In the same publication that discovered and defined "the dad bod," a new essay about the love lives (or lack thereof) of college students and high schoolers is becoming the new anthem for the romantically frustrated.

"Why We Need To Start Dating Again,"written by Eileen Curran back in May on The Odyssey, is an array of complaints about human behavior in the digital age.

"Snapchats and Instagram 'likes' have become acceptable forms of flirting. A 'like' on Instagram is way more common than a compliment in real life," she writes. "Date night has evolved from going out to dinner, playing putt-putt (a completely underrated pastime in my opinion) or doing anything relatively thoughtful, to watching Netflix and maybe ordering a pizza."

You can almost hear the thundering cheers after each of Curran's issues with life in the time of Snapchat.

What do we want? Real dates!

When do we want them? Now!

"A girl doesn't want to commit to the guy she 'has a thing' with," she explains, "but she gets mad when she sees that he is liking other girls photos on Instagram!"

The essay has found its way into the hands of Teen Twitter, a massive conglomerate of Twitter accounts like @girlnotes and @relationships that tweet diary-like blips like this:

 Now, Curran's diatribe has become something to emoji prayer hands about:

Thousands have retweeted and favorited the article, which was shared via three photos of the original article (not fair use, FYI!)

And people have very strong feelings about it:

People are dying to bring the art of the date back!

"Instead of sending a Snapchat to that person you have your eye on, why not ask them out on a real date? I get it. It's scary," Curran writes.

Some people related to the essay and were inspired to take their personal gripes to Twitter. 

She's really sold on the idea that Instagram and Snapchat are ruining the dating experience:

It seems like no one is actually dating anymore. Everyone is "talking" or "has a thing with someone" or is "kind of dating" that one guy from bio lab. No one wants the commitment of a real relationship, but they don't want to be alone, either. A guy won't take the girl he's "talking to" on an actual date, but when he sees that her best friend on Snapchat is another guy, he freaks out.

But the lack of college dating isn't new. Snapchat and Instagram didn't exist in my age of flip phones on campus, but romance was still scarce. It's four years where people are more likely to hook up at a party before getting to know each other instead of going out to a proper dinner (what dining hall is the fanciest?) and Curran's missive confirms human behavior isn't changing, we just have new technology to blame.

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Take a tour of the $367 million jet that will soon be called Air Force One

.

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: 7 outdated fashion rules that men can now ignore

Whether you're looking for the best job candidate or the most suitable partner to settle down with, finding The One can be nerve-wracking, since you don't know who else is out there or how they compare to the people you've already met. 

Luckily, a simple mathematical strategy called the "optimal stopping theory" can help you find the best person for the job. 

Hannah Fry, a mathematician at the UCL Centre for Advanced Spatial Analysis in London, explains the theory in her 2014 TED Talk and recently released book, "The Mathematics of Love." Essentially, it helps you pinpoint when to stop searching and make a decision. 

She uses the example of trying to find your ideal romantic partner. In this scenario, you'd spend some time playing the field and getting a feel for the marketplace, she says. You'd reject the first 37% of your suitors, and then marry the next person you meet who's better than anyone who came before them. 

Following this theory, if you were going to date 10 people in your lifetime, you'd reject your first four lovers as marriage material, Fry says. And if you thought you'd date 20 people, you'd reject the first eight. 

Since it's difficult to predict how many people you might go out with, Fry notes that you can also apply this theory to a period of time. For example, if you started dating when you were 15 and wanted to be married by the time you were 35, you'd reject everyone who came along within the first 37% of your dating window — or until you were about age 22 — and then settle down with the next person who's better than anyone you dated before. 

If you didn't follow this strategy and chose one of your approximately 20 potential partners at random, Fry says you'd have a 5% chance of finding your true love. If you did follow it, you'd increase your chances of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right to 38.4%, she says.

The same logic applies to hiring. In fact, "the secretary problem" is the most famous example of the stopping theory in practice. For instance, if you're looking for a new assistant and are interviewing candidates, you never really know if there's someone out there who could be better than all the people you've seen so far. But you can't interview forever. At some point, you have to make a decision.

Following the theory, your best bet is to reject the first 37% of candidates you see and then hire the next person who's better than everyone you've interviewed so far. Another way to think about it: If you have three months to fill the position, you'd reject all of the candidates you meet in the first month, and then hire the next best candidate.

Of course, this plan doesn't come without risks. You might meet The One in your initial rejection phase, and then you'll never find anyone else as good. Alternately, you might meet a bunch of dullards in the rejection phase, and then select the next person who's modestly better but still isn't great.

"It's a fine balance between having the patience to wait for the right person and the foresight to cash in before all the good ones are taken," Fry writes in her book. "Considering all the risks, though, this is still the best possible strategy available."

Watch Fry's TED Talk on the mathematics of love:

SEE ALSO: This mathematical principle reveals the best way to get anything you want

DON'T MISS: A mathematical formula reveals the secret to lasting relationships

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: How to use math to find the ideal spouse

The news of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck's split has devastated many, but what's even sadder is that the split isn't really all that surprising.

While little data exists to conclusively determine the exact percentage of people in the spotlight who get divorced each year, anecdotal evidence indicates the number is much higher than the average American couple.

Indeed from the late 1930s the term "Hollywood Marriage" implied a short-lived marriage often lasting no longer than five years.

What's so intriguing, however, is not how many people in the limelight wind up divorcing, but rather what factors contribute to the split.

For this insight Business Insider spoke with Handel Group co-president and life coach Laurie Gerber, who believes that, while many couples in the spotlight are faced with more temptation, opportunity, and a hectic, jet-setting lifestyle than most, many of the issues these couples face aren't all that different from the challenges regular American couples must overcome together — they're just amplified.

Keeping up appearances creates tension.

"In every marriage there is a phenomena of 'two-facedness,'" Gerber explains. And when our internal voices and what we express out loud are at odds with each other, the discrepancy begins to erode the relationship.

