Everyone's had a socially awkward experience or two.

You go to hug someone, but they're trying to shake your hand, so you end up backslapping them from a foot away.

Your date asks whether you prefer vanilla or chocolate ice cream, and for some reason you end up telling him about the time you vomited after eating vanilla. (Obviously, nothing like this has ever happened to me.)

Chances are good that you're not nearly as socially inept as you believe you are. But simply thinking of yourself as awkward can undermine your confidence in social situations.

To help give you a confidence boost, we checked out the Quora thread "What are the best ways to improve social skills?" and pinpointed some practical tips.

We can't promise you'll never have another awkward encounter, but hopefully this advice will help you to enjoy, instead of dread, social interactions.

Note that if social anxiety is interfering with your ability to function on a daily basis, you might consider seeing a therapist, who can give you more tools to overcome your nerves.

SEE ALSO: 7 simple social skills that will make you more likable

1. Be present

We're so accustomed to mental and physical multitasking that we might not even realize how off-putting it can be to conversation partners.

"When you're with someone, but you're distracted by other thoughts or emotions, people notice,"writes Eva Glasrud. "Maybe your eyes glaze over, or your reactions are a little off or delayed. ... Or maybe you're being super obvious about it and using a mobile device while 'listening' to them.

"This makes people feel ... bad. Like they're not important. Or like you're not being authentic."

The ability to focus on the here and now is a skill called mindfulness, which you can cultivate gradually through practices like focusing on your breath and the individual sensations you're feeling in a given moment.

2. Focus on the other person

"The best thing I ever learned to improve my social skills was to think of the other person/people instead of myself,"says Jennifer McGinnis. "Instead of worrying how I was 'performing' or coming across, I would think about the other person and how they seemed to be feeling or getting along."

Chances are good that your conversation partner is feeling just as uncomfortable as you are — and recognizing that could help you relax.

3. Act 'as if'

In other words, fake it till you make it.

Writes Deborah Crawford:

Act "as if" you have great social skills. What does that look like? ... Pretend you are the host of whatever gathering you are in and make someone feel welcome. Smile, make brief eye contact, and say hi.

Crawford is on to something. A growing body of research suggests that you can change your emotions simply by changing your behavior. For example, smiling can make you feel happier, and adopting a "power pose" can make you feel more confident.

Conflict is a part of any relationship. 

As a therapist once told Business Insider, you need to have conflict if you and your partner are going to grow as a couple. 

The question is — how do you get good at it? 

A new study from the University of California, Berkeley, sheds light on what's important. After a series of experiments, psychologists Amie M. Gordon and Serena Chen found that feeling understood by a partner makes people feel like conflict helps, rather than harms, their relationship.

"Conflict is only negatively associated with relationship satisfaction postconflict when people do not feel their thoughts, feelings, and point of view are understood by their romantic partners," the authors write.

For one study, participants — all of whom were in their 20s or 30s and in relationships of at least six months — were recruited online. They reported on how the frequency of conflict influenced how they felt about the health of their relationships. The more conflict, the worse they thought they were faring — unless they felt understood.

In another study, couples were brought into the lab where they were interviewed in person about a conflict they had in their relationships. Before and after the interviewing, they rated their relationship satisfaction. As with the other study, individuals who felt understood by their partners had a higher rating of satisfaction after the conflict. 

Gordon and Chen found that couples who use "affection, humor, or effective problem-solving" are the best at conflict.

The lesson: Conflict is not something to be avoided; it's something to learn how to do well. 

John Gottman, one of the world's leading relationship psychologists, said there are four components to getting good at these uncomfortable conversations: 

• Putting your emotions into words. Your partner's best attempts at listening aren't going to be fruitful unless you can articulate what's happening in your head. It's about "being able to put your emotions into words that really are what you actually feel," Gottman says. "Knowing where you feel tense, what relaxed feels like, what truth feels like." A meditation-like technique called Focusing helps with developing these skills. 

• Asking open-ended questions. Open-ended questions allow you to explore your partner's feelings. "They open up the heart and have acceptance at the base of them," Gottman says. For example, you might ask: So what do you feel about this living room — how would you change it if you had all the money in the world? What do you want your life to be like in three years? How do you like your job?

• Making open-ended statements. "These are exploratory statements," he says, where you encourage your partner to tell you a story. For instance: I want to hear all of your thoughts about quitting your job. I want to hear all of your thoughts about your job.

