- I've been in a relationship for nine years and don't care about marriage.
- I love my boyfriend, but getting married is not the most important thing to me.
- There are things in a relationship that I value more than getting a ring.
My boyfriend and I were 10 years old when we first met and 16 when we started dating. We have tackled our teens together, are halfway through our twenties, and have plenty more years to come together. The storybook ending includes a ring, white dress, and big ceremony. But when I look at our future, I don't define it by marriage. That doesn't take away how much I love him or the future that I want to live together, but it does make things complicated.
Some people get stomach flutters when they think about their wedding day. Others have a full Pinterest board of color schemes and dress designs for inspiration. I have no opinion.
I don't have any negative feelings towards getting hitched. In fact, I'm pretty neutral to the entire thing.
My parents aren't divorced and I was never told horror stories about cheating family members. I just simply have never given much thought to a wedding. There are things in my life that have always been more important to me than receiving a ring or planning a wedding. Having a life of love and passion for everything I do and everyone in my life is important to me. The ring isn't important.
I was blessed to find the man that I love at a very young age. Although the relationship wasn't always easy, our love for each other always was. No matter the distance, personal struggles, or financial struggle that we went though in our nine years, I always knew that our relationship would be fine.
After nearly a decade of love and laughs, you'd think that I would be ready for society's next step for us. But that's exactly what marriage is — society's next step for us.
The hardest part of the whole thing is the pressure to want it. As soon as the holidays roll around and I get the shiny new watch or headphones that I wanted — basically, anything that's not a ring — the questions start. Are you guys okay? What are you waiting for? Better luck next year, huh? That in itself has been the worst part. It can feel like I have so much pressure being pushed down on me to get married that I could come out the other end as my own diamond.
To me, it's more about knowing that he's my soulmate. From the way he lets me use the “good loofa” in the shower to the fact that he asks me what I want for dinner as many times as I ask him. That's what love is about to me. It's about the feeling I see him come through the door after work. That's something that I don't need to look down at my finger at to remember.
I love my boyfriend. We are happily living together and figuring this world out together. It baffles me why having not having a ring on my finger means that something must be wrong. If I got married right now, it would be to make other people happy, and that's not the kind of wedding that I would want.
There is one person that I do want to make happy, and that's my boyfriend.
Marriage is important to him. He wants the ring and the wedding and our family to blow bubbles at us as we walk down the aisle. And that's okay. I will never dismiss those feelings for him or make him feel like that's not important. Just like he understands where I come from and doesn't dismiss mine, either.
Marriage will eventually come. There will be a wedding and a ring and bubbles being blown our way as we walk down the aisle. But it will be on our own time, with our own rules, and at our own pace. There's no blueprint to how the rest of our lives has to look. My hesitations will be his and his excitement will be mine — ring or no ring.
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