When people compare themselves to their partners, they may think most highly of themselves.
Psychologists tested this assumption, and published the results earlier this year in the journal Personal Relationships.
In the first experiment, researchers asked participants to list 10 traits their partner exhibited more than them, and then rate how desirable they thought those traits were. The participants found their own traits more desirable than their partners'.
In the second and third experiments, participants rated how much they and their partner exhibited certain positive and negative traits. The results showed that people were more likely to associate positive traits with themselves than with their partners.
"Our studies found that, overall, people indeed rate their personality as better than that of their partner when forced to compare," the researchers concluded in the study.
This could have profound effects on relationships, the researchers continued. "Even if self-enhancement only slightly dominates partner enhancement, this could result in feelings of entitlement that cause people to make selfish decisions within their relationship, particularly in situations in which choices for oneself versus one’s partner are at odds."
The researchers gave the example that one person could decide their partner should stay home with the kids while they go to a party — because they feel they deserve it more.
There were some variations among answers, though. People who said they were more satisfied with their relationship and people who had lower self-esteem tended to rate their partners higher. But even they still favored themselves overall.
While the study provides some interesting potential insights into relationships, it had some limitations. It was small, with only 104 participants in the first experiment, 62 college students in the second, and 251 people in the third. That's too few people to generalize into the whole population. Participants in the first and third experiments were in longer term relationships, with the mean time together at almost nine years.
And since the results were self-reported, it's tough to really know if people are being honest with themselves and with the researchers when they talk about how they feel or how happy they are in a relationship.
But the findings remind us to try to be less selfish, and appreciate our partners a little more.
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