• Empathizing with your partner. Rather than saying you understand, show that you understand. "Empathy is really communicating that you understand your partner's feelings and they make sense to you," Gottman says. "It's really caring about your partner's welfare, not just your own." 

When you do that, the conflict doesn't harm the people involved. It helps both of them grow. 

SEE ALSO: 6 healthy relationship habits that most people think are toxic

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Scientists compared what men and women valued in a relationship in 1939 with what they valued in 2008. They studied 1,108 people.

Produced by Emmanuel Ocbazghi. Original reporting by Jessica Orwig.

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A reader submitted the following question:

"Just how common is cheating? What percentage of people admit that they have done it before?"

This is a surprisingly difficult question to answer because it depends upon how you define “cheating.” Specifically, are you talking only about sexual infidelity, or are you also asking about emotional infidelity?

When researchers use different definitions, they obtain wildly different results. For instance, in a 2010 review of 31 different studies of infidelity published in the journal Personality & Individual Differences, researchers found that rates of infidelity ranged anywhere from 1.2% to 85.5% of respondents¹!

Typically, studies that define infidelity narrowly (i.e., only in sexual terms) report lower rates, whereas those that adopt broader definitions (i.e., sexual and emotional infidelity) report much higher rates. Indeed, that 85.5% figure comes from a study that used a very broad definition of cheating that even included flirting with someone other than your partner.

Rates of infidelity also vary across certain demographic characteristics and relationship types. For instance, research finds that cheating tends to be more frequent among men than it is among women (although this gender difference has narrowed considerably in recent years). Likewise, infidelity tends to be more common among couples who are dating compared to those who are married.

I should also mention that rates of infidelity vary depending upon whether the question is framed specifically in terms of one's current relationship or in terms of whether one has ever done it (obviously, the latter tends to yield higher numbers).

With that said, here are a few statistics you might be interested in.

First, let's look at the percentage of married people who say they have ever had sex outside of their current relationship. Looking across the studies included in the 2010 review paper, that number pretty reliably falls between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5, at least among samples collected in the United States (rates of infidelity can vary substantially across countries).

Second, let's look at how many college students have ever committed sexual infidelity. Again, the studies reported in this review paper pretty consistently put that number between 1 in 2 and 1 in 3.

Of course, keep in mind that, if anything, these numbers probably underestimate the true prevalence of cheating because not everyone who has done it is willing to admit to it, even on anonymous surveys.

In short, cheating is a very common activity; however, the prevalence of infidelity varies dramatically depending upon how you ask the question and to whom.

For more information on cheating, including some of the reasons people do it and the outcomes associated with it, see here.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates.

¹ Luo, A., Cartun, M. A., & Snider, A. G. (2010). Assessing extradyadic behavior: A review, a new measure, and two new models. Personality and Individual Differences, 49, 155-163.

SEE ALSO: Here's when people are most likely to cheat on their partner

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Esther Perel, relationship therapist and author of "Mating in Captivity," explains the overlap of innate values we desire in our romantic partners and office colleagues. 

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The way you manage your money could be affected by your ability to find a partner.

A new study published by the Association for Psychological Science (ASP) found a connection between being in a situation where it's difficult to find a heterosexual partner — an environment with an "unfavorable sex ratio"— and making riskier investments.

"Environmental cues indicating that one will have a relatively difficult time finding a mate can drive people to concentrate their investment choices into a few high-risk, high-return options,"write authors Joshua Ackerman from the University of Michigan, Jon K. Maner from Northwestern University, and Stephanie M. Carpenter from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Going into their study, the authors hypothesized that that diversification of assets, a commonly recommended investing strategy meant to mitigate risk, isn't the best choice when success (in this case, distinguishing yourself from the crowd and finding a romantic partner of the opposite sex) "depends on passing above a certain threshold when it comes to resources, status, or attractiveness."

To test this idea, they designed and conducted a handful of studies.

In one study, 93 participants — 40 females and 53 males with a mean age of 32 — were shown an array of photos where the participant's own sex was always more prevalent. After seeing the photos, the participants had to choose either one $10 lottery ticket for a $10,000 prize (high-risk) or ten $1 lottery tickets for a $1,000 prize each (low-risk). This study found that the seeing a lower amount of opposite-sex people led participants to choose high-risk, high-reward option more often.

