- When initiating a sext with a partner, it's best to start slow.
- You don't have to necessarily ask their permission, but should send a slightly salacious text to ease them into it.
- Nude photos may be a little risky right off the bat, especially if you haven't been dating that long.
- No matter how you decide to sext, it should be in a way that makes you both feel good.
It's not easy initiating any type of romantic contact with someone, and it can be especially intimidating when you're reaching out to someone in a sexual way.
If you want to sext with someone it can be difficult to know where to start. Do you send an unsolicited nude photo? A copy and paste from an erotic fan fiction? A carrier pigeon with a scroll?
Turns out all of those are terrible ideas. INSIDER recently asked experts about the best way to initiate sexting, and
When you want to begin sexting, especially with someone that you're not dating seriously or haven't been dating for long, they said it's best to send a vaguely flirtatious text and see where your partner take things.
Online dating consultant Stacy Karyn told INSIDER that she recommends starting with a phrase like, "I can't stop thinking about the other night," if this is someone you've had great sex with previously. It's sexy enough that they'll be able to jump right in if they want to sext, but vague enough that they can pass it off as something else if their boss sees.
"If your date's answer to this is short and uninviting, it might not be the best time to continue," Karyn told INSIDER. "However, if they agree and elaborate on why they can't stop thinking about the night before either, you should be good to go."
If it's someone you haven't slept with yet, Karyn told INSIDER that you can't go wrong with something a bit more direct.
"'I wish you were here right now …' This type of phrase is vague enough to carry a bit of a sexual undertone, which puts the ball in your recipient's court," she said. "Based on their answer, you will be able to feel out whether you should go down the path of something sexual, or if you should rather change gears into something more sweet and romantic."
These types of statements are a better option than an unsolicited nude photo, experts said. For one, sending a nude of yourself to someone can be pretty jarring, and at worst, can violate their consent. Once you're in a serious, trusting, relationship, that's less of an issue, but it's still best to give them a little heads up that a sexy photo is coming their way.
"It's important to first evaluate the relationship status of who you're about to sext,"sexologist Dr. Sadie told INSIDER. "If it's a long-time lover where there's trust and respect, then you can send a saucy pic or say something really daring in your sext. However if it's a person you merely 'hook-up' with, you may want to keep it on the safer side, but still thrilling."
It's also better than explicitly asking permission, which can be a little rigid. Putting the ball in their court can help you assure that this is something you both want.
No matter how you decide to titillate someone over messages, you should do so in a way that is consensual, fun, and pleasurable for the both of you. Starting can be a little difficult, but once you both get a groove, you'll be sexting fiends in no time.
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