- Micro-cheating is a term for small, sometimes unintentional actions that could be seen as minor infidelity.
- Examples of micro-cheating include talking to an ex on social media and lying about your relationship status to casual acquaintances.
- Here are a few ways you could be micro-cheating without even knowing it.
We all have an image of what cheating looks like in our heads. A phone number scrawled on a cocktail napkin in your partner’s jeans. A private booth at the back of a restaurant away from prying eyes. Coming home from work early and catching your beloved in the act.
There are classic scenarios we all immediately recognize as cheating, but can infidelity actually come in more subtle flavors?
"Micro-cheating"is a new term for an old phenomenon: the little things you do that aren’t full-blown cheating, but you wouldn’t want your partner to find out about.
Micro-cheating can include real-world behavior like slipping off your wedding ring before a night on the town, or it can take place in the sphere of social media.
Here are some subtle things you might be doing that could count as micro-cheating.
You have people listed under fake names or emojis in your phone.
Texting someone known only as eggplant emoji is bound to raise eyebrows if you ever leave your phone in plain view.
Feeling the need to conceal the identity of someone with whom you’re communicating could signal everything from a lack of trust in the relationship to your own sneaking suspicion that you really shouldn’t be talking to this person.
"Emotional intimacy is cultivated and maintained through openness and communication. The more open partners are with one another, the more trust can be maintained," NYC-based psychotherapist Allison Abram toldMen’s Health.
You haven’t deleted your old dating profiles yet.
And maybe you very occasionally log on to swipe when you’re bored.
Not purging all your old dating accounts isn’t a good look. Even if you’re not actually chatting people up and arranging dates, the fact that you haven’t cut ties with the world of virtual dating gives the impression that you’re don’t quite have both feet in your relationship.
"Scanning profiles online is micro-cheating because it shows intent and is also a lack of respect for the other person since the profiles are public," founder of Elite Dating Managers Isabel James toldBustle.
You contact an ex on social media.
You may think there’s nothing wrong with reconnecting with an ex, but your partner may see things differently.
If you reach out to someone you used to date, you could be running the risk of turning friendly reminiscing into sly flirtation. In this case, it’s important to examine the intent behind your interactions.
"Why do you do it? [Is it] because you’re secretly hoping for an intimate connection? Or do you stay in touch because they’re an important person in your life? Convey your underlying motivation and feelings honestly to your partner," says sexologist Dr. Jessica O’Reilly toMen’s Health.
You have an extremely close relationship with someone you’ve never introduced to your partner.
Maybe it’s a childhood friend who just seems to get you or a coworker you call your “office spouse.” If you have an intense emotional connection with someone and have never found the right time to introduce that special person to your partner, the relationship might not be that platonic after all.
"Infidelity in the emotional form differs from the physical one — I think people will always be divided in opinion, and more divided when it comes to that side of infidelity. The intent behind an act counts. For some, it counts for everything," Anne Walther, head of PR at extramarital site Victoria Milan, toldBustle.
Keeping someone with whom you feel a deep connection separate from your day-to-day life or a secret from your partner could be a warning sign that you have some unacknowledged feelings for that person.
Of course, this is really only an issue if that special relationship is with someone who fits your sexual or romantic preference.
You start regularly liking someone’s posts on social media.
And we’re not talking about your mom’s snaps from the garden. If you find yourself repeatedly scrolling through the same person’s timeline or feed, dropping likes or heart emojis left and right, you might want to take a step back and reexamine your actions.
"This one is ambiguous, and the time of day at which someone starts scrolling and liking is a good indicator of whether there is something untoward going on," professor of psychology Dr. Martin Graff told theBBC.
While liking a post isn’t necessarily micro-cheating, late-night scrolling through your hot acquaintance’s poolside pics could be interpreted as unsavory behavior.
But of course, micro-cheating doesn’t always translate to actual cheating.
The issue of micro-cheating is controversial. Many faithful people in a relationship know the feeling of doing something that’s not technically wrong but feels a little … off.
Accidentally-on-purpose checking out an attractive person on the subway, for example. You wouldn’t want your significant other to notice and feel hurt, but you’re also fairly confident that a quick glance at a stranger doesn’t count as a full-blown affair.
For some, legitimizing such tiny transgressions as real infidelity only serves to validate the concerns of insecure partners on alert for absolutely any whiff of trouble.
"It implies that feeling the tiniest attraction to anyone else is a red flag – a notion so at odds with normal human functioning that it sets a standard no relationship could ever meet," said writer Oliver Burkeman in theThe Guardian.
For others, micro-cheating is a real thing that spells trouble for the relationship down the road.
Whether or not you subscribe to the idea of micro-cheating, it’s important come to an agreement with your partner about what counts as inappropriate behavior and work together to define healthy boundaries.
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