In another, 105 participants — 41 females and 64 males with a mean age of 30 — were shown a news article about current demographic trends, revealing an adverse ratio of males to females in the US. After reading the article, participants had to imagine taking part in a stock market investment pool where they chose from five different packages: They could choose to invest 800 shares in one company (high-risk) or invest in fewer shares of more companies (low-risk). The study found that when participants saw a scarcity of the opposite sex in the articles they'd read, there was less diversification in their investments, choosing high-risk once again.  

Ackerman, lead author of the study, says in a press release that this way of investing is "the opposite pattern of an economically 'rational' decision strategy."

The researchers posit that one of the reasons for this pattern could be to stand out amongst others — by taking more risks, people make themselves more visible in a competitive field. They point out that the findings could have implications beyond investing, as they may show that sexual competition spurs people to compete in ways directly unrelated to finding a partner.

All this isn't to imply that making riskier investing decisions will better help you find a partner. Decades-old investing wisdom nearly always advises diversification, or spreading out your assets to keep your proverbial eggs out of a single basket. Risk has its place (after all, simply investing at all is taking some degree of risk) but it's up to you and your financial adviser to decide how much is appropriate for you — and if you're operating on your own, a good place to start is a risk tolerance quiz, like this one from Vanguard.

Ultimately, it's impossible to predict the future when it comes to romance or investing.

SEE ALSO: I used an app to start investing, and it made me realize how little I know

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Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have an unlimited amount of success in both their personal and professional lives? It could be because they possess high emotional intelligence.

According to Psychology Today, "Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others." This usually involves:

• Emotional awareness, which includes the ability to identify your own emotions as well as those of others;
• The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks such as problem solving;
• The ability to manage your emotions, such as being able to calm down when you're upset.

If you want to know if you have a high emotional intelligence (EI) or want to work on strengthening your EI in order to succeed in life and your career, here are 10 qualities that people with high EI all share.

1. They're not perfectionists.

Being a perfectionist can get in the way of completing tasks and achieving goals since it can lead to having trouble getting started, procrastinating, and looking for the right answer when there isn't one. This is why people with EI aren't perfectionists. They realize that perfection doesn't exist and push forward. If they make a mistake, they'll make adjustments and learn from it. This is one I personally have to work on daily as I tend to be a little more perfectionist.

2. They know how to balance work and play.

Working 24/7 and not taking care of yourself adds unnecessary stress and health problems to your life. Because of this, people with EI know when it's time to work and when to play. For example, if they need to disconnect from the world for a couple of hours, or even an entire weekend, they will because they need the time to unplug to reduce the stress levels.

3. They embrace change.

Instead of dreading change, emotionally intelligent people realize that change is a part of life. Being afraid of change hinders success, so they adapt to the changes around them and always have a plan in place should any sort of change occur.

4. They don't get easily distracted.

People with high EI have the ability to pay attention to the task at hand and aren't easily distracted by their surroundings, such as text or random thought.

5. They're empathetic.

Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of "Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence," told The Huffington Post that empathy is one of the five components of emotional intelligence. In fact, being able to relate to others, show compassion, and take the time to help someone are all crucial components of EI. Additionally, being empathic makes people with EI curious about other people and and leads them to ask lots of questions whenever they meet someone new.

6. They know their strengths and weaknesses.

Emotionally intelligent people know what they're good at and what they're not so great at. They've not just accepted their strengths and weaknesses; they also know how to leverage their strengths and weaknesses by working with the right people in the right situation.

7. They're self-motivated.

Were you that ambitious and hard-working kid who was motivated to achieve a goal — and not just because there was a reward at the end? Being a real go-getter, even at a young age, is another quality possessed by people with EI.

8. They don't dwell in the past.

People with high EI don't have the time to dwell in the past because they're too busy contemplating the possibilities that tomorrow will bring. They don't let past mistakes consume them with negativity. They don't hold grudges. Both add stress and prevent us from moving forward.

9. They focus on the positive.

Emotionally intelligent people would rather devote their time and energy to solving a problem. Instead of harping on the negative, they look at the positive and what they have control over. Furthermore, they also spend their time with other positive people and not the people who constantly complain.

10. They set boundaries.

While people with high EI may seem like pushovers because of their politeness and compassion, they actually have the power to establish boundaries. For example, they know how to say no to others. The reason? It prevents them from getting overwhelmed, burned out, and stressed because they have too many commitments. Instead, they're aware that saying no frees them up from completing previous commitments.

