From Google cofounder Sergey Brin's split from 23andMe founder Anne Wojcicki to SpaceX founder Elon Musk's second divorce from actress Talulah Riley, the separation of several high-powered couples signals to some that extreme career success comes at the expense of relationship success.
But relationship experts say this doesn't always ring true. You can have a successful marriage and balance high-powered careers — it just takes work.
Dr. Mike McNulty, a Master Certified Gottman Therapist, says maintaining a marital friendship, romance, and intimacy, managing ongoing conflict that is inevitable in marriage, and creating and maintaining a meaningful relationship is more challenging for partners with successful careers because they have less time to do so.
He says these couples are at more risk when the connection to the career becomes primary, and the commitment to and trust in the relationship becomes questionable. "Having a spouse addicted to work can feel like as much of a betrayal as extramarital affair to the other spouse," McNulty says.
But as research psychologist and couples counselor John Gottman explains in his book "What Makes Love Last," 40 years of research shows that trust and commitment are crucial to holding relationships together. "When both partners have a strong commitment to a relationship, this leads to a strong sense of trust, which makes love last," McNulty explains.
Here's how some of the most successful married couples keep their relationships strong:
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1. They prioritize spending time together.
Handel Group co-president and life coach Laurie Gerber says shared experiences are key.
Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg, for example, drew up a relationship agreement with his then-girlfriend and now wife Priscilla Chan when she moved to Palo Alto, California, several years ago. In it, he agreed to take her on a date once a week and spend 100 minutes of alone time each week with her outside the office or his apartment.
McNulty says creating rituals can help. "Rituals are more formal ways of connecting and ensure spouses reserve time for one another or their families and make specific plans to do the things they want to do," he explains.
Whether it's a weekly date night or a trip for just the immediate family, he says busy, successful partners have to be more careful with their time to make sure they connect with one another and enjoy the things that define or give meaning to their relationships.
2. Their time is spent doing good.
Gerber says it also helps if power couples spend time doing things outside of the ego.
Last year Zuckerberg and Chan launched the philanthropic LLC the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative together, and Bill and Melinda Gates have overseen their own foundation together since 2000.
"People dedicated to making the world better or with a spiritual side seem to have more chance of success in partnership because they aren't depending on external factors only to feel good," she says.
3. They listen and empathize.
"Make time every day to talk with your spouse, in person or by phone, about one another's lives," McNulty says, noting that texting is often not enough.
"Focus on the stressful things or events that are important to your spouse. Listen. Help your spouse express his or her feelings. Empathize. Show support. Don't problem solve or fix. Most of us just want to be heard," he explains.
According to McNulty, Gottman's research shows that this kind of conversation is the one common thing that all successful couples do after marriage therapy.
In The Gottman Method of Couple Therapy, he says this kind of conversation is called a "stress reducing conversation.""Successful, busy couples' relationships will suffer if they fail to find a way to have this type of conversation on a regular basis," McNulty says.
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