When you're in love, you want to share everything. So it's only natural that you'll want to combine your finances, just like you do your gate code, your bed, and your face soap.
But not so fast.
Financially binding yourself to the object of your affection is the most drastic and potentially destructive move you can make. It's a weightier decision than even moving in together, marrying, or agreeing to share your toothbrush in a pinch.
Take my advice and keep your finances separate. Here's why:
You can still actually buy each other gifts.
Couples who draw from the same funds have no secrets from one another, and without secretiveness there can be only the illusion of spontaneity and generosity, but not the genuine articles. There's nothing that sucks the romance out of a high-dollar anniversary gift like the giftee accidentally spotting the purchase on a credit card receipt. And then there's the bittersweet sensation of receiving an expensive gift that was paid for by your own funds.
Things will be less messy if things go South.
No one enters a relationship planning for its failure, but it makes sense to be realistic and know that most romances are fleeting. Basing a permanent-ish decision on a temporary feeling is as ill-advised as getting a lower back tattoo when you're drunk. Those who keep separate accounts have an easier time moving on from a relationship that turns sour.
Also, financial independence makes for one less reason to stay aboard a sinking ship. Too many relationships continue longer than they should because one party has become monetarily dependent on the other.
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It will be easier to keep track of problem areas in spending.
It will be easier to keep track of problem areas in spending.When money goes missing or bills go unpaid in joint-accounters, it can be tough to pinpoint which person is responsible. This can require CSI-level scene reconstructions, going over conversations, forgotten promises and circumstantial evidence. When accounts are separate, no such detective work is necessary. If it's one person's job to pay the electric bill every month and it went unpaid, it's clear who the culprit is.
Neither of you will be able to check out mentally.
When one person is dialed in to the couple's joint finances, that person tends to drive the other person away, letting that person take care of everything while the one who cares less just spaces out and lets them do things they way they like.
Both partners are better off, though, when both must take some ownership in the financial state.
When it's your own money that's always on the line, you have motivation to stay aware of how much money you've got in your accounts, when payments are do and where exactly your paycheck goes. No one can spend the other out of house and home, and no one can plead ignorance when it becomes obvious that the financial straits are dire.
There will be fewer fights.
No two people, no matter how well matched, have the exact same financial philosophy and values. Someone is bound to do something that miffs the other, fueling resentments and bitter arguments that can quickly escalate into breakup-level throwdowns that have very little to do with money. When each party is allowed the privacy to handle their money the way they see fit, there's less of a chance of sparking a tinderbox of a volatile lover's quarrel.
If you want to go the traditional route and ignore this advice, here is the best way to go about it.