• Likeable people aren't necessarily born that way — having a friendly personality, good listening skills, and manners all contribute to whether you form connections or push people away.
• Whether you're dating, networking, or trying to make new friends, the impression you leave on others can affect your career success and overall wellbeing.
• Here are a handful of signs that you aren't as likeable as you think, according to performance psychologist Dr. Rob Yeung.

Rubbing someone the wrong way not only can give you a bad reputation, but can also hinder your chances of creating meaningful connections. This, in turn, can affect your success at work and in life.

"Recent research suggests that most untrained interviewers have made up their minds within the first 15 minutes of an interview,"Dr. Rob Yeung, a performance psychologist and author of "How To Stand Out: Proven Tactics for Getting Ahead," told Business Insider. "The rest is just courtesy."

Sometimes a person others find annoying doesn't even realize he or she is pushing people away. Here are a handful of signs that you may not be as likeable as you think.

SEE ALSO: 22 signs your coworkers secretly hate you

1. You don’t pick up on social cues

Not being able to identify cues in a social situation can lead to confusion, awkwardness, and even repulsion by the other person.

A study published in The Journal of Social Psychology examined how Canadian subjects interpret verbal and nonverbal communication cues. The researchers found that nonverbal cues can influence impressions and whether people like each other. Being able to detect the interest level of others through social cues determines whether or not you're categorized as boring, for example.

The ability to listen well and respond to both verbal and nonverbal communication from the person you're interacting with is critical for likeability.

"For example, there's a considerable body of research showing that most people are happy to punish transgressors who disobey social norms," Yeung said.

2. You like to 'one-up' others

Many people don't like to think of themselves as "one-uppers," although it's easy to spot when someone else is doing it, according to Loretta Graziano Breuning, Ph.D., a professor emerita of management at California State University East Bay.

One-upping is a symptom of reverting back to the mammalian instincts in us, Breuning wrote in Psychology Today. When we encounter another person, we are inclined to compare ourselves to that person. The brain releases serotonin, which makes us feel good, when we are in the "one-up" position over someone else, because that promotes survival, she wrote.

If you feel tempted to tout your own accomplishments every time someone else mentions theirs, it could be making you less likeable.

3. You have an arrogant personality

People who exhibit arrogant behavior only care about themselves and show little concern for the wellbeing of others, Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., wrote in Psychology Today. In addition, frustratingly, arrogance can put people ahead of their competitors in politics and business, leading them to success, she wrote.

Arrogant behavior can include taking credit for other people's work and achievements, overreacting to criticism, and belittling others, according to a study published in the journal Human Performance.

These traits may be easy to point out in the abstract, but in the moment, an arrogant person may be so used to acting that way that they don’t realize how they’re coming across. 

“Evolutionary psychologists believe that one of the reasons humans came to dominate the planet is that we evolved to cooperate with each other, which means being able to trust other people,” Yeung said. “As such, certain habits that promote aggression, status, or dominance over other people tend to erode trust.”

• Relationship expert Andrea Syrtash shared some of the top signs that you and your partner could be ready for marriage.
• Those signs include having shared values and goals and having open conversations about sex.
• Ultimately, you and your partner are the only people who can decide whether you're ready to commit long-term.

Today's young couples aren't making rash decisions when it comes to marriage.

A report by dating site eHarmony reveals that 25- to 34-year-olds across the US (not just eHarmony users) knew their partner for an average of 6.5 years before tying the knot. That's compared to an average of five years for all age groups surveyed.

You could, theoretically, spend all of eternity trying to decide whether your partner is the right partner for you. But who has all of eternity to wait?

We asked Andrea Syrtash, a relationship expert, founder of Pregnantish, and author of "He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing)", for the top signs that you and your partner could be ready to make a lifelong commitment to each other.

Here's what she told us:

SEE ALSO: Divorce isn't a failure, therapists say. In fact, it could mean the marriage was a success.

You're the best version of yourself when you're with your partner

"It's amazing how often we put the focus on the other person — what he or she is offering," Syrtash said. "We don't look at who we are with them."

She went on: "You know you're ready to be in a long-term partnership when you can honestly say, 'This person is bringing out my best. I'm a good version of myself with this person.' That's a really good litmus test."

Syrtash's insights recall those of Ellen McCarthy, author of "The Real Thing" and a former weddings reporter for The Washington Post. McCarthy writes that the one word she heard couples use over and over again to describe their relationship was "comfortable."

As McCarthy puts it, a solid partner is like a "good pair of pajamas."

You have shared values and goals

"Hopefully, you're not getting married or thinking about long-term commitment before you've talked about future goals," Syrtash said.

Discussion topics should include kids, religion, and finances.

"If you feel that you've talked through significant future goals together and you're aligned, that's also a good sign."

Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development at Cornell University, spoke with a series of older Americans for his book "30 Lessons for Loving" and learned about the importance of shared values.

One 86-year-old man told Pillemer that it's important to find out from your partner: "What do they care about? How do they think about the world? What matters to them?"

You've talked openly about your finances

Money is a common source of conflict in a marriage, Syrtash said. "So we want to have open conversations before we are legally bound to each other."

For example, is one person coming into the relationship with significant student loans or credit-card debt?

According to Michelle Brownstein, Vice President of Private Client Services at Personal Capital, every couple should have three important money conversations: how they spend and save, how they envision a potential child's future, and whether to rent or buy a home.

Infidelity is something you hope you never have to deal with —then one day you spot a text on your partner’s phone that is just a little too friendly. But, before you smash all your partner’s belongings and kick them out of the house, take a moment to reflect on the best way to react to the situation.

Even though your emotions might try to sway you towards having an aggressive, screaming confrontation with your partner, that’s not always the best way to resolve the issue. You’re a mature adult and, although the situation isn’t ideal, you should time to slow your roll, because you and your relationship will be better off for it.

