of a series, Not A Trophy Wife, examining how women feel about money — especially when they make less than their partners.

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Lisa Wade, Ph.D., is a professor at Occidental College. She is the author of American Hookup, a book about college sexual culture, and a textbook about gender.

To Post Secret, a project that collects personal secrets written artistically onto postcards, someone recently sent in the following bombshell: "Ever since we started getting married and buying houses," she writes, "my girlfriends and I don't laugh much anymore."

Her personal secret is, in fact, a national one.

It's part of what has been called the "paradox of declining female happiness."

Women have more rights and opportunities than they have had in decades and yet they are less happy than ever in both absolute terms and relative to men.

Marriage is part of why.

Heterosexual marriage is an unequal institution. Women on average do more of the unpaid and undervalued work of households, they work more each day, and they are more aware of this inequality than their husbands. They are more likely to sacrifice their individual leisure and career goals for marriage.

Marriage is a moment of subordination and women, more so than men, subordinate themselves and their careers to their relationship, their children, and the careers of their husbands.

Compared to being single, marriage is a bum deal for many woman. Accordingly, married women are less happy than single women and less happy than their husbands, they are less eager than men to marry, they're more likely to file for divorce and, when they do, they are happier as divorcees than they were when married (the opposite is true for men) and they are more likely than men to prefer never to remarry.

The only reason this is surprising is because of the torrent of propaganda we get that tells us otherwise.

We are told by books, sitcoms, reality shows, and romantic comedies that single women are wetting their pants to get hitched.

Men are metaphorically or literally dragged to the altar in television commercials and wedding comedies, an idea invented by Hugh Hefner in the 1950s (before the "playboy," men who resisted marriage were suspected of being gay).

Not to mention the wedding-themed toys aimed at girls and the ubiquitous wedding magazines aimed solely at women. Why, it's almost as if they were trying very hard to convince us of something that isn't true.

But if women didn't get married to men, what would happen?

Marriage reduces men's violence and conflict in a society by giving men something to lose.

It increases men's efforts at work, which is good for capitalists and the economy. It often leads to children, which exacerbate cycles of earning and spending, makes workers more reliable and dependent on employers, reduces mobility, and creates a next generation of workers and social security investors.

Marriage inserts us into the machine. And if it benefits women substantially less than men, then it's no surprise that so many of our marriage promotion messages are aimed squarely at them.

Follow Lisa Wade on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

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A study that researched the sex lives of over 6,000 Americans has concluded that, while the young may be having more sex, the older you get, the better your sex is.

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Ever broken up with someone only to realize that your friends saw it coming half a year ago? Yeah. Thanks, guys.

The thing is, it can be hard to spot even glaring flaws in your relationship while you're in it. With that in mind, Business Insider rounded up seven science-backed indicators that there might be trouble in your romantic paradise.

Before you read on, we should note that if you recognize one or more of these patterns in your relationship, that does not necessarily mean you're destined for a breakup.

Keep in mind that these signs reflect general trends and might not fit your particular relationship. Plus, if you get the sense that there might be problems, it's up to you to decide how best to address them.

So don't get paranoid — but do get reflective — and check out what science has to say about the road to Splitsville.

1. You see your partner more or less as they are

Call it the "Shallow Hal" effect: A growing body of research suggests that partners who have "positive illusions" about each other are more likely to stay together. In other words, in stable, satisfying relationships, each partner somewhat idealizes the other and sees the best in them.

For example, you might rate your partner as more attractive, kinder, and smarter than they would rate themselves.

On the other hand, if you still see your partner as meh in the looks, intelligence, and kindness departments — and as totally different from your ideal mate — that's probably not a good sign.

2. You view your partner as beneath you

John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and the founder of the Gottman Institute, has spent decades studying the science of relationship satisfaction and stability.

As Business Insider's Erin Brodwin has reported, Gottman and his colleagues have come up with four factors — known as the "four horsemen"— that can reliably predict divorce: contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Contempt, or seeing your partner as beneath you instead of as an equal, is what Gottman calls the "kiss of death" for a relationship. Here's an example of what someone displaying contempt in a relationship might say to their partner, from the Gottman Institute website:

"You're 'tired'?! Cry me a river… I've been with the kids all day, running around like mad to keep this house going and all you do when you come home from work is flop down on that sofa like a child and play those idiotic video games. I don't have time to deal with another kid…just try, try to be more pathetic…"

Same goes for name-calling, mimicking, and eye-rolling — they're evidence that something is going wrong.