"There becomes this desire to look good, get approval, look like you're doing it right, and this creates a tension in yourself and in the relationship," Gerber says. "This leads to the breakdown of the relationship because there is no way to improve the relationship when nobody's telling the truth about what's not working."

When you're in the spotlight, she says, that need to look good is amplified "times a thousand" because everyone's watching you. It's that much harder to be present in the truth because you're so busy keeping up appearances.

To prevent unspoken issues from eroding a relationship, Gerber says couples need to confront their issues head on, however uncomfortable that may seem, and then maintain this level of honesty by checking in frequently.

"As long as you're ignoring the truth, you can't fix it. But once you deal with the truth, most people find that thing that's 'the truth' — the thing they're upset about — is actually not as big a deal as they think."

Other things come before the marriage.

"For any couple, but for sure with couples in the spotlight or who have high-powered jobs and are ushering big visions into the world, if there isn't an equally big vision for the marriage, that's a really big problem," Gerber says.

The amount of vision and drive it takes to attain or retain success in one's career often requires that that vision be senior to other visions, she explains. But in marriage, the relationship has to be most important.

"What oftentimes happens with a high-powered couples is the career is senior or the kids become senior, and the kids actually substitute that emotional connection," Gerber says.

When the kids replace the emotional connection between partners, she says they have sold out on making sure their relationship stays healthy. She says this is why most people get divorced.

To avoid this, it's important to align your visions for the relationship, as well as for your career, kids, family, location, and habits.

People stop doing the little things.

"The things you do in the beginning of a relationship — you go out on dates, you spend time together, you plan special occasions, you plan special gifts, you really listen when they talk, you remember things, you care about their parents, you try to impress their friends — all those things you did when you were courting you actually have to keep doing," Gerber says.

Successful people in particular have a hard time doing this because there are so many more things competing for their attention. All of it takes time, which is a scarce commodity.

"If you're famous and you're trying to keep a marriage together you have to be doing that on purpose, not if you get lucky or you try hard it will turn out," she says.

One thing couples can be more deliberate about is the time they spend together. Dedicated alone time, Gerber says, shouldn't be spent in front of screens.

Divorce isn't as scary when you're successful.

"I think successful people are more likely to think that they'll be OK if they divorce," Gerber says.

People who need each other for financial support may be less likely to split, she explains, whereas successful people have more ability to support themselves financially during and after divorce.

SEE ALSO: 'I didn't feel appreciated' — inside the 'backwards' reality of taking unpaid maternity leave in America

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: 3 phrases to use in a happy relationship

This Alabama man has been on 30 unsuccessful dates in the past the past ten months — to remedy this situation, he created a website offering a $10,000 reward to anyone who can find him a girlfriend. 

Ren Lu You is a 29-year-old living in Birmingham, Alabama. 

He's a recent Harvard Business School graduate and works full-time as a private equity associate. 

You created his own dating website, dateren.com, where people can submit female friends who might like to date You.

As an incentive, if You and a woman submitted to the site wind up dating for more than six months, You says he will pay $10,000 to the person who helped set them up (unless You's future girlfriend submits herself, in which case she would not be eligible for the cash reward).  

(It's worth mentioning here that we were initially suspicious about the possible word play here. His last name is You ... he says "I'll pay you" ... could he mean ... he'll pay himself? That would be smart and kind of funny! But then we got out of our own heads.)

Finding the woman of his dreams is worth at least $10,000 to You. He compares finding a potential partner to purchasing other "big-ticket items" such as a car or a house. 

"I would argue that all these things pale in importance to finding somebody you get along with and you may end up marrying," You told BI. "So $10,000 seemed pretty reasonable."

Before starting his own dating site, You was disappointed by his experiences with standard dating techniques.

"I’ve been on a bunch of dates and gone through all the usual methods: friends of friends, introductions through coworkers, OkCupid, Match.com, Tinder, everything," You told Business Insider of his failed dating efforts. 

Even though he was going on plenty of dates, he wasn't meeting the kinds of women he envisioned potentially spending the rest of his life with.

"With online dating you have this problem of adverse selection," You explained. "Only the people who self-select into a particular dating website are the people you have access to." 

Unlike other dating websites, women can be involuntarily submitted to You's website. 

"With this site I have access to basically everybody," You noted to BI. "You don't have to see the site or know who I am, you just have to know somebody who has seen the site." 

You made sure to let his family and friends know what he was up to before starting this new dating adventure.

"I understand there's always the potential hazard of people thinking you're an a------ and the internet deciding it doesn't like what you're doing," You said of his concerns in starting the website. 

For now, You is just trying to streamline the process of finding a woman who he can call his girlfriend, and maybe someday, his wife. "I'm trying to make dating as efficient as possible," he said.

If you're interesting in submitting yourself or a friend, check out You's dating site here.

[H/T BuzzFeed]

SEE ALSO: Transgender people are reportedly being banned from Tinder

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: If you're over 30, you're going to have to pay more for Tinder's new sub service

Nearly a century ago, journalist Napoleon Hill set out on a mission to uncover and document the strategies used by the wealthiest and most successful businessmen in America.

He studied more than 500 self-made millionaires over a span of 20 years, and his research culminated in the 1937 bestseller "Think and Grow Rich," which shares what he calls the "money-making secret" in 13 principles.

His tenth principle — "the mystery of sex transmutation"— suggests that love, romance, and sex are critical factors in the determination of one's success and wealth.

Hill writes:

Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires ...

When harnessed, and redirected along other lines, this motivating force maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc., which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches ... 

Love, romance, and sex are all emotions capable of driving men to heights of super achievement ... When combined, these three emotions may lift one to an altitude of a genius.

Hill makes some bold claims: "The men of greatest achievement are men with highly developed sex natures," and "the men who have accumulated great fortunes ... were motivated by the influence of a woman."

While this principle may seem a little far-fetched, there is something to be said about having a supportive partner to achieve financial success — an idea that has surfaced and gained relevance today, 78 years later.

"The most important career choice you'll make is who you marry," Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, whose estimated net worth is $1.1 billion, said at the 2011 IGNITION conference in New York.