So, without further ado, here are the best things to do if you think your partner is cheating, according to psychotherapist and relationship expert Alex Carling.

Make a pros and cons list.

It might seem trivial, but making a for and against list can help you face reality head-on. Is the relationship worth pursuing if your suspicions of cheating are confirmed? Can you move forward after a cheating incident? These are all important questions to ask yourself, and a pros and cons list can definitely help put that reality into perspective.

“Sometimes a suspicion, if left, can grow and grow," Carling said. "We may be seeing validation where there isn't any because we become so consumed, we can start to twist our reality. Drawing a list helps you externalize (get it out of your head) and see it from a different perspective — this may be enough to soothe you or encourage you to take direct action."

Analyze your list for "red flags."

Taking a look at your past relationships can help give you clarity in the here and now. Are there any notable thoughts or experiences on your pro-con list that you’ve encountered in the past? What do these actions and feelings mean to you? You might be able to better understand your own projections and suspicions by reflecting on what went wrong in your past relationships.

“Sometimes we can project our past experiences onto our new partners or we can project our own insecurities onto them too," Carling said. "When we do this, we're subconsciously looking for ways to reinforce our beliefs about people or ourselves. Taking some time to look at your list beyond face value may help you see some familiar patterns in your relationships and your actions within them — knowing these things can give you more choices when moving forwards."

Seek out supportive friends.

Finding people in your life that are supportive and willing to give you advice (whether or not you want to hear it) is an important and mature action to take, especially if you think your partner is cheating on you.

“Sometimes saying things out loud can change the power of the thought and if they've known you long enough, they could help you make some familiar links (i.e. confront your negative thinking and remind you how often you do this). Supportive friends also have you as a priority in situations like this, they don't have an ulterior motive for drama, for example. Let's say you decide after speaking to your friend, to confront your partner; if they have been cheating, then you already have someone there who knows and who can help you pick up the pieces — this will reduce the risk of you isolating yourself and suffering in silence," Carling said.

• A new study has found a link between loneliness and increased risk of death from heart problems.
• Researchers found people with heart diseases were more likely to die if they had poor social connections.
• Loneliness can have a detrimental impact on both our minds and bodies.
• And going through tough moments in life, including disease, can be even harder without a support network.

Our hearts can sometimes respond dramatically to our emotional state. For example, Broken Heart Syndrome is when heartbreak triggers sudden, intense chest pain, which can lead to severe heart muscle failure — despite the heart being otherwise healthy.

According to a new study, presented last weekend at EuroHeartCare 2018, the European Society of Cardiology's annual nursing congress, loneliness can be a strong predictor of dying too soon.

The research, led by Anne Vinggaard Christensen, a PhD student at The Heart Centre, Copenhagen University Hospital in Denmark, investigated whether loneliness was associated with worse health in 13,463 people with various heart problems. Researchers used data from questionnaires the patients had filled out about their physical and mental health, lifestyle, smoking habits, and friendships.

Specifically, friendship questions were based around living alone, whether they felt lonely, and whether they felt they had someone to talk to. It was important to collect a wide range of information, because being lonely and being alone are not the same thing.

"Loneliness is more common today than ever before, and more people live alone," said Vinggaard Christensen. "Loneliness is a strong predictor of premature death, worse mental health, and lower quality of life in patients with cardiovascular disease, and a much stronger predictor than living alone, in both men and women."

This was true regardless of the type of heart disease, and even when the results were adjusted to take into account the patient's age, level of education, other health problems and diseases, BMI, smoking, and alcohol intake. Overall, loneliness was associated with a doubled risk of death for women, and nearly double for men.

Both men and women who felt lonely were three times more likely to report being anxious or depressed, and their quality of life was significantly lower. Vinggaard Christensen said it could be because people with poor social support could look after themselves less, in terms of taking their medicine and their lifestyle, but the results strongly support the hypothesis that loneliness is to blame.

"We live in a time when loneliness is more present and health providers should take this into account when assessing risk," she said.

The new study supports previous research that has shown how loneliness can impact our health in a serious way. For example, one study found how scoring low on social support can carry a similar health risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Another showed how it can increase inflammation, because our bodies may still perceive being alone as a threat — dating back to our caveman days.

Whatever the physiological reasons, it is clear loneliness is detrimental to our physical and mental health. We are social animals, and if our social lives aren't fulfilling us to the level we desire, the tough moments in life can feel even harder.

SEE ALSO: Lonely millennials are at a greater risk of developing anxiety and depression — but the reasons for their isolation are unclear

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• Chrissy Teigen recently posted a photo of her 2-year-old daughter holding an Arthur doll. 
• She captioned the image, "Luna and daddy," referencing a longstanding meme that insists that her husband, John Legend, looks very similar to the cartoon character.
• She also wrote that the doll is hers from childhood and joked, "maybe I've been attracted to Arthur my whole life and now I found my real life human one."
• "Wow," Legend responded.

Chrissy Teigen is so good at the internet that even her most mundane thoughts and throwaway comments are headline-worthy.

It stands to reason, then, that Teigen is extremely well-versed in Twitter humor and meme culture. And she recently demonstrated this prowess with a simple Instagram post.

The photo, which shows her 2-year-old daughter clutching an Arthur doll, is captioned: "Luna and daddy." 

Those who are in on the joke will immediately recognize this as an expert troll. A longstanding meme insists that Luna's father and Teigen's husband, John Legend, looks exactly like the titular aardvark from the cartoon "Arthur." If you've seen it, you can't unsee it; in fact, Legend himself has acknowledged the resemblance.

But Teigen didn't stop there. She continued with a comment under the post, claiming that the doll is her own from childhood.

"My mom has kept it all this time," she wrote. "Maybe I've been attracted to Arthur my whole life and now I found my real life human one." 

Legend, for his part, kept his reaction short and sweet: "Wow."

