- Consensually non-monogamous relationships can take on many different forms, including ones that don't involve sex.
- There are three main types of non-monogamous relationships including polyamory, open relationships, and swinging, but often these terms are mixed up or used interchangeably.
- All of these arrangements are fine ways to explore consensually non-monogamous relationships, so long as they involve constant and honest communication among all of the people involved, a sex researcher told Insider.
- Visit Insider's homepage for more.
If you've never been in a non-monogamous relationship or aren't close to someone who is, chances are the words "open relationship" or "polyamory" conjure up the same images of people who have sex with multiple partners.
In reality, consensually non-monogamous relationships can take on many different forms, and some don't even involve sex. The three main types are polyamory, open relationships, and swinging.
"All of these variations of consensual non-monogamy are valid," Amy Moors, a researcher at Chapman University who studies consensual non-monogamy, told Insider.
They're also not all the same, even though they're often mixed up or used interchangeably. Knowing the difference is important to help destigamtize the arrangements, which some people may assume just involve sleeping around when they're really about making choices that that enhance people's sexual and romantic lives.
The differences are especially important to understand if you're considering such an arrangement yourself. After all, how awkward would it be if you think you're getting no-strings-attached sex but the other party wants an emotional relationship only?
Here's what sets polyamory, open relationships, and swinging apart.
Polyamory involves having multiple romantic relationships
Since consensual non-monogamy defies the idea that one type of relationship works best for everyone, these terms may hold different meaning to different people. Generally speaking though, people in polyamorous relationships have multiple romantic partners they date and their connection goes beyond the physical. Quite literally, polyamory means "multiple loves."
Actress Bella Thorne, for example, shared that she previously dated YouTube star Tana Mongeau and rapper Mod Sun at the same time.
According to Moors, polyamorous people could have a primary partner they live with or have kids with, as well as other secondary partners with whom they share an emotional connection, go on dates, and have sex.
Other polyamorous people might not have a primary partner though and try to more equally share the time they spend with their two, three, or however many partners they have.
In other cases, polyamory could mean a person and their two or more partners all date each other, but that isn't always the case.
Open relationships tend to be more about sexual relationships
When it comes to open relationships, people in them tend to explore sex with others outside of their relationship but reserve emotional and romantic connections for their primary partner.
"Open relationships are more likely to have a 'don't ask, don't tell' rule," than polyamorous relationships, Terri Conley, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Michigan who focuses on sexual behavior and socialization, told Refinery29.
In some cases, a monogamous couple may choose to "open" their relationship after being sexually exclusive for some time so they are free to explore sex with others.
Swinging also involves sex outside of your primary relationship
Swinging, like an open relationship, involves partners having physical intimacy with someone who isn't their spouse or primary partner, but often includes the primary partner too.
An example of swinging includes having a threesome, where you and your primary partner agree to have a sexual experience with a third person who isn't romantically involved.
Other times, swinging looks like swapping spouses with another couple for a sexual experience outside of your primary relationship.
Moors said these arrangements can be referred to as "monogamish" because "while the couple may be having threesomes, they really still like that title of monogamy."
All of these arrangements are fine ways to explore consensual non-monogamy, so long as they involve constant and honest communication among all of the people involved in the arrangement, Moors said.
Whether monogamous, monogamish, or non-monogamous, "people can have very healthy and fulfilling relationships and it's likely a byproduct of the fact that they've agreed on the terms of their relationship and what's making them happy, whether it's to remain exclusive or non-exclusive," Moors said.
Read more:
- The one mistake monogamous couples make when considering polyamory, according to a sex researcher
- People who think they'd be too jealous in an open relationship may have bigger problems
- 3 people reveal why polyamorous relationships work for them