SEE ALSO: 7 signs you lack emotional intelligence

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People size you up in seconds, but what exactly are they evaluating?

Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy has been studying first impressions alongside fellow psychologists Susan Fiske and Peter Glick for more than 15 years, and has discovered patterns in these interactions.

In her new book, "Presence," Cuddy says people quickly answer two questions when they first meet you:

• Can I trust this person?
• Can I respect this person?

Psychologists refer to these dimensions as warmth and competence respectively, and ideally you want to be perceived as having both.

Interestingly, Cuddy says that most people, especially in a professional context, believe that competence is the more important factor. After all, they want to prove that they are smart and talented enough to handle your business.

But in fact warmth, or trustworthiness, is the most important factor in how people evaluate you. "From an evolutionary perspective," Cuddy says, "it is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust." It makes sense when you consider that in cavemen days it was more important to figure out if your fellow man was going to kill you and steal all your possessions than if he was competent enough to build a good fire.

While competence is highly valued, Cuddy says it is evaluated only after trust is established. And focusing too much on displaying your strength can backfire.

Cuddy says MBA interns are often so concerned about coming across as smart and competent that it can lead them to skip social events, not ask for help, and generally come off as unapproachable.

These overachievers are in for a rude awakening when they don't get the job offer because nobody got to know and trust them as people.

"If someone you're trying to influence doesn't trust you, you're not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative," Cuddy says.

"A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you've established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat."

SEE ALSO: A Harvard psychologist explains the key to spotting a liar

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In "Thinking, Fast and Slow," psychologist Daniel Kahneman introduces the concept of "exaggerated emotional coherence," or what you've probably come to know as the "halo effect."

The halo effect is "the tendency to like (or dislike) everything about a person — including things you have not observed"— based on one trait or experience with them.

He gives an example of meeting someone at a party who is later asked for a donation. If you like her, you will likely rate her as more generous, and if you don't, you will likely rate her as less generous.

Essentially, people tend to assess other people's traits based on early emotional impressions rather than first assessing the traits and then forming an emotional impression.

So first impressions become especially important.

Kahneman asks: What do you think of Alan and Ben?

• Alan is intelligent, industrious, impulsive, critical, stubborn, and envious.
• Ben is envious, stubborn, critical, impulsive, industrious, and intelligent.

It turns out most people rate Alan much more favorably than Ben, even though the traits are the same but listed in reverse order. In fact, the stubbornness of the person who is first viewed as intelligent sometimes evokes respect, Kahneman writes, while intelligence in an envious stubborn person is often thought to make him more dangerous.

The sequence in which we observe characteristics of a person, despite often being by chance, increases the weight of first impressions.

So in a job interview, for example, you'd want to start by presenting your agreeableness, or likability. Then the hiring manager will likely rate your intelligence higher than another equally smart and qualified applicant who didn't start by eliciting a positive emotion.

But in certain contexts where you need current knowledge to make that positive first impression, such as being up to date on what's going on in the world, what should you do?

David Epstein, author of the popular book "The Sports Gene" and an editor of the new sports newsletter TipOff, says keeping up to date with important topics in the news is a great way to create a positive initial halo effect, whether you're attempting to connect with your colleagues around the water cooler or trying to impress a first date.

"Like it or not, sports news makes for great small talk," says Epstein, who is also a former Sports Illustrated writer. "And you only need to know a little to make an instant emotional connection with a sports fan. There's a reason 'How 'bout them Cowboys, or Cubs, or Dodgers?' is a conversation starter as ubiquitous as talking about the weather. It's a sliver of instant intimacy."

If Kahneman is right, that might be all it takes to put the halo in place.

Jonathan Wai, PhD, is a psychologist, writer, and research scientist at the Duke University Talent Identification Program.

SEE ALSO: 9 things you're doing that make people dislike you immediately

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Women whose male partners leave them for another woman ultimately "win" in the long run, according to a new study.

Scientists from Binghamton University examined the effects of female-on-female competition for male mates. They found that those whose partners cheated on them are better off, since they experience personal growth.

That, in turn, leads to the scorned woman picking an even better mate in the future, according to the researchers.

For a study, 5,705 participants— both male and female — in 96 countries took an online survey, with 61 percent of women identifying as exclusively heterosexual and 85 percent of all respondents reported having at least one severe breakup, researcher Craig Morris told INSIDER in an email. 

