The INSIDER Summary:
- Spicing up your sex life can make sex in a long-term relationship more exciting.
- A great and easy way to do that is keeping the lights on when you have sex.
- It can improve intimacy and a bond with your partner.
There are a lot of great things about being in a relationship. You have someone who supports and loves you, someone to share your hopes and dreams with, and someone to slyly order Chinese food with while you're on your sixth hour of binge-watching "Vanderpump Rules."
But with all that comfort can inevitably come some dullness: it can get tough to be with the same person all of the time and it can be hard to sleep with the same person all of the time. Sex can be an amazing source of emotional connection and spontaneity with you partner, but only if you're keeping it interesting.
You can tie each other up, try different positions, incorporate food in the bedroom (just be careful where you're putting sugar!), or try role-playing, but one of the best ways you can spice up your sex life is a lot more tame than that.
Turns out that having sex with the lights on is one of the best ways to increase your emotional connection with someone during sex.
Doing it with the lights on puts you in a vulnerable situation and promotes more connection with your partner, which allows for a higher rate of intimacy, sexologist Megan Stubbs told INSIDER.
"For some, this idea is terrifying, but when you share that vulnerable space with your partner, you are helping to deepen your bond," Stubbs said.
It may also help in increasing your sex drive — at least if you identify as a man. A small study found that exposure to light helps boost men’s levels of testosterone and increases levels of sexual satisfaction. This was found through light box therapy, but adding a little brightness into your room can help, too.
To really ramp up the connection, Stubbs encourages eye contact during sex in the light as well.
"Eye contact is also another way to help increase emotional intimacy," she said. "Try positions that maximize skin contact like missionary or spooning."
While having sex in the light is something many people avoid because they feel self conscious, sexologist and psychotherapist Kristie Overstreet told INSIDER that it's best that people get out of their own heads and stop being so hard on themselves during sex.
"You are likely judging yourself more harshly than your partner is so cut yourself some slack."she said. "Sex is meant to be fun, relaxing, and enjoyable, so leave your self-consciousness at the door. If you take yourself too seriously or judge yourself harshly then your missing out of an enjoyable time."
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