So you've matched with someone on a dating app and now you're trying to figure out how to start the conversation.
Here's one piece of advice: Don't ask your match what they do.
Myka Meier, founder of NYC-based Beaumont Etiquette, which offers dating app etiquette classes, says starting a conversation by talking about jobs is one of the most common mistakes made by her clients — both male and female — who use dating apps.
Meier says that while work may seem like an appropriate and pertinent topic to start with, it can be viewed as "opportunistic" by some.
"A lot of feedback that both men and women in our dating courses give us is that it's almost like if you were to ask, 'so how much money do you make?' 'So how well educated are you?"'
Plus, Meier says that asking what someone does can sometimes lead to a dead end. They might say they're a lawyer, but not ask about your occupation. Then you're stuck.
Instead, Meier suggests starting the conversation with something that will help you get to know your match outside of their employer.
"It's about figuring out more about their personality at this stage, and that initial kind of chemistry — if you have that chemistry. You often just have a few pictures to play off of."
Meier says sticking to open-ended questions that focus on your match's background or interests is a better way to start things off.
Here are some example questions:
- Where are you from?
- What do you like to do on the weekends?
- Where do you live and what are some of your favorite spots in your neighborhood?
And if your match is only giving you one-word answers and not reciprocating your questions, maybe it's time to move on to the next match, Meier says.
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