- Breaking up with someone can be painful, but there are certain ways to make the situation more bearable.
- Be honest and clear about why you are breaking up — however, it is important to avoid impersonal clichés.
- After the break-up it is wise to unfollow your ex on social media and avoid contact, as it will only make the process of moving-on more difficult.
Like the song says, breaking up is hard to do … at least for the person who is getting dumped.
I would know. I have initiated breakups, and I've also been broken up with a few times. If my experience on both sides of heartbreak has taught me anything, it's that you can make a painful situation a little more bearable — both on the other personand on yourself — simply by going about it the right way.
You likely still care for or even love this person, despite the fact that you don't see a romantic future for the two of you. Spare your future ex a whole lot of hurt by taking these tips to heart.
SEE ALSO: 5 tips for making a long-distance relationship work, according to relationship experts
Don't put it off
The first time I broke up with someone was in college. I was so anxious about doing it that I procrastinated for days. That was probably the only occasion when I actually did my homework ahead of time, if only as an excuse to avoid facing my then-boyfriend.
Take it from me: The longer you wait, the worse you will feel. As soon as you're sure you want to end it with someone, you should do so. It's not helping anyone to waste time pretending everything is fine.
Do it in a neutral spot
When I finally summoned the courage to talk to him, I was so nervous that I didn't think about the time or place. I started the conversation in his dorm room, and as soon as he realized what was happening, he asked if we could go somewhere more private, away from his suitemates. The choice to move to the floor's common room turned out to be a good one. Once the deed was done, it felt weird to stick around. We literally went our separate ways, and that was that.
Picking somewhere neutral to meet ensures that leaving is less awkward. Avoid having to kick them out or make an uncomfortable exit yourself by choosing an impartial spot, like a cafe or a secluded park bench.
Say the words
When you're doing the actual dumping, what you say is just as important as when and where you say it. There's an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" that comes to mind, where the attending physicians coach the interns on how to tell a family their loved one has died. They stress the importance of actually saying the words. The same goes for breakups. No one is dying, but you want to make it unequivocally clear what is happening.
If you don't at some point state, "I'm breaking up with you," the other person may hold onto that last shred of hope. I would know — believing there could still be a chance is kind of my specialty. It can feel harsh, but eliminating any ambiguity will ultimately help them to heal and move on.
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