Commitment can be scary. Any decision, from entering a serious relationship to deciding to live a healthier lifestyle, that requires real commitment and maybe a little bit of perseverance can be a somewhat nerve-wracking proposition. A fear of commitment isn't entirely uncommon, but if you've ever questioned why your partner (or you) seems to run from commitment like it's their job, you might be interested in knowing that there are many possible reasons. INSIDER spoke with a couple of experts to learn more.
You're worried you won't be able to be yourself in the relationship.
When you go from a 'me' to a 'we,' there can be a lot of necessary adjustments. You're no longer on your own schedule, you can't make absolutely all of the decisions, and, well, sometimes you have to compromise or do things that you don't necessarily want to do in order to make their partner happy. That can contribute to some people worrying that they won't be able to be fully themselves in the relationship.
"They feel that they cannot speak their truth in the relationship,"Janet Zinn, LCSW, a couples' therapist, told INSIDER. "They may repress their true selves. Or they may try to please their partner, not understanding that doing so gives the wrong message about who they are. Then, later in the relationship, they will feel stuck by the image they portrayed early on, thus validating their theory that they can't be themselves."
And then in the future, they might remember feeling this way and continue to be wary of making a real commitment.
You've been exposed to unstable relationships in their past.
If they've seen a lot of supposedly-committed relationships crumble for a variety of reasons, it might be understandable, if still frustrating, that they're a little bit apprehensive when it comes to fully committing to your relationship.
"Some commitment issues run much deeper than others because they can be learned patterns from their family of origin,"Heidi McBain, MA, LMFT, LPC, RPT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told INSIDER. "So, someone might have seen unhealthy commitment patterns growing up, and now they are repeating those same patterns and not wanting to commit to anyone."
You're scared you'll make the wrong decision.
It's natural to be a little nervous that you might make the wrong decision, even if it's possible to amend your decision and right your wrong.
"People fear repeating their parents' mistakes or their own past mistakes,"Rebekah Montgomery, PhD, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, told INSIDER. Being scared to choose the wrong person, commit too soon, or otherwise make a decision that, if it's the wrong one, could result in you getting hurt makes sense, but it can hold you back if you let it.
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