- A recent survey found that most people would rather talk to their partner about their weight than their finances.
- But financial experts say that having these tough conversations with your partner is the key to a healthier relationship and healthier finances.
- Here's why you should have the money talk — and how best to do it.
Money can be a sore subject. So much so that most people would actually rather talk about their weight than their finances, one survey found.
In a 2017 survey conducted by investing app Acorns, 68 percent of the 3,010 respondents said they'd rather reveal how much they weigh than how much money they have in their savings account. Additionally, 42 percent said they felt "anxious and depressed" when thinking about their financial future, and another 11 percent said they felt "meh" about it.
"Many couples I've talked to and in the community mention they're embarrassed about their finances," Elle Martinez, a financial counselor and host of Couple Money, told INSIDER. "Whether their spouse or partner is supportive, there is still a fear of judgment. In particular, the amount of debt they have can increase the hesitance to open up."
Often, people are embarrassed to reveal that they have a huge debt and little or nothing to show for it, she said. And people don't like to admit that they spent more than they can afford.
Although it can be uncomfortable, there are plenty of good reasons to open up to your significant other about the state of your finances.
It keeps a small problem from becoming a giant problem.
When a couple isn't talking about money, there's a good chance it can snowball out of control.
Martinez shared a story about a man who managed the family finances. His wife wasn't in interested the details of their finances so they did not discuss them as a couple. But their credit card balances slowly increased year after year. Martinez said the husband "didn't see it as a problem because the 'next' promotion would fix things."
But then the 2008 recession hit, and the couple's minimum credit card payments had jumped to $2,500 per month. Because the couple never talked about finances, their troubles came as a huge shock to the husband's wife.
"He had to admit to his wife they were two weeks from bankruptcy," Martinez said.
Fortunately, the couple managed to work it out and get themselves out of debt, she said. Now, they both keep an eye on their spending from week to week, a practice she says is essential for couples.
It makes accomplishing long-term goals easier.
Whether it's paying down debt, increasing retirement contributions, or starting a side job to test out a career change, Martinez said a couple can accomplish extraordinary things together when they commit to a goal.
"I've talked to couples who have retired in their 30s and 40s because they live on one income and invested the rest," she said.
Talking about these goals and how to achieve them together can be a good way to ease into the topic of finances, Martinez said.
"Discuss with each other what you'd like to do in the next year, five years, and beyond," she said. "Then you can slowly open up about what things you'd like to do financially to get you to that point."
It might reveal unexpected benefits.
"Economically, being a couple opens each individual up to the options available to both members of the party," Kristen Euriteg, certified financial planner and founder of Brooklyn Plans LLC, told INSIDER. "For example, if you have a couple with one freelancer and one salaried employee, the freelancer can get the health benefits of the employed person for less than on the open market."
Euriteg said she recently worked with a man who supported his partner while she went back to school to get her master's degree. The woman qualified for student loans, which she took out to refinance the man's credit card debt at lower rates and more flexible repayment terms, so they both reaped the rewards of being open about their money.
It can improve trust and the quality of your relationship.
Honesty and communication are the foundations of a solid relationship, and that's especially true when it comes to money. Euriteg said she's seen major strain in relationships that resulted from one or both partners hiding aspects of their finances.
For example, one couple she consulted with had very different ideas about spending.
"Rather than confronting this dynamic in their relationship, the man started hiding some of his spendings, which led to a breakdown in the trust in the relationship when the woman found out," Euriteg told INSIDER. "By the time they came to see me, there were a lot of negative feelings in addition to financial stress."
She told them that although it might sound strange coming from a financial planner, she felt the best thing for the couple was to go on a vacation together to reconnect.
"Emotionally, I'd say it's helpful to approach finances as a team instead of feeling isolated and alone with it," Euriteg said.
It opens the lines of communication early for an easier time down the road.
You don't need to reveal every detail of your finances on the first date, but experts agree that it's better to at least broach the topic sooner rather than later.
"My take is as soon as it gets serious and you start talking the future together, it makes sense to start talking money," Euriteg said. "I don't think you need all the gritty details right away, but to open those lines of communication early on and gauge your potential partner's receptivity to it would be important."
Regular money check-ins with your partner throughout your relationship are vital to keeping those lines of communication open, Martinez said.
"In our community we call them money dates and really that's what they are," she added. "You go out or stay in for an evening to relax and talk about what you're working on and how the money is doing."
As well as being a relatively painless way to talk about money, it can also be a chance to connect.
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