- We spend a lot of time at work, so it's likely we might develop feelings for a colleague.
- But there are a few complications that come with a workplace relationship.
- It may affect your relationship with other colleagues, and there are power dynamics to be aware of.
- Workplace relationships can be a success though, if you've thought it through properly.
Spending a lot of time with your colleagues means you form some great friendships, but it also means the lines can blur a little. You might find the people you considered friends are suddenly becoming attractive.
This could be a genuine romantic connection blossoming, or it could be something called "vicinity attraction," where you start to have feelings for someone simply because you've spent a lot of time together. That's not to say it's a less viable way of starting a relationship, but you might want to take a step back and see if the relationship also works outside the office before you commit to anything.
Wherever and however you felt the spark, work relationships are complicated. Sometimes a work spouse relationship may turn into something more, or an affair may arise from having a few too many drinks one evening.
According to David Brudö, the CEO and cofounder of the mental well-being app Remente, there are a few reasons why there is a long-standing rule that you should probably not date a coworker.
"You risk losing your job, becoming uncomfortable at work, or creating office drama that could hurt your professional reputation," he told Business Insider. "Knowing that, if the relationship does not work out, it could lead to rather tarnishing consequences and can take an emotional toll on both you and the coworker you were dating."
Be aware of what it is that's attracting you
Tammy Nelson, a sex therapist and consultant for Ashley Madison, told Business Insider that yes, the complications are rather obvious at first glance — especially if the people in the relationship are cheating on other partners.
"All relationships are complicated for sure, and all affairs make them doubly complicated," she said. "Workplace affairs are complicated because of that environment, and a lot of companies have non-fraternizing policies. Particularly if you're talking about upper management, or depending on the dynamic of the affair."
If there's a power dynamic, such as dating someone who is more senior, that can also muddy the waters.
"If the power dynamic is someone who has power over you, they are in the position of having to worry 'Is that person just dating me or having an affair with me because I'm in that powerful place?'" said Nelson. "That makes it really complicated because 'I don't know if they like me, or if they're taking advantage.'"
If someone is in a lower position and fancies their manager, it might just be because of their perceived power, Nelson said.
"You're not meeting them in a bar, where you know nothing about them and it's a fairly typical attraction, based on something like initial charm," she said. "So you can't really judge what the attraction is based on."
There's also the chance dating at work might affect your productivity, because you're too busy thinking about the person in the next cubicle, or waiting for a text about when you can meet up. This can have negative implications on your career. It might also affect your relationships with other people in the company — especially if you're hiding the relationship.
"It really affects how you interact with your assistants because you're too busy texting with your boyfriend down the hall," Nelson said. "It's very difficult to trust your colleague to do a good job or put your best interests at heart when you know they are lying to you about something."
This doesn't mean work relationships are destined to fail. In fact, you're likely to have a lot in common with people you share a similar career with, so it can work pretty well. As Nelson said, there is such a thing as simply falling in love. You just have to be aware of what it is that's attracting you in the first place, and whether the risk is worth it.
"You might have similar ambitions, you're interested in the same industry, you have the same outside interests perhaps," she said. "And therefore combining business with pleasure, it makes total sense you could actually fall in love with someone at work."
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