The INSIDER Summary:
- It's hard to know if getting back together with your ex is a good idea.
- INSIDER consulted a relationship coach for some tips on when it's a good idea to reunite with your ex.
- If you're comparing every new date to them, missing their partnership, and seeing solutions to your past problems, it may be time to call them up.
There's comes a point after every breakup when you're elbow deep in nostalgia and you think, "oh crap, did I make a mistake?"
It's only natural to have these kinds of moments, even if you initiated the split. But if you find yourself having these thoughts months, or even years, removed from your breakup, there may be more to it then just some loneliness.
It's not at all uncommon for couples to breakup for a bit before reuniting, but a second-chance isn't for everyone. INSIDER asked relationship coach Tiya Cunningham-Sumter for some signs that you should seriously consider a reconciliation.
You realize the reason you broke up can be fixed.
There may not have been a huge catalyst that led to your break up, but there were probably a few big issues that factored into your decision to split. Although these problems may have seemed insurmountable at the time, with some space removed from your relationship, you may find yourself coming up with some simple solutions to these issues.
You find yourself comparing every date to them.
You've likely dated since your breakup, especially if it's been a while And some of those potential suitors may have has some bad traits. If you're finding that you could put up with your ex's bad habits better than those of the new peoples, it's a good sign you should reach out to them.
"You realize that your ex and their bad habits — or whatever they did consistently that drove you crazy in the relationship — are tolerable," Sumter said. "Once people break up and start dating other people they begin to see that everyone has stuff, baggage, [and] bad habits. You have to know what you'll be OK with and what you won't."
Obviously those first few dates are tough, but if you're still comparing dates to your ex and finding that they don't stack up, it's a good sign you should consider making up.
You find yourself looking back fondly at the bond you had.
Sure, your old relationship had its bad points, but if you can't stop thinking about the good times you had with your ex — and not just those related to sex — it could be a big sign that you should try to make it work.
"Friendships within intimate relationships can in some cases be the foundation that keeps the relationship standing," Sumter said. "If you had that with your ex, and it was genuine, and you miss your friend, this is definitely another sign. Couples have something special when the relationship is more than just a physical connection."
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