3. You think you have a good 'alternative' partner

If you think you'd be happier dating one of your friends, and that that person might want to date you, too ... you might be in trouble.

In one study, undergrads in relationships answered questions about their best alternative to their current relationship, their best imagined alternative, and how easily they thought they could find someone to replace their current partner.

As it turned out, participants who had more desirable realistic or imagined partners, and who thought they could find an alternative partner more easily, were less likely to be in the same relationship three months later.

4. You feel stuck in the relationship

Fascinating research suggests that material constraints — think a joint bank account or a shared lease — make it less likely that an unmarried couple is going to break up.

On the other hand, what the researchers call felt constraints — wanting to leave but feeling trapped, for example — make a breakup more likely, even within eight months. The researchers write:

"[A]lthough felt constraint likely slows down a break up because it reflects a sense that termination would be emotionally or tangibly taxing, it nevertheless predicts termination because it also reflects strong feelings of wanting out."

Bottom line: If you feel like you want out, you probably will get out eventually.

5. You or your partner are dissatisfied with the relationship 

A Norwegian study of thousands of pregnant women and their male partners found that the predictors of a breakup differed between genders.

Specifically, a woman's dissatisfaction with the relationship was a strong predictor that a relationship would end. The 20% of women in the study who reported the lowest relationship satisfaction were three times more likely to experience a breakup than the most satisfied women.

Interestingly, previous studies in the US had found that a man's dissatisfaction is a better predictor of relationship dissolution. The researchers behind the Norwegian study say it's possible that women in Norway in the early 2000s (when the study was conducted) were more independent than women in the US in the 1980s and 1990s — and therefore felt freer to end a dissatisfying relationship.

6. You have a lot of dramatic downturns in your relationship

Researchers recently looked at nearly 400 dating couples in their mid-20s and used their feedback about their relationships to identify four patterns of commitment: dramatic, conflict-ridden, socially involved, and partner-focused.

As psychologist and relationships expert Gary Lewandowski explains on Science of Relationships, dramatic couples showed a lot of fluctuation in their commitment to their partners over time. Lewandowski writes that they spent more time apart; they had lower opinions of the relationship; and their family and friends were less supportive of the relationship.

Partner-focused couples saw their partners positively and mostly experienced fluctuations in commitment when they couldn't spend as much time together.

Socially involved couples usually experienced fluctuations when their friends and family changed what they thought of the relationship.

Finally, conflict-ridden couples fought often and had a lot of mini-fluctuations in their level of commitment.

As it turns out, dramatic couples were twice as likely to break up than couples in the other three groups, while partner-focused couples were most likely to get more serious in their relationship.

7. You and your partner don't 'bridge' each other's social worlds

In 2013, Business Insider's Jim Edwards reported on somewhat creepy research that found it's possible to see a breakup coming simply by looking at a couple's friend networks on Facebook.

The researchers, from Cornell University and Facebook, looked at a whopping 1.3 million Facebook users who had indicated that they were in a relationship. They were looking specifically at instances when someone's relationship status changed to "single."

Their analysis found that the main predictor of whether two people are in a relationship is whether they have distinct groups of friends who are connected mostly through the couple. (You can see a cool diagram of what this network looks like in Edwards' article.) "You might expect that a cluster of mutual friends indicates two people are in a relationship but the opposite is the case: You're more likely to have cluster of mutual coworkers listing each other as friends than a couple," Edwards wrote.

"A spouse or romantic partner is a bridge between a person's different social worlds," one of the researchers told The New York Times.

When their algorithm failed to pick up this pattern, the couple was about 50% more likely to have broken up 60 days later.

SEE ALSO: 8 signs you're in a strong relationship — even if it doesn't feel like it

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The INSIDER Summary: 

• Within the first year of dating couples should fight, travel and cook together.
• There are also benefits to meeting your significant other's parents and attending a wedding together. 

There are as many ideas about relationships as there are types of artisanal coffee roasters. And to continue that terrible metaphor, not all of them are quite right — some are a little too bitter, or a little too light, and some just miss the mark completely. But even though we all have different takes on how to go about showing up for romance every day, there are definitely some things that every couple should do before they celebrate their first anniversary.

As I compiled this list, I went back through my own relationships and thought of things I've done — or didn't do — in the first year with someone. The things that made the cut for this list are all things that really contributed to learning about a new partner in those exciting, sparkly, delicate first 12 months. Though some are on the exciting side — I'm a firm believer in jetting off to Paris as often as possible, and I'm a serious advocate of bringing your lover along — some are quiet. I believe in making dinner together. I believe in snuggling in bed reading all night. I believe in morning showers à deux. Here are 9 things I believe every couple should do together in the first year of dating.