Many people echo this sentiment, including Catherine Alford of The Simple Dollar, who wrote: "If I'd selected a different spouse, my life would look very different ... My spouse, whether I realized it or not at the time, has been the best money decision of my life."

It makes sense. As motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said: We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, which is especially true when it comes to our spouses.

These claims are backed by research. One study, by Brittany C. Solomon and Joshua J. Jackson of Washington University in St. Louis, shows that having a conscientious spouse can boost your salary significantly.

"With every standard-deviation increase in a spouse's conscientiousness, an employee is likely to earn about $4,000 more a year," reported the Harvard Business Review. "An employee with an extremely conscientious spouse (two standard deviations above the mean) is 50% more likely to get a promotion than an employee with an extremely unconscientious spouse (two standard deviations below the mean)."

Conscientious spouses tend to allow their partner to focus more on their career. Also, people with conscientious spouses generally feel more satisfied with their marriage, and this absence of stress and drama at home allows them to bring more emotional and physical energy to work, the researchers concluded.

While parts of Hill's philosophy are outdated — he only analyzed rich men, and wrote for a predominantly male audience — he was onto something when he suggested relationships are a crucial step toward accumulating wealth.  

SEE ALSO: 6 money lies that can destroy your relationship

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: 5 scientifically proven ways to make someone fall in love with you

Quick: Who should pay on a first date?

If you said "the guy," you're in the majority. In a NerdWallet study of people in relationships who had been living together for at least six months, 77% of respondents said that men should pay on the first date. It's worth noting, however, that whether these respondents are in hetero or homosexual relationships isn't specified.

Apparently, this doesn't change as time goes on. When asked who pays on "date night," 56% of men said they pay, along with 0% of women (yes, zero). There are a good number of couples splitting the bill, though: 40% of men and 41% of women say they split the check on date night.

Check out the infographic below to see what else the study uncovered:

SEE ALSO: Why You Should Keep Your Money Separate From Your Spouse

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: 6 scientifically proven features men find attractive in women

If you want to be a leader whom people follow with absolute conviction, you have to be a likeable leader.

Tyrants and curmudgeons with brilliant vision can command a reluctant following for a time, but it never lasts.

They burn people out before they ever get to see what anyone is truly capable of.

When I speak to smaller audiences, I often ask them to describe the best and worst leaders they have ever worked for. People inevitably ignore innate characteristics (intelligence, extraversion, attractiveness, and so on) and instead focus on qualities that are completely under the leader's control, such as approachability, humility, and positivity.

These words, and others like them, describe leaders who are skilled in emotional intelligence. TalentSmart research data from more than a million people shows that leaders who possess these qualities aren't just highly likeable, they outperform those who don't possess them by a large margin.

Becoming a more likeable leader is completely under your control, and it's a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ). Unlike innate, fixed characteristics, such as your intelligence (IQ), EQ is a flexible skill that you can improve with effort.

What follows are 10 key behaviors that emotionally intelligent leaders engage in that make them so likeable.

1. They form personal connections.

Even in a crowded room, likeable leaders make people feel like they're having a one-on-one conversation, as if they're the only person in the room that matters. And, for that moment, they are. Likeable leaders communicate on a very personal, emotional level. They never forget that there's a flesh-and-blood human being standing in front of them.

2. They're approachable.

You know those people who only have time for you if you can do something for them? Likeable leaders truly believe that everyone, regardless of rank or ability, is worth their time and attention. They make everyone feel valuable because they believe that everyone is valuable.

3. They're humble.

Few things kill likeability as quickly as arrogance. Likeable leaders don't act as though they're better than you because they don't think that they're better than you. Rather than being a source of prestige, they see their leadership position as bringing them additional accountability for serving those who follow them.

4. They're positive.

Likeable leaders always maintain a positive outlook, and this shows in how they describe things. They don't have to give a presentation to the board of directors; they get to share their vision and ideas with the board. They don't have to go on a plant tour; they get to meet and visit with the people who make their company's products. They don't even have to diet; they get to experience the benefits of eating healthfully. Even in undeniably negative situations, likeable leaders emanate an enthusiastic hope for the future, a confidence that they can help make tomorrow better than today.

5. They're even-keeled.

When it comes to their own accomplishments and failures, likeable leaders take things in stride. They don't toot their own horns, nor do they get rattled when they blow it. They savor success without letting it go to their heads, and they readily acknowledge failure without getting mired in it. They learn from both and move on.

6. They're generous.

We've all worked for someone who constantly holds something back, whether it's knowledge or resources. They act as if they're afraid you'll outshine them if they give you access to everything you need to do your job. Likeable leaders are unfailingly generous with whom they know, what they know, and the resources they have access to. They want you to do well more than anything else because they understand that this is their job as a leader and because they're confident enough to never worry that your success might make them look bad. In fact, they believe that your success is their success.

7. They demonstrate integrity.

Likeable leaders inspire trust and admiration through their actions, not just their words. Many leaders say that integrity is important to them, but likeable leaders walk their talk by demonstrating integrity every day. Even a leader who oozes charm won't be likeable if that charm isn't backed by a solid foundation of integrity.

8. They read people like a book.

Likeable leaders know how to read people as unspoken communication is often more important than the words people say. They note facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice in order to get what's really going on with their people. In other words, they have high social awareness, a critical EQ skill.

9. They appreciate potential.

Robert Brault said, "Charisma is not so much getting people to like you as getting people to like themselves when you're around." Likeable leaders not only see the best in their people, but they also make sure that everyone else sees it too. They draw out people's talents so that everyone is bettering themselves and the work at hand.

10. They have substance.

Daniel Quinn said, "Charisma only wins people's attention. Once you have their attention, you have to have something to tell them." Likeable leaders understand that their knowledge and expertise are critical to the success of everyone who follows them. Therefore, they regularly connect with people to share their substance (as opposed to superficial small talk). Likeable leaders don't puff themselves up or pretend to be something they're not, because they don't have to. They have substance, and they share it with their people.

