Dating can be scary, confusing, and all around exhausting. Sometimes you feel like you have to follow a bunch of hard and fast rules, out of fear that you'll completely mess up a potential relationship.
Thankfully, there are some rules that you can definitely, definitely break. INSIDER spoke to Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and co-author of "It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked," about letting go of some outdated expectations.
The man should pay for the first date.
It's admittedly old-fashioned but some people still strongly believe that men should pay the bill on the first date. This of course, refers to heterosexual couples who fall on the gender binary, with little room for any other interpretation.Syrtash thinks that rule should be bent, with a small warning label attached.
"In my research, most people appreciate it when the person who initiated the date — often times the man — picks up the check on the first date, or at least offers to," she told INSIDER. "While it seems this rule can be ditched, it may cause unnecessary judgment."
She added that the first date spot should be within a reasonable price range (like a bar with a happy hour), so both parties feel comfortable splitting the check.
It's good to play hard to get.
Sometimes the more you like someone, the more unavailable you try to seem. You wait longer to respond to texts (even though you're literally just sitting on your bed watching Netflix), you don't suggest hanging out too much, and you try to be as generally blasé as possible.
Turns out playing hard to get can actually end up hurting a potential relationship.
"Momentum is so important in dating, and playing these waiting games may mean that someone will move on to a person who seems more available and interested,"Syrtash said."Find the balance between being responsive and not overly eager or needy, and you'll be intriguing."
She also noted that someone won't like you more just because you're acting unavailable.
"The bottom line is that if someone is interested, he or she is interested. Playing the waiting game won't change this."
Don't have sex on the first date.
Syrtash co-authored a book called "It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date"— so, yes, she's definitely putting that age old rule to bed.
"If you're two consenting adults, there's no need to play games or wait if you want to hook up," she said. "We interviewed so many happy couples who got married after a first date romp, so we know that it's okay to break this rule."
There are some important exceptions, though.
"I think it's smart to hold off when you don't feel you can handle sexual intimacy too soon," she noted. "If you know you'll get too attached too soon, better to wait."
See the rest of the story at Business Insider