- Codependency is when one partner feels an excessive emotional reliance on their partner.
- Textbook signs of codependent personalities are people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and always needing to be in control.
- According to codependency expert, Darlene Lancer, codependency is a disorder of the self.
- Clinical psychologist Dr. Jennifer Rhodes said the key to a strong relationship is healthy interdependence.
Maintaining a healthy relationship is hard. Many times, issues that may cause problems later, manifest themselves without a couple even realizing. Codependency is one such issue. "Codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner,"Dr. Jennifer Rhodes, a clinical psychologist, told INSIDER.
According to Darlene Lancer, a marriage and family therapist and author of "Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You," a person can become codependent because of how they were raised. "Dysfunctional families or growing up with an ill parent is likely to create codependent behavior," she said. Of course, being raised in a dysfunctional family by no means guarantees you will be codependent later in life, but for some, it can create this pattern.
Signs of a codependent partner are not always obvious to spot. According to Dr. Rhodes, oftentimes, the codependent behavior makes the other partner feel good so there is no incentive for them to interfere. "The codependent partner has to separate and develop their own self-esteem or leave the relationship for both people to get better," Dr. Rhodes explained.
Here are 10 ways to tell if your partner is too codependent.
They can't say no, ever.
It's one thing to do something nice for someone you care about, but it's another to feel like you always have to.
According to Lancer, codependents don't feel they have a choice. "Saying 'no' causes them anxiety so they go out of their way to sacrifice their needs to accommodate other," she said.
They never feel like they're good enough for you.
Oftentimes, a codependent partner in a relationship will exhibit low self-esteem. According to Lancer, they don't feel a strong sense of self-worth which is one of the reasons they are always aiming to please.
For this reason, codependents tend to not express their true feelings or what they're really thinking out of fear that their partner may abandon them.
They feel responsible for you.
"Codependent partners are willing to make extreme sacrifices to make their partner happy," Dr. Rhodes explained. They will go above and beyond to meet their partner's needs no matter what it takes.
Codependents put others first, which sounds altruistic, but when it's at the cost of your own well-being they are doing more harm for themselves than good.
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