This is not the first time that Teigen has given the resemblance her stamp of approval. She doubled down on her meme references when she posted a photo of Arthur's curled first, commonly used to signal frustration, and wrote: "John when you tell him he looks like Arthur."

She also applauded a fake Arthur account on Twitter for being "shady" towards her husband.

We tend to agree with the Instagram account @commentsbycelebs — this is some of Teigen's best work yet.

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• Even though some people don't believe in it, there's actually science behind the feeling of falling in love at first sight.
• True, deep love may not exist yet when you first meet someone, but you may create the memory of falling in love later on in your relationship.
• Some scientists do believe that love at first sight can be real for certain people, but staying in love is the deeper challenge.

Do you believe in love at first sight? According to a 2017 poll from dating site Elite Singles (via Harper's Bazaar), 61% of women and 72% of men think that love at first sight is real — that's a lot of people. Of course, it's hard to compare the way you love someone after you've spent years together making memories and being there for each other through the good and the bad, but there's definitely something to be said for instantly making a connection with someone the moment you meet. And as far as science is concerned, there's a reason you might feel that way.

The next time you think you're falling in love as soon as that first date begins — or if you feel like you and your current partner knew it would be forever from the second your eyes first met — these theories could explain why.

There's an actual chemical reaction in your brain that makes you feel love.

Feeling those butterflies immediately? There's a reason for that. As neuropsychotherapist Dr. Trisha Stratford told The Huffington Post, when you feel like you're falling in love, a chemical reaction is actually happening in your brain, releasing all those warm, fuzzy feelings. Your brain is creating dopamine and serotonin, and Stratford said that it "looks like the brain of someone high on heroin." Because of those chemicals, you may feel an instant attachment to someone, and as long as your brain can sense that attachment is returned, it is on.

"When you look into another person's eyes, your adaptive oscillators — which are part of the prefrontal vortex, which is the orbital frontal complex — these lock between you and your partner and it forms this loop," Stratford said. "The greater the feeling here, the stronger the feeling of love. From there, these adaptive oscillators just pull you together and guide the two mouths together and you kiss. So there are chemicals in everything."

See? Science.

Love at first sight can actually be a "positive illusion" you and your partner create yourselves.

We all know that our memories can definitely be affected over time, but apparently, you may also remember meeting a longtime partner a little differently if you want to believe that you were just as in love with them as ever from the very first day. According to Psychology Today, a 2017 study by researchers at the University of Groningen revealed that love at first sight may actually be a "positive illusion"— meaning that you and your partner may think you fell in love immediately because of the way you feel about each other months or years later.

The study also revealed that most people who experienced love at first sight ended up in a long term relationship with that person, which is what lead the researchers to believe that love at first sight is a memory bias and not its own unique type of love, as many people might think.

Another fun fact from this study? Talking about your first meeting with your partner and how you both felt at the time can actually make you feel more connected and in love.

It could all start with instant attraction.

In a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, scientists discovered that people can decide almost immediately if they find someone attractive, and the phenomenon of love at first sight cannot happen without that initial attraction. Within seconds (or even less), your brain knows if it's interested in who it's looking at, and this can often be what leads to a lasting relationship.

What you might think of as love at first sight might actually be attraction at first sight, but don't feel bad — that's important, too. That instant attraction might be what helps you realize you want to get to know someone better, and who knows? That could be the person you end up spending the rest of your life with.

• Kissing each other is one of the most popular ways we show each other affection.
• However, we transfer around 80 million bacteria for every 10 seconds of kissing.
• Happy National Kissing Day.

Kissing is one of our favourite disgusting activities.

Looking at it objectively, sharing saliva with someone else is a pretty gross thing to do. In fact, we transfer approximately 80 million bacteria for every ten seconds we're kissing each other.

The majority of these germs are totally benign, so it's nothing to worry about.

But it's still weird to think about inviting someone to share their spit with you — so why do we do it?

First of all, it makes us feel good. Our lips are packed full of receptor cells, which make them very sensitive. In fact, along with fingertips, they are thought to have the highest concentrations of receptor cells.

When you enjoy kissing someone, these receptors shoot signals to your brain, and you release chemicals like dopamine, which fuels your reward system, and makes you want to carry on kissing.

Endorphins, your body's natural painkillers, are also released, which enhance the feeling of pleasure. If it's a really good kiss, your brain may also release oxytocin, the "love hormone," which makes us feel warm and cuddly, and increases our attachment to the other person.

Male saliva contains measurable amounts of testosterone, which could also increase your libido (if you're kissing a man.)

Dr Sarah Johns, an expert in human reproduction and evolutionary psychology at the University of Kent, told The Independent that as well as being an emotion-driven act, kissing helps us pick our most compatible partner.

"Humans don't have strong olfactory skills and kissing allows you to smell and taste a person and see if you have different immune responses as we tend to feel more attracted to someone with a different immune response," she said.

"The major histocompatibility complex is detectable in body odour, so by kissing and tasting someone it gives the opportunity to assess how similar or different that individual is to you biochemically."

In other words, somehow your body may be able to detect whether reproducing with the person you're kissing would be an evolutionary risk or not.

She added that feeling arousal can inhibit feelings of disgust, meaning we don't necessarily think of all the gross things we're doing while we're doing them, because we're too turned on.

Nobody really knows where kissing came from

There's some debate about whether we started kissing each other for cultural reasons, or if it's something we evolved to do biologically.

About 90% of human populations kiss in some way or another, with the majority of others doing similar things in replacement such as rubbing noses, suggesting it could be something instinctual.

Kissing also isn't unique to humans. Primates such as bonobos often kiss each other, and cats and dogs lick and groom one another.

Some scientists believe that kissing could have evolved from "kiss-feeding" behaviours, which is when mothers pass food from their own mouths to their offspring. Birds still do this with their chicks. One theory is that over time, pressing lips became known as an act of caretaking and love.

