The INSIDER Summary:
- Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed shared the story of how they conceived their child on a podcast.
- Reed reveled that Somerhalder actually flushed her birth control pills down the toilet.
- This is disturbing not only for health reasons but because Somerhalder seemed to make the decision himself that the couple would have a baby.
Having a baby is a huge decision for every couple. It should be one that is carefully thought out and one that all parties involved are consenting to.
It should not involve throwing out someone's contraception in an effort to decide your partner is getting pregnant. But Ian Somerhalder apparently did just that when he and Nikki Reed conceived their first child, Bodhi.
Somerhalder and Reed appeared on Dr. Berlin's Informed Pregnancy podcast, as first noted by Women's Health, where Reed revealed that catalyst for her pregnancy was pretty much decided by Somerhalder.
"[He] threw out all my birth control pills," Reed said.
Somerhalder at this point decided to explain his decision, saying that he and Reed had discussed having a baby together and decided they wanted to. But he apparently decided to take matters into his own hands before Reed did.
"We decided that we wanted to have children together, and it was just time. But unbeknownst to poor Nikki, she didn't realize that I was going to go in her purse and take out her birth control," he said. "By the way, it was the beginning of the pack, so I had to pop all those suckers out."
Wow. What a burden for someone to have to dispose of a whole pack of birth control. The nerve of some people to have a fully stocked medical supply of pills that they regularly take each month.
Contraception is a very personal decision to each person. People of all gender identities take it not only to prevent pregnancy, but to limit the effects of painful periods, endometriosis, acne, and more. Taking away birth control for some people would be like cutting off any other important medication — because it is an important medication.
But say Reed is lucky enough just to use birth control pills as contraception — your body can still go through some big changes when coming off of the pill cold turkey, even when you're in "good health," including heavy bleeding, cramps, and mood swings.
On top of that, Reed made a choice about her body and Somerhalder didn't respect that.
The only person who can make a decision about a person's contraception is that person. If Reed was reaching into her purse to take another pill, she was clearly making the decision to still use birth control pills as contraception. Maybe she would have stopped tomorrow, the next week, or never, but it should have been up to her to decide, regardless of what conversations were had.
Somerhalder was quick to point out that the pair had already made the decision to have children before he popped the pills into the toilet. But apparently, he also has a six-minute video of Reed "freaking out" that her birth control was gone. That doesn't sound like a woman who is empowered and consenting in her decision to have a child.
Consent can only be given in that moment — just because they had a prior conversation about it, doesn't mean Reed doesn't reserve the right to change her mind. By taking away Reed's pills, Somerhalder took away her bodily autonomy. He made the decision for her and decided that he knew better than she did.
At no point when popping out 28 pills did it cross Somerhalder's mind that maybe this is a super messed up thing to do to the woman that you've promised to be a fair and supportive life partner to.
And in case you think I'm being unfair to the guy, Somerhalder admitted on the podcast that he basically made the decision for Reed to get pregnant himself.
"Actually, now thinking about it, I guess I kind of decided," he said.
At least he's self-aware.
There are plenty of ways to go about having children. Ideally, this should start with a long discussion and end with you both consciously making the decision to conceive a baby. It should not involve a terrible, panic-filled moment of realizing that the decision has been made for you.
I am not married to Ian Somerhalder. For all I know, he could be a dream husband in every other scenario. But what he did here was not OK, and it's troubling to hear him laughing and seeming not to realize that at the very least he betrayed his wife's trust. At worst, he put her health in danger.
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