Psychologists are like detectives — always looking below the surface of everyday interactions to find out what people are really thinking and feeling.

And over the past few decades, they've begun to solve hundreds of mysteries: How will your interviewer react if you answer a question about drugs honestly? How do you get someone who thinks differently to see your point of view?

Below, we've listed 10 of those incredible insights. Read on to learn more about yourself, your friends, your coworkers — and how to foster the best relationships with all of them.

SEE ALSO: 21 mind-blowing psychology findings that explain the baffling choices you make every day

1. A bad impression can be changed

For a long time, scientists thought that bad first impressions were near-impossible to change. Even if the person believed they liked you, they might still dislike you on a subconscious level.

Recent research suggests otherwise. If you give the person a chance to see your behavior in a new light, you have a chance at changing their subconscious evaluations of you.

For example, say you ignore an acquaintance on the street because you just had a massive fight with your partner and aren't in the mood to talk. Later you find out that the acquaintance thinks you're a jerk. You might want to get in touch with her and explain that you normally love talking to her, but you'd just finished sobbing and didn't want to embarrass yourself or her.

2. The first judgment people make is whether you're trustworthy

According to Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy, people ask themselves two questions when they first meet you:

• Can I trust this person?

• Can I respect this person?

In other words, they want to know if you're warm and/or competent.

Writing in her 2015 book "Presence," Cuddy says warmth is the more important factor in how people evaluate you — after they establish that you're trustworthy, they can look for evidence of your competence.

3. We prefer people who share personal information

Recent research suggests that it's generally better to reveal even potentially embarrassing information than to try concealing it.

As Business Insider's Erin Brodwin reports, "When others can tell we might be hiding something — or at least not telling the full truth — they tend to perceive us as less trustworthy than people who reveal more about themselves."

In one experiment, participants played the roles of job seekers and employers. Job seekers were asked to fill out a questionnaire asking whether they'd ever done drugs, and to imagine that they had. Most chose to withhold information about which drugs they'd used and how often.

But here's the kicker: Employers were more likely to want to hire those who'd answered "yes" than those who hadn't answered at all.

When you're dealing with an overwhelming load of meetings, deadlines, social events and familial obligations, it can be tough to make time for your relationship. 

However, prioritizing your busy schedule over your partner is one of the biggest relationship killers, according to Lisa Brateman, a psychotherapist and relationship specialist in New York City.

"It’s an absolute must that you make your relationship a priority. There’s no way around it," Brateman told INSIDER. "Whenever people say they don’t have time to give the relationship the time it needs, they’re not making the relationship a priority. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking it will be there later."

Here are some tips for making time for your relationship.

Establish a routine

It's common to become disconnected from your partner when you feel like you don't have any free time. That's why it's so important to establish morning and evening routines as a couple, revealed Dr. Nikki Martinez, a relationship expert, psychologist and life coach.

Busy couples should plan to get up a half hour early to have a cup of coffee or breakfast together and touch base, Martinez told INSIDER. They should also make sure to find time to talk about their day.

"[These routines] set the tone for the day and how you two are going to interact with each other," Martinez said.

Set aside time for activities

For those with busy schedules, relationship experts recommend actually scheduling time to spend with your partner.

"I’m not talking about constant, every day having to spend three hours together," Brateman said.  "But we always make time for the important things in our lives."

Plan to spend 20 minutes going on a short walk with your partner, to get some fresh air and catch up, Brateman recommends. Or if possible, schedule a lunch date sometime during the week, taking a quick break between work obligations to invest in your relationship.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

When a person is buried in paperwork and their mind feels overloaded, it's important that they let their partner know what's going on. If you need space, tell your partner; if you're upset about something, let them know rather than holding it in.

"Communication is one of the biggest issues of couples who come to therapy," Martinez said. "But it may be that the other partner who is upset about hasn’t said anything, and the other person may have no idea what’s going on or that they’re upset."

Martinez recommends that busy couples have regular "state of the union" check-ins to go over any issues that may arise during their hectic periods. That's a time when partners should ask one another how their day went, whether there's anything they need to talk about and if anything big is on their mind.

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Both parents experience an enormous amount of stress after the birth of their first child — adapting to being a caregiver for the first time, in addition to surviving on very little sleep.

However, first-time mothers often experience even higher levels of stress than new fathers, according to scientists from Penn State University. That's because a new mom often bears most of the responsibility of caring for the infant, while struggling to meet social pressures to be the "perfect mother."