Bringing it all together

Likeability isn't a birthright; it results from acquirable skills that are crucial to your professional success. And just like any other professional skills, you can study the people who have them, copy what works, and adapt them to your own style. Try these ten strategies and watch your likeability soar.

SEE ALSO: How To Be The Most Popular Person In The Office

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Psychologists Discovered How To Make People Like You

I've never seen my coworker Allen use a phone. I know he has one; I've called and texted him, and he asked my opinion on the iPhone 6 versus the Plus. But those are my only clues to its existence, because Allen has a strict no-phones-around-others policy.

That means he will not touch his phone, under any conditions, unless he's alone.

When Allen first revealed his boycott, I thought he was crazy. I check my phone all the time, whether I'm with other people or not — out of necessity. How else am I supposed to stay on top of a constant flood of emails, social media updates, texts, and calls?

However, when I started watching Allen interact with the other people in our office, I thought maybe he was onto something. No matter who Allen was talking to — a client, our boss, another professional — that person seemed really engaged in the conversation.

So I decided to (literally) pocket my phone for a week. Here's what happened.

1. People copied me.

I spent four hours straight with one of my colleagues finishing an extremely important project. It was incredibly difficult, but I kept my phone in my pocket the whole time. And for the most part, so did she.

This particular coworker is a pretty active social media user, so I was really surprised to see her be so hands-off. However, over the course of the week, I saw this effect again and again — when people pull out their devices and you don't, not only do they feel pressured to put them away again more quickly, but they're also far less likely to re-check them.

We ended up finishing our project sooner than anticipated, in part because without the interruptions of our screens, we were able to find a flow and maintain it. The productivity boost was totally worth responding to emails a few hours later than I would have normally.

The take-away: Putting away your phone makes everyone more efficient.

2. People liked talking to me more.

I didn't tell anyone about my phone ban, and no one said anything. Whether or not they consciously noticed, however, people really seemed to respond.

They could tell they had my undivided attention — not only was I not doing that half-nod, half-scroll thing, but I wasn't even thinking about checking my phone. My listening skills went through the roof.

As a result, people were much more engaged. When we were discussing something light-hearted, they smiled and laughed more. When we were talking about something serious, they were more honest and thoughtful.

I even noticed people initiating conversations with me more. Instead of just saying, "How's it going?" as they passed by me in the hall, they'd stop and ask what project I was working on or what my plans were the weekend were.

The take-away: Putting away your phone makes people feel appreciated and respected.

3. People trusted me more.

Well, according to the research. Studies show using your phone around someone else makes you seem less trustworthy and less empathetic.

In addition, even having a phone in view hurts our relationships — whether you check it or not.

According to the scientists who conducted the study, "Cell phones may serve as a reminder of the wider network to which we could connect," which leads to "lower relationship quality and less closeness."

The take-away: Putting away your phone will help deepen your relationships.

Since discovering these benefits, I've decided to follow Allen's lead all the time. I'm not going to lie, it's challenging!

These strategies make it a little easier:

• I turn my phone off if I know I'm about to be with other people.
• I stow my phone in my bag, rather than my pocket, so it's harder to access.
• I pretend I'm playing a game in which I get money for every phone-free interaction.
• I remind myself of the long-term gratification of building better relationships.

If I know someone is waiting to hear back from me (or vice versa), while I'm still alone, I'll send a quick email explaining how long I'll be unavailable. If something is really urgent, I'll keep my phone in my pocket, excuse myself to the restroom, and check it in there. It's not ideal, but at least the people I'm with don't see me using it.

Occasionally, I'll miss an important email or return a call a little late. However, nothing has happened that's made me regret not checking my phone. I may be a little harder to reach virtually, but in-person? I'm all yours — and my personal and professional relationships have never been better.

SEE ALSO: The Powerful Predictor Behind Successful Relationships

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Here's what everyone gets wrong about being creative at work

We looked at a handful of studies from universities and scientists from around the world and the results are in. These five things will make you appear more attractive to others.

Produced by Eames Yates. Original reporting by Drake Baer.

Follow BI Video: On Facebook

Join the conversation about this story »

Scientists who ask the right questions at the right time can make history and change the world.

We compiled a list of 50 scientists from across the globe who are doing just that — changing the world for the better.

These scientists' revolutionary research in human happiness, evolutionary biology, neutrino physics, biotechnology, archeology, and other fields is helping to advance our lives in more ways than we could ever imagine.

For the list, we selected scientists noted in the media for their recent achievements as well as scientists highlighted in the 2014 lists of Forbes Magazine's "30 Under 30," Popular Science's The Brilliant Ten, and MIT's "35 Innovators Under 30."

SEE ALSO: This woman's revolutionary idea made her a billionaire — and could change medicine

DON'T MISS: Russia's secret space shuttles have been sitting in plain sight for 22 years

Abe Davis is finding new ways to use video by using the vibrations in it to reconstruct audio.

No sound? No problem. Abe Davis and a team of researchers from MIT, Microsoft, and Adobe developed an algorithm that can extract audio from silent videos by analyzing the tiny vibrations of the objects as captured by a camera.

In one experiment, the team filmed earbuds playing a song with no discernible sound. The vibrations of the earbuds in the video was enough to recreate a song identifiable by the app Shazam. When the team tried the experiment using an everyday point-and-shoot camera, as opposed to an expensive high-speed version, the vibrations were still able to reconstruct the sound. Davis presented these findings in a paper for Siggraph, a computer-graphics conference, and gave a TED talk where he demoed the visual microphone. And there’s more to come: The latest research from Davis and fellow graduate student Katie Bouman will be out this summer.

Davis is a doctoral student at MIT.

Alan Stern is spearheading the most important space mission of 2015.

On July 14, 2015, the NASA spacecraft New Horizons flew by Pluto — closer than any other human-made instrument has ever been. Alan Stern is spearheading the mission, leading the team of scientists that made sure the spacecraft survived its nine-year journey through space. 

