Dating can be scary, confusing, and all around exhausting. Sometimes you feel like you have to follow a bunch of hard and fast rules, out of fear that you'll completely mess up a potential relationship.

Thankfully, there are some rules that you can definitely, definitely break.  INSIDER spoke to Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and co-author of "It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked," about letting go of some outdated expectations.

The man should pay for the first date.

It's admittedly old-fashioned but some people still strongly believe that men should pay the bill on the first date. This of course, refers to heterosexual couples who fall on the gender binary, with little room for any other interpretation.Syrtash thinks that rule should be bent, with a small warning label attached.

"In my research, most people appreciate it when the person who initiated the date — often times the man — picks up the check on the first date, or at least offers to," she told INSIDER. "While it seems this rule can be ditched, it may cause unnecessary judgment."

She added that the first date spot should be within a reasonable price range (like a bar with a happy hour), so both parties feel comfortable splitting the check.

It's good to play hard to get.

Sometimes the more you like someone, the more unavailable you try to seem. You wait longer to respond to texts (even though you're literally just sitting on your bed watching Netflix), you don't suggest hanging out too much, and you try to be as generally blasé as possible.

Turns out playing hard to get can actually end up hurting a potential relationship.

"Momentum is so important in dating, and playing these waiting games may mean that someone will move on to a person who seems more available and interested,"Syrtash said."Find the balance between being responsive and not overly eager or needy, and you'll be intriguing."

She also noted that someone won't like you more just because you're acting unavailable.

"The bottom line is that if someone is interested, he or she is interested. Playing the waiting game won't change this."

Don't have sex on the first date.

Syrtash co-authored a book called "It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date"— so, yes, she's definitely putting that age old rule to bed.

"If you're two consenting adults, there's no need to play games or wait if you want to hook up," she said. "We interviewed so many happy couples who got married after a first date romp, so we know that it's okay to break this rule."

There are some important exceptions, though.

"I think it's smart to hold off when you don't feel you can handle sexual intimacy too soon," she noted. "If you know you'll get too attached too soon, better to wait."

• Financial abuse is when somebody controls how and when you spend money.
• Sometimes, they are the breadwinner and withhold or hide their money.
• Other times, they are a financial leech. 
• Shannon Thomas tells the stories of many victims of financial abuse in her new book "Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon."
• She spoke to Business Insider about the signs of financial abuse, and how it manifests in people's lives.

If someone is able to withhold your finances it is a sign you are completely under their control. One woman who Shannon Thomas spoke to for her new book "Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon" was so financially controlled by her partner, she had to eat green beans out of a tin because it was all she could afford.

Another had to sleep on a mattress for her entire pregnancy because she was told they couldn't afford a bed — despite her husband making $8,000 a month.

When Thomas started out on her research for the book, she was coming at it from a therapist's perspective of what she thought financial abuse looked like. But after more than 450 people responded with their stories, she realised how broad the topic actually is, and how insidious the abuse can really be.

"I think I asked the question about the lies and the threats and the basic needs, because I had a feeling there were going to be some common themes, but I was surprised at how many different ways financial abuse showed up," she said. "I also thought I would hear more about entrepreneurs and business partners, and financial abuse in the workplace. And I didn't, the majority of responses were personal."

Thomas wanted her book to be a platform for all the stories, which is why they are printed in raw, unedited detail from the people who wrote them. Their tales range from the bizarre to the downright frightening, as they highlight some of the most deceitful aspects of controlling, abusive relationships — and just how far that mistreatment can go.

A financial abuser isn't always the breadwinner

Something that surprised Thomas about financial abusers was how many of them operated in a covert way. There were many cases with the traditional head of the household controlling all the money, such as a man who pretended the family was in poverty when really he had $200,000 in the bank, or the ones who would withhold funds for bills and living expenses unless they submitted sexually.

But in other stories, the abuser didn't keep regular employment, and lied about trying to find work. Some even stole from their partner or their children.

"We think of a financial abuser as somebody who dominates and controls all this money," Thomas said. "But I think there's also this behind the scenes way — keeping people in debt, and keeping family in debt, so the partner doesn't feel like there's money to live on."

For example, one abuser kept all financial information from their partner, so she would have to leave all of their shopping at the till when her cards were declined. They were overdrawn and she was none the wiser.

On the other end of the spectrum was the high end socioeconomic abuse, where women in families considered to be in the higher income bracket were actually scraping by, never treating themselves to clothes, and struggling to pay bills.

One woman was denied access to the joint bank account, and had to ask for free lunches for her children, all while living in a big house in an affluent neighbourhood. Others experienced similar things, like not being able to afford a coffee, even though from the outside, their lifestyles were enviable.

"The money is used by the abuser for the billboard of the lifestyle, but they have no problem having their family really live within marginal means," Thomas said. "It's a form of gaslighting for sure."

The abuser essentially warps their victim's reality, Thomas said, because it's a way of taking away their humanity. When the victim tries to complain or get their needs met, the abuser will say things like "look at this house, look at the car you drive, look at the trip we just took." They make the victim feel guilty for not appreciating what they have, even though they have no control over their own life.

"It's very hidden, and I think people in those situations suffer more than anyone realises because nobody knows," Thomas said. "Nobody knows what's happening. It's very hard to talk about it."

The cruelty knows no bounds

Some of the stories were incredibly cruel. One man drained his partner's checking account so she couldn't even afford feminine hygiene products. Another man refused to buy another car for the family, even though he always took the only one to work, while their daughter had a heart defect and would need to be taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, he would have no issue with spending money on his own hobbies and interests.

Most of the experiences were with male abusers, but Thomas said men and women can both be financial abusers. For instance, one woman wrote her partner down as the sole person to pay for her plastic surgery, and he was left having to pay for it — even after she left him. Another woman would become physically abusive if her partner ever bought anything for himself.

In one case, an abuser used a cheque scam to commit fraud. Others took out credit in their partner's name. One stole from his own child to pay for an Ashley Madison account — the website where married people go to have affairs. Some people, Thomas said, would rather go through convoluted illegal schemes than simply get a job.

"I think it's hard for some people just to show up every day and be disciplined and go to work," she said. "Because they're selfish and they want to do what they want when they want. It's very narcissistic thinking. And so for them, a lot of times their ego gets in the way of being able to maintain employment."

It's almost easier for them on some level to be a con artist and be a criminal than to actually have the interpersonal skills and the employment skills to thrive in a job, she said, because there is a massive sense of entitlement.

They'll have no issue with forging documents to make it seem like they make less money than they do, and they won't think twice about taking their former partners to court and taking everything they have left.

It's all about control

Some financial abuse does occur as a result of mental health problems like addiction. But Thomas said in the majority of stories she heard, it was paralleled with emotional and psychological abuse too.

"The parallel between the financial and emotional is the degrading of the victim," she said. "Because the financial just cuts to people's everyday life and lifestyle... It's that overwhelming breakdown of another person. And controlling their finances... that's a huge lever for brainwashing."

It's the ultimate control over somebody, because they essentially have power over your everyday decisions. By controlling your money, they keep you right on the edge, and take away your humanity. This can be seen in how some of the abusers would treat their victims.

