What to do when an ex reaches out to you, according to experts

• When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation.
• Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction.
• Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak.
• Don’t get comfortable and slide back into old habits.
• Take your time when it comes to responding.
• Take care not to over-analyze the situation.
• Realize that you don’t have to respond at all if you don’t want to.  

It can happen to any of us: One day, you're minding our own business and then your ex contacts you. Be it via text, Facebook, Instagram, or in person, this kind of run-in can make for a super awkward conversation, depending on how you handle it.

Whether the decision to split was a mutual one or you ended things on a sour note, the trepidation you feel when trying to figure out how to proceed is real. What should you do when your ex gets in touch out of the blue? Try these things on for size.

Think about how it will affect you.

This can be a super painful experience, one that could offer closure or one that starts a rekindled relationship. Think about what you want out of the communication first and how it will affect you first before you respond. 

"Know that you are under no obligation to respond,"Meg Josephson, LCSW, told INSIDER. "Often, old relationships carry with them old wounds and unanswered questions.  If you feel that making contact could bring this up for you and threaten your hard-earned happiness, take a pass! The amazing part of being out of the relationship is that you are only responsible for doing things that work for YOU, without regard to how it feels to them." 

If you're currently dating someone, you should consider their feelings.

It may be a no-brainer that you immediately respond to your ex if you're single, but if you're already in a new relationship, it's important to take their feelings into account too. 

"If you are currently in a relationship, consider how your partner would react to knowing that you engaged in conversation," Josephson told INSIDER. "I also find it helps to imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed and they were in contact with a long-gone ex.  Nothing like a change in perspective to keep you from responding impulsively." 

Take your time responding.

You may feel an urgency to respond right away, but slowing down can make sure that you're happy with your response to your ex and that you are actually ready to handle speaking with them. 

"You may have a strong emotional reaction if you hear from an ex you haven't spoken to in a long time, whether it be joy, sadness, or anger,"Lindsey Pratt, LMHC, a therapist in NYC who specializes in relationships, told INSIDER."However, try to pause before replying — it will help you gather your thoughts and become less reactive in your reply. Keep in mind, too, that this may be the only re-opened communication for a while, so being sure of how you want to respond is important.