The INSIDER Summary:
- INSIDER asked a relationship expert the signs that you and your partner are the perfect match.
- She told us that you should accept each other and enjoy spending time alone with each other.
- Sometimes, though, it may all come down to trusting your gut.
Getting into a relationship with someone is like gambling. You never truly know that something is going to work out, but you can use clues and past experiences to determine if someone actually is — or, at the very least, could be — the one.
Sometimes, however, you can gauge if your partnership is right fairly early in the relationship. INSIDER asked dating expert and author Monique Honaman to share some signs that a couple is a perfect match and her answers may just help you figure out if your partner is the right one for you.
You accept each other.
Even the happiest person notice things about their partner that drive them mad. You may think a perfect match involves two people who find no fault in each other, but Honaman told INSIDER that's not the case.
She said that unless someone's faults are huge deal-breakers for you, you'll have to accept them if you're in it for the long haul. Don't think that just because they love you that your partner will change who they are inherently.
"Too frequently couples try to change one another," she said. "I hear, 'I figured I could change that about him over time.' The reality is that if you can’t accept whatever it is you are trying to change when you are dating, don’t hold out that you can change if after you are married."
"If you are the perfect match, you are willing to accept him/her entirely," she added. "You might not prefer a certain trait, but you are willing to fully accept it."
That means you don't have to love your partner leaving towels on the floor or their terrible jokes at parties, but if you can shrug your shoulders and accept it, you're right for each other.
You genuinely enjoy being around each other.
So many people envision relationships to be romantic dinners and candlelit nights. But if you're in a long-term relationship, you probably already know that a lot of your alone time together involves grocery shopping, Netflix binges, and cleaning the house.
You'll end up spending a long time together, if you're lucky, but a lot of that time will just be the two of you doing nothing special. If you're truly a good match, Honaman told INSIDER, you'll genuinely enjoy spending time with them, no matter what you're doing.
"This sounds obvious, but many couples truly don’t enjoy being together — just the two of them," she said. "They may have great physical 'chemistry,' but may not be able to enjoy simply being in each other’s company."
Honaman said that a great Instagram presence or having fun in groups is not enough to build a strong partnership together — you have to be OK with conversations just the two of you.
"I’ve seen great couples who appear to be perfect for each other. They are constantly going out with other couples, having parties, traveling in groups," Honaman said. "The reality is that they are uncomfortable being alone with each other as they have nothing to say to each other when it’s just the two of them. If you can’t go for a walk together, stay in and have a quiet dinner together, enjoy a deep conversation together, it may not be the perfect match."
You have a gut feeling about them.
Oftentimes there is no substitution for trusting your instincts. Someone may be great on paper, but that doesn't mean you have to stay with them, Honaman said. Try to listen not only to the logistics of your partnerships (i.e. "they're really nice,""it's awesome to live with someone like them") and really try to figure out the nitty-gritty of how you feel about them (i.e. "I'm attracted to them and I feel safe." or "I can see myself being with them forever.")
"Sometimes we try so hard to let our brains make our decisions for us, when really we need to listen to our heart just as much, or more," she said. "When it comes to relationships, intuition and heart-messages are usually more correct than logical and brain-messages. Our brains may tell us that logically someone is a good match for us, but if our hearts aren’t in it as well, then trouble lies ahead."
The bottom line is if you feel comfortable, stable, and happy with your partner, that may be all you need to know that they're perfect for you. People and situations change, but for now, all you can do is figure out if you fulfill these traits and trust that you've made a good decision.
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