One man wouldn't allow his partner to buy even a new bra or pajamas, so they would fall apart. Then he would shame her for her looks, and tell her nobody would want her when she was a single mother on welfare — even though he was the one who manufactured the situation. He set her up to fail because he enjoyed seeing her life crumble.

"I think the financial abuse is perhaps the most insidious, because it starts off very, very slow," Thomas said. "It's almost like a spectrum where the financial control comes in really towards the end. The grooming, the self esteem, the emotional abuse, and controlling how somebody looks, how they dress, what they do, how much they spend... Once they get to the point of controlling the money, they've got all the control."

It doesn't happen early on, because you tend to be in a long term committed relationship to your finances with someone. For this reason it can be difficult to spot the red flags in the early stages. In fact, Thomas said there may be so much other chaos going on in the victim's life, they don't see the financial abuse happening until it starts to spin out of control.

But there are signs you can look out for, she added, such as how someone manages their money, or whether they always seem to be hard off, or borrowing from other people. Basically, behaving inappropriately for someone who is out of that stage in their 20s where they are still figuring out their finances.

Going through abuse can reveal your strength

There is an inner strength to be found from going through financial abuse, Thomas said. The people who told their stories went through truly cruel treatment from people who were supposed to love them, but somehow, many came out the other side knowing just how much strength they really have.

"They know they can persevere and they trust themselves better," said Thomas. "And I think they learn to celebrate the small victories. So paying that bill is a victory, going to bed at night, or having all of their needs met that day is a victory."

They also learned to be more more hopeful in the moment. Often, we look at the whole picture to see if we're successful, whereas survivors of financial abuse and exploitation learn to be grateful for the small victories.

"I think when you've gone through something like this, and the whole picture is too overwhelming, they have to train themselves to look at the small moments that are good," said Thomas. "I've heard a lot of people saying 'I know I can survive a lot now.' There is that inner trust. Like, I can handle a lot."

Perhaps most importantly, there's the realisation that there's no coming back from being financially abused. When someone has controlled you to that level, or even stolen from you, there's just no way to rationalise that.

"Gaslighting and love bombing and devaluing and discarding, and all of that can be murky," said Thomas. "When it gets to the financial abuse, sometimes it's painfully clear."

SEE ALSO: 7 positive lessons you learn when you leave a toxic, abusive relationship behind

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• Success at work can sometimes come at the expense of relationship stability.
• That's because the qualities that make someone good at their job can also make them a less-than-ideal partner.
• This phenomenon is especially common among entrepreneurs, who tend to seek novelty and resist routine.
• Still, some experts say that, in moderation, certain traits that help someone at work may also help their relationship. 

At the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, therapist Peter Pearson works with many entrepreneurs and their partners.

And he's noticed a pattern.

"Just about every entrepreneur has that attitude of, 'I don't like people telling me what to do,'" Pearson said. Instead, they prefer to be in the driver's seat.

That typically doesn't bode well in a relationship — or at least not for long. Despite the entrepreneur's desire for control, Pearson said, a marriage is "not a hierarchy."

What's more, Pearson has seen that entrepreneurs tend to resist anything that resembles structure, predictability, or routine. That's why they relish the variety and fast pace of startup life.

But over time, every marriage begins to develop routines around things like who does the dishes, who takes out the trash, and who picks the kids up from school. As a result, Pearson said, "the marriage starts to feel humdrum and not as interesting, stimulating, or exciting as [the entrepreneur's] work."

It's a common theme: The traits that make you successful at work end up hindering your ability to be in a relationship. And while this phenomenon is hardly limited to entrepreneurs and their partners, they tend to draw the most attention.

In some cases, entrepreneurs may find it difficult to enter a stable relationship in the first place.

Ty Tashiro, a psychologist and relationship expert, said entrepreneurs tend to be what he calls "high novelty-seeking." That means they score high on measures of openness to experience (i.e. intellectual curiosity and the desire to discover something new) and low on certain aspects of conscientiousness, like being orderly and planful.

"Novelty seekers are so much fun to date," Tashiro said. "They are exciting; they will do all these novel and unique things with you." He added that entrepreneurs tend to get absorbed in the moment, which means "they are really into you and they're really into the relationship and that feels great."

But here's the catch. "People high in novelty-seeking also get bored more easily, which means they'll get bored with you."

Traits that are necessary in certain careers may be turnoffs for romantic partners

Professionals in other fields may experience similar issues.

Being in a relationship with a CEO, for example, can be problematic, Tashiro said. Research suggests that CEOs tend to have higher levels of psychopathic traits than the rest of the population.

"When it's contained, it's part of the reason they're successful in those jobs," Tashiro said. "You need that emotional numbness to negative feedback that a lot of great CEOs have. Otherwise you get overly sensitive about things and can't move forward."

Some people who score high on psychopathic traits don't feel any negative emotions even when they get punished, which "if you're in a really nasty corporate battle or struggling for survival in the marketplace, is not a bad person to have leading you around," Tashiro said. "But in the context of intimate relationships, it's always going to lead to tears."

Joseph Burgo, a marriage and family therapist and clinical psychologist, said that for people working in highly competitive fields — think litigation or investment banking — it can be "hard to switch off those traits, and it doesn't play well at home."

Burgo also cited surgeons, or people in roles where they have to be emotionally detached. "It's hard to turn it back on at home," he said.

Marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein (a college classmate of mine), wrote "Love in the Time of Medical School," about the ups and downs of dating and then marrying a medical student (also a college classmate of mine). In her interviews with other partners of medical students, she realized that doctors' seeming coldness can hurt their relationship even if it's not directed at their partners.

"It can be off-putting watching them be emotionally detached in their work," she said, for example — even though it makes sense that a doctor can't realistically get invested in every single patient they treat.

Sometimes the traits that make you successful at work can also — in moderation — improve your relationship

Jay Goltz, a business owner and speaker, remembers talking to his friend's wife nearly 30 years ago and hearing her say, "If I was your wife, I would have thrown you out years ago."

Eventually, Goltz understood that she meant they were too similar, both assertive and strong-willed. That is to say, he made a wise decision marrying someone who wasn't nearly as domineering as he.

At the same time, Goltz said one of the reasons marriage is hard is because you don't get "immediate feedback" like you would at work if you overstepped your boundaries.

"If you did marry someone who's not as assertive or aggressive," Goltz said, "they might not have the wherewithal to say, 'Look, you're not at work. When you say stuff like that, it bothers me.' They're just going to suffer in silence."

Still, Burgo said those extreme personality traits that make someone successful in their career can also help in a relationship. For example, "the very competitive, aggressive person can often use that to protect the family."

And as long as you're not too emotionally distant, that calmness and rationality "can be helpful in negotiating things that might otherwise become explosive and overly emotional in a relationship," Burgo said.

As for Epstein, she's certain that the traits that make her husband a skilled physician are the same traits that initially drew her to him. His determination and single-minded focus are things she finds attractive — but they can be "detrimental if they go too far," like if she feels the relationship is secondary to his career.

When it comes to the relationship, she said, these traits are only beneficial in moderation. "That's always the catch."