1. Make dinner together.

This is a great way to connect — and to ascertain whether you're compatible. If you can give and take direction, delegate tasks and have tasks assigned to you, and generally work side by side with your partner in the kitchen, that's a good sign. Controlling people do not do well making a relaxed branzino on a Tuesday night. If that's your partner — or you — you'll find out right away by whipping up something together.

2. Take a weekend trip.

If I could go on a Friday-though-Monday jaunt with my partner once a month, I'd be like [insert hands-in-the-air emoji here]. Unfortunately I'm not rolling in [OK, why not, insert bag of money emoji here]. But even if it's once a year, short trips with your new love are the most fun, and they're good dress rehearsals for longer trips. If you hop an hour away from your city or town for a sweet weekend together and it goes well, then you're ready for the next step.

3. Fly somewhere domestic.

You'll learn a lot about your partner by strapping on your seat belt beside them on a plane. I mean, not literally: The way your significant other fastens a seatbelt is negligible in the grand scheme. But airline travel, even if it's just an hour long plane ride, always reveals things about people. How do they treat flight attendants? What do they do when the plane is delayed? How good are they at making decisions on the fly (yeah, yeah, pun intended)? How good are they at taking your needs into consideration?

Plus, boring learning stuff aside, traveling with someone you really, really like (and are falling in love with, or love, depending on how far down the rabbit hole you've gone) is the greatest. And, much more likely than not, you'll have a great time.

4. Go abroad.

5. Have a serious fight.

I hate to argue with my partner. I'm no longer terrified of fighting with my partner, though, mostly because I've learned that a conflict every now and then is OK, and even healthy, as long as you're with someone who truly wants to work it out (and doesn't just want to fight for the sake of fighting).

One of my favorite questions in a fight: "What are you upset about right now?" If both sides can express this, and then discuss what they say, and really hear each other, the fight might be over sooner rather than later. I would never suggest that you start a big blowout just to see what it's like to experience that with your partner, but in the first year, if you're in a healthy relationship and you and your partner both feel comfortable bringing things up, you'll have a serious argument. I promise. It's how you handle it as a couple that matters.

6. Meet their parents and vice versa.

I wouldn't suggest that this happens in the first few months, unless your partner's parents live down the street from them, or you live with your parents, or some similar arrangement. But as the first year comes to a close, if parents are in the picture on one or both sides and you still haven't introduced your partner to your parents, and/or they haven't brought you home, it might be worth asking yourself (or your partner) why that is so. You learn a lot about someone by seeing where they come from.

7. Attend a wedding.

Or a bar mitzvah. Or a grandparent's birthday party. Or someone's Thanksgiving. Point is, it's a good idea to go to a big family or friend gathering with your partner in the first year. If it's a wedding, you'll learn things about the way your partner feels about marriage (and have a ton of fun). If it's a family thing, you'll get to see how your partner interacts with your weird family, or they'll see how you navigate their creepy uncles. All of this is optional, of course, but going to a wedding or some other big event together in the first year is a vote of confidence in the relationship. It says, "I trust you, and I want you in my life."

8. Be quiet.

Don't get me wrong: I love a long, boisterous conversation over dinner. But it's important to be able to just sit together and enjoy a meal, the sounds of Schubert tinkling from a record player in the corner, a half moon slowly creeping higher in the sky. Or sit side by side on public transportation and watch the stops pass. Or walk down the street silently. When this feels good — and not awkward or sad — you're in a healthy place.

9. Read in bed.

Reading cuddled up next to your partner all night is one of my favorite activities in the world. It affords the opportunity to do number 8 — be quiet alongside your partner — while also having the added comfort of touching your partner's skin and smelling their scent but not actively engaging with them. You hear their sighs, take in the sound of their pages turning, and spend time with them — you're both present — but it's not all about each other. It's about the amazing novel or collection of essays or whatever that you're each taking in separately. Bonus: Read aloud to each other in bed sometimes. Trust me. You won't regret it.

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While researching a story on signs that your relationship is failing, I came across one sign that seemed glaringly obvious — but that I'd never given much thought to before.

A study published in 1987 by Jeffry Simpson, then at Texas A&M University, found that people were more likely to break up with their partner if they felt as if they could find someone else just as good — or better — to date.

In other words, it's not necessarily about whether you've been actively flirting or intimate with someone else. In fact, there doesn't even have to be a specific someone else. Just the notion that you could find a replacement partner can portend the end of the relationship.