According to evolutionary psychologists at the University of Albany, the way men and women feel about kissing can differ quite significantly.

In a study of 1,041 college students, the researchers found that women placed more emphasis on kissing, seeing it more as a deal-breaker. They were more likely than men to insist on kissing before having sex, and emphasising the importance of kissing during and after sexual encounters.

Men were more happy to have sex without kissing, and weren't that bothered about whether their partner was a good kisser or not. They were also more likely than women to initiate french kissing (with tongues.)

So whether it's an evolutionary thing, or just something we've picked up, humans really enjoy kissing. It might be gross on paper, but it looks like the benefits outweigh the costs on this one.

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• In a Thursday appearance on "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert,"YouTube star Liza Koshy opened up about her recent breakup with David Dobrik.
• Koshy told Colbert that making a YouTube video to announce her breakup with Dobrik six months after the fact was a part of the healing process. 
• "We wanted to heal first," she said of their decision to wait six months to announce their split. "We wanted to give ourselves some time to come to an understanding and be able to be best friends and be in each other’s lives still without being in a romantic relationship and still be able to create online."
• Colbert said the former couple's friendship is a "terrible idea."
• But Koshy thinks there's more to their relationship than romance. "For those six months, we took that time for ourselves to grow," she said. "And to create, still, together and show the world that you can be friends, that you can still be in love." 
• Watch the full interview below.

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• Relationships are complicated, and every relationship is different.
• That said, scientists have identified some predictors of success in relationships that are important to consider before getting married.
• For example: getting excited for each other's news is a good thing and moving in to "test" the relationship usually isn't.

Thinking about popping the question?

Before you do, consider the large and growing body of scientific research on relationships: what strengthens and weakens them and what predicts long-term success versus dissolution.

Below, we've put together a list of 15 nontrivial facts about relationships to consider before you hire a wedding planner.

This is an update of an article originally posted by Drake Baer.

SEE ALSO: 10 myths about dating too many people believe

If you wait until you're 23 to commit, you're less likely to get divorced.

A 2014 University of North Carolina at Greensboro study found that American women who cohabitate or get married at age 18 have a 60% divorce rate, but women who wait until 23 to make either of those commitments have a divorce rate around 30%.

"The longer couples waited to make that first serious commitment [cohabitation or marriage], the better their chances for marital success,"The Atlantic reported.

The 'in love' phase lasts about a year.

The honeymoon phase doesn't go on forever.

According to a 2005 study by the University of Pavia in Italy, it lasts about a year. After that, levels of a chemical called "nerve growth factor," which is associated with intense romantic feelings, start to fall.

Helen Fisher, a psychologist and relationship expert, told Business Insider that it's unclear when exactly the "in love" feeling starts to fade, but it does so "for good evolutionary reasons," she said, because "it's very metabolically expensive to spend an awful lot of time just focusing on just one person in that high-anxiety state."

Two people can be compatible — or incompatible — on multiple levels.

Back in the 1950s and '60s, Canadian psychologist Eric Berne introduced a three-tiered model for understanding a person's identity. He found that each of us have three "ego states" operating at once:

• The parent: What you've been taught

• The child: What you have felt

• The adult: What you have learned

When you're in a relationship, you relate on each of those levels:

• The parent: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world?

• The child: Do you have fun together? Can you be spontaneous? Do you think your partner's hot? Do you like to travel together?

• The adult: Does each person think the other is bright? Are you good at solving problems together?

While having symmetry across all three is ideal, people often get together to "balance each other." For instance, one may be nurturing and the other playful.

• Coffee Meets Bagel cofounder and co-CEO Dawoon Kang met her current partner on the app several years ago.
• In her profile, she mentioned that she was "in pursuit of my personal legend" and was looking for someone who "aspires to be a contribution to the world."
• Kang said too many people are embarrassed about saying what they really want in a relationship because it's not "cool"— but otherwise, they probably won't find what they're looking for.

My since-deleted OKCupid profile began with a poem.

I kid you not: I wrote a few lines of rhyming verse to explain who I was and what I was looking for in a relationship.

In retrospect, this was ridiculous — and not just because who writes a poem on a dating site? — but also because I lied. "Not looking for love," read the penultimate line.

Why did I say this? I was 100% most definitely looking for love, and I imagine there were plenty of other people on the service looking for the same thing. (After all, a Tinder survey found that 80% of its users say they're seeking a meaningful relationship.)

It wasn't until I spoke with Dawoon Kang, cofounder and co-CEO of dating app Coffee Meets Bagel, over the phone in June, that I was able to do the necessary introspection.

"I sense we feel a little bit embarrassed about saying what we want in a relationship or a person," Kang told me. "There is, culturally, a trend of 'caring too much is not cool.'"

Kang was not interested in being cool when she put together her Coffee Meets Bagel profile several years ago. And whatever she did clearly worked, because she's still dating the person she met on the app.

Kang couldn't remember verbatim what she wrote, but said she wrote something like this: "I am in pursuit of my personal legend, and in search of wonder, someone who strives to be her best every day."

And she wrote that she appreciated when her date was "curious, aspires to be a contribution to the world, wants to connect and really get to know each other."

Kang told me on the phone, "People feel like this is so cheesy."

Still, she said, "What I really want to encourage people to be is yourself. Cool or not, if that's what you want, say that, because otherwise how is the other person going to know? And you really want to not waste time attracting the wrong people."

This approach is working for Coffee Meets Bagel. In May, the app raised $12 million, meaning it has raised a total of nearly $20 million since launching in 2012.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, none of the people I met on OKCupid fell under the "love" category. You could argue that I effectively sabotaged my own chances.

As Kang said, "Don't be afraid to say what you want, because that will attract the right type of people."

SEE ALSO: The cofounder of Coffee Meets Bagel says there's a big difference between how men and women date online

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• Romantic attraction is complicated.
• But scientists have generated many insights into what might make men attractive to women.
• For example, men who look older, sport a light beard, or do volunteer work are generally considered more appealing.

