- "Loveologist" Wendy Strgar told INSIDER it's more about how you say something than the words you use.
- Instead of complaining about an annoying thing your partner does, approach it as a problem to solve and grow from together.
- Don't let your insecurities dictate your relationship with your partner.
Even the most romantic couples who have been madly in love for decades fight every now and then. It's a natural— and even healthy — part of being in a relationship.
Still, there are some things that you should never say to your partner no matter how upset you are.
INSIDER spoke to "loveologist"Wendy Strgar, founder of Good Clean Love and the author of "Love That Works" and "Sex That Works," about what couples should steer clear of.
Never belittle them during a tough conversation
Stooping to petty fights when there are deeper problems isn't productive.
"I believe what we most want to avoid when having hard conversations with our partner is both a tone of voice and harsh words that make them feel smaller in our eyes," said Strgar.
Don't speak harshly
Strgar believes that how you say something is more important than what you say. Whether you're asking your partner for a quick favor or working through a more difficult issue, keeping a respectful tone is key.
"The tone that we use in the smallest requests and in our biggest moments of revelation is probably more important than the content of the conversation," she said. "In memory, what we'll remember is the tone, not the words."
Don't complain about something they do
Instead of telling your partner how much something they do annoys you, Strgar recommends reframing the issue as a problem that you both want to solve and learn from.
Instead of saying "You always leave your dishes in the sink and it gets on my nerves," you can have a conversation about how household responsibilities can be divided more effectively.
"Expressing our unhappiness or complaints about someone else goes nowhere fast if the delivery just raises their defenses," said Strgar. "Approaching your issues as a shared problem to solve has the chance of becoming a mechanism for growth."
See the rest of the story at Business Insider