- We use harmful, negative labels to describe ourselves and others.
- Words like selfish, stupid, spoiled, and lazy are all used casually.
- But they can be more damaging than we realise.
- Often, we use these words because they're easier than examining the real issue.
- Here are the six terms, and what they really mean when we say them.
It's a curse of humanity that we are often highly critical of ourselves. We don't tend to give ourselves the same sympathy and understanding we are willing to provide others.
For example, you might feel shame over something that happened way back in your distant past, when you were a child. Nobody else is likely to judge you for decisions you made in your younger years, but for some reason, you hang on to it for years, or even decades.
In a blog post for Psychology Today, psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner wrote about the corrosive habits people develop in how they relate to themselves, and others. Some labels, for instance, come from toxic places.
Brenner identified six words we shouldn't use, because they are "accompanied by feelings of moral judgment, hatred and utter rejection."
"Rather than understanding the nuance and creating bridges for understanding and communication, such labeling reflects underlying either-or thinking, generally fragmenting us apart from ourselves and each other in an act of linguistic violence," he wrote. "These are dividing words, misunderstanding concepts, rather than language which joins and deepens mutuality and self-relationship."
Here are the six terms, and what they really mean when we say them:
1. Lazy
People use the word "lazy" a lot, Brenner said, when they haven't done something they think they should have. It suggests there's something fundamentally wrong with you if you can't work hard, for whatever reason.
By doing this, you avoid finding out what is really wrong. So if you start calling yourself lazy, ask yourself why you're feeling unmotivated. Procrastinators and do-ers have different brains, so the answer may simply be to give yourself smaller goals.
2. Bored
As Betty Draper said in "Mad Men,""Only boring people get bored." In reality, that's probably not true, said Brenner, because feeling bored may mean there are underlying emotions we are ignoring. Rather than facing their anxiety, for example, some people may jump to boredom as an explanation for why they feel stuck in a rut.
"Using boredom this way is usually associated with having one's mind go blank," Brenner wrote. "We become unable to think about anything other than being bored, effectively preventing us from getting out of the boredom and paralysis."
3. Hypocrite
This word assumes we cannot have two points of view, and can't have internal conflicts. People are sometimes genuinely hypocritical, but sometimes we use it because we refer to things this way because it's easier than dealing with the actual issue.
Rather than jumping to this conclusion, you should look at multiple sides of the problem, and remember that there is a context, Brenner said.
"Moral values and ethical decisions change a lot from situation to situation," he said. "Identify the different sides of the apparent hypocrisy, and consider in what contexts would those different perspectives apply."
See the rest of the story at Business Insider