For the study, Simpson was interested in the factors that predict both breakups in nonmarital relationships and emotional distress following a breakup. He recruited about 200 undergrads who were in relationships, but not engaged or married, to fill out questionnaires about their relationships.

A few questions focused on what Simpson calls "alternative partners." Specifically, participants were asked to identify one person who was the best realistic alternative to their partner. Then they compared that person to their partner on different characteristics.

Next, participants were asked to imagine the best possible alternative dating partner they could realistically find. They compared the imaginary person to their partner on the same characteristics.

Finally, participants indicated how easily they could find someone to replace their partner, responding to statements like, "I would have little trouble finding someone who could serve as an adequate replacement for my current dating partner."

About three months later, participants were asked whether they were still dating their partners.

Results showed that participants were less likely to have gone through a breakup if they had a less desirable best actual or imagined alternative partner and if they thought they would have a harder time finding a replacement partner.

Other research suggests that people who pay more attention to attractive members of the opposite sex are also more likely to break up with their partners.

Of course, it's hard to say exactly why this happens. It could be that participants who are dissatisfied with the relationship give more consideration to alternative partners — or it could be the other way around, that participants who think they have solid alternatives are more disappointed in their relationships.

The not-very-romantic takeaway here seems to be that being in a successful relationship means having a restricted field of vision, in the sense that all the other fish in the sea seem less shiny and farther away than they did when you were single.

Bottom line: It may not be so much about actively resisting temptation as it is about not even perceiving it.

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The decision to break up with someone can be complicated.

They make you angry, but they also make you laugh. They drive you nuts on a daily basis, and still, you're crazy about them.

Also, you co-adopted a puppy last year and it would be really hard on her if you two split up.

The puppy is what psychologists call a "material constraint"; other examples include a house you co-own, a joint bank account, or vacation plans you've already paid for. Research suggests that material constraints make a breakup a lot less likely.

In fact, according to a 2011 study of unmarried men and women in heterosexual relationships, adding just one additional material constraint is linked to a 10% increase in a couple's chances of staying together. 

What's especially interesting here is that the 2011 study found material constraints made a breakup less likely regardless of how dedicated the participants said they were to their partners. In other words, it's not necessarily that material constraints reflect couples' strong feelings for each other, and that's really why they end up staying together.

Instead, it's possible (though not certain) that couples wind up staying together because of "inertia": They're already sharing a home, or a gym membership, or a bank account, and navigating the politics of a breakup would be hard. 

Other, more recent research, cited on New York Magazine, suggests that people can fall prey to the "sunk cost effect" when it comes to marriage. Specifically, the study found that people say they'd be more likely to stay in an unfulfilling marriage if they'd invested time, money, or effort in the relationship — for example, if they'd invested all their money in buying a house with their partner.

None of this is to say, of course, that whether you're married or unmarried, you should live in fear of moving in together or buying a house with your partner. You shouldn't.

But especially if you're not yet married, you might consider first discussing your thoughts about the future of the relationship. While research suggests that living together tends to predict likelihood of unhappiness and/or a breakup, psychologists say that's not true if the couple only starts living together after having "clear, mutually understood plans" to get married.

Perhaps most important, it's wise to think (on your own) about what you'd do if the relationship didn't work out. There's no one, right answer. But preparing in advance, even for a highly unlikely outcome, can save you at least some inner turmoil if it should ever come to pass.

SEE ALSO: 7 signs your relationship is failing — even if it doesn't feel like it

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The INSIDER Summary: 

• Going on a first date can be nerve-wracking. 
• RetailMeNot did a study to see what impresses someone on a date. 
• Only ten percent of people said that an expensive date was a plus.  

A lot goes into a first date — where to go, when to go, should you bring flowers, should you not, should you pay, should you both pay? So the question is: What impresses someone on a first date? After all, you don’t want to blow your chances of a second one. RetailMeNot, renowned for digital savings coupons and promo codes, found out for you. The study was done among a little over 1,000 Americans 18+. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, now’s as good a time as any to find out what impresses someone on a date, right?

“Choose an activity in which neither of you is an expert,” Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author of Allowing Magnificence, tells Bustle. “If you were a competitive tennis player in college, don’t take your date out to the court and humiliate him or her with struggling to volley your fastball back over the net. Outshining your date maybe ego tempting, but it’ll backfire in sparking a romance. Making your date uncomfortable isn’t the goal. Having fun is the goal.”