Until New Horizons reached its closest approach to Pluto, little was known about this dwarf planet and its system of five moons. Now the NASA spacecraft has collected data that Stern and his team will be analyzing over the coming months to understand the geology, composition, and atmospheric content of Pluto in significant detail, something that would never have happened without the New Horizons spacecraft.

Stern is the principal investigator for NASA's New Horizons mission.

Andrea Accomazzo was the first person to land a probe on a comet.

In August 2014, the Rosetta spacecraft began orbiting the comet 67P Churyumov-Gerasimenko and transmitting images to Earth of the dusty space snowball that were more detailed than anything we'd ever seen.

Ultimately, Rosetta will give scientists a better idea of what comets are made of and how they work, as well as provide insights into the chemical makeup of the solar system. As the Rosetta flight director, Andrea Accomazzo helped design the mission and led the team that guided it toward 67P. Now he's working with the European Space Agency on their interplanetary missions to Mercury, Mars, and Jupiter.

Accomazzo is an ESA spacecraft-operations manager at Venus Express and the flight director of the Rosetta mission.

Americans have a notoriously complicated relationship with vacations: We know we need to take them, and yet many of us rarely do.

Now, thanks to a new study on time off, that relationship just got even more complicated.

In 2013, a whopping 42% of working Americans reported they didn’t take a single vacation day. According to the new Project: Time Off study conducted by consumer research company GfK Public Affairs, the average US worker took just 16 days of paid time off, down from the more than 20 days workers took off between 1976 and 2000.

This, as numerous previous studies have pointed out, is bad for our health, happiness, productivity, the economy, our careers, and our finances. And the most recent study adds yet another con to the list: not taking enough time off is bad for our personal relationships.

Based on a survey of 1,214 adults living in US households where someone receives paid time off, 85% of respondents said people who fail to use time off are losing out on quality time with their significant other and their children. More than 80% also said it takes away from needed personal time.

The study also found in 36% of cases, conflict between couples about the time needed for work versus the amount of quality time needed for each other lasts at least one day and can become an ongoing issue.

Dr. Gilda Carle, a relationship expert and author of "Don't Bet on the Prince!" noted in the study report that repeatedly choosing to work instead of choosing time with partners often goes unchecked until it's too late. "Nobody talks about it until they realize that suddenly they feel that something is missing — that this thing is missing."

What's more, the study found that despite having time off available, the average person misses more than three important events a year due to work, including a child's activity, vacations, visiting family, and even funerals.

"Our relationships shouldn't be casualties of our work martyr complex. This report should serve as a warning that our loved ones deserve our time," said Katie Denis, report author and senior director of Project: Time Off, in a press release about the study. "The solution is straightforward; it's using the time off we already earn to prioritize our relationships and reclaim America's lost week."

Luckily, some companies are already forming a unified front to defend against wasted vacation time.

The Huffington Post recently joined companies like Daimler in an effort to help employees enjoy their vacation time with its opt-in vacation email policy, which gives employees the choice to have all their work-related emails deleted automatically while they're on vacation.

Denver-based tech company FullContact introduced a "paid paid vacation" policy in 2012, which gives employees $7,500 on top of their full salaries to finance a trip.

And China-based multinational company Tiens Group sent about half its 12,000-people team on a four-day trip to France.

According to Michael Gurian, a marriage and family counselor who commented on the study, once an overworked person starts engaging more with loved ones on vacation, it "feeds the soul of this very hard worker."

SEE ALSO: Arianna Huffington just adopted a brilliant strategy to help employees take stress-free vacations

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: How Elon Musk can tell if job applicants are lying about their experience

Salma Hayek has been married to billionaire François-Henri Pinault, CEO and chairman of the fashion conglomerate Kering, for nearly seven years, but the actress still gushes about him.

"I wish I knew [when I was younger] that I was going to fall crazy in love with the perfect man," Hayek recently told Allure magazine. "I was so worried, and I dated some people I shouldn't have dated ... You get desperate, and you start seeing wonderful things in the wrong guys. I wish I could say to myself, 'Hey, chill out. You're going to get a great husband that's going to adore you.' I would have saved myself a lot of personal drama."

Today the two are proud parents to their 8-year-old daughter, Valentina Paloma Pinault, but Hayek acknowledges that having a child changed her professional ambition.

"I said, 'I don't think I want to work anymore,'" the Oscar-nominated actress, who gave birth when she was 41, told Allure. "And it was François who said, 'Oh, no, you're going back to work.' And I said, 'I don't want to.' 'Well, you have to. We're not putting up with some lazy girl in the house. That's not who I married.'

"And then he said something so beautiful," she added. "'I don't want to be deprived of your work. I want to watch it, too. And the world has not seen the best of you yet. So you cannot stop until some of that is put out.' So he sort of really pushed me, like, 'Get up on your feet and get out there.' And he was right."

Hayek has gone back to work but tells Allure: "I've never been apart from my daughter for more than two weeks. And same with François. We don't separate for long periods of time. Never."

Since the birth of her daughter in 2007, Hayek has appeared in 15 TV and film projects, and she has three more lined up through 2016. She is now promoting "The Prophet," an animated film based on Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran's book, which she is producing and voicing a character in.

Last weekend, Hayek accompanied Pinault to Sun Valley for Allen & Co.'s 33rd annual weeklong conference, aka summer camp for billionaires.

In May, the two attended the Cannes Film Festival.

They can often be found sitting front row at fashion shows ...

... or hand-in-hand on the red carpet.

SEE ALSO: 24 power couples at Allen & Co.'s annual 'summer camp for billionaires'

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: We just learned a bunch of new details about what's coming up in the next 'Star Wars' movie

You're an awesome person. A great leader. A fantastic collaborator. Super smart ... Fabulous. You use your time well. Lead your energy. And manage your money with intention and rigor ... Wonderful. You want to do more good work. Have even better relationships. Be more inspiring. Attract more meaningful partnerships into your life ... Lovely.

How's it going?

At the end of the day, business boils down to people, showing up well, building really solid partnerships and structures, doing good work, and amplifying relationship equity.