SEE ALSO: Divorce isn't a failure, therapists say. In fact, it could mean the marriage was a success.

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• It's never easy disclosing information about your mental health to someone, but you should try to help your partner understand it.
• There's no exact time you should start the discussion, but there are some signs you're on the right path. 
• If you trust them, they seem open about mental illness, and you see a future with them, it's probably time to get the ball rolling. 

Living with a mental illness is never easy. It can be hard at times to even understand your own mind, let alone have to explain it to someone else. But once you begin dating someone seriously, it's beneficial to both of you if they begin to learn more about you and how your mind operates. 

But it can be difficult to know where to start and when to talk about it. Bring it up too soon and you could overwhelm someone; wait too long and it could begin to feel like a massive secret you're hiding from them. 

INSIDER asked relationship experts when they'd recommend discussing and disclosing details about your mental illness in a new relationship, and they seemed to agree that there is no set time. That said, there are some signs you should start the conversation. 

Figure out if you feel safe with them.

Your mental illness status may be something that you're cool sharing with anyone you meet, but it's likely something that is a little more sensitive to you. If you're sharing this info with someone, you want to be sure they're the type of person that can keep this information private if you want them to. 

"Trust is incredibly important in safe relationships," Alex Hedger, clinical director of Dynamic You Therapy Clinics,  told INSIDER. "It might be an idea to 'test the water' with providing your partner with pieces of less sensitive information about yourself to see how they handle this first.  Once you are satisfied that there is a good level of trust then you may want to disclose information about a mental health history."

If you don't feel safe with them after a little while together, that's not only a good sign that you shouldn't be telling them about your mental health, but you probably shouldn't be with them anyway. 

"You're probably also more nervous about disclosing it than they will be in hearing it," mental health professional Mark Henick told INSIDER. "If you're not having these kinds of close and meaningful conversations anyway, then that will guide you. It is less the timing in the relationship, and more the quality of the relationship that can help you know when to disclose. When you know, you know."

See how they respond to media or conversations about mental illness. 

Obviously, you hope to date someone of good moral character and someone who will respect people with mental illnesses. Experts told INSIDER that because so much media recently has been focused on mental illness, engaging your partner in a conversation about it or taking in media that covers it is a good way to gauge their comfort level. 

"Often what people will do to check for safety in disclosing is to start with a conversation about the issue more generally," Henick told INSIDER. "Read an article, watch a movie, see a play, attend an art show or benefit concert that touches on or expressly deals with mental health and mental illness. Then, talk about it. Does your partner laugh and make fun of the issue, or do they express empathy and understanding?"

Feel out if you want to move forward. 

The biggest clue that you should disclose your mental health status to your partner is if you see yourself moving forward with them romantically. If this is someone that you see yourself committing to, you owe it to both of you to say something.  

"If you feel that you are with a person that you want to grow and develop with, then as soon as you know that you want to be as open as possible,"Jennifer Walton, a licensed professional counselor, told INSIDER. "Depending on the mental health issue you may feel shy or stigmatized, however it is important to normalize it for yourself and your partner because you are not alone."

No matter when you tell your partner about your life with a mental illness, be sure to do so with patience, understanding, and care, and be sure they give you the same. Chances are, they'll be so happy that you feel like you can trust them enough to be honest.

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• The League is one of the more selective dating apps out there.
• This summer, The League is hosting a cruise in France. About 80 of its users will attend — and hopefully, find love.
• Dating apps are increasingly offering "offline" events.

At least one representative from The League is calling it "the death of the first date."

"A lot of our users on the app are saying that they're really sick of the first date," said Brianna Haag, The League's head of events and partnerships. "People want different types of experiences. They don't want the interview plus cocktail at a bar."

To that end, this August, dating app The League is hosting a weeklong cruise in France, in conjunction with U by Uniworld. About 80 users will mix and mingle in the hopes of finding love; the itinerary includes touring the Palace of Versailles and biking along the Seine (sigh).

So far, nearly 2,600 League users have applied, the company said. Depending on the type of accommodations you choose, the price of a flight and a room is around $3,000.

This isn't The League's first foray into "offline" events. Earlier this year, the company hosted two ski weeks in Telluride and Vail, Colorado. According to The League, two relationships (that are still intact) resulted from each ski trip.

In-person events are becoming a trend among dating apps

The League is known for its selectivity: To join the app, you have to submit your LinkedIn profile for verification and get vetted. (The app's motto is "date intelligently.") As for the cruise, The League says the guest list is carefully curated to maximize the chance of romance blossoming.

Everyone's preferences for a date should be "loosely" met, said Meredith Davis, head of the communications at The League. (Apparently, multiple 21-year-old men applied for the trip, but were turned down because the women attending prefer men who are older than that.) Guests will also have similar interests, as listed on their profiles.

The League isn't the only dating app to expand into offline events. For example, Business Insider's Tanya Dua recently attended a weekend-long "sleep-away camp for singles" hosted by Coffee Meets Bagel. It could be a sign that apps are starting to recognize people's growing fatigue with online dating — and making sure they don't lose their user base.

As for those who don't succeed in finding The One during the week on the boat, fear not. On the last night of the trip, The League is hosting a party to celebrate their plans to launch in Paris in September. Many new League users will be there.

Should the cruise guests be prepared to navigate a long-distance relationship with a Parisian?

As Davis said, "You never know."

SEE ALSO: The cofounder of Coffee Meets Bagel says there's a big difference between how men and women date online

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When you break up with someone, it's usually because you know that the relationship needs to end. But even knowing that, transitioning from life in a relationship to life on your own can be hard. It’s important to give yourself time to reflect on everything — good and bad — from your last relationship so that you can learn for the future.

The things that you do after you break up with someone cannot only help you deal with the changes but can help you grow as a person, as well.

Remember to exercise.

When you’re feeling sad, guilty, down, or just not your usual self, it can be difficult to motivate yourself to get up and exercise, but doing so might actually help you.

"When we're in a relationship with someone, we form both an emotional and physical bond. Pleasant-feeling chemicals (endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine) in our brain are released during times of emotional closeness, and unpleasant-feeling chemicals (such as cortisol) in our brain are released during times of high stress and conflict," Julie Williamson, LPC, NCC, RPT, a therapist and owner of Abundant Life Counseling St. Louis, told INSIDER.

"These chemicals affect our moods, and in some cases, physical symptoms. Even if we're the ones breaking up with someone for good reasons, breakups can still be hard because the chemicals in our brains don't know that the breakup is healthy and the right decision — only that we've lost a connection and those feel-good chemicals that come with it."

Williamson said that exercising can help you feel better because it’ll boost endorphins, but that you don’t have to do something high intensity in order to reap the benefits. Even just a walk will help.

Feel your feelings.

Some people think that there’s a time limit for feeling a certain way after a breakup. It’s important, however, to acknowledge and feel your feelings regardless of if you were heartbroken because someone broke up with you or you’re feeling guilty because you broke up with your partner.

"Avoiding feelings can be useful in a moment (instead of crying at work), [but] it is not a place you want to live," Jessica Cline, MSW, LCSW, a divorce recovery therapist, told INSIDER.