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Why do some relationships end in marriage while others unravel? It seems like a complicated question — and it is, except maybe not quite as complicated as you might think. 

According to 2015 research, cited on Science of Relationships, you can help predict the eventual outcome of a relationship by figuring out which of four patterns it fits into.

As it turns out, relationships that fit a dramatic pattern— meaning there are lots of ups and downs — are most likely to result in a breakup. 

For the study, researchers looked at nearly 400 heterosexual dating couples between ages 19 and 35. Over the course of nine months, the researchers conducted a number of interviews, during which they asked participants to indicate how likely it was that they thought they would marry their partners. 

If the participants were either more or less sure that they would marry their partner than they were during the previous interview, the researchers asked them to indicate why. 

Using the feedback from the interviews, the researchers generated four commitment patterns. Here's how they broke it down:

1. Dramatic commitments 

• 34% of relationships in this particular study fell into this category, making them the biggest group.
• They were characterized by a lot of changes — especially downturns — in their level of commitment.
• People in these relationships had the most interaction with their separate groups of friends. 
• These relationships were about twice as likely to break up over the course of the study than relationships in any other group. 

The researchers write: "Dramatic commitments appear to have a relatively turbulent progression toward commitment that is riddled with negative views of the relationship."

2. Conflict-ridden commitments

• 12% of relationships fell into this category. 
• When participants gave reasons for changes in their likelihood of getting married, they were mostly related to conflict.
• While there were also downturns in these relationships, they didn't happen as often and weren't as pronounced as in dramatic commitments.
• These relationships were most likely to stay at the same stage (like casually dating or seriously dating), as opposed to advancing or regressing. 

This finding supports other research suggesting that relationships with a lot of conflict aren't especially prone to breakups. (Instead it may be more about how you fight.)

3. Socially-involved commitments 

• 19% of relationships fell into this category. 
• These participants' reasons for changes in their likelihood of getting married usually concerned social involvement — for example, "My mom loved/hated him."
• They had relatively few downturns in their level of commitment. 

4. Partner-focused commitments

• 30% of relationships fell into this category.
• These participants' reasons for changes in their likelihood of getting married usually had to do with positive developments in the relationship.
• Importantly, people in this group had especially positive views of their partner and their relationship. 
• These relationships were the most likely to progress to a more serious stage and were unlikely to end in a breakup.

People in partner-focused relationships tended to spend a lot of their time together, as opposed to with their separate groups of friends. (In fact, research suggests that trying new things together may be one of the keys to a successful relationship.)

These findings suggest that the trajectory of your relationship may be more important than the average level of commitment.

For scientists, that means it might be wiser to measure these changes over time instead of taking a "snapshot" on one day in the lab. As for the rest of us, that gives us one more data point to use when assessing the strength of our relationships.

If you have an "off" day — or for that matter, a really great day — that doesn't say a lot about the future of your relationship. Instead, think about how your thoughts and feelings about the relationship have changed since you first started dating, and why. 

It's hardly the only predictor of whether you'll break up or get married, but it's probably a good one.

SEE ALSO: 7 signs your relationship is failing — even if it doesn't feel like it

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NOW WATCH: A dating expert reveals an interesting trick for more successful relationships

Going through a break up can be challenging. Whether or not you were the instigator, the pain of moving on is hard to handle.

Since relationships aren’t one size fits all, people react in different ways. That’s why it’s so difficult to narrow down a single cure for heartache. But don’t fret — while there may not be a easy fix, there are tips and tricks that the professionals swear by.

As psychologists working in New York City, Dr. Karen Weinstein and Dr. Michael Zentman have seen their fair share of patients battling through a break up. They don't claim to have all the answers, but they do have general sense of how to help people heal a whole quicker.

Here are six ways to get over a break up: 

1. Ditch the rose-colored glasses.

"Reflect on the relationship for what it was, likely it was neither all good nor all bad," Dr.Weinstein suggests. "Resist the common tendency to idealize the relationship. It's very common to only recall and focus on the wonderful aspects of the relationship. This makes it even harder to accept the reality that it's over and is the equivalent of 'denial' in the stages of grief."

One way to reflect would be to make a list of things you weren't happy with in the relationship. By the end, you might realize that the separation was for the best.

2. Pick up your reading glasses.

Another tip from Dr. Weinstein, albeit slightly cheesy, is to hit up the self-help section. She recommends the books "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy" by Greg and Amiira Behrendt as well as"Don't Call That Man!" (revised under the more contemporary title "Don't Text That Man!") by Rhonda Findling.

