- If you choose to break up with a romantic partner seemingly out of the blue, it can be devastating to both parties.
- Before jumping headfirst into a breakup, make sure this is really what you want.
It happens to everyone. Sometimes, the thrill seemingly vanishes from a once-perfect relationship.
The things you once appreciated about your partner are now the very same catalysts for knock-down, drag-out fights. Their cute little habits that attracted you in the first place now annoy you. It’s a fact of life that relationships can and do deteriorate, and break-ups do happen.
But while partnerships can crumble into dust just as quickly as they’re sparked, it doesn’t always have to start with an argument or any sort of negative interaction. The desire to break up with your partner can stem from just about any number of things, even in a seemingly calm period during your time together.
If you feel as though it’s time to bring some closure to the relationship and feel your actions may come as a surprise to your partner, here’s how you can successfully break up with someone when you’re not fighting so you might be able to soften the blow.
Take some time to make sure this is what you want.
Think long and hard about whether you want to end this relationship. It's likely you've built up long-lasting memories and moments with this particular person that will make it difficult to do so, especially if there's not been a fight to instigate this line of thinking. It will very much come out of left field, so take inventory of the situation the best way you possibly can, and really think about if this is the right move. If it helps, make bulleted lists of the pros and cons of leaving this relationship.
According to Psychology Today, you should ask yourself important questions, such as whether or not you've tried everything in your power to make this relationship work, or if you've already found yourself involved with someone else. Are you sure you’re not just being selfish or looking to "spice things up?" There are real people with real feelings involved here on both sides, and it’s not wise to toy with others’ emotions, especially if you’re just planning to cut someone off on a whim.
Consider the logistics of your break-up and plan accordingly.
When you've made the decision to split, make sure you consider the logistics of your situation as well, especially if you live with the very person you're breaking up with, according to Jaggar International. You don't want to leave your partner or yourself without something of a safety net to fall back on.
If you live together, have children or pets, or share belongings. Make sure there are arrangements made with an apartment lease or house payment, or at the very least you know whose belongings are which. Ensure that if anyone needs to move out (if it's not you) there is plenty of time for both parties to find a new place to live or find somewhere to stay in the interim. Just because you’re breaking up, that doesn’t mean anyone has to be booted out onto the street right away, but a clean break will obviously require the end of your cohabitation.
Set aside a time for a healthy talk and get right down to it.
When you've gone through the situation in your head and have arrived at the conclusion that this is what's best for all parties, it's time to vocalize what you want. Make sure to set aside plenty of time to speak to your partner and let them know your thoughts on how the two of you should move forward.
Ensure you don't rely on clichéd language or open up the conversation to blame them for anything they may have done to upset you or that may have contributed to the problem in the past. This isn’t the time to open up old wounds or escalate the conversation into an argument, and this important talk should not be used as an opportunity to "teach lessons" or work to enact any revenge on the ways you feel your partner may have done you wrong in the past.
You should do just the opposite, especially as you are the one rocking the boat here. Since you are springing an important, life-changing bit of news on this person, make sure you let them know that you are in fact regretful, as Psychology Today notes, that you chose to remain quiet about your dissatisfaction with the relationship. As you are no doubt well aware, waiting until you see breaking up as the only way forward can be a devastating turn of events for someone who isn't anticipating it.
This should come as a no-brainer, but make sure you take the time to make sure you speak in private about all of these heartbreaking topics as well, Elite Daily noted. Unless you feel unsafe or in danger of what their reaction might be, don't pick a public place to break the news.
Take action and move forward with the break-up.
When you've made the decision to split, go ahead with the plans you’ve made after speaking to your partner. This will be the most difficult decision you may have made in some time, but be resolute in this action and do it as kindly as you can. It’s going to be hard for both of you, even though you are the one who initiated the break-up, so it may be best to limit contact for a while, especially if it’s clear at the onset that you won’t be able to remain friends.
You may also need to remove each other from shared social media accounts, or any online destinations you both frequent. Unfollow each other on Twitter, un-friend on Facebook, anything you need to do to make things a bit simpler for both of you to get over the break-up.
No one wants to exit a relationship when they aren’t ready. Chances are you’ll be dropping a bit of a bomb on your partner, and this will all come as a shock to them. Make sure, through it all, you’re offering support. Offer to do what you can to make things as simple and painless as possible. Remember, this was a person who you shared your life with, and though you may have known it was time to move on for some time, they may not have arrived at that same conclusion just as readily.
Above all, be compassionate, understanding, and kind. Perhaps this wasn’t the right time for a relationship with this person now, but you never know what the future may hold.
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