And now, a new study revealed that the stress a mother endures as a new parent actually funnels into her sex life —  and negatively affects the sexual satisfaction of both parents.

The team of Penn State researchers analyzed data from 169 expectant heterosexual couples, who were asked about the parenting stress they were experiencing in the six months after the baby was born. Twelve months after the baby's birth, the parents then reported on their overall sexual satisfaction.

Published in the journal Sex Roles, the study found that mothers reported greater sexual satisfaction at 12 months than the fathers did. Furthermore, 69% of the women reported being "somewhat to very satisfied" with their sex lives, while only 55% of men reported being "somewhat to very satisfied."

"Interestingly, we found that men's parenting stress had  no impact on either men's or women's sexual satisfaction," study author Chelon E. Leavitt, a PhD candidate, said in a statement.

Yet, the parenting stress that women felt was found to affect the sexual satisfaction of both partners.

"When new moms feel fatigued by the added responsibilities of parenting, they may feel less sexual," Leavitt said. "The sexual relationship is interdependent, so when a mom feels greater stress due to parenting, not only is her sexual satisfaction diminished, the dad's sexual satisfaction is also affected." 

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I may write a lot about personal finance, but it wasn't until about eight years ago that I made my first wise, budget-driven decision — which also turned out to be the biggest regret of my life.

In 2008, my sister Cheryl asked me to go with her to Buenos Aires, Argentina, and I said no. My credit cards were maxed out and I had no savings, besides a little in my retirement accounts, which I knew not to tap for travel. Instead, I promised we would go on vacation together another time.

A little over a year later, my sister died at 35. My promise (and heart) broke. I will carry this regret as long as I will love her: forever.

And that is why I save. For the past five years, I have been socking away money into what I call my "no-regrets fund," which is earmarked for travel and any other fun stuff my loved ones might want to do. I never want finances to be the reason I have to say no again.

Here's what I'm doing to make that a reality.

1. I have a budget.

You can't know where to trim your spending and how much you can save if you don't know where your money is going. My finances have fluctuated since I started budgeting, but having a plan in place has provided a great starting point and made it easier to figure out how my no-regrets fund fits into my overall goals.

Right now I'm putting about 20% of my income toward a variety of savings priorities in addition to the no-regrets fund, including my emergency account, retirement, and my kids' college fund.

Happily, my retirement and kids' college savings are on track; less happily, I have recently drawn down my emergency account and zeroed out my no-regrets fund (more on that in a bit). So I'm rebuilding my emergency fund to three months' worth of expenses, at which point I will resume divvying up my dollars more evenly.

2. I cut big costs.

My biggest expenses are the same as a lot of people with kids: housing and childcare. To minimize both and save more, I have made some compromises.

When my husband and I bought our first house, we would have loved to stay closer to the main hubs of D.C. But instead we focused our search outside the Beltway, where prices were much lower. Ultimately we found a home that demanded just about 20% of our household income — an amazing feat (if I do say so myself) in a metro area where plenty of people spend more than half their pay on rent. Having the extra breathing room in our budget let us continue to live comfortably and save at the same time.

As for childcare, when our daughter was first born, we (OK, I) got sucked into the highly competitive sport of child rearing. We enrolled her in a variety of classes and activities and hired a part-time nanny, who I insisted teach her Tagalog (the national language of the Philippines, which is where my parents are from). At 2 years old, we sent her to the best Montessori school in the area even though it cost more than other options.

Then we had a second baby. He went to far fewer activities and did not have a nanny. For a few months he went to a great daycare that came with a reasonable price — until my dad retired, and my parents offered to watch him free. They even teach him Tagalog. And guess what? They're both amazing children.

When we moved to New Jersey last fall, we found a new school for our daughter that costs less than half her old tuition. It doesn't have a name-brand philosophy, but her teachers are attentive and caring, and she's learning, active, and happy. That's really all we need.

The extra cash goes straight into savings each month — split evenly between my emergency and no-regrets funds.

3. I make more.

As they say, the best way to save more is to make more— and fortunately, my income has grown substantially since my entry-level-salary days of 2008. With the Great Recession in full swing, it wasn't a steady march up the pay scale. But I worked hard, jumped at new opportunities and asked for raises when I felt I had earned them.