"The whole field of self help books does seem to assume that only women struggle with breakups, which is far from the reality," she admitted. "Regardless, there are some thoughtful gems of advice and support in [these books]."

3. Talk it out.

"The best thing someone can do is talk about their feelings about the loss with close friends and other loved ones," Dr. Zentman says. "Hearing yourself say how you’re feeling and having a witness can be very helpful."

Grab drinks or dinner with a close friend who's willing to listen for a while and see where the conversation leads you. You may even learn something about yourself.

"There will be much wisdom to gain if a person can be self-reflective and figure out what they contributed to the breakup," Dr. Zentman adds.

Clinical psychologist Joseph Burgo Ph.D., author of The Narcissist You Know, explains how you can test if someone is a narcissist.

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These points are all broad principles. However, if your new relationship ticks the four boxes below, it's reasonable to assume it has the potential to be a nurturing, cohesive long-term partnership.

If your relationship doesn't tick these boxes, you may need to be more aware of whether your current feelings might change in the future.

SEE ALSO: Relationship experts reveal 6 secrets that help power couples stay together

1. You like each other's extreme traits

Which is more often true: "Opposites attract," or "Birds of a feather flock together?"

In general, it's the latter. People really do tend to partner with others who are similar to them and who share their values.  

Of course, this is a generalization. It's easy enough for us to think of relationships that work despite differences (e.g., Democrats and Republicans, vegetarians and meat-lovers, extroverts and introverts). Where shared inclinations and values tend to be most important, though, is if one or both partners is very extreme in a certain area.

For example, my spouse and I are both extremely frugal. We drive most other people nuts with our resistance to spending money. Most other potential partners would find either of us difficult to live with because we're on the extreme end of the normal curve in this regard.

Extreme opposite traits can initially attract you to someone — for example, a shy, quiet person attracted to someone who has hundreds of friends and is an expert social networker.

However, the more extreme the other person is in a particular regard, the more likely it is that you'll find your differences annoying in the future. Non-narcissists initially attracted to a narcissist's charm is one particularly common example of this pattern. 

When your partner has any extreme traits, you don't need to be as extreme as they are, but it's easier going forward if you're not the complete opposite.

2. Your partner is warm, trustworthy, and dependable

Everyone has their priorities for what they want in a partner. Some people value looks more than money or status, while for others, it's the reverse. But despite differences in people's particular ideals and priorities, almost everyone — both men and women — wants a partner who is warm, trustworthy, dependable, and reliable. 

If your partner is warm towards you and other people, that's a good sign. Likewise, if they're emotionally stable and dependable, that's also a good sign. If they're aloof or narcissistic towards others, but nice to you, that's a potential warning sign: Their treatment of others may be more revealing of their true colors.

3. You and your partner have roughly equal 'mate value'

Research shows that love isn't particularly subjective: Even relative strangers are usually fairly reliable in rating someone's "mate value," i.e., desirability. People also usually have a rough idea of their own mate value.

Problems can occur in relationships when the partners have vastly different objective mate value. We've all seen celebrity marriages in which an attractive, wealthy individual marries someone who doesn't appear to even have a job. Having a partner with lower mate value than yours may be initially attractive, but the sheen typically wears off after time (as we see when such celebrity couples break up).

The reality is that wealthy or attractive people tend to marry other wealthy or attractive people. One might imagine that everyone would want a partner with "10/10" mate value, but this is often stressful due to what evolutionary psychologists call fear of "mate poaching"— if your partner is, say, Maria Sharapova or Serena Williams, chances are you're going to be worried about losing your lover to a poacher. 

In general, then, having a partner who has roughly equal mate value to you typically makes for the smoothest, most enduring relationship.  

[Note: These are principles of evolutionary psychology. They can seem a bit crass in the modern world, but research shows that they are generally true.]

Being unfaithful to a significant other can understandably bring an emotional burden to your relationship. But your relationship may be salvageable with these tips from M. Gary Neuman, who developed the "Creating Your Best Marriage" video program. 

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Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, the clinical director of Maze Women's Sexual health, reveals why successful people tend to have more sex than others.

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These points are all broad principles. However, if your new relationship ticks the four boxes below, it's reasonable to assume it has the potential to be a nurturing, cohesive long-term partnership.

If your relationship doesn't tick these boxes, you may need to be more aware of whether your current feelings might change in the future.

SEE ALSO: Relationship experts reveal 6 secrets that help power couples stay together

1. You like each other's extreme traits

Which is more often true: "Opposites attract," or "Birds of a feather flock together?"

In general, it's the latter. People really do tend to partner with others who are similar to them and who share their values.  