"The saying you have to feel it to heal it is true. The time needed to experience the suffering depends on each person and the nuances of the relationship. The process can take two weeks, two months or longer, however, if it feels like you are not recovering it may be a good idea to work with a mental health professional to assist you in your growth."

Take care of yourself in whichever way works best for you.

There’s a lot of talk about self-care right after a breakup. But what works for some people doesn’t work for everyone. Whether it’s a bubble bath, a great book, your favorite movie, yoga class, or your favorite meal, there are lots of things that you can do to take care of yourself.

"Journaling, yoga, setting small goals, spending time with loved ones — whatever releases those pleasant-feeling chemicals in your brain can be helpful," Williamson said.

• You may say "sorry" too much.
• Apologising is a powerful thing when it's appropriate, but many people fall into the bad habit of apologising for simply existing.
• It may be because of an early trauma or abusive relationship.
• By excessively apologising, you can let people walk all over you.
• Unless you've hurt or disrespected someone, there are alternatives to "sorry" that you can try.

You bump into someone in the street — you say sorry. You accidentally forget someone's birthday — you say sorry. But when someone has wronged or disrespected you, do you say sorry?

You might think no, obviously not. But here's an example: You've arranged an online video meeting with someone for a certain time, but they miss their appointment with you. They offer no explanation, and they phone you back later when you're busy with something else. Do you still say sorry that you can't take their call?

It's women in particular that often suffer from a case of the sorrys, according to Perpetua Neo, a therapist and doctor of psychology. Some say sorry because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or they don't want to lose out on future professional help. Neo said essentially what you're saying is "do not respect me."

"When you say too many sorrys you tend to be taken less seriously, and you tend to be less respected," she told Business Insider. "You find it in the workplace, and when you're dealing with men in the workplace especially."

Some people are always going to try and exploit power dynamics. When that happens, if you already have the habit of saying sorry too much, you are likely to be taken advantage of.

"You're going to feel extremely apologetic and small, and what you're doing is you're putting out this neon sign that says 'please bully me.'" said Neo. "These are the kind of sorrys that need to go. Where the power dynamics are screwed up."

You may pick up your compulsive apologising early on in life, or it could be learned in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. Some people, if they were mistreated by a parent or by a former partner, will be used to apologising for simply taking up space.

When they start to heal from their trauma, they start to build up boundaries. But one of the biggest barriers they come across is how they keep apologising for everything, said Neo, "so really importantly, ask yourself: why are you saying sorry?"

Is it because you've become very used to scolding yourself, or others insulting and criticising you? If you're saying sorry for simply existing, Neo said it might not be your own voice in your head — you might be playing someone from your past on a loop in your head.

For example, if you were gaslighted into blaming yourself for everything, you may have learned to apologise for the way you feel as well, which isn't something you should ever be sorry for.

"I ask [my clients]: who is the one telling you you're so stupid? And it might be their mother or father, or ex or whoever else," she said. "If you can't turn the dial down before kicking them out, then you'll always be haunted by this smaller sense of self, and your brain is going to pick up on how you're always at fault."

This isn't to say you shouldn't ever apologise. Rather, you should learn to make your sorrys count. Then, when you do have to apologise, you'll be more sincere. Find the times where you excessively say sorry, and ask yourself if there's an alternative, Neo said. For instance, saying "excuse me" when you push through a crowd rather than apologising for your presence. Or if you run a couple of minutes late, say "thank you for your patience."

You can also make yourself a flowchart with questions like: Have I hurt someone? or, Have I been rude or disrespectful? If the answer is "yes," you should probably apologise. If it's "no," move on.

"It's the difference between being kind and professional and being a nice person," said Neo. "And sometimes we overload this nice person, who tends to have no boundaries, and tends to be Pollyanna-ish."

Not saying sorry all the time doesn't make you a bad person. In fact, Neo said, if you already say sorry too much, you're probably not at risk of being one.

"Women are afraid of becoming like men can be — very brash and entitled," she said. "They've got a long way more to go before that happens."

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• Dating apps are still pretty new, meaning they're still really confusing.
• Three relationship experts weighed in on the biggest mistakes people make while online dating. For example, many people hesitate to say what they really want in a relationship.
• This post is part of Relationships 101, a series which aims to help us all be happier and healthier in love — and to stop fighting over who should take out the trash.

Online dating is new enough that there's still a lot of confusion over how (or if) it works.

So if you're staying up until 3 a.m. struggling to craft a Tinder bio that screams "single and ready to mingle!" but also "totally chill about this," know that you're not alone.

Over the past year or so, I've spoken to experts including a psychologist, a sociologist, and a dating app founder about the best approaches to online dating — as well as the worst. And boy, are there are a lot of worsts.

Here are the biggest mistakes people make on dating apps — and what to do instead:

1. Spending more than 30 minutes a day browsing profiles

According to Jess Carbino, Bumble's in-house sociologist (she previously worked at Tinder), 30 minutes is a sufficient amount of time to spend on dating apps: 15 in the morning and 15 at night.

"People are busy, and they need to think about dating as a part of their life, as a component of their life," Carbino said. "It shouldn't feel like a job. Dating should feel like something that you're doing in order to meet somebody."

Instead of spending hours swiping, Carbino said, "It would be better if you were spending a couple hours a week on a date, or two dates, or three dates, and trying to get to know people that you've matched with."

Carbino did add that, if you're really active on dating apps, meaning you're messaging with multiple people at once, 30 minutes in the morning and 30 in the evening is fine.

2. Obscuring what they're really looking for in a relationship

Dawoon Kang, cofounder and co-CEO of dating app Coffee Meets Bagel, emphasized the importance of being upfront in your dating profile. If you're looking for something serious, say so.

"I sense we feel a little bit embarrassed about saying what we want in a relationship or a person," Kang said. "There is, culturally, a trend of 'caring too much is not cool.'"

Kang thinks this is kind of ridiculous: How will you get what you want if you pretend you don't want it?

She said, "What I really want to encourage people to be is yourself. Cool or not, if that's what you want, say that, because otherwise how is the other person going to know? And you really want to not waste time attracting the wrong people."

3. Relying on an 'algorithm' to find their soul mate

Psychologist Eli Finkel recently co-authored a study that suggests supposed algorithms on dating sites don't actually work.

For the study, published in the journal Psychological Science, Finkel and colleagues had students fill out questionnaires before a speed-dating session and used a mathematical model to predict who would like who. As it turned out, the mathematical model they used did a worse job of predicting attraction than simply taking the average attraction between two students in the experiment.

Finkel says apps like Tinder and Bumble are the best options out there, simply because they allow you to meet the greatest number of people.

He said, "These companies don't claim that they're going to give you your soul mate, and they don't claim that you can tell who's compatible with you from a profile. You simply swipe on this stuff and then meet over a pint of beer or a cup of coffee.

"And I think this is the best solution. Online dating is a tremendous asset for us because it broadens the dating pool and introduces us to people who we otherwise wouldn't have met."