Whenever possible or necessary, I have also picked up extra money on the side, periodically selling old CDs, videos, DVDs, books, and clothes. I babysat. But mostly I freelanced. Lucky for me, I love to write. Before I had kids, I never minded doing extra assignments for more dough after putting in eight hours at my day job. Today, freelancing is my main gig, and I still take on as much work as possible to maximize my income — which has more than doubled in the past eight years.

4. I remember my priorities.

I used to have a serious shopping problem. I would frequently buy nice clothes and shoes that I would rarely wear, music and movies I had never heard of or seen before, and even furniture that didn't really fit in my apartment.

But now I resist all that (still-tempting) stuff by reminding myself that things aren't more important than adding to my no-regrets fund. When I do feel the need to go fancy, like for a big holiday party, I rent the dress. I satisfy my love of movies and music with affordable streaming subscriptions. And through many moves, I have kept the same furniture I bought all those years ago.

Changing my spending habits in these ways has saved me from continuously maxed-out credit cards and the monstrous interest payments they used to accrue. Instead I am able to save for the things that matter — without feeling as if I am depriving myself at all.

In fact, this summer, my family — including my parents and my eldest sister and her family — and I are going on a nice, tropical vacation for the first time ever. It is not a cheap trip, and it is the first time I have completely drained my no-regrets fund. But, hey, that's what it's for — so I can afford to say yes.

SEE ALSO: Renting everything from a car to clothing saved me $5,000 in a year

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Luckily for you, many scientists have wondered what women want. And they’ve done studies to figure it out. Here are seven traits that researchers have concluded women find irresistible.

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Sources: Evolutionary Psychology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Personal Relationships, The Journal of Social Psychology, Social Psychological and Personality Science, Evolutionary Psychology, Psychological Reports, Intelligence, Personal Relationships, Journal of The Interactions of People & Animals, Journal of Evolutionary Psychology, Personality and Individual Differences, Evolutionary Psychology, Journal of Applied Social Psychology

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A lot of men struggle with dating. Some strike out more often than not, while others find themselves moving from short-term relationship to short-term relationship.

But as it turns out, making some simple changes can help men become more successful in the dating arena.

This week on Reddit, a group of men shared the hurdles they had to overcome before they could become successful at dating. Here are some of the best responses.

They had to lower their expectations for first dates.

One reason why certain men are unsuccessful at dating is because their expectations are too high, particularly when it comes to first dates, according to Reddit poster RiggsBoson.

"Don't expect anything," RiggsBoson wrote. "If you go into any first date expecting one thing or another, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Allow yourself to be surprised, and challenge yourself to welcome negative surprises as you welcome positive ones."

They had to "invest" in themselves.

It's often said that before someone can love you, you need to love yourself. And so, if you aren't taking care of yourself and it shows, it can be hard to attract a mate. 

"Getting in shape, eating well, buying new clothes, etc. all cost money, and dating itself costs money, too," Reddit poster LEIFey wrote. "I had to come to terms that this was an investment, and that I wasn't going to see any dividends until I put some money, time, and effort into it."

They had to step out of their comfort zone.

For those who identify as introverts or are shy, it can be hard to feel comfortable with people you don't know. And, the idea of going to bars or clubs makes some of them break out in hives.

"If you only do what's comfortable you will never succeed with women,"2DFitness wrote. "Took me 6-12 months before approaching girls was 'natural' to me. I wouldn’t say you ever fully get over the anxiety but it ends up being mixed with excitement."

Daniel Shapiro is the founder of the Harvard International Negotiation Program & Associate Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School. In his recent book "Negotiating the Nonnegotiable," he explores how to handle those seemingly insurmountable disputes.

We asked him how to handle infidelity in a relationship. 

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Last month, an elderly Polish couple, said to be in their 80s, made headlines for raving at a London club until 5 a.m.

According to a post shared by DJ and promoter Jacob Husley, the couple had decided to visit the club, called Fabric, after reading a review in a newspaper. They arrived  to the 'WetYourSelf' house and techno party right as the doors opened and didn't leave until 5 a.m. It's said that they ballroom danced and drank tea, as well as tequila shots.

 Just two days ago, Husley shared an update on the clubbing duo: they sent him a thank-you letter. 

"I'd like to thank you for warm and cordial welcoming in Fabric London night club on Sunday the 15th of May 2016 (11 p.m.-5 a.m.)," the letter begins. "We had a wonderful time dancing with young Londoners who also welcomed us very warmly, they took some photos with us dancing. One of the fans gave me a present, a cup with a caption ‘Handome Hustler’. Here, I’d like to thank a young 27 year old girl. She was very nice and kind, she took care of us since we entered the club until she left at 3 a.m. saying goodbye."