Of course, this is a generalization. It's easy enough for us to think of relationships that work despite differences (e.g., Democrats and Republicans, vegetarians and meat-lovers, extroverts and introverts). Where shared inclinations and values tend to be most important, though, is if one or both partners is very extreme in a certain area.

For example, my spouse and I are both extremely frugal. We drive most other people nuts with our resistance to spending money. Most other potential partners would find either of us difficult to live with because we're on the extreme end of the normal curve in this regard.

Extreme opposite traits can initially attract you to someone — for example, a shy, quiet person attracted to someone who has hundreds of friends and is an expert social networker.

However, the more extreme the other person is in a particular regard, the more likely it is that you'll find your differences annoying in the future. Non-narcissists initially attracted to a narcissist's charm is one particularly common example of this pattern. 

When your partner has any extreme traits, you don't need to be as extreme as they are, but it's easier going forward if you're not the complete opposite.

2. Your partner is warm, trustworthy, and dependable

Everyone has their priorities for what they want in a partner. Some people value looks more than money or status, while for others, it's the reverse. But despite differences in people's particular ideals and priorities, almost everyone — both men and women — wants a partner who is warm, trustworthy, dependable, and reliable. 

If your partner is warm towards you and other people, that's a good sign. Likewise, if they're emotionally stable and dependable, that's also a good sign. If they're aloof or narcissistic towards others, but nice to you, that's a potential warning sign: Their treatment of others may be more revealing of their true colors.

3. You and your partner have roughly equal 'mate value'

Research shows that love isn't particularly subjective: Even relative strangers are usually fairly reliable in rating someone's "mate value," i.e., desirability. People also usually have a rough idea of their own mate value.

Problems can occur in relationships when the partners have vastly different objective mate value. We've all seen celebrity marriages in which an attractive, wealthy individual marries someone who doesn't appear to even have a job. Having a partner with lower mate value than yours may be initially attractive, but the sheen typically wears off after time (as we see when such celebrity couples break up).

The reality is that wealthy or attractive people tend to marry other wealthy or attractive people. One might imagine that everyone would want a partner with "10/10" mate value, but this is often stressful due to what evolutionary psychologists call fear of "mate poaching"— if your partner is, say, Maria Sharapova or Serena Williams, chances are you're going to be worried about losing your lover to a poacher. 

In general, then, having a partner who has roughly equal mate value to you typically makes for the smoothest, most enduring relationship.  

[Note: These are principles of evolutionary psychology. They can seem a bit crass in the modern world, but research shows that they are generally true.]

The INSIDER Summary:

• Prince William (formally known as the Duke of Cambridge) married Kate Middleton in 2011. 
• But eagle-eyed royal family fans have noticed that he doesn't wear a wedding ring. 
• The simple reason why: He just doesn't like wearing jewelry.

After five years of marriage and two adorablechildren, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, William and Kate, still look like they're very much in love. But many observers have noticed something interesting about the couple: Despite their apparent matrimonial bliss, William has never worn a wedding ring.

It's true: Look through the many thousands of pictures of the royal couple online and you won't find a single one in which he's sporting a ring on his left hand.

Royal family fans need not fear — the lack of ring doesn't signal impending divorce. William just doesn't want to wear one. 

In fact, the royal family released a statement before the couple's 2011 wedding to confirm that William wouldn't wear a ring because of "personal preference,"Time reported. 

"It was something the couple discussed but Prince William isn't one for jewelry,"a Palace aide said. (No word on why he's averse to rings but always seems to be wearing a watch, however.)

A peek at the official wedding program reveals that William didn't even put on a ring during the ceremony. Kate was the only one who got a wedding band that day. 

William isn't the only male royal who eschews a wedding band. The Queen's husband, Prince Philip, doesn't wear one either — and a photo timeline of their marriage reveals that he hasn't for many years. 

But other male royals do wear a ring. The BBC reports that Prince Charles (William's father) wears a wedding ring to signify his second marriage. News photos show that Prince Andrew, Duke of York, wore one on his pinky before his divorce, and Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex, still wears his. 

In short: Wedding rings aren't reliable predictors of marital success in this family. Men who have worn them (like Prince Charles and Prince Andrew) have gone through scandalous divorces. But Prince Philip, who doesn't wear one, has been married to the Queen for 69 years.

Here's hoping William and Kate enjoy a similarly long and happy matrimony — no matter who's wearing a ring.

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NOW WATCH: The line of succession to the British throne when the Queen dies

If your experience in the dating world isn't at least a little bit awkward, you're doing something wrong.

