- It's not always clear your partner is jealous because the feeling can be masked in behaviors that seem sweet.
- But it's important to know the signs of jealousy because it's a warning sign of domestic violence.
- Here are 11 signs you have a jealous partner, from making "jokes" about you cheating to stalking your social media from years ago.
- See Insider's homepage for more.
Dealing with a jealous partner may not be something you notice at first because, chances are, it's masked as something "sweet" to start. And while it may not seem like that big of a deal if your partner has jealous tendencies, the National Domestic Violence Hotline sites jealousy as a warning sign of domestic violence.
Although that doesn't mean that every jealous person will become abusive, it does mean that jealousy is an unhealthy trait in a relationship.
Here are 11 signs you're dealing with a jealous partner.
They check up on you 24/7
When you're not spending time with your partner, it's nice to receive a sweet text asking how your day is going, right? Well, author and certified life, dating, and relationship coach Jonathan Bennett said that if your significant other is sending those messages all the time, you may have grounds to be worried.
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"If your partner is only 'concerned' about you when you're around other people, it could be a sign of jealousy rather than genuine worry," he told Insider. "This could involve 'checking up' on you through texts and calls when you're out with friends or at a work function, usually in the name of 'making sure you're ok.'"
There's always an issue if you want to do something without them
Just because you love spending time with your partner doesn't mean time apart can't also be enjoyable. According to Bennett, if your partner makes a big deal when you try to do your own thing, it's a sign of jealousy.
"It's normal for couples to spend time apart and have separate hobbies," Bennett said. "If your partner takes issue with your time away from him or her – no matter what the reason given – it could indicate jealousy. He or she might be afraid you'll meet someone else when you're away."
They've begun to question all of your friendships
If your partner takes issue with your friendships, you should take that as a jealousy red flag.
"Jealous people often worry that you want to date one of your friends," Bennett said. "So, they try to limit your social circle. If your partner tries to pressure you into ignoring friends or 'cleaning up' your social media followers, it could indicate jealousy."
They stalk your social media
Nowadays, plenty of relationships start on social media before they turn into real life meetings, so having someone "like" multiple pictures of yours to get your attention isn't out of the ordinary. But if everything you post is up for discussion, you may be dealing with a jealous partner.
"If you post a selfie, they're the first to like it," Amica Graber, a relationship expert for TruthFinder, told Insider. "If you check in at Bar A when you told them you were going to Bar B, you'll get a text message about it before you even put down your cell phone. They've liked photographs you posted on Instagram over a year ago."
They give themselves away, she added, "by knowing just a bit too much about you."
There's an issue if you even mention someone else
According to Graber, jealous partners also have issues with you mentioning someone else from your past or even in your present life — especially if it's someone they think you could be a attracted to.
"If you mention a friend in passing, and they immediately get tense, this is a sign," she said. "Perhaps they make a sarcastic comment or just visibly appear in a somber mood, but you get a distinct impression that they didn't like the fact you mentioned someone else."
You're being accused of cheating all the time, even though they insist they're "joking"
It's great, even necessary, to have a partner you can laugh and joke with. But when your infidelities – whether imaginary or real – become the topic of the jokes all the time, however, you're surely dealing with a jealous partner.
"Does your partner ever accuse you of cheating, even as a joke?" said Graber. "In the early stages of a relationship, a jealous partner may pass off their comments as humor — but they return to the subject a lot. Do they get twitchy when you spend time on your cell phone or ask to see your text messages? All of these are strong signs that someone has a jealous personality."
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They pick a fight with you every time you're getting ready to go out
The timing of your partner's fight-picking can indicate jealousy too. "If they pick petty fights with you when you are about to go out or at an event, it's so that you do not go out or so that you'll leave the event early,"Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, a forensic psychologist and relationship therapist, told Insider.
Their intention is to isolate you and limit your chances to socialize with others.
They attempt to control your behavior
Setting boundaries with your partner about what you both do and do not like is healthy. But some "boundaries" are really just controlling demands.
"If your partner requires you to do things like compliment them all the time, this is controlling and a sign of jealousy," Bates-Duford said. "Other things like not disagreeing with them in front of others or requiring you pay attention to them and only them are things you should be cautious of, too."
You have to provide details on everything you're doing
Being treated as if you're a child is far from healthy, and Bates-Duford said it's a telltale sign that you're dealing with a jealous partner.
"Whenever your partner is unable to account for your whereabouts, they want you to provide a detailed account to 'fill in the gaps,'" she said. "This is done to track who you are with and what you are doing. A jealous partner looks for a 'theme' to identify and determine if you are spending too much time with a particular person."
They act as if they don't care in social settings
In most healthy relationships, partners tend to engage in conversations with others together. Whether one partner knows the other people in a conversation more than their partner or not, the idea is to work well together and show unison.
If your partner chooses to leave you hanging every time, however, Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert for Maple Holistics, told Insider that you're likely to be dealing with a jealous partner.
"If your significant other seems to be ignoring you when you're talking to other people and pretending like they couldn't care less, it means that they couldn't care more," he said. "Pay attention to how they act toward you in social settings."
They try too hard to win you over
If you're with a jealous partner, you'll notice that they'll go out of their way to do things that will make you show appreciation. It may seem sweet at first, but after some time, you'll notice that something just isn't quite right.
"If your partner feels jealous, they will do everything in their power to make you appreciate them," Backe said. "They'll do everything possible to make you feel as if you need to reassure them that you only have eyes for them and they have no reason to be worried."
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