Romantic attraction is a complicated thing that scientists still don't completely understand.

But, through research and experimentation, they've come up with many ideas about what draws one person to another.

Below, Business Insider has rounded up some of the most compelling scientific insights about the traits and behaviors that make men more appealing to women.

The best part? None of the items on this list require you to get cosmetic surgery or do a major personality overhaul. We're talking small tweaks, like acting nicer and swapping your deodorant.

Read on for simple ways to step up your dating game.

This is an update of an article originally posted by Drake Baer.

SEE ALSO: 13 science-backed ways to appear more attractive

Look for the universal signals of flirtation

Rutgers University anthropologist and best-selling author Helen E. Fisher says that women around the world signal interest with a remarkably similar sequence of expressions.

As she shared at Psychology Today, it goes like this:

"First the woman smiles at her admirer and lifts her eyebrows in a swift, jerky motion as she opens her eyes wide to gaze at him. Then she drops her eyelids, tilts her head down and to the side, and looks away. Frequently she also covers her face with her hands, giggling nervously as she retreats behind her palms.

"This sequential flirting gesture is so distinctive that [German ethologist Irenaus] Eibl-Eibesfeldt was convinced it is innate, a human female courtship ploy that evolved eons ago to signal sexual interest."

Look for someone 'in your league'

Men — and women — are attracted to people who are as attractive as they are.

In one study, researchers at the University of California at Berkeley looked at the behavior of 60 heterosexual male and 60 heterosexual female users on an online dating site. While the majority of users were inclined to reach out to highly attractive people, they were most likely to get a response if that person was about as attractive as they were (as judged by independent raters).

"If you go for someone roughly [equal] to you in attractiveness, it avoids two things,"Nottingham Trent University psychologist Mark Sergeant, who was not involved with the study, told The Independent. "If they are much better-looking than you, you are worried about them going off and having affairs. If they are much less attractive, you are worried that you could do better."

Present yourself as high status

A 2010 study from the University of Wales Institute found that men pictured with a Silver Bentley Continental GT were perceived as way more attractive than those pictures with a Red Ford Fiesta ST.

And a 2014 study from Cardiff Metropolitan University found that men pictured in a luxury apartment were rated more attractive than those in a control group.

Interestingly, men don't seem to be more attracted to women when they're pictured in a high-status context.

• According to a new survey, nearly two thirds of people have looked through their partner's private messages.
• A third of people admitted to doing it less than six months into their relationship.
• People snoop for various reasons. They might have been hurt in the past, or they might simply be curious.
• But it's important to remember a conversation is always superior to an invasion of privacy.
• And the minute you go through your partner's things, it's you who becomes untrustworthy.

Have you ever looked through your partner's phone? Be honest. It might not even have been fueled by jealousy — perhaps you were just curious one day about who your significant other had been talking to recently. But instead of asking them, you decided to do some sleuthing on your own.

The home improvement app Porch conducted a survey recently that found 57% of people have gone through their partner's text or call history, and 50% have checked their Facebook activity.

The company surveyed 1,000 people currently in relationships, finding that 49.6% of male respondents had snooped through their partner's devices, while 67.3% of women were guilty of it.

Also, a third of the sleuths admitted to invading their partner's privacy less than six months into dating. Marriage didn't have much of a positive impact on trust either, with over 66% of married people still snooping on their spouses.

Checking up on your partner isn't particularly denoting of trust. And along with communication, trust is heralded as one of the major aspects of making a relationship work in the first place.

According to Erika Ettin, relationship coach and founder of dating site A Little Nudge, there are two sides to the "trust" coin: your past experiences, and your partner's behaviour towards you.

"If you've had prior experiences with putting trust in someone who has subsequently broken it, then you're more inclined to project that distrust onto a new partner," she told Business Insider. "No one should have to pay — in this case by you snooping — for your prior negative experiences."

She added that instead of making your partner the bearer of that burden, you would be better off seeking advice from a therapist or counsellor. That way you can work through your trust issues in a safe place, and find out whether your fears are justified or if you're trying to push someone away.

"On the flip side, if your partner gives you reason to suspect that something unsavory is going on, then you might also be inclined to snoop," Ettin added. Because there is always the possibility your partner is up to no good.

In the survey, the biggest incentive for snooping wasn't trust or infidelity — it was curiosity. Over 56% of people said they looked through their partner's messages not because they were looking for anything in particular, but just because they were curious.

Although, about 36% said they were afraid their partner was lying, and about 27% thought they might be cheating.

Whatever the motivation, and whether you've had issues in the past with unfaithful partners or not, having a conversation with your partner is always going to be superior to jumping to conclusions and putting your nose where it shouldn't be, Ettin said.

"Ask what's going on, not to put him or her on the defensive, but to open the conversation," she said. "Most things can be resolved with open communication. Snooping through someone's things is not healthy. Whether you find out something you didn't want to or not, get down to the root cause of your distrust and address that."

However, respondents were not all sorry for their behaviour. In fact, the majority (78%) said they didn't feel guilty for prying into their partner's personal life. Perhaps because the feelings of relief after finding nothing, or the vindication after finding something, are too strong to outweigh any regret.

"The temptation will always be there, even if there's no reason for it at all, but just as we practice self-control when we go to the gym vs. happy hour, self-control is important here in order to maintain an honest and healthy relationship," Ettin said. "And remember, the minute you snoop, you're the one who becomes untrustworthy."

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• Japan has begun offering classes and celebrating holidays that encourage men to appreciate their wives.
• Right now Japan is in the midst of a fertility crisis, which could be partly related to the lack of steady jobs for men and partly related to the all-consuming nature of work.
• The creator of "Beloved Wives Day, "the holiday that encourages men to appreciate their wives, says the "adoring husband" could be part of a traditional Japanese culture.

