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9 ways to ruin your relationship for good

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forgetting sarah marshall

  • It's normal for relationships to have some degree of conflict
  • But psychological research has found behaviors that weaken a partnership over time
  • Below, find nine of the most common — and what to do instead

Every romantic relationship goes through ups and downs. Even if you just had a massive fight about who stained the living-room couch with coffee (we know: It wasn't you), it's not the end of the world.

That said, certain behavior patterns can weaken a partnership over time, leaving one or both people wanting out.

Psychological literature is rife with examples of such behaviors. Below, we've rounded up nine of the most common.

Note: If you recognize one or more of these patterns in your relationship, that doesn't necessarily mean you're headed for Splitsville. Use this opportunity to take a step back, take a deep breath, and see what you can do to work it out.

SEE ALSO: A marriage therapist says there are 4 good reasons to leave a relationship — and a really bad one

Distancing yourself from your partner

A 2016 study, published in the journal Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, found there's a deadly combination of characteristics that predict relationship dissatisfaction: sensitivity to rejection and the tendency to cut your partner off emotionally.

People who are really worried about getting hurt might distance themselves from their partners, which ends up making the relationship less satisfying in the long run. In other words, they effectively create what they fear.

If this sounds like you, try telling your partner about your fears. You might be surprised to learn that they share some of those concerns, and you can work through them together.



Closing yourself off to new experiences

A growing body of research suggests that couples who try new things together are happier in their relationship.

The inverse might be true, too: Writing in Psychology Today, clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone says when you stop being open to developing shared new interests, it can hurt the relationship and create resentment between partners.

So take up your partner's offer to try a new restaurant or go hiking instead of spending Saturday at the movies — at least once in a while.



Hiding your finances

Nearly two in five Americans in one poll for the National Endowment for Financial Education said they've lied to their partner about money (financial infidelity), which can lead to fights, distrust, and in some cases divorce.

The problem is that money isn't just about numbers — it can symbolize power and love. So insecurity about what your partner's doing with his or her money means insecurity about the relationship in general.

Before you decide to combine (or even partially combine) finances with your partner, it helps to have a conversation about budgeting and your financial histories, and to come up with guidelines for making big individual purchases.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

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