To no one's surprise, the scientists found that the dissolution of a relationship can lead to initial feelings of depression and low self-esteem, especially when coupled with infidelity. However, the scientists also found that, for women, getting cheated on can have a silver lining.

"Our thesis is that the woman who 'loses' her mate to another woman will go through a period of post-relationship grief and betrayal, but come out of the experience with higher mating intelligence that allows her to better detect cues in future mates that may indicate low mate value," Morris said. "Hence, in the long term, she 'wins.'"

In other words, dealing with betrayal and infidelity stings in the short-term, but leads to self-reflection that, in the long run, can help women "rise above" the failed relationship and find a better mate in the future. But, this doesn't happen overnight, the scientist added.

"The women who reported being 'stronger' after losing a mate to another woman reported that this realization came only after suffering through post-relationship grief," Morris said.

This article has been updated based on information provided after the original publication.

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Let's pretend you're in a relationship, and your girlfriend is telling you about how terrible her day was.

Her boss didn't say "Thank you" once, the intern screwed up her lunch order, and she didn't realize until 4 p.m. that her shoes didn't match.

Right now, she's venting, which means you should be listening.

According to Adam McHugh, however, there's a pretty good chance you're doing it all wrong.

McHugh is the author of "The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction," in which he outlines a dozen traps people can fall into if they don't approach listening in the right way. One of those is what McHugh calls "The Password."

Here's how he describes it: "The listener sits quietly through the speaker's conversation, but then seizes on one word that she uses, amid a sea of paragraphs, and treats it as a password that unlocks a whole new conversation."

This new conversation bears no similarity to the prior one, and it typically begins with two words cleverly masked in relatability: "Speaking of ..."

"Speaking of tuna casserole, I remember my mom served the worst tuna casserole at my high school graduation party," a password-seeking person might say after a loved one begins lamenting a failed new recipe.

"Speaking of getting embarrassed, my face turns so red when I get embarrassed," the bad listener offers.

These responses may seem like a way to identify with the speaker's problems —Hey, you're not alone! — but McHugh argues they are deceptively selfish.

The password trap isn't unforgivable — most bad listeners would probably say their intentions are good, McHugh says."They would say that they sat quietly and let the other person talk before chiming in and therefore they listened successfully," he explains. "The problem is that silence and listening are not the same thing."

If you're listening to someone get upset about a tuna casserole or an embarrassing moment and your brain is searching for a way to steer the conversation away from the problem, you aren't listening.

Or, if you are listening in such a way "that the speaker must make an abrupt shift to listen," McHugh says — instead of getting to discuss his or her problems freely — "you are not doing it right."

Good listeners are patient and unselfish, and they can recognize when it's their turn to speak. When they do so, they provide reassuring commentary or ask gentle, probing questions. 

That is the express lane to conflict resolution.

SEE ALSO: Why copying the habits of high achievers won't make you more successful

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Psychologists have suspected for a while now that money changes the way people act toward others.

Studies have found, for example, that wealthier people are less compassionate and more likely to check out during social interactions.

Recently, a pair of researchers at Emory University and the University of Minnesota set out to extend these findings by measuring the relationship between how much money you have and how social you are.

They found that the wealthier you are, the less time you spend socializing.

For the study, cited on Vox, the researchers looked at two huge sets of data: Nearly 30,000 respondents from the General Social Survey, which has been administered to American adults once or twice a year since 1972, and nearly 90,000 people who responded to the American Time Use Survey between 2002 and 2011.

Surveys asked people to indicate their household income as well as how often they spent time with relatives, neighbors, and friends.

The researchers controlled for factors like living arrangements and childcare so as to make sure, for example, that lower-income people didn't spend more time with relatives and neighbors simply because they didn't have the funds to afford their own house or a babysitter.

Results indicated that people with higher incomes spent fewer total evenings socializing and a smaller portion of their day with others.

Specifically, the General Social Survey showed that people with high incomes (defined as about $125,000) spent about 217 evenings socializing a year, compared to about 223 evenings for people with low incomes (defined as about $40,000).

Meanwhile, the American Time Use survey showed that people with high incomes (defined as about $105,000) spent about 10 minutes more alone a day than people with low incomes (defined as about $12,000).

Interestingly, when the researchers broke it down by social category, they found that even though higher-income people spent less time with relatives and neighbors, they spent more time with friends.

It's impossible to say for sure why richer people spend less time with family and neighbors, but the researchers behind the study have some ideas.