The Atlantic recently reported on Ikumen classes in Japan, or classes that teach men how to be better fathers.

The catch? At least in the session that Atlantic reporter Stephen Marche attended, none of the men in the class were dads or expecting dads. Some weren't even dating anyone. The idea is at least partly to impress women with the fact that they have some fatherhood experience.

Men in the class practice bathing fake infants and wear weight suits to simulate a woman's pregnant body — but they also learn other ways of being better husbands and fathers.

The teacher in Marche's class recommended that the men compliment their wives (and potential future wives) with comments like: "This is delicious" or "Your outfit looks cute today!"

Those are suggested as alternatives to comments like, "Why did you sleep in so late?"

A more public spectacle of wife-appreciation is Japan's annual "Beloved Wives Day," in which men stand up in public and shout into a microphone how much they adore their wives.

Beloved Wives Day, which has been celebrated in January for about a decade now, is the brainchild of Kiyo Yamana, the founder of the Japan Aisaika Organization. ("Aisaika" means "adoring husband.")

JAO's "5 Golden Rules of Devoted Husbands" are:

1. Go home early, before 8 p.m.

2. Create a relaxing atmosphere

3. Call your wife by her name

4. Look into her eyes

5. Listen to what she has to say

As Kiyo's wife, Kimi, told Christiane Amanpour in the CNN series "Sex and Love Around the World," she and Kiyo have abided by these rules since they got married — and they explain why the couple are so happy.

Ikumen classes and Beloved Wives Day may be efforts to stem Japan's fertility crisis

Ikumen classes and Beloved Wives Day come at a time when Japan is facing a fertility crisis — or what economists call a "demographic time bomb."

The Atlantic previously reported that a lack of job opportunities for men could be to blame. Japanese men are still expected to support their families, and both men and women may be reluctant to marry and have children if they know it will be financially difficult.

And as Business Insider has previously reported, work in Japan can be so demanding that young people often have no time to date or to start a family.

Meanwhile, JAO suspects that the Aisaika lifestyle could be an "unknown traditional culture of Japan." The JAO website also reads: "The Aisaika group has been initiated by middle-aged men who had come to think that good and sustainable marital relationship may very well lead to the world peace and preservation of the global environment." 

SEE ALSO: Japanese bachelors are playing with dolls to help them find wives

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• Marriage and relationships can be challenging.
• New York City-based marriage counselor Rachel Sussman shared three compelling insights related to sex and relationships, including the idea that "opposites attract" isn't always true.
• This post is part of Relationships 101, a series which aims to help us all be happier and healthier in love — and to stop fighting over who should take out the trash.

Rachel Sussman has seen it all.

At this point in her career as a marriage counselor in New York City, there's seemingly no sex or relationship topic (and I've broached many) that can shock or embarrass her.

Over the course of the past year, Sussman has shared with me a ton of insights related to modern coupledom. Here are the three that I found most compelling:

Couples with mismatched libidos aren't doomed to an unsatisfying sex life

According to Sussman, the most common sexual problem among the couples she sees is mismatched sex drives.

Typically, she said, one person wants to have sex more often than the other, who's either happy with the amount of sex they're having or wants even less. (Though Sussman said the men she sees in her practice typically have higher sex drives, she's also seen many heterosexual couples in which the man has the lower sex drive.)

Sussman's approach is two-pronged. She'll work with the person whose sex drive is lower to see if there's anything they can do to increase it. She'll also work with the person whose sex drive is higher to be patient with their partner and to manage their expectations around sex.

She might even give the couple "exercises": For example, they have to try snuggling and the partner with the higher sex drive has to resist the urge to initiate sex.

You have to work to maintain passion in your relationship

Many couples come to Sussman worried that something's wrong with them, she said, because they're not as passionate as they used to be.

But this, she tells them, is totally normal.

When it comes to passion, Sussman said, "People think, 'Oh, it should just be there,'" Sussman said. "No! It shouldn't just be there. You have to create it."

Sometimes that means scheduling sex dates. Sometimes it means trying something new together. Above all, it means relaxing and realizing that the only real problem is your expectation of magic.

'Opposites attract' isn't always true in the long term

"The way I see it is, opposites attract and with the passage of time, a lot of couples tend to resent the things that are opposite,” Sussman said.

For example, one partner in a couple might be highly social and outgoing and the other might be more of a homebody. Initially those tendencies might complement each other, Sussman said; the couple might even say, "we balance each other out."

The problem is that over time, "people get more set in their ways" and there's less opportunity for compromise or mutual understanding.

Your goal shouldn't be to date a carbon copy of you, but to recognize when your partner's habits deviate from yours, as opposed to brushing those differences under the rug.

SEE ALSO: I asked a marriage therapist to tell me 3 surprising things about modern relationships

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Mental health problems — most commonly depression, anxiety, and drug use — are some of the main causes of the overall disease burden worldwide. In fact, in the past week, it is estimated that one in six people have experienced an issue with their mental health.

It's likely either you personally or someone close to you has come up against a mental health problem. But unfortunately, we are not always well equipped to know what to do or what to say.

Sometimes it will be obvious that someone is struggling, but other times the signs will be a lot more subtle. According to the Mental Health Foundation, sometimes you don't actually need to know.

"It's more important to respond sensitively to someone who seems troubled than to find out whether or not they have a diagnosis," the foundation says on its website.

It's also really important you don't minimise the other person's experience in any way, which many people can do without realising. Sometimes, by trying to give advice or be helpful, the friends and family of someone with a mental health problem can do more harm than good.

Therapist and psychologist Perpetua Neo spoke to Business Insider about what you shouldn't say to someone who is struggling with their mental health. Here are the main topics and phrases to avoid.

1. 'But you're so rich, famous, successful...'

Someone lives in a nice house, has a good job, and has close friends. From the outside their life is successful and seems perfect, but they still struggle with depression. Neo said it's important not to minimise someone's pain by pointing out how super someone's life is despite their mental health.

