The INSIDER Summary:
- Chana Rose, who has been a matchmaker for over 30 years, says to look for a partner whose direction in life you share and who you're attracted to.
- Tawkify founder E. Jean Carroll thinks the two most important factors are looks and status.
- Talia Goldstein, founder of Three Day Rule, advises seeking a partner whose best qualities are evergreen, like kindness and respect.
There's no secret formula or magic combination of characteristics that make someone a perfect romantic partner, but there are certain qualities that up your chances of building a happy, fulfilling relationship.
INSIDER spoke with professional matchmakers who make it their business to know how to spot a suitable significant other. Here are the five things that they say you should look for.
The same direction in life
Chana Rose, who has been a matchmaker for over 30 years and facilitated hundreds of weddings, said that she starts by making sure that the two people she wants to set up have similar goals and trajectories for their lives.
"I think the most important thing is that they have to be in the same direction in life," said Rose. "That's the premise that we start off with."
Chemistry
It might go without saying, but chemistry is a key element in successful relationships. It can take time to become evident, especially if you or your date are too nervous in the beginning to be yourselves, but Rose said it has to be present.
“You want to be with somebody, that's gotta be there,” she said. “Two pieces of wood don't get married.”
Looks and status
E. Jean Carroll, columnist for ELLE's Ask E. Jean and founder of Tawkify, believes that the two pillars of a successful match are looks and status. If those two factors align, it's likely that the rest will, too.
"If people like the way the person looks, they will like the person. If you're relatively the same status, you will be happy," she said. "Any matchmakers who say they aren't matching on looks and status are not human.”
Common interests
Maybe you both like cooking and share new recipes with each other. Maybe you enjoy hiking or hate-watching bad movies. Whatever it is that brings you together, there should be something that you both can talk about and partake in.
"They have to have enough in common to have a conversation and also to teach each other different things,” said Talia Goldstein, founder of Three Day Rule.
Intangible qualities
Some of the traits on this list are temporary, and that's okay. While looks, status, and interests can change, they're still important catalysts for sparking a connection and bringing people closer together. But even before these things begin to fade, Goldstein encourages seeking someone who demonstrates evergreen qualities like kindness and respect.
"You don't really need perfect teeth and broad shoulders when you're 70 years old," said Goldstein. "You should be looking for someone that genuinely respects you and makes you laugh and is kind. That's what we find are the most important traits to look for in a match, are really the intangible."
Want to learn more about modern matchmaking? To read more about why the old-school practice is making a comeback in today's dating world, click here.
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