Though they can be amicable or even pain-free, oftentimes, breakups are absolutely devastating. No matter how long you were dating or the state of your relationship, it can be tough to get over a significant other that meant so much to you. Just as falling in love can take time, so can falling out of love with your ex.
If you're living in limbo and questioning whether you've truly moved on, there are some red flags to look for that might indicate whether or not you're actually over your ex and the pain of your breakup.
No matter where you're at in the process of moving on, it's important to remember that everyone moves and feels differently. Don't be hard on yourself if you're not over someone.
You're checking their social media accounts – daily.
Listen, we've all been guilty of some random social media lurking at one point or another. There's a difference between occasionally stumbling across a former partner's Instagram or sporadically seeing how an old significant other is doing and intentionally scrolling through an ex's every social media post and picture. The latter is not a good sign.
According to Guy Winch, a psychologist and the author of "How to Fix a Broken Heart," you might need to be willing to unfollow, unsubscribe, or even hit the block button to truly get over someone.
"Do NOT check up on them on social media," Winch advised. "This will reinforce your ex's presence in your mind and only make it harder for you to stop fantasizing about your broken relationship."
You're too focused on them and the breakup to think about bettering yourself or moving on.
Breakups aren't usually very fun, but they do present you with a healthy and positive opportunity if you're willing to look at the bright side. Without a significant other, you have the chance to focus on yourself, as opposed to someone else, and work on bettering yourself. You could focus on strengthening your physical stamina by taking on a new hobby or sport at the gym or you can focus on inner self-improvement by taking time to evaluate what you want and need.
Taking the time to better yourself is one of the only ways to truly move on from a breakup because, according to author Kenyon Martin, "We chemically and biologically grew to accommodate that person in our lives to a point where a part of them defined a part of us. So it's important to take the time to rediscover who you are outside of them."
You haven't given yourself permission to feel angry and then let it pass.
Some people cope by pushing their feelings aside or by burying their emotions about their ex deep in the back of their minds. Though this strategy may seem like a better alternative to releasing the strong sadness or anger you feel, it's not. It's actually just deepening the wound.
According to Vox.com, breakups interrupt our biological systems to the point of inducing emotions similar to those that humans feel when deprived of something as necessary as sunlight. Throwing a wrench in expressing these, human emotions just isn't healthy, inside and out. Letting yourself feel means letting these things come and go.
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