Think you can spot a cheater? You may be surprised to find you know way less than you think.
1. The cheater knows what they’re doing is wrong.
It's easier to point the finger at the cheater and blame them for betraying your trust. But, believe it or not, you may have set yourself up for heartbreak by not clearly communicating your expectations with your partner from the beginning. "One of the main predictors of cheating has to do with not having the uncomfortable monogamy conversation early on," says Sadie Leder Elder, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at High Point University in North Carolina.
"People are too scared to say, 'I like you and don't want you to be with anyone else.'" It's important to be upfront with your partner about what you want, need, and expect from them. If they can't give you the type of relationship you're looking for, then your best bet is to move on before you get hurt.
Watch out for these 12 signs your partner is cheating on you.
2. Cheaters are narcissistic and manipulative.
Cheaters come in all shape, sizes, and personalities, which means they're not always the relationship villains we portray them to be. "Some cheaters have a more deeply ingrained unconscious, self-sabotaging style," says Anthony Tasso, PhD, ABPP, clinical psychologist in Whippany, New Jersey. "At the core, they don't feel worthy of a healthy relationship so the affair becomes an avenue to undermine and possibly destroy their partnership." (Here are 17 signs you're the toxic one in the relationship.)
3. Affairs only occur in unhappy relationships.
Perfectly healthy, happy relationships are just as susceptible to infidelity as troubled ones. There are many motives for cheating, but affairs aren't always a symptom of a relationship gone awry. Sometimes, people use affairs as a subconscious device to find their true identity or live a life they've never known. "A relationship can become familiar and mundane so someone may need challenges in life," says Foojan Zeine, PsyD, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Tarzana, California. "They need some kind of impulsivity to create aliveness." (Here's why happy relationships are the key to a fulfilling life.)
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