People in healthy relationships know they'll always be learning about their partner — and their partner will always be surprising them.
But there are certain things about your partner and the relationship in general that you should know pretty early on. We asked a bunch of experts — including a dating coach and a marriage therapist — to tell us the key questions that couples in successful partnerships can answer readily.
Note: If you can't answer most of these (admittedly tough) questions, that doesn't necessarily mean you're headed for a breakup. But it might mean you and your partner need to have some real talk, so that you both understand what you want and expect from the relationship.
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What are your partner's biggest emotional triggers?
"Knowing the answer to this question is important because it can defuse conflict and increase empathy within the relationship.
"Often in life we are triggered by external events that remind us of negative feelings from previous trauma. When this happens we tend to lash out at those closest to us.
"If your partner knows what triggers you to behave badly — and understands the pain that's motivating that behavior, then they can take a step back and acknowledge that the tension has nothing to do with them."
— Emyli Lovz, dating coach
Does your partner have debt?
"How are they currently managing it and how do they plan to pay it off?
"We know that money issues are a big cause of relationships breaking up; so it's essential for both parties to communicate their status and plans so resentments or secrecy doesn't build up."
— Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and founder of pregnantish
What are your partner's deal-breakers? What are yours?
"Successful partners know who they are, who they aren't, what their struggles and blind spots are, and perhaps most importantly — they know their absolute bottom line deal-breakers.
"My wife, for instance, would never tolerate me even looking like I'm even approaching getting violent with her. I make a fist during an argument, and she'll be gone. Now, I've never been in a fight in my life, but this is not about me — this is about what she knows she cannot tolerate.
"And that's the point — great partners are actively working on self-awareness, and they actually use their partner's feedback to help them grow."
— Hal Runkel, marriage and family therapist and author of "Choose Your Own Adulthood"
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