"Don't tell them things like 'oh but you're rich, you're famous, you're intelligent,' because pain does not discriminate," she said. "And sure, if you are a starving child in Africa with one meal every three days, then your pain sucks, your pain is very different — but that doesn't mean that pain from depression doesn't matter."

If someone is suffering from a trauma from an abusive relationship, or is anxious and depressed about their life, comparing them to those who are "worse off" isn't likely to be much of a comfort. Instead, keep in mind that everyone's feeling are valid, no matter how things look from the outside.

2. 'I went through the same thing when I...'

Sometimes we relate to someone in pain by talking about our own experiences. But this isn't always necessary, and can come across like you're trying to compete.

"It is really not a competition," said Neo. "Sometimes when you want to tell someone the truth, no matter how you say it, other people come in and will tell you all this historical stuff, like they just want to compete with you. And that's just not what you should be doing."

Maybe you are trying to be empathetic by saying you have been in pain too, but it's more helpful to the other person to simply bare witness to their pain and tell them you are here for them. That way, they don't feel like they are burdening you with their feelings, and they know you're really listening — rather than waiting for your turn to talk.

That being said, there's every chance they might appreciate hearing about your own experiences. But wait for them to ask about it first.

3. 'You're just looking for attention.'

You should never tell someone they are just looking for attention. You have no insight into what they are feeling, so you should never try and invalidate them.

"We have a lot of empathy towards cancer patients, or anyone with a physical ailment, but why is it that we don't have the same empathy towards someone with an invisible illness?" said Neo.

"And by invisible, I don't just mean someone suffering from anxiety or depression, I also mean things like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, things that don't really register on scans, but are obvious problems for the person suffering through it — it's not a bid for attention."

There are some people, like narcissists and psychopaths, who might mimic mental health problems or fake having diseases, but that doesn't mean the majority of people are untrustworthy.

The reason someone cheats isn't usually as straightforward as not being able to control your hormones. It's messy, convoluted, confusing, and so much deeper than an immature, spur of the moment decision.

According to psychotherapy counselor Claire McRitchie, the reasons someone cheats can be incredibly complex. "When we hear about people cheating we often look at the external factors of their life and question, `why`or `how could they`," McRitchie told INSIDER. "The uncomfortable truth is, the answer lies behind the carefully manufactured exterior – in fact the exterior can often be the clue as to why."

The root cause of infidelity might not always be apparent, but McRitchie said cheaters often have a common link to one and other: Cheating acts as a temporary cure to "alleviate a symptom."

It is for this reason the McRitchie suggests the "symptom" is what causes someone to cheat and figuring out the "root cause" of this symptom can help better understand someone's choice to be unfaithful to their partner. While there are many reasons why people choose to be faithless, McRitchie reiterates that infidelity acts as a mask for pre-existing problems in a relationship. And, one of the biggest problems in a relationship is a lack of communication.

Communication can be a trigger.

Perhaps one of the most common reasons someone is faithless in a relationship can be traced back to a lack of open communication between partners. Being open about both the good and the bad things in a relationship means both partners feel safe expressing their emotions and sexual desires. This, in turn, can help foster a strong connection, which can help you through any unforeseen rough patches, and let's be honest, every couple has them. And, don't forget, communication takes two people.

"Communication is often the common and surprising theme behind infidelity; the person cheating is, in a very unconscious way, letting the world know about  their unhappiness or dissatisfaction," McRitchie said. "It is a way to express themselves in a way that feels perversely safer than using words."

McRitchie continued, saying "communication is not just the art of speaking – it is also the art of listening without prejudice or defense" and not knowing how to communicate within a relationship can lead to dissatisfaction.

She compared this to how a "misunderstood toddler or teen will act out" and said cheating is a person's way of expressing discontent due to a lack of communication. "Some people will turn to drugs or alcohol, some work, some will stay out late, others will cheat – and the effect can be devastating."

People can cheat out of malice.

Anger is another common reason people often choose to be disloyal in a relationship. While they might be getting off sexually, McRitchie said infidelity can be used out of vengeance, not passion.

"In this case … anger is being suppressed and then released in the act of cheating – offering a feeling of satisfaction beyond the sexual; the feeling of power and control – and the knowledge that the other person is being punished without realizing is for some people a cruel and unusual way of punishing them – sometimes for perceived slights rather than real ones."

Loneliness can be destructive.

Feeling lonely, especially as a part of a couple, can feel isolating — and that isolation can make people do some out-of-character things like, you know, cheat on their partners, no matter how loving. Cheaters who do so out of loneliness often feel "revitalized."

"Communication between couples is often only at surface level...that do not delve too deep into a person's real psyche," McRitchie said. "Add a third person to this mix and suddenly the ìnvisible`person feel wanted, important. The person cheating is often trying to jolt themselves alive again in the form of cheating. Once again — at the heart of this is often a need to express unhappiness or dissatisfaction but instead of speaking to their partner they communicate their loneliness through infidelity and will believe that a connection with another person is what will 'cure' them – when in fact it can often lead to them feeling more confused and lonely."

• Young women are massively outnumbered by young men in China thanks to the country's former one-child policy.
• To avoid pressure from their families, many young men are using apps to hire women to pose as their girlfriends.
• Reuters followed one of these girlfriends-for-hire over a holiday weekend to see what the experience was like.

Any single person who's gone home for the holidays probably knows what it's like to face questions from family members about their love life and their prospects for marriage.

That's especially true for men in China, where thanks to a one-child policy that was in place for 36 years, there are about 30 million more men than women between the ages of 24 and 40.

That imbalance has given way to a surprising new side-hustle for young Chinese women: posing as single men's girlfriends to assuage the fears of prying relatives — for a fee, of course.

Date-finding apps are becoming an increasingly popular choice in China, with one app, Hire Me Plz, boasting a reported user base of 700,000 people.

