- Earlier this week, Channing and Jenna Dewan Tatum announced they were separating after eight years of marriage.
- The couple released a joint statement saying there were no "salacious events" leading up to their split.
- Still, speculation is rampant, with one report saying that they "stopped working on" their marriage.
- A relationship expert revealed how married couples should continue to work on things.
Earlier this week, Channing Tatum and his wife Jenna Dewan Tatum, announced their separation after eight years of marriage. Though the couple released a joint statement on social media in an apparent effort to quell any rumors from spreading about why they ended things, people can't help but wonder what went wrong in their relationship.
The couple was always open about their marriage, frequently sharing that it wasn't perfect but that the secret to a successful marriage was open and honest communication.
But a report this week from Page Six offered some insight into what could have ended their marriage — and it's something pretty common. According to the source, they "stopped working on" their marriage. As a relationship wears on, sometimes people stop putting in the work or simply fall out of love. A relationship ends not because of a fight or cheating, but simply because both people have moved on mentally.
Though we don't know for sure if this is what caused their split, the former couple's statement seems to hint that there was nothing catastrophic at the root of their separation.
INSIDER asked Jonathan Bennett, a relationship counselor and author of the site Double Trust Dating for his intel on how long-term couples away from the Hollywood glare can keep the spark alive.
"Once couples start to live separate lives, it's very difficult to rekindle the spark," Bennett told INSIDER. "In these situations, absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, but kills off whatever physical and emotional connection is left."
Why exactly do couples stop communicating about their needs? You can blame all those cozy Netflix and chill nights, according to Bennett.
"Many people in long-term relationships get into unhelpful routines and this can include a lack of regular communication. For example, after a long day of work, both partners might just prefer to unwind and watch Netflix rather than have a serious discussion about the relationship," he told INSIDER. "Over time, this leads to both partners taking a nonchalant or reactive approach to dealing with problems."
But there are ways to counteract this.
Bennett recommends keeping one question at the forefront of your mind: "What do you need?"
"Many people are secretly unhappy or unfulfilled in relationships, but they don't feel like they can openly communicate those feelings for fear of hurting their partner or starting a fight," he says. "Honestly asking your partner what he or she needs to be happy in the relationship or what is missing takes courage, but it's better than not knowing or pretending problems don't exist."
Bennett said that couples should be checking in regularly to see if both parties are on the same page and resolving any issues that come up.
"I believe all couples should regularly evaluate the health and direction of the relationship and then make efforts to fix underlying issues," he told INSIDER. "If problems go unresolved for weeks and months, they begin to drive a wedge between otherwise happy partners."
However, he adds, "regular check-ins should be done in a way that doesn't come across as needy or creating problems. I'd recommend rather than scheduling regular discussions, actually being assertive about communicating your needs on a regular basis. If you address issues immediately rather than letting them fester, your relationship will be much healthier."
Unfortunately, it seems to keep the love alive, you've got to have the tough conversations … even when you'd much rather put them to the side. "Regular assertive communication is the way most relationships can be strengthened and saved," he said. "Rather than ignoring problems or letting them get out of control, healthy couples will communicate and make changes to ensure the health of the relationship. This involves creating a climate of openness and trust, as well," he says.
But open communication is also a two-way street, so you must be ready to accept your partner's criticism and concerns.
"It also takes courage to not only speak your mind to your partner but also to receive constructive criticism and make a change for the sake of the relationship," Bennett said.
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