SEE ALSO: I asked a marriage counselor for the 3 most common sex and relationship problems she sees, and they turn conventional wisdom on its head

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• A new study has found eating two handfuls of nuts a day could improve men's sperm counts.
• Only fertile men were studied, so more research is needed to find out whether men with fertility problems would get the same benefits.
• This research comes after an alarming study found that men's sperm counts in the western world have been dropping since 1973.

Nuts are high in vitamins and fibre, and there's also some evidence they may be good for keeping your heart healthy. According to a new study, presented by the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology, eating nuts could also help improve male fertility.

Researchers from Rovira i Virgili University in Spain recruited 119 men aged 18 to 35, and divided them into two groups. One group ate 60 grams, about two handfuls, of almonds, hazelnuts, and walnuts with their usual diet every day, while the second group ate none.

They were followed up after 14 weeks, and those who ate the nuts had significant improvements in their sperm count, vitality, and motility, and morphology. In other words, they had more sperm cells which were a better shape and moved further, and faster. They also had reduced DNA fragmentation, which is a measure of sperm damage.

This comes after a study last year that found there was a significant general decline in men's sperm counts— about 1.6% a year — in North America, Europe, Australia and New Zealand between 1973 and 2011.

The results "support a beneficial role for chronic nut consumption in sperm quality," the researchers said in a meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Barcelona. But they also stressed that all the participants were healthy and fertile. The study didn't look into whether men with fertility problems would experience any benefits from the nuts.

According to the authors, the results are consistent with previous research which has shown sperm can be improved by diets rich in omega-3, antioxidants like vitamin C and E, selenium, zinc, and folate — all of which are found in nuts. Certain vitamins, such as zinc, have also been associated with later menopause, according to a study earlier this year.

But as for whether men should add nuts to their diet if they're trying to have a child, "we can't yet say that," said study co-author Albert Salas-Huetos.

"But evidence is accumulating in the literature that healthy lifestyle changes such as following a healthy dietary pattern might help conception — and of course, nuts are a key component of a Mediterranean healthy diet."

SEE ALSO: Your diet could affect when you hit the menopause, according to a major new study — and eating oily fish and legumes could delay it by years

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• There are (unfortunately) lots of ways to turn people off, both online and in person.
• In fact, people can get turned off within seconds of meeting you, virtually or IRL.
• Some of those turn-offs, listed below, include having too many Facebook friends and acting too nice.

There are plenty of ways to turn people off.

In fact, most of them don't require much effort. Sometimes, all it takes is one look at your social media activity (so many pictures of your baby niece!) or a casual in-person introduction (did you really need to mention that one time you almost met Beyoncé?).

We've rounded up some of the most common social turn-offs, online and in person, as well as how to avoid them. Read on and see which ones you've been guilty of.

SEE ALSO: 14 habits of the most likable people

Sharing too many photos on Facebook

If you're the kind of person who shares snapshots of your honeymoon, cousin's graduation, and dog dressed in a Halloween costume all in the same day, you might want to stop.

A 2013 study found that posting too many photos on Facebook can hurt your real-life relationships.

"This is because people, other than very close friends and relatives, don't seem to relate well to those who constantly share photos of themselves," lead study author David Houghton, of Birmingham Business School, said in a release.

Specifically, friends don't like it when you've got too many photos of family, and relatives don't like it when you've got too many photos of friends.

Ben Marder, of the University of Edinburgh, also worked on the study, and warned: "Be cautious when sharing and think how it will be perceived by all the others who may see it. Although sharing is a great way to better relationships, it can also damage them."

Having too many or too few Facebook friends

In a 2008 study, Michigan State University researchers asked college students to look at fictional Facebook profiles and decide how much they liked the profiles' owners.

Results showed that the "sweet spot" for likability was about 300 friends. Likability ratings were lowest when a profile owner had only about 100 friends, and almost as low when they had more than 300 friends.

As for why 300-plus friends could be a turn-off, the study authors write, "Individuals with too many friends may appear to be focusing too much on Facebook, friending out of desperation rather than popularity."

On the other hand, the college students doing the evaluation each had about 300 Facebook friends themselves. So the researchers acknowledge that in a population where the most common number of Facebook friends is 1,000, the sweet spot for likability could be 1,000.

Keep in mind, though, that a 2014 survey found that the average number of Facebook friends among adult users was 338.

Interestingly, the study also suggested that participants weren't consciously aware that they liked people less when they had too many or too few Facebook friends.

Disclosing something extremely personal early on in a relationship

In general, people like each other more after they've traded confidences. Self-disclosure is one of the best ways to make friends as an adult.

But psychologists say that disclosing something too intimate— say, that your sister is having an extramarital affair — while you're still getting to know someone can make you seem insecure and decrease your likability.

The key is to get just the right amount of personal. As a 2013 study led by Susan Sprecher at Illinois State University suggests, simply sharing details about your hobbies and your favorite childhood memories can make you seem warmer and more likable.

• Kaley Cuoco married Karl Cook on Saturday, June 30.
• Just five days later, both posted photos of Cuoco recovering from shoulder surgery.
• "Everyone has their own version of a newlywed glow," Cook wrote on Instagram, joking that his wife's version is "memorable" and adding the hashtag "#shouldersurgeryhoneymoon."

Just five days ago, Kaley Cuoco stunned in a caped gown — and later in a lace Tadashi Shoji jumpsuit— on her beautiful wedding day with equestrian Karl Cook. Now, the recent bride is enduring what appears to be an uncomfortable recovery from an ill-timed shoulder surgery.

On Thursday, "The Big Bang Theory" star posted a selfie taken by her new husband, featuring Cuoco looking miserable in a hospital bed.

"When your 'honeymoon' is shoulder surgery and your husband looks just as happy lol on the road to recovery — thank you for all the love and support!" she wrote on Instagram. "Knowing @mrtankcook I'm sure he will be posting tons of hilarious gems."

A second photo shows an exhausted Cuoco recovering on a sofa, apparently sporting some kind of sling.

In the photo below, click the arrow on the right to see both images.

For his part, Cook tried to lighten the mood with a close-up shot of Cuoco.

"Everyone has their own version of a newlywed glow," he wrote, joking that his wife's version is "memorable" and adding the hashtag "#shouldersurgeryhoneymoon."

Cuoco's fans also rushed to comfort her in the comments.

"You guys are gonna do great with the married life ❤️ Sending love and prayers for @normancook!" one person wrote.

"Sorry — this sucks!! It's a story to tell those guys and you'll laugh about it (eventually!) I had wisdom tooth extraction surgery the first day we arrived to our Thailand Honeymoon!! We are just testing the ‘sickness and in health' vows!" another shared.

"Hope this wasn't the result of a fall. Get well soon! I know the @mrtankcook photos will be epic!" another fan wrote.

It's unclear exactly what caused Cuoco's need for surgery or if the couple plans to take a real honeymoon at a later date. Luckily, it seems that the newlyweds are taking this turn of events in stride — and a healthy dose of humor always makes a relationship's obstacles more manageable.

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Though you might think you have your relationship all figured out, it's definitely possible that your partner might love you more than you think they do. If you think that there's something off in your relationship or you think that they don't love you as much as you love them, for instance, it might be because of misinterpretations and miscommunication.

If you feel like the two of you aren't connecting in the same way or you can't put your finger on what's going on, here's what you might need to know.