As study coauthor Emily Bianchi told Vox, some of us can now pay for things that we used to rely on family and neighbors for. Think a home-alarm system instead of having a neighbor or relative look after your home while you're away, for example.

Bianchi also told Vox that as Americans get wealthier, we could see more "individualization." In other words, people may end up interacting less with others and become less involved in their communities.

There are two caveats to keep in mind here. First, the researchers acknowledge that they can't necessarily prove that high incomes cause people to spend less time with others — only that the two are linked.

Second, it's important to note that the surveys don't measure loneliness— which can be very different from spending a lot of time alone. So these findings don't necessarily imply that you're doomed to misery once you make a lot of money.

At the same time, it's worth keeping these findings in mind as your wealth increases. If spending time with family and neighbors is something you value highly, you can be proactive about making sure those connections don't weaken over time.

SEE ALSO: A doctor's 4 psychology-backed tips to combat loneliness

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If you know someone who shares a little too much about their relationship on Facebook, the reality is that there may be a deeper meaning besides wanting to show off how "happy" they are. Psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman shows why you should hold back on posting about your significant other. 

Produced by Justin Gmoser and Graham Flanagan. 

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For most of my adult life, I’ve been your typical urban professional.

I lived in what I considered one of the greatest cities in the world — Vancouver, British Columbia — where I worked as a senior marketing executive at a restaurant group, earning a great salary that afforded me an active social life, overpriced lattes and other little luxuries.

I also owned a precious, and valuable, two-bedroom, two-bathroom townhome on the water. Life was good, and I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else.

Then on Christmas Day 2015, something big happened that changed everything: My boyfriend of two-plus years, Nate, popped the question, and I excitedly said yes!

Of course, this meant we’d finally have to make a major decision we’d been mulling over for months. Nate lives in the small town of Grande Prairie, Alberta (population: 68,000) — a four-hour connecting flight from Vancouver — and we’d spent our entire relationship dealing with the toll the long distance was taking on our hearts and bank accounts. (We’d spent many thousands of dollars flying back and forth to see each other since meeting on a dating site in April 2013.)

Although we initially considered it, we concluded that Nate shouldn’t move to Vancouver — at least not yet. He’d spent the last eight years building up his business in the energy sector, where it’s not uncommon to earn $250,000 a year or more (though the industry can be volatile and earnings can swing widely).

Because Nate is extremely savings-oriented, and goals like starting a family and retiring early are top priorities for us, it didn’t make sense for him to leave any money on the table, even though I had a nice salary of my own. We also knew I could have a fruitful career as a marketing consultant anywhere, if I networked and sought new opportunities.

Slowly, it became apparent that trading in the big city for a quieter life with Nate in Grande Prairie was the smartest financial choice, especially when we ran the numbers and realized how much we could save. So I packed up my life in February 2016, and made the big move.

Nate’s always been a brilliant money manager, and was already living off a fraction of his income. He’d witnessed far too many colleagues benefit from a few great months, only to lose it all when the money or work dried up. So we agreed to maintain his financial strategy, which consisted of living off just $60,000 a year and funneling the rest of his earnings into his business and savings. Then we’d use whatever I earned to primarily double-down on our mortgage payments.

Thanks to a lower cost of living, this has been a lot easier to accomplish in Grande Prairie than it would be in Vancouver, but it does require some sacrifices. For instance, we cook at home instead of eating out, buy in bulk and have eliminated certain unnecessary expenses, like cable. While this is a pretty big departure from the life I led in Vancouver, the truth is, I was ready for a change and consider it well worth the effort to be with Nate, working toward our joint goals.

Another big part of our plan is to hold onto my townhome as an investment because the Vancouver real estate market is on a tear, and rent it out to cover my monthly costs. That keeps my toes in the market while I build more equity. The end goal is for us to move back to Vancouver in 10 years or so, and have little-to-no mortgage left — which will land us in a great financial position to afford a home, no matter what the housing landscape looks like then.

Needless to say, we’ve been through a lot of changes over the past couple months. And it’s a new experience for me to be this financially honest and open with a partner. But surprisingly, this transition has been pretty seamless, thanks to our complete transparency with each other about where we stand and our commitment to achieving our goals.

In the end, I consider leaving my big-city lifestyle behind one of the best decisions I’ve ever made: Not only did it finally put me in the same city as the man I love, but it proved to us that we make a great team — and it’s moving us closer to our ultimate goal: permanent financial stability.