Intentions for all of the above will help get you there, but in order to build big relationship equity (that will support all your business goals), there is more you can "be" and "do" to create it.

Here are five ways to make your relationships stronger, cleaner, and more productive as well as make you an even more compelling friend, colleague, or team member to be around.

1. Be present. 

I think of presence in a relationship in a couple of ways; presence to the current state and health of the relationship, as well as being present to the person right there in front of you in this very moment and this very conversation.

Presence is free, ROI is high, and it's essential to know where you're at NOW so you can get where you want to go NEXT. One of the greatest things you can give a person is your full attention and presence. Bonus: It doesn't take more time to be present (it actually saves you time).

2. Take 100% responsibility for the success of this relationship. 

Sometimes people "wait" to see how someone else will show up in the relationship before they decide if they're in or they're out. That's one way to do it. Another? Don't wait. Go for it.

If you want this relationship to grow and be a healthy contribution to your life, their life, and whatever you're working on together, lean in first. If they don't lean back in, you may make other decisions, but if you want to give your relationship a head start — show up first.

3. Tell the truth. 

No matter how tough the feedback, how challenging the conversation, how difficult the truth (and I say truth with a little "t" because remember, it's just your truth — not necessarily theirs), tell the truth. Some of the strongest relationships are built off of difficult conversations that happened when someone was willing to take the courageous path of telling their truth.

Honest feedback (done with intention and thoughtfulness) creates more space for growth and truth. "Staying at the table" to work through a tricky issue creates trust and intimacy. It all works together. Tell the truth.

4. Decide and choose with intention. 

The current state of your life and relationships today have been highly influenced by the decisions and choices you've made to this point. Do your decisions and choices support you in creating strong relationships? In moving towards your vision? In showing up well? In becoming the person you want to become? Decide and choose intentionally.

5. Assume good.

It's a valuable moment when we realize that we're always creating responsiveness or resistance in our relationships. One of the quickest ways to create responsiveness is to assume good and get curious versus assuming negative intent and jumping to conclusions. Pondering, "There must be a positive intention in all of this? What might it be?" opens up more space to step into the next level of communication together. Assume good.

These are just five things to play with in the land of "doing" and "being" to build stronger relationships. Used with positive intent, these become personal Super Powers. There are so many more. What else would you add?

SEE ALSO: Burning Bridges? 5 Ways to Fix a Negative Work Relationship

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: 5 ways to change your body language to make people like you

Journalist Napoleon Hill made a name for himself 78 years ago when he published "Think and Grow Rich," a guide to getting rich based on research involving hundreds of self-made millionaires and the strategies they used to achieve success.

In addition to outlining the "secret" to building wealth in 13 principles, he revealed 30 "major causes of failure" that hold many of us back from getting rich, one of them being associating with the wrong crowd.

"Men take on the nature and the habits and the power of thought of those with who they associate," he wrote. "We emulate those with whom we associate most closely."

While often overlooked — or dismissed as elitist — your friendships could have a major impact on your financial success, and befriending wealthy people could help you get rich.

"In most cases, your net worth mirrors the level of your closest friends,"explains self-made millionaire and author Steve Siebold.

"Exposure to people who are more successful than you are has the potential to expand your thinking and catapult your income," writes Siebold. "The reality is, millionaires think differently from the middle class about money, and there's much to be gained by being in their presence."

This concept extends outside the realm of friendships. It is also important to surround yourself with talented and driven employers and coworkers. 

"One should use great care to select an employer who will be an inspiration, and who is, himself, intelligent and successful," Hill wrote. "Pick an employer who is worth emulating."

Additionally, Hill suggested creating a "Master Mind" group, a strategy to which legendary businessman Andrew Carnegie credited his wealth and success. It's simply surrounding yourself with intelligent, talented, and trustworthy individuals who share your vision.

Carnegie, whose Master Mind group consisted of about 50 men, was not the only one who harnessed the power of great minds working together in order to grow wealthy.

"Analyze the record of any man who has accumulated a great fortune, and many of those who have accumulated modest fortunes, and you will find that they have either consciously, or unconsciously employed the 'Master Mind' principle," he wrote.

SEE ALSO: 78 years ago, a journalist who studied 500 millionaires realized something about relationships that is just as relevant today

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Here's the best look yet at the next big game starring Batman

"The Apprentice" winner Bill Rancic has become household name alongside wife Giuliana Rancic on their reality show "Giuliana and Bill." Here, Rancic shares how his relationship has stayed successful over the years.

Produced by Emma Fierberg and Alana Kakoyiannis

Follow BI Video: On Facebook

Join the conversation about this story »

From Sergey Brin's official split from 23andMe founder Anne Wojcicki to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's recent divorce announcement, the separation of several high-powered couples signals to some that career success comes at the expense of relationship success. 

But relationship experts say this doesn't always ring true. You can have a successful marriage and balance prolific careers — it just takes work.

With less time together, Dr. Mike McNulty, a Master Certified Gottman Therapist, says maintaining a marital friendship, romance, and intimacy; managing ongoing conflict that is inevitable in marriage; and creating and maintaining a meaningful relationship is more challenging for partners with successful careers.

He says these couples are at more risk when the connection to the career becomes primary, and the commitment to and trust in the relationship becomes questionable. "Having a spouse addicted to work can feel like as much of a betrayal as extramarital affair to the other spouse."

But as research psychologist and couples counselor John Gottman explains in his book "What Makes Love Last," 40 years of research shows that trust and commitment are crucial to holding relationships together. "When both partners have a strong commitment to a relationship, this leads to a strong sense of trust, which makes love last," McNulty explains.

Here's how some of the most successful married couples keep their relationships strong:

1. They spend time together.

Handel Group co-president and life coach Laurie Gerber says shared experiences are key.

Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg, for example, drew up a relationship agreement with his then-girlfriend and now wife Priscilla Chan when she moved to Palo Alto, California, several years ago. In it, he agreed to take her on a date once a week and spend 100 minutes of alone time each week with her outside the office or his apartment.

McNulty says creating rituals can help. "Rituals are more formal ways of connecting and ensure spouses reserve time for one another or their families and make specific plans to do the things they want to do," he explains.

Whether it's a weekly date night or a trip for just the immediate family, he says busy, successful partners have to be more careful with their time to make sure they connect with one another and enjoy the things that define or give meaning to their relationships.

Gerber says it also helps if these connections are to things outside of the ego. Like Zuckerberg and Chan, "people dedicated to making the world better or with a spiritual side seem to have more chance of success in partnership because they aren't depending on external factors only to feel good," she says.

2. They communicate well and often.

"Make time every day to talk with your spouse, in person or by phone, about one another's lives," McNulty says, noting that texting is often not enough.

"Focus on the stressful things or events that are important to your spouse. Listen. Help your spouse express his or her feelings. Empathize. Show support. Don't problem solve or fix. Most of us just want to be heard."

According to McNulty, Gottman's research shows that this kind of conversation is the one common thing that all successful couples do after marriage therapy.

In The Gottman Method of Couple Therapy, he says this kind of conversation is called a "stress reducing conversation.""Successful, busy couples' relationships will suffer if they fail to find a way to have this type of conversation on a regular basis," McNulty says.

Successful couples also regularly share the fondness and admiration they have for one another. They tell each other a few things they appreciate about their spouse every day, McNulty says. "This can be about who your spouse is or something he or she did recently. If partners travel or have different schedules, busy, successful couples may have to do this by phone."

While in some instances sharing fondness can be done by way of a flirtatious text, expressing appreciation for your spouse about more serious matters should be done by phone or in person.

"Saying something like, ‘I cannot tell you how much I appreciated how you listened to our son last night when he was so upset' has a more powerful impact when your spouse sees your facial expressions or hears the sincerity in the tone of your voice."

3. They agree upon important issues from the get go.

"Two egos in a marriage can be great if all the important issues are agreed upon up front," Gerber says. "It can be especially good if each person in the power couple has his or her own sphere in which to rise up and each gains the other's respect for different talents."

A great example of this respect comes from Salma Hayek's husband, François-Henri Pinault, who explained to her why he wanted her to go back to work after having children.

"'I don't want to be deprived of your work,'" she reports him saying to Allure magazine. "‘I want to watch it, too. And the world has not seen the best of you yet. So you cannot stop until some of that is put out.' So he sort of really pushed me, like, 'Get up on your feet and get out there.' And he was right."

Some of the most important issues couples should agree upon early on include sexual and romantic needs, who pays for what, and family boundaries.

Most break ups happen because of cheating Gerber says. "Couples who face the reality of this threat head on and deal with it stand the most chance of success."

Gerber says there is a whole range of what's acceptable within the bounds of a relationship if agreed upon in advance, so partners need to hash it out and agree on what the rules to live by are.

Arrangements could include:

• No alone dates with the opposite sex, even socially
• Certain outside-the-marriage content is okay
• We can bring others into the marriage and and have an open relationship

"Know what your partner can handle, what they want, and what the deal breakers are going to be as you face head on the fact that cheating will be an option," Gerber advises.

One way to limit issues later is to write a handbook detailing boundaries and expectations from the beginning.

"Don't be afraid to put it all in writing to refer back to as a living breathing document," she says. "And plan to have meetings about how you are running your marriage and family just as you would for your company or any other project you care about profoundly."

4. They commit overall to one another.

For a marriage to remain successful when both partners are highly driven and busy, McNulty says couples must remain committed to one another before anything or anyone else.  

"A successful career and exciting workplace can distract partners from their relationship, and from the family they have created," he says.

"Each partner has to be able to trust that the other has his or her back, and that they intend to do all they can to understand and support one another," McNulty says. "The relationship must come first."

SEE ALSO: Marriage under the spotlight — why successful people get divorced

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Spontaneous sex is a myth — here's how a 'sex schedule' could save your relationship

Licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, Rachel Sussman shares 6 ways to keep things fresh in a long-term relationship. 

Produced by Eames Yates and Sam Rega

Follow BI Video: On Facebook

Join the conversation about this story »

Psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky says that when it comes to happiness, we often believe the myths about it — namely, that achieving goals like getting married, having kids, getting a good job, and earning a decent living, will make us happy forever.

But when they don't, we often fall victim to feelings of failure, disappointment, or simply unhappiness.

Lyubomirsky, whose research on the possibility of permanently increasing happiness has received multiple prizes and grants, has written two books on the subject. In her most recent book, "The Myths of Happiness," she describes a couple of ways we can keep ourselves happier, longer.

Imagine your life without the things you have.

When we adapt, we feel dissatisfied and cease to appreciate what we have, whether that's a loving partner, a great job, or financial security. Lyubomirsky calls this hedonic adaptation — becoming complacent with the things in our lives that used to make us feel good, because we've come to expect them and begin to take them for granted.

This is a normal part of life: The 'honeymoon phase' in a relationship wears off after a while. Our brand new car loses its newness as we continue to see it in the driveway day after day.

"Appreciation helps prevent us from getting too 'spoiled,'" writes Lyubomirsky, "and experiencing envy" of what others have. True appreciation means feeling gratitude and savoring what you have.

One way to experience appreciation: Imagine subtracting something, or someone, from your life. What would it be like if you hadn't met your partner, hadn't gotten your job, didn't have kids? By imagining the absence of these things, and how much they enhance the quality of our lives, we're more likely to appreciate them and extend the happiness they bring us.

Create the opportunity for novelty.

The elusive "element of surprise" is crucial to sustaining happiness, says Lyubomirsky.

In relationships, for example, the beginning always holds surprises; as a relationship progresses and a couple gets to know each other better, things become routine, and they begin to wonder where those initial feelings of passion and exhilaration went. The same holds true for other aspects of our lives. A new job is exciting as you're getting a handle on new responsibilities, meeting your coworkers, and being rewarded for doing well, until it feels dull and habitual.

"When we perceive something novel in our environments," Lyubomirsky says, "we stand to attention and hence are more likely to appreciate it, to contemplate it, and remember it."

"Furthermore," she continues, "uncertainty in and of itself can enhance the pleasure of positive events."

We're hardwired to seek out novelty— it signals learning and memory, and even triggers a chemical reaction in the brain. We should aim to create the opportunity for more novelty in our lives, whether that's signing up for a cooking or dancing class with our partners, taking on more challenging projects at work, or redecorating the house. The key is to make the old feel new again, because new is stimulating.

MORE ABOUT LYUBOMIRSKY AND OTHER INCREDIBLE MINDS: 50 groundbreaking scientists who are changing the way we see the world

MORE ABOUT HAPPINESS: Surprising science-backed ways to boost your mood

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: 5 Timeless Philosophy Tips For A Happy, Successful Life

Managing finances as a couple is a part of marriage, but when it comes to marital money, financial infidelity is just as damaging to the relationship as sexual infidelity.

Related: 5 Essential Tips for Financial Planning After Divorce

And financial infidelity may start early: "Often, [one] person realizes the relationship is coming to an end and will start moving money," explains Jerome Johnson, certified public accountant, in Albuquerque, New Mexico. "They'll open up new accounts in their name and start methodically moving money over."

A prime ingredient here is the onesidedness of financial management: Most households divide responsibilities, but when one spouse manages the finances, the other tends to "check out."

Ideally, both spouses should know what money comes in; what amount of it is saved and spent; the level of debt, if any; and the value of any assets and investments.

"Your finances are the lifeblood of everything you want to do," says Charles Day, senior vice president at UBS. "You shouldn't be oblivious to what your finances are, just as you wouldn't be oblivious to your health."

While accountants can investigate your marital finances, looking for specific signs yourself can help you figure out if there's a problem. Here are nine.

1. New spending patterns

The way to find misappropriated assets is to follow the money. If you know your partner's salary, bank and credit card statements that list all transfers, withdrawals and deposits will show this person's spending patterns. "You start with an expectation of where the money went," says Jerry Love, a certified public accountant in Abilene, Texas. "When you have a change of pattern and less money goes into the account, then you've a reason to be suspicious."

People tend to move small sums out of an account over time and store this cash in a safe deposit box. Or they may deposit the money into a new account.

2. Excessive shopping

Lots of recent purchases may be indicative of a new shopping habit you don't want to help support. If your partner has credit cards you don't know about, spotting the charges will require some extra investigation.

Reviewing each other's credit reports once a year will also help to uncover any new credit cards and debts.

Related: 5 Things to Consider for Entrepreneurs, and Their Spouses, to Have a Healthy Marriage

3. Fat brokerage statements

Frequent trading rarely results in profits, but instead has the potential to drain a couple's savings, especially if your partner funds trades with high-interest-rate loans. Look for excessively thick brokerage statements in the mail, says Love, and if you don't receive paper statements and trade confirmations, you'll get an extremely long 1099B during tax time.

4. Moodiness

Gambling can be harder to detect. "You'll see a change in mood -- people who gamble and lose don't take losing well," says Day. "That wouldn't [just] be a shift in assets; it's an addiction, and it can destroy your finances."

Even though gambling wins and losses affect your taxes, people don't always receive tax forms after playing a game. Casinos track a person's gambling, with player's cards, and you can subpoena the casino for a copy of that record. "This will show what kind of volume they're doing at the casino," says Johnson. If someone makes frequent ATM withdrawals at a casino, but doesn't have any wins and losses on tax forms, question what happened to that cash.

5. Sudden changes in compensation

Someone planning a divorce may try to increase his or her divorce settlement by delaying compensation until after the divorce.

To head this off, look for sudden, unexpected drops in bonuses or salary. "If the economy is rolling on, you would not anticipate a lower bonus, or if bonuses are consistent for 10 years, they wouldn't suddenly drop," says Johnson.

Business owners have control of their income and can shift compensation until after a divorce by prepaying expenses, for example, or overpaying taxes that are returned in a refund check. "If you're divorcing a business owner, you want to value their business and have a forensic accountant go through it," says Day.

6. Recent purchases of art or antiques

One way to hide assets is to buy an expensive painting or valuable antique, like a rug, clock or expensive watch. These high-priced items hold their value, don't have titles that can track the item and are easily sold after a divorce. "Most people look at cash in the bank rather than how much art someone has," says Johnson. "It's something that doesn't generate a huge trail."

7. Newly opened accounts

Since people tend to be loyal to brokerages and banks, dividend income from unfamiliar accounts can be cause for concern. If you don't see regular statements for the new accounts, any income that's generated will appear on your tax returns.

"If somebody has four or five investment accounts, ask why they have all these different investment accounts," says Johnson. "Sometimes, they're doing it to confuse people because they transfer money back and forth. Suddenly, you could have a withdrawal that's not deposited anywhere. Transfers between accounts raise red flags."

8. Signing documents without review

"If you're going to sign something, your signature is extremely important and valuable," says Day. "If you're signing a tax return, have a discussion about what you're signing. If the other person gets annoyed and doesn't want to explain anything, the more they resist, the more you should want to know."

Your signature makes you responsible for what's in that document, even if it's fraudulent. "The 'innocent spouse rule' is not that easy to prove," says Day.

9. Lack of communication

The period prior to marriage is when couples should decide on joint financial goals and a budget, and discuss spending habits, credit scores and plans for managing their money.

"When you first get together with someone, you need to put all your finances in order," says chartered financial analyst Robert Stammers, director of investor education for the CFA Institute. "If you're going to keep your finances separate, and don't have any controls, that's a problem, and you can't get angry if your partner spends their money frivolously, because you have no way of knowing."

Be sure to talk about your finances at least twice a year throughout your marriage. "The more you talk about it, the less likely someone will hide something," says Love.

Related: 4 Tips for Workaholic Entrepreneurs to Avoid a Crumbling Marriage

SEE ALSO: 6 money lies that can destroy your relationship

Join the conversation about this story »