That's right — they out-partied a 27-year-old. 

The couple also addressed rumors that their club visit was a PR stunt, saying: "Some commentators...can't believe our story and claim...that it was set up. They are all wrong." 

In fact, the couple had been planning a visit to the club for years, and were thrilled to finally make it. "My dream came true on the 15th of May 2016," the letter continues. "Now it’s great to tell people about my unforgettable experiences in Fabric club."

Read the whole letter on Husley's Facebook page.

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It's almost Valentine's Day, and for many, the pressure is on to find that special someone.

Whether you're simply looking for a date or hoping to find something that lasts, you could benefit from the decades of psychological research on the qualities that women find most attractive in a male partner.

We've rounded up some of the most compelling scientific insights, so you can step up your game.

SEE ALSO: 13 science-backed ways to appear more attractive

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Look for the universal signals of flirtation.

Rutgers University anthropologist and best-selling author Helen E. Fisher says that from the depth of the Amazons to the cafés of Paris, women signal interest with a remarkably similar sequence of expressions.

As she shared at Psychology Today, it goes like this:

First the woman smiles at her admirer and lifts her eyebrows in a swift, jerky motion as she opens her eyes wide to gaze at him. Then she drops her eyelids, tilts her head down and to the side, and looks away. Frequently she also covers her face with her hands, giggling nervously as she retreats behind her palms.

This sequential flirting gesture is so distinctive that [German ethologist Irenaus] Eibl-Eibesfeldt was convinced it is innate, a human female courtship ploy that evolved eons ago to signal sexual interest.

Look for someone "in your league."

Men — and women — are attracted to people who are as attractive as they are.

In one study, for example, researchers at the University of California at Berkeley looked at the behavior of 60 male and 60 female users on an online dating site. While the majority of users were inclined to reach out to highly attractive people, they were most likely to get a response if that person was about as attractive as they were (as judged by independent raters).

"If you go for someone roughly [equal] to you in attractiveness, it avoids two things,"Nottingham Trent University psychologist Mark Sergeant, who was not involved with the study, tells The Independent. "If they are much better-looking than you, you are worried about them going off and having affairs. If they are much less attractive, you are worried that you could do better."

Present yourself as high status.

In 1969, University of North Carolina sociologist Glen Elder found that looks and wealth tend to find one another — namely, good-looking women tended to settle down with less attractive but wealthier men. 

Since then, it's become a well-confirmed finding in the social sciences.

Most recently, a 2010 study found that men pictured with a Silver Bentley Continental GT were perceived as way more attractive than those pictures with a Red Ford Fiesta ST, and a 2014 study found that men pictured in a luxury apartment were rated more attractive than those in a control group. 

Why the attraction to resources? Evolutionary psychologists speculate it's because women want a mate who can provide for them.

Your wedding day is arguably one of the biggest — and busiest days — of your life.

You're so busy tending to guests, dancing up a storm and, well, getting married, that you may end up missing out on some giant red flags that suggest your marriage is actually doomed.

Reddit users shared  things they witnessed at a wedding that showed them the marriage would end in divorce.

From fighting at the reception to flinching during the first kiss, here are nine wedding fails that show your marriage might not work out.

Your parents are placing bets on when you'll get divorced.

If people are walking around your wedding taking bets on how long the marriage will last, it's probably a sign that something's amiss.

But when it's your parents doing the gambling? That's when you know you're in hot water.

"The groom looked drunk and the bride seemed incredibly angry. Then there was this woman walking around during the reception placing bets on when they would divorce. I later found out she was the mother of the groom," wrote destinydivided.

Your vows mention divorce.

Talking about potentially ending your marriage during the ceremony is never good.

"The bride had the minister put 'Til death, or divorce, do us part' into the ceremony," wrote Owtlaw1.

One or both of you looks absolutely miserable.

Your wedding is supposed to be one of the best days of your life. And so, if you're looking depressed through the rehearsal or ceremony, that could be a sign the marriage won't make it.

"At the rehearsal dinner, the groom's mom is in tears, because 'he looks miserable' and he was, we all knew it," wrote vogelarcher15.