1. They love you in the way that they receive love, but not the way that you do.

Dr. Gary Chapman, PhD, developed the idea that there are five love languages. Essentially, each person "speaks" one of these love languages and one of the keys to a good and successful relationship is deciphering your partner's love language. If you don't speak the same love language, you could have some problems with communication.

Tara Vossenkemper, MA, LPC, ACS, the founder, clinical director, and therapist at The Counseling Hub, told INSIDER that you might not realize that your partner loves you as much as they do because they're showing you love in the way that they receive, not in the way that you do.

"So if I am a person who, I give love by doing things for somebody else, but my partner receives love through, maybe, compliments or little notes here and there or pretty much nice, kind words, then he or she will never really receive love in the way I'm giving it," Vossenkemper explained. Asking yourself what your partner asks for (like hugs) can help you determine how they receive love. Then, reflecting on if that's what they're often doing for you can help you sort out if that's what going on or not.

2. They make you a priority.

If your partner generally makes you and your relationship a priority, that's another good sign that they might love you more than you think.

Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, a couples therapist, told INSIDER that whether they make you a priority in big ways or just in small, subtle ways, it lets you know that they value your connection.

3. You're the first person they turn to.

It's nice to be the person that someone turns to to lift them up when they're down or celebrate their successes. If you're that person for your partner, that's a good sign that they might love you more than you think, Ross said.

"These are examples of being held in mind, being 'turned towards' not 'away' from, they are signs of appreciation and wanting to be near you but not in an insecure wanting to possess you sort of way; they are signs they delight in who you are not what they think you should be; they are not signs of 'I'd love you more if…;' they don't point to conditional love; they are signs that they want to be connected to you, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually," she added.

Breakups can be rough, messy, and all around completely awful. While it's very, very easy to feel totally alone in your pain, rest assured that the rest of the world has experienced just as much heartbreak as you – if not worse.

INSIDER rounded up a few of the most painful breakup stories on Reddit. Some are sad, some are embarrassing, and some are (retroactively) funny. 

Of course, INSIDER can't verify their authenticity, but we can all relate to the subjects of these stories.

"Ticket of course was non-refundable."

"GF was studying abroad. Went to visit her after several months saving to be able to buy a plane ticket. Arrived and she almost immediately told me that she had [met] someone else.

Ticket of course was non-refundable (cheapest) so I had to spend 5 days completely heartbroken in a city I didn't know filled with people whose language I didn't speak and without the means to go home.

F------- worst week of my life."— Redditor Finniemc

"Worst month of my life."

"A week after our 14th anniversary (15 years together), my husband comes home from visiting his brother and announces that he's leaving me for his brother's girlfriend. I knew her, we were friends, spent family vacations and holidays together. Bonus: she's 10 years, to the day, younger than me.

"Because he hadn't been working which was why he was at his brother's in the first place, he couldn't afford to move out so he stayed here for a month chatting on FB with her and leaving the chats open, talking on the phone where my daughter and I could hear ... etc. Worst month of my life."— Redditor LimeGreenDiva

"It was New Years Eve."

"A girl I was dating once asked me if it'd be okay if we stopped in at her office for a bit. She went in to talk to someone and I waited outside for about an hour, she then called me into the office to break up with me (which she'd been getting advice on for the past hour while I waited). It was New Years Eve. It wasn't a particularly good new year."— RedditorFrozenAllBran

It's hard to avoid ogling at the opulence and excitement of celebrity weddings— but while an all-out affair is certainly fun to look at (and attend, if there's an open bar), it's often the private, intimate ceremonies that feel more relatable and heartwarming. 

Here are 23 of the most low-key celebrity weddings of all time.

Cardi B and Offset were already married by the time he publicly proposed to her.

Just two weeks ago, writing "Cardi B is expecting a baby with her fiancé, rapper Offset" would have been presumably accurate. But in June 2018, Cardi B revealed unceremoniously that she and Offset had already gotten married — before he publicly proposed to her.

The revelation came after TMZ unearthed the couple's secret marriage certificate, prompting Cardi B to literally say "f--- it" and confirm the news.

"There are so many moments that I share with the world and then there are moments that I want to keep for myself! Getting married was one of those moments!" she wrote on Twitter. "One morning in September we woke up and decided to get married. We found someone to marry us, and she did, just the two of us and my cousin."

The "I Like It" songstress also revealed that she didn't wear a wedding dress or any makeup. The couple hadn't even gotten rings yet.

Emily Ratajkowski and Sebastian Bear-McClard smelted their own wedding rings.

Model and actress Emily Ratajkowski wore a mustard-yellow suit and a black hat for her courthouse wedding with Sebastian Bear-McClard.

"We decided we were going to get married in January and then were kind of waiting for the right moment," she told Vanity Fair's "In the Limelight" podcast in 2018. "I can't even imagine what having a 300-person wedding is like, because it still felt kind of hectic to plan ours."

She announced her surprise marriage on her Instaram story, revealing that just a few close friends were present at the civil ceremony.

"Everyone wore suits or sweatsuits," she told Jimmy Fallon, before adding that the couple also hammered and blow-torched their own rings.

Nobody knew that Ellen Page and Emma Portner were engaged.

Ellen Page surprised fans with an Instagram post in 2018 announcing her marriage to Emma Portner. In the photo, which Portner also shared on Instagram, the two are gently touching hands while showing off their minimalist wedding bands.

"Can't believe I get to call this extraordinary woman my wife," Page wrote.

Portner echoed the sentiment, writing, "I get to call this incredible woman MY WIFE! @ellenpage I LOVE YOU!"

The posts also included photos of the newly married couple sporting some adorable hats, cuddling in a natural, woodsy setting. While no details about the actual wedding have been released, it seems safe to assume that this low-maintenance couple kept it fairly spare.

• Cheating is a fact of life, and people are unfaithful to their partners for many different reasons.
• But if you find yourself attracted to someone at work, things can quickly get complicated.
• According to Tammy Nelson, a sex therapist, you need to ensure you are both emotionally mature enough to handle the situation.
• Otherwise, the fallout can be messy.
• If handled badly, both your relationship and your career could be at risk.

When one client of sex therapist Tammy Nelson decided he wanted to end his workplace affair, he started blanking the woman by avoiding eye contact and turning and walking the other way if he ever saw her in the office.

This is absolutely not the way to handle the breakdown of a relationship — especially when it's with someone you work with. But although ghosting has (apparently) become acceptable in modern dating, pretending someone you've slept with simply doesn't exist when you work in the same office as them is another level of callous.

You may spend more time with your colleagues than with your partner at home, and research has shown it's close proximity to someone that can make you form close bonds, such as a work spouse relationship. Racking up the hours together also makes it more likely you'll fall in love with each other.

But work relationships are complicated. Nelson told Business Insider the immediate issues are obvious at first glance, such as being distracted from your duties, and putting your relationship with other colleagues at risk.

But it's even messier if both people are married or in committed relationships outside of work. According to the infidelity dating site Ashley Madison, a survey showed that 32% of respondents have had an office affair, and 37% said there is someone at work who they want to have an affair with.

