The INSIDER Summary:
• If there are no sparks, that's not a good sign.
• Constant fear of judgement makes it hard to grow together.
So you've found yourself in a relationship, and are currently wondering if this person is your soulmate. You love the idea of finding "the one," and are highly suspecting this person could be it. And yet, there's a nagging sense that maybe they aren't as great as they seem.
In those first few weeks (or months) of love, it's totally normal to feel all sorts of confused. Usually it's because things are so great, that you feel kind of dumbstruck. The sex is amazing, the conversations are thrilling, and you really can't get enough of each other. After all, that's why you're spending so much time together and contemplating things like "soulmates." But soon, the questions start to arise — is he or she the one, the only, the betrothed?
Not everyone believes in soulmates, but it can be a nice thing to think about. It's the idea that someone loves you no matter what. They understand you, they support you, and they will gladly big spoon/little spoon even when you're sick or smelly. (You know, true love type stuff.) All of that is nice, and something you want in a long-term partner, and yet there still may never be an answer to the eternal question of soulmates. There are, however, some definite signs that someone isn't one. Check them out below.
1. They Can't Read Your Mind
Literally being able to read each other's minds is a lot to ask. In fact, it's pure fantasy, and never happens in real life. But there is such a thing as a "knowing look," and it feels damn near-magical when it happens. In fact, you know you've found a good one when a single glance communicates all of your thoughts, according to Kelsey Borresen on HuffingtonPost.com. When such glances go unread or unrecognized, however, it can be a sign the two of you are simply not on the same page.
2. There's Zero Chemistry
Of course, the knowing look can be considered good chemistry. But there's sexual chemistry to take into account, too. Are you guys constantly blundering through romantic evenings? Do you feel zero sparks when you kiss? If so, that's not a good sign. (And not very much fun, either.)
3. They Don't Compliment You, Ever
A sweet and loving SO will do his or her part to make you feel amazing about yourself, and they'll do so as often as possible. After all, healthy partnerships are based on recognizing and making the other person feel good, according to psychologist Dr. Sherrie Campbell, on eHarmony.com. When you haven't found a good match, your SO may be oblivious to such things. Or, they may even try to bring you down. Either way, it's a sign the relationship meant to last.
4. You Constantly Feel Judged
Even on the best of days, you notice there's a constant underlying sense of judgment. Maybe you feel afraid to reveal your movie tastes, or you find yourself hiding certain quirks. "Soulmates connect with ease right off the bat and let their true colors show without fear of judgment," said Borresen. If that's not the case, it's possible they aren't "the one."
5. Your SO Seems To Forget You Exist
Your soulmate should be obsessed with you (in a healthy way, of course). Signs of this include calling at night to hear about your day, or appearing truly interested in what you have to say. On the flip side is something way less adorable — a nagging feeling that they often forget you exist. "If thoughts of you seem to vanish from [their] mind when you are not around ... it is time to walk away, regardless of how good you feel ... when you do spend time together," said Campbell.
6. You Type And Retype Texts
When it comes to communication, do you find yourself second guessing every text and voice mail? (Did it sound right? Will it make them mad?) If that strikes close to home, you clearly aren’t fully comfortable with your partner, according to Ashley Fern on EliteDaily.com. And that's definitely not a feeling you want to put up with for all eternity.
7. You Have To Constantly Explain Their Actions
When you're with the wrong person, you may find yourself constantly explaining everything to friends and family, according to Fern. If your partner was a good match, there would be no need to justifyanything to your friends and family. Not his or her actions, or words, or choices — nothing.
8. He Or She Doesn't Put In The Work
Relationships are not easy. Even if you are with your soulmate, there will still be arguments to overcome, and obstacles to navigate. The difference, though, is that a soulmate will be willing to put in the work. "If you find you have to fix everything ... you are setting a pattern of being with someone who has no desire to help fix or nurture the relationship," Campbell said. And that's not someone you want to build a life with.
9. They Don't Light Up
This may sound like some romantic comedy BS, but a true soulmate will absolutely light up when you enter the room. It doesn't matter if you've been gone a day or a week, he or she will be happy to see you, according to an article on TheFrisky.com. Of course, the aforementioned arguments may temporarily dampen the effect, but the right person will still be glad to see you.
10. They Don't Seem Interested In The Future
Someone who isn't exactly soulmate-y might think of their life as a solo event. Maybe he or she talks about their future in the singular tense, or they seem hesitant about things like marriage. A true soulmate (read: life partner) will be all sorts of excited about the future, and will be clear that they see you in it.
11. You Don't Feel Secure
A feeling of security is perhaps the be all and end all of healthy, happy relationships. So a lack of it isn't a good sign. "It’s obvious when you’re with the wrong person; you are insecure about the relationship and worry that one false move will turn your partner off," Borresen. "That’s not the case for soulmates."
When you've found your person, everything will feel easy and right. It will be obvious that this guy or gal has "soulmate" written all over them. When that's not the case, you'll likely know. So trust your gut, and don't be afraid to move on.
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