- A husband turned to the internet to ask whether he was right to be annoyed with his social media influencer wife.
- He asked the subreddit r/AmITheA------ if the amount she was on her phone was out of line.
- Most of the people responding agreed he was "Not the A--hole" and he was right to expect some attention from his wife.
- Some people suggested he should set up an Instagram account himself, because "if you can't beat 'em join 'em."
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Most people would probably admit to spending too much time on their phones. Some research suggests we look at it upwards of 150 times a day. But a husband had to ask the subreddit r/AmITheA------ whether how annoyed he was getting with his wife for always being on her phone was out of line.
In the subreddit, members can post their dilemmas, and the community responds with a judgment of whether they are overreacting; posting "YTA" means "You're the a--hole."
The community decided, in this case, that the husband was "Not the A-hole."
The post begins with the man saying he loves his wife a lot, but that she spends too much time on social media. They both love fitness, he said, but his wife turned her Instagram into an influencer account and she's been "very successful" with it alongside her full-time job."
"Normally, I despise influencers and the whole culture because, by definition, it's a self-absorbed activity," he wrote.
"I get upset because this consumes her. We finish our days, and she'll basically sit on the couch on her phone either posting, answering questions, or putting all of her workout stuff on her Insta stories."
He said she is absentminded most of the time, and is editing her photos and scrolling on Instagram when they cook, eat together, and watch TV.
He said it was like the parody video "Instagram Husband."
"I've tried setting boundaries," he wrote. "I've said it gets in the way of our relationship. Sometimes she'll lash out [and] say she's trying to build a blog and that I should be a supportive. Other times, she agrees and puts it away. There is no black/white here."
He said they have started to argue, especially when she says she'll do a chore or help with dinner and still hasn't an hour later. But he said the final straw was when his wife was glued to her phone for an hour in bed.
"I called her selfish," he wrote. "I am furious because the whole thing is frustrating and I can't tell if I'm being selfish or not."
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In response, one user commented that work cannot be her whole life, and he wasn't being unreasonable to expect some attention in his marriage.
"She needs to figure out how to balance it with marriage and other important things," the person wrote.
Another said going apoplectic wasn't the answer, but the husband was right to be annoyed.
"You guys should have some time every day where phones are totally put away and you can spend time together, and additionally she can schedule a specific time of the day where she can focus on her account," they suggested.
One user said it seemed borderline obsessional to be on her phone that much, but also asked whether the husband was giving his wife "the attention she needs."
"I'd like to think I'm a pretty damn good husband," he responded. "I agree that it's become an obsession, and if that's true, then the amount of attention I give may not matter."
Another suggested "If you can’t beat 'em join 'em."
"Since you’re into fitness too, and if she’s serious about it, maybe you could set up a little workspace and have a time where you do that Instagram stuff together," they wrote.
"Obviously, she needs to respect your time together and get off her phone ... setting a time each night where you work on it together will get it done faster and will leave time for doing stuff together."