Breakups can be really difficult, no matter if you’re the one who’s doing the breaking up or you’re the one who's being broken up with. But if you’re the one who's (unfortunately) being broken up with, you might wish that you'd known that this is how it would end all along.
As it turns out, there might actually have been some signs that your partner was planning to break up with you before the breakup actually happened — some are obvious, while others are super subtle. If you notice these signs in your relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a breakup coming, but they could, potentially, mean that your partner might be getting read to suggest a break.
1. They’ll tell you things more selectively.
When your partner is getting ready to break up with you, information doesn’t get shared in the same way. You no longer talk about things in the same way because the connection that you used to have just isn’t the same.
"When your partner is not interested in telling you about important life events, the intimacy begins to fade,"Dr. Kia James, EdD, LCPC, a licensed therapist and relationship expert, told INSIDER. "The less they share about their life, the more the wall begins to divide the two of you."
Rather than pretending that everything is fine, James suggested that you force the topic.
"You should not ignore the distance," James said. "Tell your partner that you miss the connection between the two of you. Say you would like to work on and improve the relationship. Then you should begin planning to spend more time doing enjoyable and engaging activities together."
2. They’ll hesitate when you suggest making plans in advance or when talking about your future.
If your partner no longer feels comfortable making long-term plans or talking at all about your future, particularly if they used to be OK with these kinds of things, that’s likely not a great sign.
Dr. Kristie Overstreet PhD, LPCC, LMHC, LPC, CST, CAP, a psychotherapist, told INSIDER that this can be a sign that a breakup is looming, but it’s important to talk to your partner more about your concerns.
"It's important to not jump to conclusions and react without talking with your partner first," Overstreet said. "There may be other factors that are leading to these red flags. If you have a conversation with your partner and find out that they are wanting to end the relationship, then listen to what they are telling you. If they want to be in a relationship with you then they won't create reasons to distance themselves."
3. They say that marriage isn’t for them, but it is for you.
"If your partner says that they don't want marriage, listen to what they are saying," Stefanie Safran, a matchmaker, relationship expert, and owner of Stef and the City, told INSIDER. "Just to assume that because their family likes you, you've dated for years or you move in together, does not mean they are looking for something permanent."
If you know that you want to be married someday and your partner tells you that it’s a no-go for them, you’ll be better off in the long-run if you believe what they’re telling you. Don’t think that you’ll be able to change their mind or that the problem will go away if you just ignore that it’s there. Listen when they say that it’s not for them.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider