Relationship expert Melissa Schneider, author of The Ugly Wife Is A Treasure At Home, talks about traditional marriage priorities for the Chinese and how they may be changing.
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These are the keys to a happy marriage in China
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8 TED talks that will help you save your relationships
Relationships are never easy. By definition they entail connections between people, and people, as we all know, are eternally complicated creatures.
Relationships also come in all sizes and colors — there's romantic relationships, work relationships, and friendships, just to name a few.
Regardless of what kind of relationship you want to save, each is fundamentally similar to the next in a number of ways.
In all healthy relationships, we are able to listen well, empathize, connect, resolve conflict, and respect others.
The following TED talks are a great refresher course in doing just that.
Esther Peril's "Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved."
Yann Dall'Aglio's "Love — you're doing it wrong."
Dall'Aglio, a French philosopher and author of "A Rolex at 50: Do you have the right to miss your life?" and "I love you: Is love a has been?," says love is the desire of being desired. But in a world that often favors the self over others, how can people find the tenderness and connection they crave?
It may be easier than you think: "For a couple who is no longer sustained, supportedby the constraints of tradition, I believe that self-mockeryis one of the best means for the relationship to endure," he says.
In this surprisingly convincing talk, Dall'Aglio explains how acknowledging our uselessness could be the key to sustaining healthy relationships.
Brené Brown's "The power of vulnerability."
Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, studies how humans empathize, belong, and love, and her approach to embracing vulnerability and loving whole-heartedly could fundamentally change the way you live, love, work, and parent.
"When we work from a place, I believe, that says, 'I'm enough,' then we stop screaming and start listening,we're kinder and gentler to the people around us,and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves," she says.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider
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After joining Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In movement, women get jobs, raises, and dump their boyfriends
Sheryl Sandberg's best selling book "Lean In" has become a huge international movement where women join what's known as Lean In circles as they pursue their leadership dreams.
Apparently, joining such a circle can have a profound impact on a woman's life almost immediately, Sandberg told Inc Magazine's Jeff Bercovici.
Within six months of joining, women "get raises. They get new jobs. They run for office. They change the dynamics they have with their partners. Some of them drop their boyfriends and decide they want new boyfriends who will be more equal partners," Sandberg said.
And there's an awful lot of women joining such circles and changing jobs, dynamics and boyfriends. "We have 24,000 circles in 117 countries," she said. "We grow by a hundred a week."
So if you're thinking about joining a circle, you might want to warn your boyfriend.
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Psychologists say you need these 3 compatibilities to have a successful marriage
Although fewer young people are getting married today than ever before, research suggests that getting and staying married is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
As The New York Times recently concluded, "being married makes people happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who remain single — particularly during the most stressful periods, like midlife crises."
But how do you know if you should get hitched in the first place?
We asked Peter Pearson, couples therapist and cofounder of the Couples Institute of Menlo Park, California.
Chemistry was his first answer.
"Chemistry is not everything," he said, "but if the chemistry is not there, that's a tough thing to overcome. If the chemistry is more there for one person than the other, that's tough to overcome. It's hard to build passion if it's low at the beginning. If I could find a way to build passion where passion was low, I'd be richer than Bill Gates."
But it's not just sexual chemistry, Pearson said. What you might call social chemistry plays a crucial role — the way you feel when you're with the other person. In his experience, when people have affairs, it's more than simple lust — it's also about the way they feel when they're around the other person.
That sense of "how I feel" can be investigated further by looking at the work of Canadian psychologist Eric Berne. Back in the 1950s and '60s, Berne developed "transactional analysis," a model that tried to provide an account of how two people in a relationship interact, or transact.
His popular books about the model became bestsellers, namely "The Games People Play." Drawing somewhat on Sigmund Freud, his theory argued that every person has three "ego states":
• The parent: What you've been taught
• The child: What you have felt
• The adult: What you have learned
When two people are really compatible, they connect along each tier. Pearson gave us a few questions for figuring out compatibility at each level:
• The parent: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world?
• The child: Do you have fun together? Can you be spontaneous? Do you think your partner's hot? Do you like to travel together?
• The adult: Does each person think the other is bright? Are you good at solving problems together?
While having symmetry across all three is ideal, Pearson said that people often "get together to balance each other." One person might identify as fun-loving and adventurous, while the other takes on the role of nurturing and responsible.
While that divvying up of roles makes for good odd-couple romantic comedies, it's not ultimately sustainable.
"That works until someone gets tired," Pearson said — until one partner is shouting, "I'm tired of being the responsible person here!"
When that happens (or ideally, before that happens), a couple has to go through the "differentiation" process.
In another interview, Pearson's wife and Couples Institute cofounder Ellyn Bader described how the high-tension phase of differentiation works:
People have to come to terms with the reality that "we really are different people. You are different from who I thought you were or wanted you to be. We have different ideas, different feelings, different interests."
Differentiation has two components. There is self-differentiation: "This is who I am and what I want." This refers to the development of an independent sense of self: to know what I want, think, feel, desire...
The second involves differentiation from the other. When this is successful, the members of the couple have the capacity to be separate from each other and involved at the same time.
For couples to survive that differentiation process and maintain their compatibility, the real secret sauce is effort.
But despite all these theoretical models, Pearson said the clues about what predicts true compatibility are much more of a felt sense than something you reason out.
He provided a litmus test. "If you're living together and your partner is away for a couple days and you see a favorite scarf, a pair of shoes, or another article of clothing that's important to them, how do you feel?" Pearson asked. "Do you feel annoyed that you have to pick up the clutter, or does it bring up happy memories?"
The answer can tell you a lot about how your parent, child, and adult are getting along with theirs.
SEE ALSO: Marriages And Businesses Fail For The Same 3 Reasons, Says A Silicon Valley Couples Therapis
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7 lessons you can learn from kids that will make you a more successful adult
If you arrived at your office tomorrow wearing "Frozen"-themed footie pajamas, you'd likely get some bewildered stares, and might even get sent home to change.
But there are certain times when it's OK — even wise — to act like a child. Kids often know better than grown-ups how to learn quickly and form meaningful relationships.
To learn how to embrace our inner child, we checked out the Quora thread, "What can adults learn from children?" and highlighted the most insightful responses. Read on to find out what your past self can teach your present one.
1. It's OK to ask for help.
"When you're a kid, your entire life depends on the support and the help of your parents. Without them we would be nothing,"says Quora user Yann Girard. "Unfortunately, along the way of growing up we somehow lose the capability of being able to accept any sort of help."
That's unfortunate, because research suggests that asking for advice can make you seem more competent and can flatter the person whose counsel you're seeking.
2. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable will help you make friends.
Eva Glasrud cites a blog post she wrote about why kids make friends more easily than adults.
Scientists say one of the things that facilitates the formation of friendships is an environment that encourages people to open up to each other. Because kids are generally more willing to self-disclose than adults (in any environment), they form close relationships quickly.
3. It's important to acknowledge your emotions.
"We bottle up our emotions because we don't want others to think badly of us,"says Simranjeett Singh. "However, children don't act that way. They acknowledge and let out their emotions. Children will let you know when they are hurt, confused, angry, sad, or happy."
It isn't always easy to come to terms with — or even identify — what you're feeling, especially if it's intense or painful. But accepting your emotions is just as important as accepting other people's emotions, psychologist Karyn Hall, Ph.D., writes on Psychology Today.
4. You don't know everything.
Preeti Pillai advocates being curious and asking simple questions, just like kids do.
"With the accumulation of educational degrees and more passing time we often get the feeling that we have the answer to everything," Pillai says. "We are so, so wrong!"
Beyond seeming humble, curiosity has myriad benefits. For example, it strengthens your personal relationships because you spend time listening, and it boosts your performance at work because you always want to learn and improve.
5. You can try new experiences before you're fully prepared.
Kids don't wait until science suggests they're ready to remove the training wheels on their bike — they just hop on and see what happens.
Writes Sunanda Guha:
Despite the fact that they are cognitively, developmentally and even physically unprepared for most of what the world has to offer, children are the masters of jumping feet-first into unknown waters. They aren't worried about meeting the pre-requisites for new activities. They say 'yes' first and then figure the rest out as they go. It's a strategy us security-obsessed adults could learn a little something from. Kids are living proof that we don't always have to be fully prepared in order to move forwards.
6. There's a whole world out there to explore.
Kids are keen observers of everything around them, writes Sharmistha Das:
"Go for a walk with a kid and do the same with [an] adult ... use the same route. You will be surprised at the different things you end up noticing and explaining about when you are with [a] kid. Age tends to make us oblivious to nature."
Observing is a key skill of innovators, according to the authors of "The Innovator's DNA." Watching people's everyday behavior can help you figure out the solutions to problems you or your organization are facing.
7. Unfamiliar people and ideas aren't scary.
Amigo Oak notes that kids often demonstrate acceptance without prejudice:
As we grow we let our experiences cloud our innermost desire to explore and be curious of things that are totally alien to our minds. We are scared of change and our mind is suspicious of anything that is new or against what we believe. Having beliefs is a part of growing up and it is a good thing, however, completely losing the ability to boldly embrace a new idea or something we do not know, without being prejudiced is a huge price to pay.
SEE ALSO: Science says parents of successful kids have these 9 things in common
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Here's how much sex happy couples have every month
The first two years of a relationship are usually considered to be the most exciting. After that, according to psychotherapist and author M. Gary Neuman, couples have to work to maintain that initial level of intimacy and excitement.
Neuman conducted a research experiment with 400 women who were either happily or unhappily married to find out how much sex happy couples should have every month.
Business Insider readers will get a 20% discount on Neuman's products for a limited time by using the promo code "businessinsider." Click here to visit his website.
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Stop asking your friends when they're going to have kids
It's inappropriate to ask your friends when they're having kids.
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6 toxic coworkers and how you should handle them
You're one of the few people in your inner circle who honestly loves your job.
You wake up feeling energized. You believe in your company's mission. You're happy with the pay and your day-to-day duties.
But there's one thing that really bursts your career bubble: toxic coworkers.
Good or bad, your colleagues are a part of the package deal — and they can have a bigger impact on your job performance than you realize.
A 2013 survey by employee-engagement firm TINYpulse, for instance, found that happiness at work was more heavily tied to an employee's positive connection to coworkers than to a direct supervisor.
This may help explain why, even when everything else in your job is going well, you can still feel less than satisfied — thanks to things like Michael's constant badmouthing and Sarah's penchant for drama.
To help you better cope with difficult colleagues, we asked workplace experts to offer up their best advice for keeping six classic toxic coworkers from torpedoing your workday — and even career.
1. The Company Basher
Signs You're Working With One … Sometimes the clues can be nonverbal, like blatant eye-rolling in meetings. Other times, it's an unabashed open admission that they're hunting for a new job — and even outright declarations that management is handling things all wrong.
The Impact on You … Unfortunately, the most vocal people on your team can dictate how you're perceived by others. So Negative Nancy could very well define your group — and maybe even you — as the unhappy and antagonistic one at the company.
How to Keep the Behavior in Check … Without a receptive audience, complainers don't thrive, says Linda Swindling, author of "Stop Complainers and Energy Drainers: How to Negotiate Work Drama to Get More Done."
So when the rants start, Swindling suggests shutting it down with a direct — but respectful — response. "Simply announce, 'I like my job, and I like my boss,' " she says. "Then leave the conversation, and go back to work."
Another helpful tact, says Jason Dukes, a life coach and founder of Captain's Chair Coaching, is to shift the conversation to something positive — like asking about upcoming weekend plans. "The less you support negative talk, the less it will occur around you," Dukes says.
2. The Deadline Delinquent
Signs You're Working With One … It's par for the course to occasionally have to work up to the eleventh hour to meet a big deadline. But when you find yourself habitually padding timelines to account for a colleague's constant lateness, you've got a problem on your hands.
The Impact on You … One person's lateness can send the rest of the team into reactive mode. Before you know it, you're regularly clocking late hours, putting other tasks on hold — and maybe even taking heat from your boss because the team is behind schedule.
How to Keep the Behavior in Check … It's important to first understand the root cause for the lateness, says Dominique Jones, vice president of human resources at talent management company Halogen Software.
So have an honest conversation to isolate the issue, whether it's that your coworker is juggling too many duties, dealing with personal issues, or simply disinterested. Listen without placing blame, and then share the trickle-down effect it has on you — and the rest of the team.
If your coworker is receptive to feedback, discuss how you can better adjust processes and assign tasks, so everyone gets the support they need to meet deadlines, Jones says.
And if you come up against resistance, suggest that the team start sharing its deadlines with management, so they know exactly where the bottlenecks occur, Swindling says.
3. The Drama Queen
Signs You're Working With One … Your daily Starbucks runs are all about discussing the latest office politics, plus she messages you throughout the day with tales of what's going wrong in her department.
Bottom line: In her world, the sky is always falling.
The Impact on You … "Although it may seem harmless, gossiping in the workplace can damage reputations — and create divisiveness and distrust between coworkers," Jones says.
Even if you're not involved in the gossiping, being surrounded by it takes your focus off your duties, and can leave you suspicious of your colleagues. "It can crush morale and derail performance," Jones adds.
How to Keep the Behavior in Check … Often, drama queens are looking to validate their own assumptions by eliciting a similar reaction from you, so stay neutral.
"You could either tell your coworker that talking about others makes you uncomfortable, or state that you'd rather not speculate on a particular business decision without all the facts," Jones says.
You can also try to limit your interactions to positive social settings, where you can't be held captive to the negativity. So consider including them in a group activity — like an after-work running club — that can help them see the company in a different light.
4. The Fearful Fibber
Signs You're Working With One … Your coworker tells your boss that a project is on time and within budget — even though the spending numbers and revised schedules you saw say otherwise.
The Impact on You … When your colleague's professional mantra is "C.Y.A."— cover your you-know-what — that puts you in a tough spot professionally and ethically.
Not only does it make you complicit in the dishonesty if you don't speak up, but it also forces you to course-correct in secret — and potentially shoulder the blame if the project ends up a disaster.
How to Keep the Behavior in Check … Often, colleagues who lie about progress are afraid of failure or appearing incompetent.
"They don't mind being deceitful if it means they can stay in the spotlight and look good," Swindling says.
Translation: They are looking out for No. 1, so transparency is your only ally.
If possible, "publicly calendar the deliverables and who is assigned to them, separating job duties as clearly as possible," Swindling says. This way, everyone has the same data to reference — and there will be less chance that half-truths can slip by.
It may also help to let your coworker know that his actions make you distrust him. "Try to get him to see that although his deceptive behavior is a quick fix to his problem, it affects the company as a whole in the long run," Dukes says.
5. The Change-Phobic
Signs You're Working With One … How many times have you proposed a new way to track expenses, or an alternate system for managing workflow, only to hear, "But we've always done it this way!"
That's not only a sign of stubbornness, but it also means your coworker will be an impediment to progress.
The Impact on You … An inability to let go of old-guard ways hinders innovation. Even one person who can't — or won't — adapt to a new mind-set can slow down an entire team, making you appear less efficient and creative than your cohorts.
How to Keep the Behavior in Check … Jones says this type of resistance usually signals one of three things: They're highly invested in their current way of working; they helped create the old methods and processes; or they're afraid of more work.
So taking the time to find out the backstory can bolster your argument for why embracing change could be a good thing. For instance, maybe you can try couching a new way of working as a great means to help your coworker shave hours off a tedious task he has to routinely tackle.
"Providing context goes a long way to helping someone along the change curve," Jones says. "You can be empathetic, but a forward-looking view is a must."
6. The Clique Member
Signs You're Working With One … They come in all shapes and sizes — whether they're mean girls or members of the old boys' club — but their common thread is an appearance of exclusivity that may even lead to professional bullying.
The Impact on You … Cliques foster an "us" versus "them" culture that makes it nearly impossible to form trust, collaboration and mutual respect.
At the very least, it can make you feel less engaged at work, and disconnected from others. At its worst, cliques can create intra-company rivalries that can move from the cafeteria to the conference room — potentially impacting your job performance.
How to Keep the Behavior in Check … Cliques are only as powerful as you make them, so the best thing to do is refuse to play along.
"[Cliques will] never support you, so you need your own [internal] champions," Swindling says. "These types of coworkers are trying to control their environment through misinformation and manipulative relationships."
Her advice: Make it a point to know who you can rely on to defend your skills. And if you are contending with cliquish behavior, try to document everything you've worked on that yielded positive results — so you can look out for you.
SEE ALSO: 10 types of employees you should fire immediately
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Psychologists explain why Ikea 'literally becomes a map of a relationship nightmare'
If you have assembled a piece of Ikea furniture with a partner, then you have probably argued with a partner about assembling a piece of Ikea furniture.
Domestic battles over the Swedish retailer’s products are such a common feature of modern cohabitation that comedian Amy Poehler once joked that Ikea was Swedish for “argument.”
But why, exactly, is assembling flat-packed furniture so contentious for couples? Why do conversations about sofas so often lead down such dark corridors?
I spoke with a number of research psychologists, behavioral experts, and family therapists who explained why each step of the Ikea process is rife with emotional triggers and how, once identified, those triggers can be avoided.
“Little things like putting a set of shelves together will bring up some ancient history with the partners,” Don Ferguson, author of Reptiles in Love: Ending Destructive Fights and Evolving Toward More Loving Relationships, told me. “Do you trust me? Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I have no skills? Do you wish your old boyfriend was here doing this?”
Many couples start the assembly process with the disadvantage of having recently been at an Ikea store, itself an emotionally destabilizing experience.
The clean, stylish, spacious idealized home in the showroom “literally becomes a map of a relationship nightmare,” clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula told The Wall Street Journal.
Couples in her therapy sessions mentioned Ikea-related arguments so frequently that Durvasula began making research trips to the store. She found that themed areas triggered related arguments: bedding (sex), kitchen goods (chores), children’s gear (don’t even start).
The showroom is also where troubling questions of taste arise. In an environment where choosing a coffee table is marketed as an expression of identity, it’s easy to project deeper meaning onto a partner’s opinion. If I like the Lack and you like the Klingsbo, do we want the same kind of home? Do we want the same kind of life? Who are you, really?
“Couples tend to extrapolate from the small conflicts that arise while shopping for and building furniture that perhaps they aren’t so made for one another after all,” Maisie Chou Chaffin, a London-based clinical psychologist who works with couples, told me.
One of the most pivotal moments in the assembly process happens before anyone picks up a screwdriver.
Even couples who aim for egalitarian division of labor across the whole of their relationship find that when it comes to individual tasks, one person usually steps forward as the lead: She oversees paying the bills, for example, while he’s head chef in the kitchen.
Presented with a new task—like, say, assembling a Hemnes dresser—couples may have competing ideas of who’s best suited to take the lead.
A power struggle ensues, and power struggles are breeding grounds for conflict. (This is also why driving directions are such potent argument-starters.)
“Unless one of you is the accepted leader for building something, you’re thrown into this dynamic of ‘who is in charge?’” said Scott Stanley, a psychology professor at the University of Denver and author of the book, Fighting for Your Marriage.
“Even when you’ve sort of figured out that one’s more taking the lead, then you’ve got the moments when the assistant sees what the leader is doing wrong,” Stanley said. “Despite the fact that we all often function better with constructive feedback, nobody likes it.”
* * *
Designed for use in any culture or language, Ikea’s deceptively simple assembly manuals give users the (often incorrect) impression that the project can be accomplished without much time or effort.
If that mute, genderless cartoon figure can build a rolling kitchen island, it stands to reason, surely we can too. When those expectations are dashed, egos take a hit.
“As with any anxiety, a degree of self abuse kicks in,” said Ferguson, the author of Reptiles in Love who is now a Veterans Administration psychologist in Auburn, California. “And very quickly, if you can’t take a pause, you’re going to turn on your spouse or your partner.”
Feeling frustrated by a task can immediately affect your feelings for a partner. In a 2014 study, researchers at Monmouth University and Ursinus College split 120 subjects into two groups. One was given the simple, stress-free task of writing down numbers chronologically; the other, a complicated set of math problems.
Upon completing the task, both groups were asked to write down compliments they might give their partner upon returning home. The stressed-out group came up with 15% fewer nice things to say about their loved ones.
“The acute experience of stress undermines relationship behaviors, and furniture assembly-induced stress is another way to undermine positive relationship behaviors,” study author Gary Lewandowski of Monmouth University said.
* * *
If you want to know if you and a partner are compatible, Dan Ariely told me, take a canoe ride together. An experience packed with factors out of your control—weather, currents, sharks—offers telling insights about how people react to pressure.
“The question is, do people have a tendency to blame the other person, or to understand that things just happen?” said Ariely, professor of psychology and behavioral economics at Duke University. (He was also part of the Harvard Business School team that in 2011 identified “the Ikea effect,” the observation that people love a thing more if they participate in some small way in its creation.) He added:
I think the same thing would happen with Ikea furniture. During the process, things happen in an unexpected way. There are pieces missing. People put things together in the wrong way. The question is, how much do we tend to blame the other person?
There’s also the problem of fundamental attribution error, Ariely said. We tend to attribute our own mistakes to external factors (“I put this together wrong because the instructions were bad”) and others’ mistakes to internal ones (“You put this together wrong because you never pay attention.”)
On a good day, maybe you’re pretty good at avoiding blame and taking an enlightened view. But we’ve already established: this is not a good day. This is an Ikea day. The showroom made you feel inadequate, you’re subconsciously battling your partner for power, and you’re embarrassed that it’s taken the better part of a Saturday for two educated adults to build a chest of drawers.
* * *
An Ikea-inspired fight stops being about the Stuva pretty quickly.
Arguing with a partner can trigger the “fight or flight response,” the physiological state of hyperarousal that evolved to help primates cope with acute stress. Inessential functions like maturity, patience, and reason temporarily switch off. You are primed for battle.
“The higher brain shuts down. The primitive brain takes over. And there’s no organization or reason there,” Ferguson said.
That’s why couples “start arguing about a set of shelves and by the end of the fight they’re talking about each other’s parents and themselves and their kids.”
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7 ridiculous ways people try to look smart
No one likes to feel like they're less intelligent than everyone around them.
In fact, we can be so worried about coming off as stupid that we go to great lengths to convince people that we're smart.
In a recent Quora thread, "What are the most common tricks used by dumb people to seem smart?," users detailed some of the ridiculous ways people try to impress those around them.
1. Using sophisticated language
It's tempting to pepper your speech with SAT words so as to seem intelligent and educated. And that's exactly what some people do, according to Quora user Bill McGowan.
Unfortunately, McGowan says, "using big, obscure vocabulary is Russian Roulette — eventually you will misuse one [word] and expose yourself."
Moreover, research suggests that the best way to impress people with your intelligence is to speak as simply as possible.
2. Voicing an opinion about (almost) everything
The key to looking like you really know what you're talking about is to "have an opinion about eight out of 10 things being discussed,"says Sid Jain. "If you have an opinion on everything, you'll draw attention to yourself and a misstep will jeopardize all the other opinions that you put forth."
Jain may be onto something — experts say the ability to admit you don't know something is one way to seem smarter at work.
3. Not saying anything
Multiple users mentioned the strategy of staying silent, or as Lilian Raji puts it, "the old theory of the less you talk, the smarter people think you are."
In fact, there's an entire Quora thread dedicated to the question, "Why are some extremely smart people very quiet?" One theory is that smart people are too busy thinking and observing to add to the discussion.
4. Keeping a lot of books in their office
Some people think they can give off the impression of worldliness and intellectual curiosity by stocking their office (or home) with tons of books. Of course, says Martin Thoma, that doesn't mean they've really read any of them.
Yet if they did crack open some of those tomes, they might be pleased with the effects. Research suggests that reading fiction, at least, makes us more empathetic.
5. Faking a foreign accent
Several users cited feigning a foreign accent as a way to make people think you're smarter.
"Speaking with a British accent has worked wonders for me over the last 10 years,"writes Kenny Madden. (Presumably, he doesn't live in the UK.)
Meanwhile, research suggests there may be something to the idea that people from certain geographic areas seem more intelligent: One study found that 10-year-old American kids perceived people with Northern accents as smarter and people with Southern accents as nicer.
6. Using statistics and charts to illustrate their point
Mike Laursen has noticed that other Quora users often quote statistics when they're aiming to appear intelligent. What's more, they try to make the "questionable statistics more impressive by embedding charts in [their] answer."
Interestingly, research suggests that using graphs helps to persuade people of your argument, simply because they look scientific.
7. Boasting about how many books they've read
Apparently, trying to appear literary is a common trend among aspiring geniuses.
Mariska Russell says some people brag about "the large quantity of books that they read when they are typically retaining very little and hardly every applying what they've read about to their lives."
SEE ALSO: 25 daily habits that will make you smarter
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Pluto and its moon: a love story
NASA's New Horizons spacecraft took us to Pluto for the first time in July 2015. Scientists are astonished by the incredible features they've observed on the dwarf planet, including a 1,000 mile wide region covered in nitrogen snow that resembles a heart. But we have reason to believe Pluto's heart is a bit warmer than the ice the covers it.
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3 straightforward steps to split bills with your spouse
Even the happiest couples have arguments: Disagreements on how to raise the kids (I vote for boarding school), how to divvy up household chores ("Oh no, honey, let me clean that for you … again"), or even where to live (like as far away from the in-laws as possible).
But those arguments are child's play compared to the mother of all head-butting in a relationship — money.
Managing dual incomes and household expenses gets tricky, and there's no one foolproof strategy that'll work for everyone. If one spouse works while the other stays home, there typically isn't an issue of who pays what and how much they contribute — the working spouse usually handles it all.
But when both spouses work and split expenses, coming up with a fair and reasonable plan is important if you want to prevent financial resentment and money fights from ruining your relationship.
1. Take inventory.
I think it's funny how some spouses can talk about everything under the sun, yet clam up when the discussion turns to money. Sometimes I just want to shake 'em. If I'm talking about you, listen up: You can't keep your head stuck in the sand. For a happy financial life with your spouse, you have to get candid and have these conversations, even though they may be uncomfortable. This isn't the time to be embarrassed about your credit card debt or the fact that you bring in considerably less. Before you can even think about splitting bills, you have to know what's coming in and what's going out.
"Sit down with your spouse and take inventory," says Ashley Feinstein Gerstley, CPC Certified Coach. "While some bills will be different each month, you should be able to come up with a realistic range." This includes adding up your combined income, plus the total cost of fixed and variable household expenses, such as the rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, transportation, insurances, etc."
In this discussion, you also should decide which expenses to include in the split. You might agree to only split household expenses and make each of you responsible for your own personal expenses like student loans, credit cards, haircuts, or manicures. Which I recommend, by the way. You'll resent your spouse the first time he or she holds these expenses over your head if they're the one footing those bills. Cut back or man up; those are the only two choices you have.
2. Have realistic expectations.
When splitting bills with your spouse, problems can arise when there are unrealistic expectations. It might seem logical to have a 50–50 split, with each spouse contributing an equal share to joint expenses. But this approach only works when both parties earn similar incomes.
Think about this: If you earn $7,000 a month, your spouse earns $3,000 a month, and your shared expenses come to $3,000 a month, splitting the bills down the middle doesn't make a whole lot of sense. This approach ends with your spouse spending half of his or her income on household expenses while you only spend 20% of your income.
David Bakke, a personal finance expert at Money Crashers, recommends a different plan.
"A more fair way to split bills is for each spouse to pay a percentage according to how much they make," he says. "If one spouse makes 65% of the total household income, that's how much of the bills he or she is responsible for."
This strategy ensures there's enough cashflow to cover household expenses, but allows each spouse discretionary income for personal expenses and building their personal nest egg, whether it's preparing for retirement or increasing their personal savings account.
3. Have a shared expense account or separate bills.
Once you decide how much each person will contribute, the next step is deciding whether you'll have a single account for shared expenses, or pay your own set of bills from your own personal accounts. There's really no right or wrong way to handle this.
With a shared expense account, you both contribute a set percentage and pay all bills from one account. It can work — just know that having a shared expense account means a lot of back-and-forth communication. There has to be enough money in this account at all times to cover your bills, and you must trust that your spouse doesn't take from this account unnecessarily, which can result in insufficient funds and overdraft fees.
Another strategy, which can be just as effective, is deciding which set of bills you're responsible for, and then paying these bills from your own account.
"Under this strategy, each person maintains his or her own separate account and identifies which expenses each spouse will be responsible for, thereby, keeping a black curtain over accounts and maintaining maximum financial independence," says Andrea Rizk, founder and CEO of Risk Public Relations.
This doesn't mean you're out of the loop with regard to expenses you don't pay. Some couples avoid this strategy because they feel financial problems can easily fall under the radar. If their spouse gets behind on a utility payment or the car payment, they want to know as soon as possible. This is perfectly understandable.
So that you don't have any surprises later on, you and your spouse can agree to have your own set of bills, but also agree to manage all shared expenses online. You'll both hold the passwords to these accounts, giving you the freedom to check the payment status of accounts at any time.
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Why people are unfaithful
Esther Perel, a couples therapist and the best-selling author of "Mating in Captivity," reveals her provocative perspective on the subject of infidelity.
Aiming to spark a new conversation about this taboo topic, Perel reverses the lens by proposing that affairs are not a symptom of a problem in one's relationship, but are instead an expression of a deeper longing to experience something different.
Produced by Alana Kakoyiannis
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People with these jobs are the most likely to marry each other
If you're a real hands-in-the-dirt, head-in-the-sun kinda fella, there's a good chance your future wife will be, too.
As The Washington Post recently detailed, Priceonomics, a company that helps companies crawl and structure data from the web, analyzed US Census data to see what professions are most likely to marry each other.
Among the top ten occupations more prone to mixing business with pleasure, two are in agriculture.
Agricultural workers, who help farmers maintain crops and livestock, marry others with the same job 27% of the time — and agricultural managers, such as farmers and ranchers, do so 20% of the time.
Other occupations like physicians and surgeons, gaming service workers, and lodging managers also top the list.
Dan Kopf, author of the Priceonomics analysis, notes the high rate of agriculture workers and managers comingling may be attributed to the less diverse mix of occupations available to people in rural communities compared to urban ones.
Jerry Miller, founder of niche dating site FarmersOnly.com, says it all comes down to lifestyle compatibility. Many farmers he has talked to say they work seven days a week, 365 days a year. "How many people in regular business could relate to that?" he asks.
In general, Dr. Mike McNulty, a Master Certified Gottman Therapist and relationship expert, notes the list isn't too surprising, considering most of these occupations likely share atypical hours and intense demands and responsibilities.
"Each occupation has a distinct way of life that goes with it," McNulty says. "They all involve long hours, at least during certain seasons of the year, that may result in an inability to participate in the mainstream social activities of one's peers."
This may make it difficult for people in these occupations to meet others outside of work.
"It may feel more workable to marry someone who shares the same kind of schedule, rather than having to constantly explain the demands of one's position to a partner or spouse who works in a different profession," McNulty says. "The fact that partners hold the same type of position may mean that they can relate to each other's compassion for work or the challenges one another face."
While there are lots of benefits for spouses who share the same way of life, McNulty cautions anyone looking for a spouse with the same job about the pitfalls.
"Even when they do have the same job, they still will have individual differences, which will result in those all too common perpetual problems that come with being married," he explains. "Partners must learn to manage such problems over time, through understanding and compromise and putting their relationship first. If partners enter into marriage believing their shared way of life makes them exempt from conflict, they will be in for a big surprise."
It's worth noting that the Census Bureau tracks 500 professions, and data on same-sex marriages was not available for this analysis.
SEE ALSO: Relationship experts explain how two highly successful people can make their marriage work
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Here's why people with this kind of job are most likely to marry each other
Working around the clock to till the fields or raise livestock leaves very little time to also sow the seeds of love.
But as it turns out, farmers and agricultural workers have figured out a relationship loophole: marrying their own kind.
As The Washington Post recently detailed, Priceonomics, a company that helps companies crawl and structure data from the web, analyzed US Census data to see what professions are most likely to marry each other.
Farming, Fishing, and Forestry has the highest percentage of people marrying within the same industry at 25%, and among the top ten occupations more prone to mixing business with pleasure, two are in agriculture.
Agricultural workers, who help farmers maintain crops and livestock, marry others with the same job 27% of the time — and agricultural managers, such as farmers and ranchers, do so 20% of the time.
Dan Kopf, author of the Priceonomics analysis, notes the high rate of agriculture workers and managers comingling may be attributed to the less diverse mix of occupations available to people in rural communities compared to urban ones.
Jerry Miller, founder of niche dating site FarmersOnly.com, says it all comes down to lifestyle compatibility.
Miller tells Business Insider he founded the site for farmers to meet like-minded people after encountering a recently-divorced female farmer struggling to find someone new. The woman, Miller says, would get bites on traditional dating sites from "city guys," but they would try to arrange dates at times incompatible with her busy farming schedule.
Many farmers Miller has talked to, he says, work seven days a week, 365 days a year. "How many people in regular business could relate to that?" he asks.
In 2005, with the tagline "City Folks Just Don't Get It!" Miller created the online dating site specifically catered to people who understand the rural farmer lifestyle, and in the ten years since more than 4 million people have signed up on the site.
In general, Dr. Mike McNulty, a Master Certified Gottman Therapist and relationship expert, notes the list isn't too surprising, considering most of these occupations likely share atypical hours and intense demands and responsibilities.
"Each occupation has a distinct way of life that goes with it," McNulty says. "They all involve long hours, at least during certain seasons of the year, that may result in an inability to participate in the mainstream social activities of one's peers."
This may make it difficult for people in these occupations to meet others outside of work.
"It may feel more workable to marry someone who shares the same kind of schedule, rather than having to constantly explain the demands of one's position to a partner or spouse who works in a different profession," McNulty says. "The fact that partners hold the same type of position may mean that they can relate to each other's compassion for work or the challenges one another face."
While there are lots of benefits for spouses who share the same way of life, McNulty cautions anyone looking for a spouse with the same job about the pitfalls.
"Even when they do have the same job, they still will have individual differences, which will result in those all too common perpetual problems that come with being married," he explains. "Partners must learn to manage such problems over time, through understanding and compromise and putting their relationship first. If partners enter into marriage believing their shared way of life makes them exempt from conflict, they will be in for a big surprise."
It's worth noting that the Census Bureau tracks 500 professions, and data on same-sex marriages was not available for this analysis.
SEE ALSO: Relationship experts explain how two highly successful people can make their marriage work
Join the conversation about this story »
NOW WATCH: Here's The Mistake Employees Make Early In Their Career That Hurts Their Productivity
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One of the world's most developed and debt-ridden countries is undergoing a population crisis — here's a possible reason why
Only 1.001 million babies were born in Japan in 2014 — a record low — and 1.269 million people died.
That's an overall loss of 268,000 people, and a signal of a population crisis in one of the world's most developed and debt-ridden economies.
People are trying to figure out why.
One debated factor is the rise of sōshoku-kei danshi, or "herbivore men," a termcoined in 2006 by the columnist Maki Fukasawa.
"In Japan, sex is translated as 'relationship in flesh,'"she told CNN in 2009, "so I named those boys 'herbivorous boys' since they are not interested in flesh."
Herbivores are increasingly present in Japan, according to 2015 survey of 1,134 people aged 16 to 49 reported on in the Japan Times.
"Among male respondents, 17.9 percent reported little or no interest in having sex — or even an extreme dislike of it," the Japan Times reports. "The proportion came to 20.3 percent for men between 25 and 29, up 2.5-fold from the level in 2008."
At a macro level, it's understandably troubling — when 48% of men and 50% of women report not having had sex in the past month, it's not going to help the "demographic time bomb" that's coming toward the country.
The lack of ardor may be related to the fact that like many societies, Japan struggles with mental health.
It's notoriously hard to measure. A 2013 study showed that Japan has the lowest clinical depression diagnosis rate in the world, though some critics think that's because of a lack of recognition of the 'clinical' aspect of depression. The country's notoriously long work hours (think 80-hour weeks) appear to also have an effect on sexuality; over 20% of the married men in the Japan Times study said they weren't interested in sex because they were too tired from work.
But on the other hand, the 'herbivorization' may also represents a revolution of identity politics in the island country.
Herbivore men "have some feelings of revulsion towards the older generation,"Fukasawa said in another interview."They don't want to have the same lives. And the impact of the herbivores on the economy is very big. They're such big news now because sales are down, especially of status products like cars and alcohol."
And as with all good buzzwords, the 'herbivore' terminology has given rise to an entire range of heterosexual identificaties.
Japan Times blogger Rebecca Milner supplies a taxonomy:
nikushoku-kei danshi (肉食系男子; carnivore guys): Classic macho guys who go after what – and who – they want.
sōshoku-kei danshi (草食系男子; herbivore guys): Shy guys who don’t make a move; prey for the growing number of nikushoku-kei josei (carnivore girls).
roru kyabetsu danshi (ロールキャベツ男子; roll cabbage guys): Guys who appear to be herbivores but are actually carnivore to the core; named for the classic yōshoku (Japanese-style western food) dish of cooked cabbage stuffed with meat.
asupara bēkon-maki danshi (アスパラベーコン巻き男子; bacon-wrapped asparagus guys): Guys who come across as carnivores but later reveal themselves to be herbivores; named for the yakitori dish.
zasshoku-kei danshi (雑食系男子; omnivorous guys): Guys who will go with whatever works.
zesshoku-kei danshi (絶食系男子; fasting guys): Guys with zero interest in women.
But here's the thing.
While this may be imprinting Western ideals on Japanese culture, it does seem that all these herbivores serve a long-term good.
If we hold that people should be able to express their sexual orientation in the ways that they identify as — opposite-sex or same-sex, sexual or asexual — then the rise of the herbivores is progress, a liberalization from the strictness of hypermasculine 'salarymen' that have been conferred alpha status in Japan since World War II.
Identity progress is slow-going in Japan. It's a country that is just beginning to have a national LGBTQ conversation, and it went into a racist tizzy about Miss Universe Japan 2015, who is biracial.
So while 'herbivorization' might be a problem for getting the birthrate up, it's the start of an answer as far as gender and sexuality are concerned.
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One simple click could help save your marriage
Love in the age of social media can be difficult to navigate, but one couples counselor has a trick he believes can strengthen some relationships: unfriending your partner on Facebook.
"I love my wife to death,"psychotherapist and sexuality counselor Ian Kerner told Tech Insider. "But I do not need to be her Facebook friend."
Though he's since abandoned his Facebook account for professional privacy, Kerner says when he was on the social media site, he and his wife were not friends.
"Part of the reason I did that was because, as a couple, we already have so much transparency. We're always checking in with each other," Kerner says. "If anything, what I want is a little less information, a little more unknown."
Kerner recognizes such extremes aren't for everyone, but for some couples, a Facebook breakup can be helpful.
In a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 10% of internet users who were "married or partnered" said the internet majorly impacted their relationship. Of that group, 20% found the internet's impact to be "mostly negative."
These are the people — a sizable minority — Kerner believes could benefit most from what he calls a "digital detox."
"In this age of digital distraction, couples are finding time for social media and for Facebooking friends," Kerner says. "But in many cases, when I see couples in intense therapy, they're really not finding that same time for each other."
Jealousy, emotional infidelity, and loneliness are just a few of the negative effects Kerner thinks can be mitigated by unfriending your partner on Facebook.
"With Facebook, you're in a position where you can monitor your loved one's every move. That's a mistake," Kerner told TI. "Couples need to be differentiated individuals, not completely enmeshed with each other, which is what technology tends to do."
When Kerner suggests unfriending to his patients, he says he's often greeted with mixed reactions.
"Some couples like the idea of not being in each other's business all the time, but others think it's an insane idea in an age where it's already hard to trust people. They think getting off each others social media would create too much opacity."
Still, for some couples, Kerner says clicking unfriend can decrease anxiety and depression when it comes their relationships.
Of course, Kerner works with primarily with married couples and people in long-term relationships. When we talked to Amy Muise, social psychologist and postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto, she told us her research found with younger people in newer relationships, people often wanted more Facebook information from their partners, instead of less.
"If there was jealousy in a relationship, people in our study said they would do things to be closer online," Muise told Tech Insider. "People even talked about giving their passwords to their partners, so they could check the parts of Facebook that aren't public."
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Here's how much sex you should be having as you get older
Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, the sexual-dysfunction specialist and clinical director of The Medical Center For Female Sexuality, reveals how much sex is good for a marriage, and how sex changes over the years.
Produced by Sam Rega and Joe Avella. Camera by Jason Gaines.
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6 toxic relationship habits most people think are healthy
There’s no class in high school on how to not be a s----- boyfriend or girlfriend.
Sure, they teach us the biology of sex, the legality of marriage, and maybe we read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be.
But when it comes down to actually handling the nitty-gritty of relationships, we’re given no pointers … or worse, we’re given advice columns in women’s magazines.
Yes, it’s trial-and-error from the get-go. And if you’re like most people, it’s been mostly error.
But part of the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture.
We worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing — and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities.
Men and women are raised to objectify each other and to objectify their relationships. Thus, our partners are often seen as assets rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.
A lot of the self-help literature out there isn’t helpful either (no, men and women are not from different planets, you over-generalizing prick). And for most of us, mom and dad surely weren’t the best examples either.
Fortunately, there’s been a lot of psychological research into healthy and happy relationships the past few decades and there are some general principles that keep popping up consistently that most people are unaware of or don’t follow. In fact, some of these principles actually go against what is traditionally considered “romantic” or normal in a relationship.
Below are six of the most common tendencies in relationships that many couples think are healthy and normal, but are actually toxic and destroying everything you hold dear. Get the tissues ready.
1. The relationship scorecard
What It Is: The “keeping score” phenomenon is when someone you’re dating continues to blame you for past mistakes you made in the relationship. If both people in the relationship do this it devolves into what I call “the relationship scorecard,” where it becomes a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the other one more.
You were an asshole at Cynthia’s 28th birthday party back in 2010 and it has proceeded to ruin your life ever since. Why? Because there’s not a week that goes by that you’re not reminded of it. But that’s OK, because that time you caught her sending flirtatious text messages to her co-worker immediately removes her right to get jealous, so it’s kind of even, right?
Wrong.
Why It’s Toxic: The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness. This is a double-whammy of suckage. Not only are you deflecting the current issue itself, but you’re ginning up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate your partner into feeling wrong in the present.
If this goes on long enough, both partners eventually spend most of their energy trying to prove that they’re less culpable than the other, rather than solving the current problem. People spend all of their time trying to be less wrong for each other instead of being more right for each other.
What You Should Do Instead: Deal with issues individually unless they are legitimately connected. If someone habitually cheats, then that’s obviously a recurring problem. But the fact that she embarrassed you in 2010 and now she got sad and ignored you today in 2013 have nothing to do with each other, so don’t bring it up.
You must recognize that by choosing to be with your significant other, you are choosing to be with all of their prior actions and behaviors. If you don’t accept those, then ultimately, you are not accepting them. If something bothered you that much a year ago, you should have dealt with it a year ago.
2. Dropping "hints" and other passive aggression
What It Is: Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them.
Why It’s Toxic: Because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. A person will never feel a need to drop “hints” if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for it.
What You Should Do Instead: State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support. If they love you, they’ll almost always be able to give it.
3. Holding the relationship hostage
What It Is: When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. For instance, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me all of the time.”
Why It’s Toxic: It’s emotional blackmail and it creates tons of unnecessary drama. Every minor hiccup in the flow of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis. It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself. Otherwise people will suppress their true thoughts and feelings which leads to an environment of distrust and manipulation.
What You Should Do Instead: It’s fine to get upset at your partner or to not like something about them. That’s called being a normal human being. But understand that committing to a person and always liking a person are not the same thing. One can be committed to someone and not like everything about them. One can be eternally devoted to someone yet actually be annoyed or angered by their partner at times.
On the contrary, two partners who are capable of communicating feedback and criticism towards one another, only without judgment or blackmail, will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long-run.
4. Blaming your partner for your own emotions
What It Is: Let’s say you’re having a crappy day and your partner isn’t exactly being super sympathetic or supportive at the moment. They’ve been on the phone all day with some people from work. They got distracted when you hugged them. You want to lay around at home together and just watch a movie tonight, but they have plans to go out and see their friends.
So you lash out at them for being so insensitive and callous toward you. You’ve been having a s----- day and they have done nothing about it. Sure, you never asked, but they should just know to make you feel better. They should have gotten off the phone and ditched their plans based on your lousy emotional state.
Why It’s Toxic: Blaming our partners for our emotions is a subtle form of selfishness, and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice-versa), you will develop codependent tendencies.
Suddenly, they’re not allowed to plan activities without checking with you first. All activities at home — even the mundane ones like reading books or watching TV — must be negotiated and compromised. When someone begins to get upset, all personal desires go out the window because it is now your responsibility to make one another feel better.
The biggest problem of developing these codependent tendencies is that they breed resentment. Sure, if my girlfriend gets mad at me once because she’s had a s----- day and is frustrated and needs attention, that’s understandable.
But if it becomes an expectation that my life revolves around her emotional well-being at all times, then I’m soon going to become very bitter and even manipulative towards her feelings and desires.
What You Should Do Instead: Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs. There’s a subtle yet important difference between being supportive of your partner and being obligated to your partner.
Any sacrifices should be made as an autonomous choice and not seen as an expectation. As soon as both people in a relationship become culpable for each other’s moods and downswings, it gives them both incentives to hide their true feelings and manipulate one another.
5. Displays of "loving" jealousy
What It Is: Getting pissed off when your partner talks, touches, calls, texts, hangs out, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control their behavior.
This often leads to insano behaviors such as hacking into your partner’s email account, looking through their text messages while they’re in the shower or even following them around town and showing up unannounced when they’re not expecting you.
Why It’s Toxic: It surprises me that some people describe this as some sort of display of affection. They figure that if their partner wasn’t jealous, then that would somehow mean that they weren’t loved by them.
This is absolutely clown---- crazy to me. It’s controlling and manipulative. It creates unnecessary drama and fighting. It transmits a message of a lack of trust in the other person. And to be honest, it’s demeaning. If my girlfriend cannot trust me to be around other attractive women by myself, then it implies that she believes that I’m either a) a liar, or b) incapable of controlling my impulses. In either case, that’s a woman I do not want to be dating.
What You Should Do Instead: Trust your partner. It’s a radical idea, I know. Some jealousy is natural. But excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto those close to you. Because otherwise you are only going to eventually push that person away.
6. Buying the solutions to relationship problems
What It Is: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere.
My parents were experts at this one. And it got them real far: a big fat divorce and 15 years of hardly speaking to each other since. They have both since independently told me that this was the primary problem in their marriage: continuously covering up their real issues with superficial pleasures.
Why It’s Toxic: Not only does it brush the real problem under the rug (where it will always re-emerge and even worse the next time), but it sets an unhealthy precedent within the relationship. This is not a gender-specific problem, but I will use the traditional gendered situation as an example.
Let’s imagine that whenever a woman gets angry at her boyfriend/husband, the man “solves” the issue by buying the woman something nice, or taking her to a nice restaurant or something.
Not only does this give the woman unconscious incentive to find more reasons to be upset with the man, but it also gives the man absolutely no incentive to actually be accountable for the problems in the relationship.
So what do you end up with? A checked-out husband who feels like an ATM, and an incessantly bitter woman who feels unheard.
What You Should Do Instead: Actually, you know, deal with the problem. Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Someone feels ignored or unappreciated? Talk about ways to restore those feelings of appreciation. Communicate!
There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for a significant other after a fight to show solidarity and to reaffirm commitment. But one should never use gifts or fancy things to replace dealing with the underlying emotional issues.
Gifts and trips are called luxuries for a reason, you only get to appreciate them when everything else is already good. If you use them to cover up your problems, then you will find yourself with a much bigger problem down the line.
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Teens are actually more old-fashioned than adults when it comes to online dating
With the ubiquity of social media and dating apps today, one might think more teens would be taking to the internet or apps to start relationships.
However, that's not the case.
According to a new Pew Research Center study, "Teens, Technology, and Romantic Relationships," the majority of teens ages 13-17 prefer asking people out in person over heading to a social networking site.
The study also found that just 8% of the 1,060 teens surveyed reported meeting a romantic partner online on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, messaging app Kik, and online gaming.
Here are the findings:
The Pew study also found that while most teens ask each other out and meet in person, 78% also found breaking up in person the "most acceptable" method to ending a relationship.
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