- Having "the talk" means you're ready to make a relationship "official."
- Some couples simply slip into a committed relationship, whereas others need a direct conversation about it.
- According to a relationship expert, it's socially acceptable to broach the subject after two months.
- But some people will get to the stage earlier — it all depends how much time you're spending together, and how much of a good fit you are.
- If you're not sure, try introducing them to your friends and see how they react.
It's never been crystal clear when exactly you should have "the talk." Some couples simply slide into a committed relationship with ease, while others find it harder to decide whether they really are official or not.
Dating apps only make it more confusing, with the possibility your new flame is also dating several other people. Before you have the conversation, you simply don't know.
According to relationship psychologist Claire Stott, currently a data analyst at dating app Badoo, after a couple of months, you're perfectly entitled to get some answers.
"It's difficult...[but] I would say it's socially acceptable to talk about exclusivity after a couple of months," she told Business Insider. "You might do it before, maybe because the other person is totally on the same page, but I think give it a couple of months."
Many people fall into the trap of throwing themselves into a relationship, only for it to fizzle out, she said. So it's best to wait a little while before you announce your partner as your boyfriend or girlfriend.
"But it is treacherous, it is difficult, because if you really like that person, you don't want them to be dating other people," said Stott. "Equally you don't want to scare them off... Ultimately, it's when it feels right. And a lot of that has a lot to do with how often you're seeing the person."
If you live in a busy city like London or New York, or you have a load of hobbies and responsibilities, dating is just one of the many things you've got going on. Going on dates is definitely a big part of your life, but you might not be able to fit as many in as you'd like.
"You might have one date per week, and actually, two months in you've met up with that person eight times," said Stott. "That's not loads is it, to get a gauge of what they're like."
If you're dating someone three times a week, you might get to the stage where you're happy to be exclusive earlier. And if you really like each other, you'll probably be seeing each other more often anyway. After all, if someone isn't making the time to get to know you properly, they're probably not all that interested.
"A lot of it is to do with trust, and how confident you are, and if they're on the same page as you," Stott said. "If you really don't trust them and you think they're definitely dating other people, they haven't deleted dating apps on their phone... it sounds like you're not that committed to each other."
One simple way to work out whether you're going towards a committed relationship is to ask yourself if you feel confident when someone asks "does he/she like you?"
If you think they do, then you're in the right frame of mind to approach the exclusivity conversation. If you're not sure, then you should probably work out why that is before you start thinking of settling down.
You can also introduce them to your friends and see how they react. Your friends will be able to pick up on how they act around you, and whether they flinch when you call them your boyfriend or girlfriend. They'll have more of an objective perspective, because you'll probably be wearing the rose-tinted spectacles of a new romance.
"Quite often we are blinded by our feelings, so we don't know if someone's into us," Stott said. "Friends will say things like 'oh we've seen the way he looks at you, he's definitely keen.'"
As a rough rule, two months should be a safe amount of time to broach the subject. But every relationship is different, so if it feels right earlier, go for it. If it doesn't feel right at that stage, there are a few steps you can take to build yourself up for the conversation.
"Ultimately it is very subjective," Stott said. "There's no completely right answer."