As the holiday season ramps up and the gift giving pressure builds, it's easy to forget the point of gift giving.
You know, to express your love and make your loved ones feel special.
If only it were that easy.
I can tell you anything about my husband. His weird habits, what he wants for dinner, and generally what he's thinking at any moment. But I couldn't begin to tell you his perfect present.
Every holiday I try my hardest, and every holiday I feel like I missed the mark.
What's worse, I have to do all of this without him knowing — and we have a joint budget. Of course, he goes through the same frustration for me.
Here's how we manage this process and keep the element of surprise alive.
Keep most of your money together.
The first thing my husband and I did when we created a budget together was open a joint account. We wanted to share our responsibilities as a family. But we also wanted to keep some autonomy. So we kept our separate accounts open as well.
Here's how it works: Our pay is directly deposited into our joint account and all bills are paid from there. But at the beginning of the month, we also move a small percentage of the monthly funds from that account into our separate accounts.
This gives us room for buying the occasional cookie, lunch, or even item that we've been wanting. It's also great for gift-giving. I can buy my husband a present as a surprise anytime! This is the ideal situation for us. We feel bonded together through our joint accounts but we also don't have to to check in with each other on every single purchase.
Keep a general budget in mind.
Separate accounts have a way of highlighting separate budgeting styles as well. My husband and I go back and forth on who's the "spender" and who's the "saver" depending on the time of year. That means we never have the same amount of money in our separate accounts — though we put the same amount in each month.
Because of this, we try to maintain a general gift-giving budget. We don't currently need to sit down and discuss a number because we've (luckily) fallen into step naturally on that — but that doesn't mean we won't have to in the future. However, we do have a discussion.
For example, there's a lot on our plates right now squeezing our budget. As the holidays approached, we realized we were both feeling more worried about buying each other holiday gifts than excited. Plus, we both want one thing in particular the most: a puppy.
With that goal in mind and in the effort to keep more of our money (even our separate money) fluid, we're nixing holiday gifts this year. The best part is — after saying our worries out loud, we both felt instant relief!
Keep it fun.
Just because my husband and I aren't doing holiday gifts this year doesn't mean things will always be that way. We're just at a moment in which what we really want is something we want collectively — and we'd rather save our money for that instead.
But he still loves gifts and so do I! We may find more room to buy each other nice things in the future. And when we do, it will be easy thanks to our small separate accounts. In the meantime, we focus on finding the fun in every occasion.
Because really, isn't that what it's all about?
Shannon McNay is the community builder at ReadyForZero.