You've been dating for what feels like forever, but still, your partner just won't commit. In fact, when you even mention things like labels, exclusivity, or taking the next step, they practically tune you out or run. You might be hoping for an engagement or just wanting to be Instagram official, but either way, they're not into it. Will your partner ever be ready to commit?
It's frustrating to be in relationship limbo, especially because sometimes, even your partner doesn't know why they're so afraid to take the leap of faith. Luckily, there are some pretty clear red flags that prove your significant other might never be ready to move forward and it's probably time for you to move on.
They have an "avoidant" attachment style.
A person whose attachment style is avoidant may be sabotaging your relationship or setting you both up for failure without even knowing it.
Usually, this kind of defense mechanism comes from a childhood trauma of abandonment and it means that relationships are unpredictable and temporary. An avoidant partner won't be able to commit in the long run because they simply can't maintain relationships for that long.
"This is an unconscious attempt to make sure that they never again go through anything like they went through with their original caregiver," psychotherapist Alison Abrams told Business Insider. "The irony is that by engaging in these defenses that we've learned we are actually recreating the very thing we were trying to avoid."
They constantly criticize or want to change you.
In relationships, it's important that both parties are able to be genuinely, truly themselves. This could mean small things as silly as being able to hang out without makeup on or bigger things like being able to express your religious views and future plans or ambitions. After all, how could someone commit to a person that they inevitably want to modify, suppress, or control?
According to YouTube relationship expert Tracy Malone, a partner expressing their desire to change you is a sign that the person you're with just isn't right for you and that they're not seeking to commit, or at least to commit to you as your very best self.
"If that happens, run," Malone told INSIDER. "That is a sign of a controlling person and he/she will never treat you properly."
They don't listen to you or ask about you.
Conversations help couples establish connections and get to know each other in lasting ways. This could mean deep talks about the meaning of life or chatting briefly about your favorite foods. Either way, these things help you and your partner to not only get to know each other, but to establish a bond that lasts beyond the duration of a conversation.
"If the person that you are dating nearly always monopolizes the conversation, does not ask you about yourself or your day, and then tunes you out when you start speaking, these are clear signals that your date is not really very interested in you as a person except as an audience for them," psychologist and author Elinor Greenberg told INSIDER. "If they are not interested now at the beginning of the relationship, they are likely to be even less interested later on."
See the rest of the story at Business Insider