SEE ALSO: 5 real people share the money lessons they wish they'd learned sooner

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"The Path," by Michael Puett and Christine Gross-Loh, is not exactly a self-help book.

It's an outgrowth of a Harvard course that Puett teaches, "Classical Chinese Ethical and Political Theory," which is currently the third most popular at the university.

Still, the book is full of ancient wisdom and insights that can help you rethink the choices you make every day so that they lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

One idea in particular stood out to me as quietly revolutionary. It's based on the teachings of Confucius, specifically the "Analects," which is a series of dialogues between Confucius and his disciples.

As Confucius says in the "Analects": "Overcoming the self and turning to ritual is how one becomes good."

The authors use a real-life example to illustrate what that sentence means for contemporary readers. They write that people in intimate relationships are constantly constructing new realities by telling "white lies"— chief among them, "I love you."

Surely, they say, couples who say "I love you" every day don't feel fully loving all the time (emphasis added):

But there is a greater good in nurturing the relationship through such rituals that let them break from reality and enter a space where it's as if they do love each other fully and at every moment. At the moment that they express their love in an as-if way, they are really doing it.

In other words, in a committed relationship, behaving in a way you don't think you feel isn't necessarily artifice.

Maybe you aren't enamored with the way your partner is scarfing down a bag of potato chips — and spilling them all over the couch — this second. But if, instead of rolling your eyes, you verbally express your affection, then you change the dynamic of the relationship and perhaps even reignite those positive feelings in yourself.

As for the idea that you're being disingenuous, the authors interpret Confucius' teachings to mean that the notion of a "true self," and accompanying true feelings, is itself misguided.

What we think of as our self is essentially the product of our behavior patterns. According to Confucius, we are how we act — and since there are many ways to act, we have many possible selves.

Breaking free of our rote behaviors, and replacing them with new "as-if" rituals, is a way of recreating our self.

"A Confucian approach would be to note your patterns and then work to actively shift them," the authors write. "Over time you internalize a more constructive way of acting in the world instead of being led by your undisciplined emotional reactions."

This approach is considerably easier than trying to remember all of the things you love about your partner or find something endearing about the chip crumbs on their T-shirt. Change your behavior, Confucius might say, act as if, and your feelings and role in the relationship will likely shift accordingly.

"Little by little," the authors write, "you develop parts of yourself you never knew existed, and you start becoming a better person."

SEE ALSO: 10 quotes from ancient philosophers show they figured life out 2,000 years ago

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Daniel Shapiro is the founder of the Harvard International Negotiation Program & Associate Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School. In his recent book "Negotiating the Nonnegotiable," he explores how to handle those seemingly insurmountable disputes.

We asked him what the most important aspect of a happy relationship was. 

Produced by Grace Raver. Camera by Darren Weaver.

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A study led by Craig Morris of Binghamton University revealed some surprising benefits to getting cheated on. Women tend to learn more than men after a breakup.

Produced by Emmanuel Ocbazghi. Original reporting by Jessica Orwig.

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Be honest, straight men: You all want to know what women want.

Luckily, a bunch of scientists have wondered the same thing.

These types of studies are often small, and frequently rely on self-reported feelings in a lab, which may be different from how women truly react in real life. And the participants are often Western college students, who are not an especially a diverse group. So take the results with a grain of salt.

But hey, whatever helps, right?

Here are 11 science-supported traits that women find irresistible.

Good looks can be a factor, but they're not as important as you may think. In studies, women typically choose better-looking guys for flings, not long-term relationships.

Sources: Evolutionary Psychology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Personal Relationships

A sense of humor is important to women. Scientists have found it makes men seem more intelligent.

Sources: Psychological Reports, Intelligence, Personal Relationships

For long relationships, women tend to prefer altruistic men who are kind and do good deeds.

Sources: The Journal of Social Psychology, Social Psychological and Personality Science, Evolutionary Psychology

Within seconds of meeting you, people decide whether you're smart, trustworthy, and successful.

So if you're heading into a job interview or a first date, you'd better hope you don't have snot in your nose or a pizza stain on your shirt.

Let's face it though: Snot and pizza are facts of life, and bad first impressions are bound to be made.

Fortunately, using a little bit of psychological savvy, it's often possible to reverse those impressions. Here, we rounded up five tricks to overcome people's initial evaluations of you.

But hey — bring a napkin, just in case.