Last year, Beijing blogger Zhao Yuqing sifted through more than 700 applications from men desperate for a fake girlfriend to show off to their relatives. She shared her experience with Reuters, and her story illustrates the depth of China's marriage problem.

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Zhao Yuqing is a 24-year-old blogger from Beijing, China. Last year, she joined a girlfriend-for-hire service to get the experience of being someone's holiday companion.

Source: Reuters

Lunar New Year is the busiest time of year for these "instant girlfriends," who can command as much as $1,450 a day during the holiday week. Yuqing, on the other hand, stated in her online ad that she would only charge for transportation.

Source: Reuters

She sifted through 700 applications before selecting Wang Quanming, a website operator in his early thirties from a rural town in southern China. "He is being pressured to find a wife and his need to rent a girlfriend is real," Yuqing told Reuters.

Source: Reuters

Once wedding season comes around, love songs like "At Last" and "God Only Knows" become less classic and more predictable. Many couples want their first dances to be memorable — but struggle to find original, unexpected songs that set them apart from the masses. We're here to help.

Keep reading to see INSIDER's favorite unique songs to pick for your first dance as newlyweds.

"All My Mistakes" by The Avett Brothers (2007)

Few sentiments are as heartwarmingly realistic as this: that in spite of regrets and sadness in the past, the person you've ended up with has been worth it all. The profoundly personal lyrics in "All My Mistakes" are emblematic of the folksy band's beloved sincerity.

Listen to "All My Mistakes" here.

"Pink + White" by Frank Ocean (2016)

Although it's possible to read this song as a lament about loss, its warmth and dreamy production gives it an irresistibly romantic vibe. Frank Ocean has a rare ability to vocalize emotion in both surreal and immediate ways — in this case, penning a moving tribute to someone who showed him how to love.

Listen to "Pink + White" here.

"Baby I'm Yours" by Arctic Monkeys feat. 747s (2006)

Barbara Lewis' 1965 hit breathes new life in this cover — thanks in large part to the magic of Alex Turner's impossibly smooth vocals. While the Arctic Monkeys are more widely known for gritty, swaggering rock 'n' roll, this stripped-down B-side radiates an infectious starry-eyed energy.

Listen to "Baby I'm Yours" here.

• Twitter user Shanika Silverio tweeted photos she said showed her boyfriend doing her skin-care routine for her while she was asleep.
• The photos show her boyfriend going through her whole routine, including cleanser, toner, moisturizer, eye cream, and cuticle conditioner.
• People are loving the photos, calling Silverio's boyfriend "a sweetheart" and "so cute."

Multi-step makeup and skin-care routines are often the best part of a beauty enthusiast's morning, but the worst part of their night. The last thing you want to do when you're tired is take the time to implement that routine before you hit the bed, and sometimes just going straight to sleep is the only option.

That's what Twitter user and pilot Shanika Silverio says happened to her, but her boyfriend came to her rescue and pampered her skin while she was fast asleep. 

"He's a keeper if he does your skincare routine when u dead," Silverio tweeted in a now-viral Twitter thread. The first set of photos shows her boyfriend impressively applying toner, eye cream, and moisturizer while Silverio remains in a deep sleep.

She also said he took the time to apply some cuticle conditioner to keep her toes feeling as fresh as her skin. 

When someone pointed out that he forgot to cleanse before diving into the rest of her routine, Silverio responded with a photo of him using some micellar water to remove her makeup. 

People are loving the photos so far, telling Silverio to "marry him" and calling the moment "so cute." 

Silverio took the time to thank her man for being "extra" enough to pull off such a task. 

Shanika Silverio did not immediately respond to INSIDER's request for comment.

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• Japan's Princess Ayako is set to marry 32-year-old shipping firm employee Kei Moriya this fall, the Imperial Household Agency announced Tuesday.
• In order to wed a commoner, Ayako will have to renounce her royal status, in accordance with Japanese imperial law.
• Princess Ayako is the second member of the Japanese imperial family in the past two years to announce plans to marry a commoner.
• In September 2017, Ayako's second cousin, Princess Mako, formally announced her engagement to college sweetheart Kei Komoro, who works as a paralegal.

Japan's Princess Ayako is set to marry 32-year-old shipping firm employee Kei Moriya this fall, the Imperial Household Agency announced Tuesday.

According to The Japan Times, the princess, 27, will become officially engaged to Kei in a traditional ceremony called "Nosai no Gi" on August 12. The wedding will take place on October 29 at the Meiji Jingu Shrine in Shibuya Ward, Tokyo, a spokesman for the Imperial Household Agency told The Japan Times.

Their marriage will force Ayako to renounce her royal position, in accordance with article 12 of the Imperial House Law, which requires female members of the Japanese imperial family to give up their imperial status if they marry a commoner.

Princess Ayako, the third and youngest daughter of Princess Hisako and the late Prince Takamoado, Emperor Akihito's cousin, met Kei in December 2017 through her mother, according to the Imperial Household Agency.

Princess Hisako was a longtime friend of Kei's late mother, who had served as the executive board member of a Tokyo-based nonprofit organization called Kokkyo naki Kodomotachi, or Children Without Borders. The Japanese royal introduced the shipping firm worker to Princess Ayako in the hope that her daughter would become more involved in international welfare work, The Japan Times reported. 

But, according to CNN, Ayako and Kei realized that they have more in common than a shared love for nonprofit work. The two reportedly both enjoy skiing, reading books, and traveling.

Princess Ayako is the second member of the Japanese imperial family in the past two years to announce plans to marry a commoner. In September 2017, Ayako's second cousin, Princess Mako, formally announced her engagement to college sweetheart Kei Komoro, who works as a paralegal.

Mako and Komoro later postponed their marriage until at least 2020 via a joint statement released in February 2018, in which the two said they needed more time to plan their future together.

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