And if you're going to go down that path with a colleague, Nelson, who consults for Ashley Madison, said there are some things to be aware of.

"Ashley Madison is a place where two people are looking for something where they both agree this is the level of dishonesty we are committed to — I am going to keep this compartmentalised from my marriage as you are," she said. "So we both make that agreement. And if one of us breaks that agreement then it's no longer an agreement, and it could feel like a betrayal. There's a risk."

If someone breaks that agreement in an office affair, it can have huge ramifications, she said. So it's important either you agree to take the affair outside of the business environment, or you come clean about it right at the beginning. That could mean involving HR, or telling your colleagues about it and stressing to them your personal life won't affect your professional one.

"It's very difficult to trust your colleague to do a good job or put your best interests at heart when you know they are lying to you about something," said Nelson. "The other way to deal with it, if you feel it coming, if you feel there's an attraction or a potential complication, is to end it."

Not all workplace attractions lead to full-blown affairs. Sometimes, it might be a work spouse relationship where the flirting has reached inappropriate levels. Or there could be a romantic connection between two people, but they decide not to act on it for the sake of their careers or marriages.

However, if a romantic relationship does blossom, it's worth thinking about whether you're mature enough to deal with the consequences if it doesn't work out. The client who blanked his mistress in the hallway, for example, wasn't emotionally equipped to deal with the situation, Nelson said.

You have to handle your life with integrity and you can't have these relationships without integrity.

"I said what are you, in 5th grade? Are you 15? That's not how you handle this with integrity," she said.

"If you want to handle your affair like a grown up, what you have to do is actually go to the person who you are having the office affair with and say to them three things: One, I really appreciate the time we had together, and I've learned about myself from the relationship we had. Two, I really need to end this because I have a relationship at home, or because I really want to focus on my work here at the office... And then number three, I'm sorry if I've created any pain for you or any fallout in your own personal life."

Then, you have to create a plan for the future, she said, to either decide to have a friendly business-like relationship where you can work together, or for one of you to leave.

Nelson suggested to her ghosting client that he say to his former partner: "We can have this kind and polite relationship with each other. And if that doesn't work for you, I will leave the company."

Fortunately, she was fine with this arrangement. But before that, she had been so angry she had been threatening to tell his wife about the whole thing.

"Because she was — rightly so — angry at him for treating her as if nothing has happened, and was just blowing her off," Nelson said. "You have to handle your life with integrity and you can't have these relationships without integrity."

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• In a relationship, some conflict is inevitable. But relationship experts say it's all about how you manage it.
• Their top strategies include listening and reflecting back, displaying some vulnerability, and working on your communication skills.
• This post is part of Relationships 101, a series which aims to help us all be happier and healthier in love — and to stop fighting over who should take out the trash.

Once you've been in a relationship for a while, you start to get comfortable. You're comfortable letting your partner see you without makeup, comfortable snort-laughing in front of them — and comfortable snapping at them the way you wouldn't snap at pretty much anyone else in the world.

Unsurprisingly, that can be a problem. Instead of taking a step back and reflecting on the bigger picture as you would during, say, a conflict at work, the two of you shout. You name-call. You storm off in a huff.

The relationship experts I've interviewed have seen this pattern unfold time and time again. They've also devised several strategies for keeping everyday spats from spiraling out of control.

Below are some of their best, and most practical, tactics.

Just listen

Couples therapist Esther Perel told me about the importance of letting your partner talk and then reflecting back what you heard them say.

That can be as simple as the phrase: "So what I'm hearing you say is…"

Perel said this strategy works because "it forces you to step into the shoes of the other person and then maybe you'll have better empathy and more compassion for what the other person is actually asking."

You may also hear something that (gasp!) changes your mind about the issue at hand.

Show some vulnerability

Your partner has the potential to hurt you like no one else can, largely because they know your weak points and hot buttons.

So when your partner says something hurtful, don't pretend you're made of emotional steel.

According to marriage and family therapist Hal Runkel, there's one word that can defuse a conflict with your partner: "Ouch." As in: "Ouch. That one hurt. I don't know if you were meaning to hurt me; I don't know if that's what you were going for; but that's what you did."

Runkel said, "That conversation —which was a very familiar path, that fight — is now a totally different path because one of you chose to actually get vulnerable." Once you acknowledge that you've wounded each other, you can start to make some progress toward repairing the relationship.

Learn good communication skills sooner rather than later

Couples can fight about the big stuff— whether to get married, what constitutes cheating — and the small stuff — whose turn it is to take out the trash, how often it's OK to check your phone.

But as relationship expert and marriage counselor Rachel Sussman told me, all these conflicts come down to communication.

"If you're someone who has really poor communication skills," she told me, "that might mean that the minute your partner brings something up, you get very defensive, or you start with the 'tit for tat.'" Which means that "no matter what you're arguing about, that could escalate into a really big fight."

Common sources of conflict among the couples she sees include sex, parenting, and finances. But working on your communication skills is a big step toward resolving them all.

"If you can communicate well, you can get through these issues in a way that can actually bring you closer together," she said. "And if you can't communicate well, it makes it so much worse and can actually tear you apart."

SEE ALSO: I asked 3 relationship experts about the biggest mistakes people make on dating apps

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Long distance relationships are hard. Maintaining a healthy relationship in the same city, or under the same roof, is hard enough, now add hundreds or thousands of miles in-between and everything becomes a bit more complicated.

When it comes to long-distance relationship advice, celebrities know the LDR beat better than anyone else. He’s working on a movie in Atlanta, she’s holding down the fort in Hollywood — A-list relationships can very quickly turn into long-distance ones.  

From the "two-week rule" to constant texting, the following 11 celebrity couples reveal how to have a successful long-distance relationship.

Sarah Hyland and Wells Adams don't go too long without seeing each other.

Sarah Hyland and "The Bachelorette" alum Wells Adams have been dating since November 2017 and make it work despite the fact that she lives in Los Angeles and he’s in Nashville.

"I think the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is like two to three weeks, because five days is already too much for us,"Hyland told Us Weekly about her long-distance relationship. "So we always try to make sure to see each other."

Hyland explained that her "Modern Family" schedule has kept her so busy that Adams does most of the traveling. "He’s a friggin’ trooper and always flying out here every weekend. [Or] every other weekend at least to see me if my schedule has been too busy to see him."

Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson watch TV over FaceTime.

Before the birth of her daughter, Khloé Kardashian and her partner Tristan Thompson did the long-distance thing, albeit with Thompson facing allegations of cheating. Khloe splits her time between Los Angeles and Cleveland (Thompson plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers) and explained on her blog how they make it work when they aren’t in the same city.

"Nobody says dating long distance is easy — I am so happy Tristan and I live together now! The extra miles can sometimes make many aspects frustrating," she explained. "Things can get complicated — you might get sad and lonely at times."

Kardashian gave her blog followers the following tips for surviving a long distance relationship.

"Drop little hints about something you want to try in the bedroom next time you see them. It will give you both something to look forward to until you’re together again!" she said. "There might be hundreds or even thousands of miles between you two, but you can still share moments. Watch your favorite TV show over FaceTime or do something productive, like go for a run or organize your closets together."