Especially in a relationship that's only a few months old, there are bound to be hurt feelings, and embarrassment, and confusion. When do you tell the person you're seeing that you'd like to be exclusive? Or that you're just not into them anymore?

There are no easy answers, and we're not pretending to have them. But for some nuanced insight, we consulted relationship expert Andrea Syrtash, author of "It's Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date," about how to navigate some of the most uncomfortable dating scenarios.

Read on for Syrtash's top tips on dating with confidence.

SEE ALSO: Researchers say relationships fall into one of 4 patterns — here's the one you want to avoid

The awkward situation: You want to ask someone you just met on a date

What to say: "I would love to get to know you. Would you be open to going out for a drink with me?"

Before you extend the invitation, Syrtash recommended looking for a ring or any other indicators that the person is currently unavailable. But if you can't see anything, don't ask, "Are you single?" They'll let you know.

Make sure to be confident and friendly; keep your body language open; and maintain eye contact. In this situation, your delivery is just as important as your language, Syrtash said. 

Remember: Worst-case scenario, they'll decline, and you'll probably never see them again.

The awkward situation: You want to ask a good friend on a date

What to say: "I need to tell you something and I feel a bit vulnerable right now. I would love to take you on a romantic date — not a friend date — and just see what happens. Would you be up for that?"

This scenario is a bit more high-stakes than asking out a total stranger, because you don't want to jeopardize your friendship. That's why Syrtash recommends trying to suss out whether your friend might be interested in you, too.

For example, if they only invite you over to build furniture and they're always talking about their crushes, you might want to ask yourself if it's really a good idea to ask them out.

Another tactic Syrtash recommended is dropping subtle hints before inviting them on a date. Start with some gentle touching — maybe put your hand on the small of their back — and try to be a little more flirtatious. See how they respond.

The awkward situation: You're not sure who should pay on a first date

What to say: Nothing.

Syrtash advised against talking explicitly about who's going to pay. (It kind of kills the romance.)

In general, Syrtash believes that whoever initiated the date should pay. The other person should accept graciously.

Interestingly, among her clients, she's noticed that most women who date men do still expect the man to pay. If you expect the other person to pay but you're planning the date, try to pick a place that isn't so expensive so you won't feel guilty when your date foots the bill. Syrtash suggested arranging a date over happy hour drinks.

When the bill arrives, even if you expect the other person to pay, you should still offer to pay and know that your date might agree to split the cost.

And if your date does end up paying, make sure to thank them — even if you weren't feeling a romantic connection.

In the early '90s, anthropologist Robin Dunbar proposed that a human being has the capacity to have up to 150 meaningful relationships. Dunbar did a study of human interaction on Facebook and found that number to be much lower. We only have 4 real friends, and 14 that care at all.

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Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, the sexual dysfunction specialist and clinical director of The Medical Center For Female Sexuality, explains that a "sex schedule" is good for your relationship, and most happy couples have one (perhaps without realizing it). 

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Getting engaged means you have a shared vision of your lives together.
• It's important to have a sense of direction when it comes to major decisions.
• Go with your gut, and make sure you know what you're getting into.

It's easy to get swept up in the starry-eyed romance of a perfectly-planned proposal, but getting engaged isn't all surprise scavenger hunts and Pinterest-worthy events.

According to relationship expert and bestselling author Susan Winter, it's a serious commitment that requires communication, compromise, and going with your gut.

Here are five signs that you're ready to put a ring on it.

Your relationship dynamic feels balanced

Compromise is essential in any relationship, but one side shouldn't feel like they're compromising more than the other. 

"You don't want to be the one who's always giving up ground, because eventually you'll become resentful," Winter said. "You want it to be a back and forth, and a give and take."

Knowing how to meet halfway and balance each others' needs sets you and your partner up for long-term success.

You have a shared sense of direction

Marrying someone means you're planning to spend your lives together, so you want to make sure your lives are actually heading in the same direction. Where do you both see yourselves in five years? In 10?

"You have to have a really clear vision of where the two of you want to go, because now you're going to be a team," she said.

You can have uncomfortable discussions

A general idea of where your individual lives are going is just the beginning. Next come the boring, awkward, or unpleasant conversations about the details that will shape your life together.

"You've got to have the uncomfortable discussions that you didn't want to have when you were dating, like how do you both view money, how do you view debt, how do you view risk?" said Winter. "You're going to be yolked financially."

The ability to talk openly about tricky topics means that you've established a baseline of trust and honesty.