SEE ALSO: Science says people decide these 13 things within seconds of meeting you

1. Allow them to reinterpret your behavior more positively

Up until recently, scientists believed that it was possible to reverse explicit evaluations — i.e. our tendency to agree with the statement, "I don't like that person"— but it was a lot harder to reverse implicit evaluations — i.e. the deep-seated likes and dislikes that we aren't necessarily aware of.

Then, in 2015, a pair of researchers at Cornell University found that it was possible to completely change implicit evaluations by giving someone information that put the person's actions in a new context.

In a series of experiments, the researchers had participants read about a man who broke into a house and took precious objects. Unsurprisingly, participants expressed their dislike for him. Even when the researchers gave participants additional information, like the fact that the man had once saved a baby from an oncoming train, participants still didn't like him.

It was only when participants learned that the man had broken into the house to save two kids from a fire that they revised their initial impression of him. Most importantly, when researchers tested participants' implicit evaluations by seeing how they reacted to quick flashes of the man's face, they found that participants saw him positively.

These findings suggest that it helps to show someone that your actions were well-intentioned. For example, maybe you shoved past them in the hallway because you'd just received an urgent phone call from your kid's school. There's a good chance they'll rewrite their initial feelings, even those that exist on a subconscious level.

2. Remind them of the importance of fairness

Writing in The Harvard Business Review, social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson suggests that one way to reverse a bad first impression is to "activate the desire to be fair."

She cites a study that found when people generally aspire to fairness, and have recently been asked to think about fairness, they're likely to inhibit certain biases — for example, gender stereotypes.

You can take advantage of this phenomenon by doing one of two things that Halvorson recommends. One, you can comment on how the ability to accurately judge others must be a key skill for someone in their line of work. Or two, you can share your own experiences with fairness, for example a time when you misjudged someone.

3. Make yourself indispensable

You want to prompt someone to pay more careful attention to your behavior instead of relying on first impressions. To do this, Halvorson says you should create a situation where the person relies on you to help them achieve their goals.

Halvorson suggests identifying opportunities for collaboration. Maybe you've embarrassed yourself in front of your boss, so you volunteer for an assignment that would allow you to work closely with them.

"It's natural to shy away from people who don't think highly of you," Halvorson writes, "but you need to fight that instinct and instead stick to them like glue if you hope to correct their misperceptions."

If you recently noticed that your ex unfriended you on Facebook (go ahead and check — we'll wait), it could be because the person caught wind of new and somewhat disturbing psychological research.

A study published by researchers at Oakland University found that people with "dark" personality traits — i.e., those who are generally disagreeable, manipulative, and exploitative — were more likely to be friends with former flames for practical and sexual reasons.

Here's how the researchers arrived at those findings. First, they asked about 350 people to come up with a bunch of reasons for staying friends with an ex. They boiled those reasons down to about 150 factors and divided them into categories including reliability/sentimentality, pragmatism, and sexual access.

For example, "They were a great listener" would fall under reliability/sentimentality; "I wanted money from them" would fall under pragmatism; and "We still had sex from time to time" would fall under sexual access.

Then researchers asked another group of about 500 people to rate how important each of those approximately 150 reasons were in staying friends with a hypothetical ex.

Finally, the group of 500 took personality tests that measured dark personality traits as well as honesty.

Results showed that participants who scored high on measures of dark personality — in particular the "antagonism" dimension — were more likely to cite pragmatic reasons for staying friends with an ex. Meanwhile, participants who scored low on honesty and humility were more likely to cite reasons related to sexual access.

These results make sense, given that previous research has found that dark personality types value sex and short-term relationships over longer relationships, value money and power, and can be more manipulative.

Other interesting findings: In general, people rated reliability/sentimentality as the most important reason for staying friends with an ex. Pragmatism and sexual access were rated as the least important.

As for gender differences, men were more likely than women to say pragmatic factors and sexual access were important reasons for staying friends with an ex.

The takeaway here is not that if you're friends with someone you used to date, you should check them or yourself into a hospital. In fact, if your postrelationship friendship works fine and makes you happy, then you probably don't need to do anything.

But if you notice that your ex comes around only when he or she is in the mood, or broke, or when the person finds out you have a hot friend, beware. It could be a sign the person is not the most stable or benevolent person in your life — and that you'd do well to spend less time with that ex.

SEE ALSO: Psychologists figured out one trait that makes relationships last

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