Vanessa Hudgens and Austin Butler don't hold in their emotions.

When boyfriend Austin Butler was filming the second season of MTV’s "The Shannara Chronicles" in New Zealand, Vanessa Hudgens struggled with the distance but gave others this smart advice for dealing with a partner in a separate time zone.

"I think that if anything’s bothering you, don’t hold it in," Hudgens told People. "Always bring it up and just talk about it. Uncensor yourself and just be open."

• Over the weekend, news broke that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin became engaged.
• It caught many people by surprise.
• However,  Bieber himself seemed to predict their romantic endgame in a 2016 GQ interview.
• "What if Hailey ends up being the girl I'm gonna marry, right? If I rush into anything, if I damage her, then it's always gonna be damaged," he said of their relationship.

Over the weekend, news broke that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin have decided to tie the knot. According to reports, Bieber surprised Baldwin with a proposal while they were on vacation in the Bahamas.

Suffice it to say, many people don't know how to handle the news.

But Bieber himself hinted about a future with Baldwin before.

In a 2016 interview with GQ, Bieber spoke at length about their relationship, even suggesting that he might marry Baldwin.

"I know that in the past I've hurt people and said things that I didn't mean to make them happy in the moment. So now I'm just more so looking at the future, making sure I'm not damaging them," he said. "What if Hailey ends up being the girl I'm gonna marry, right?"

He also expressed concerns about being able to one day fix their relationship, should anything happen.

"If I rush into anything, if I damage her, then it's always gonna be damaged. It's really hard to fix wounds like that. It's so hard.… I just don't want to hurt her," he said

At the time, Bieber would not call Baldwin his girlfriend. Instead, telling GQ writer Caity Weaver that she was just a friend. Whe describing the nature of their relationship, Bieber referred to her as "someone I really love. We spend a lot of time together."

Bieber and Baldwin, who first met at a fan event in 2009, dated in 2015 and 2016. In the time they were apart, Bieber was entangled in an on-again-off-again romance with Selena Gomez and Baldwin may or may not have dated Shawn Mendes.

Either way, Bieber and Baldwin got back together in early 2018 and are engaged to be married now. Mazel tov. 

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• Ashley Madison is a website for married people seeking affairs. Their resident relationship expert is sex therapist Tammy Nelson.
• Nelson said there are, generally speaking, two types of affairs: those in which people want to leave their primary relationship and those in which they don't.
• Other experts say people in the second category are sometimes more dissatisfied with themselves than they are with their primary relationship.

There are tons of reasons why people cheat on their partners, and tons of ways to do it.

But generally speaking, you can boil down all these affairs into two discrete categories.

That's according to Tammy Nelson, a sex and relationship therapist and the resident relationship expert at Ashley Madison, one of the most popular websites for people seeking affairs. Nelson has been in practice for about three decades, and she joined Ashley Madison recently as a consultant.

When I spoke with Nelson by phone, she told me that people who stray typically either want to leave their primary relationship or don't.

People in the first category wind up in what Nelson calls a "can-opener" affair. "That's when you have an affair because you want out," she said, "and you don't know how to end it."

In Nelson's experience, women are more likely than men to have can-opener affairs. "It's kind of a passive-aggressive way of saying, ‘I want out,' even before I know I want out."

Other people having affairs don't necessarily want to leave their primary relationship. Instead, Nelson said, "it's a way of filling that one part of their life that their marriage doesn't. And then they feel like they have everything."

She shared a hypothetical example: "Maybe their marriage gives them physical and emotional validation, but they're not getting the sexual risk-taking that they would want. So they get that from the affair."

Interestingly, Nelson said some people may only see their affair partner a couple times a year — "but when they do, it's like a full blowout, and then they come back to their marriage and they're perfectly happy."

Relationship experts say an affair doesn't always suggest that the person is dissatisfied with their marriage

A (non-scientific) study supports Nelson's observations. HuffPost reported that Victoria Milan, another site for married people seeking affairs, surveyed 4,658 members and found that 69% said they don't think about leaving their significant others.

Meanwhile, couples therapist Esther Perel previously told Business Insider that, oftentimes, an affair has little to do with a person's satisfaction or dissatisfaction with their relationship. Instead, the person may be unhappy with themselves. (Nelson also suggested that some people who have affairs are simply bored with themselves.)

When Nelson sees clients who are having an affair but don't want to leave their marriage, she often hears them say things like, "My husband would never do that"— "that" being some kind of sexual behavior.

"That may or may not be true," Nelson said of the client's rationale. "It might just be a story that they make up to justify it." On the other hand, she mused, maybe the client is right. "Maybe we can't get everything we need from one person."

SEE ALSO: The very traits that make you good at your job can also make you terrible in relationships

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• Justin Bieber, 24, and Hailey Baldwin, 21, got engaged over the weekend.
• Though reports indicated the celebrity couple had committed to tying the knot, neither Beiber or Baldwin had publicly acknowledged the news until now.
• Bieber shared a photo of himself and Baldwin on Instagram.
• "Was gonna wait a while to say anything but word travels fast," the pop star wrote. "Listen plain and simple Hailey I am soooo in love with everything about you! So committed to spending my life getting to know every single part of you loving you patiently and kindly."
• See the full caption below, and read more on this new celebrity engagement here.

Pop star Justin Bieber has made the news official: He proposed to Hailey Baldwin over the weekend and the two celebrities are tying the knot.

In a heartfelt Instagram photo posted Monday afternoon, Bieber said they were planning on waiting "awhile" to say anything, but TMZ broke the news over the weekend and a flood of reports followed.

Here's the full caption, which has been edited with additional punctuation: 

"Was gonna wait a while to say anything but word travels fast, listen plain and simple Hailey I am soooo in love with everything about you! So committed to spending my life getting to know every single part of you loving you patiently and kindly.

I promise to lead our family with honor and integrity letting Jesus through his Holy Spirit guide us in everything we do and every decision we make. My heart is COMPLETELY and FULLY YOURS and I will ALWAYS put you first!

You are the love of my life Hailey Baldwin and I wouldn't want to spend it with anybody else. You make me so much better and we compliment eachother so well!! Can't wait for the best season of life yet! It's funny because now with you everything seems to make sense!

The thing I am most excited for is that my little brother and sister get to see another healthy stable marriage and look for the same!!! God's timing really is literally perfect, we got engaged on the seventh day of the seventh month, the number seven is the number of spiritual perfection, it’s true GOOGLE IT! Isn’t that nuts?

By the way I didn’t plan that, anyways my goodness does feel good to have our future secured! WERE GONNA VE [sic] BETTER AT 70 BABY HERE WE GO! "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains FAVOR from the Lord!" This is the year of favor!!!!

Bieber and Baldwin had reportedly been dating for about a month prior to the engagement on Saturday, July 7. But the couple had dated off and on in the past, most notably around the winter of 2015.

Bieber even mentioned that he might marry Baldwin someday during a profile interview with GQ (Baldwin was hanging out in his hote/home while the interview was taking place).

For a complete look at their relationship, read INSIDER's timeline of Bieber and Baldwin's love story here.

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