"During the vows they had written for each other, the bride starts with 'I know I can be a pretty terrible person, and I don't know why you've stuck around, but that's all going to change starting today!'

"They were divorced a year later." 

Russ Ruggles, who blogs for Online Dating Matchmaker, makes an argument for lying in your online dating profile.

He notes, first, that lying is common and, second, that people lie in the direction that we would expect, given social desirability. Men, for example, tend to exaggerate their height; women tend to exaggerate their thinness:

Since people also tend to restrict their searches according to social desirability (looking for taller men and thinner women), these lies will result in your being included in a greater proportion of searches. So, if you lie, you are more likely to actually go on a date.

Provided your lie was small — small enough, that is, to not be too obvious upon first meeting — Ruggles explains that things are unlikely to fall to pieces on the first date. It turns out that people’s stated preferences have a weak relationship to who they actually like. Stated preferences, one study found, "seemed to vanish when it came time to choose a partner in physical space."

"It turns out," Ruggles writes, that "we have pretty much no clue what we actually want in a partner."

So lie! A little! Lie away! And, also, don’t be so picky. You never know!

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Networking can be awkward.

Of course, you're hoping that your relationships with the people you meet will bolster your career — but you don't want to put them off by soliciting their help right off the bat.

In fact, says Dave Kerpen, you probably shouldn't ask for favors right away.

Kerpen is the founder and CEO of Likeable Local, a social-media software company, and the author of "The Art of People."

In the book, he explains that the first time you meet a prospective client, colleague, or friend, you should not ask "How can you help me?"

Instead, the best question to ask when you meet an influential person is "How can I help you?"

Kerpen writes that offering your help can have one of two results.

Either the person will tell you how you can help them, "after which he will feel indebted to you, connected to you, and appreciative of you and eventually feel compelled to return the favor and help you one day."

Or "the person will decline politely, probably because she doesn't know how you can help her, but will feel that you care and feel connected to you and be much more emotionally invested in helping you eventually."

Indeed, Kerpen tells Business Insider that people take him up on his offer to help them only about 10% of the time, but he believes it still deepens their connection.

Regardless of whether you expect the person to accept your offer, Kerpen says that it has to be genuine — you really need to be in a position to assist the person. And you might want to follow the question with some specific suggestions as to how you can help. For example, maybe you can introduce that person to someone else influential in your network.

Then, the next time you speak with the person, you can request their help and they'll probably be happy to give it.

To explain why this strategy works, Kerpen cites the work of Wharton psychologist Adam Grant, who has found that most people are "matchers." In other words, when you do something or offer to do something for someone, they feel more inclined to help you in return.

In the book, Kerpen describes an interaction in which someone surprised him by asking how they could help. Michael, a financial adviser, once asked Kerpen if he could meet with him for 15 minutes because he had just one question he wanted to ask. After a few minutes of introducing himself and his business, Michael asked: "How can I help you?"

These were the early days of Likeable Local, and Kerpen told Michael that he could benefit from some introductions to technology investors. Sure enough, Michael followed through by making those introductions.

Soon after that meeting, Kerpen realized that he needed a financial adviser, and he started working with Michael.

"He just was insistent upon only being there to help me at first," Kerpen says, "and that's what was so compelling."

The only downside to asking how you can help? "People don't even believe it," Kerpen says.

Once they realize you're serious, however, they'll likely feel warmer toward you and more open to helping you in any way they can.

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Thinking about tying the knot? You're probably wondering if — and how — such a big commitment will impact your relationship.

A friend who knows I'm in a long-term relationship recently sent me a New York Times' opinion piece titled "13 Questions To Ask Before Getting Married." What she probably doesn't know is that she sent me on an entirely different research mission: to see what we know about the effect marriage actually has on peoples' happiness.

Sure, you may have heard that married people report being happier overall over their lifetimes than single folks, or that people tend to say they're more "satisfied" with life just after their weddings.

But is it actually the act of marriage that's causing those benefits?

Probably not.

In fact, there's loads of evidence to the contrary: A 2012 study found that couples who lived together but were not married had higher self-esteem and were happier overall than their counterparts who were married. A 2011 review of the impact of happiness on major life events found that couples who got married generally felt less happy and less satisfied over time than couples who had not.

More importantly to me than all these negative studies, however, was a recent bright spot in the research which suggests that it isn't marriage that's the key to happiness, but the quality of the relationship itself.

A 2014 working paper from the National Bureau of Economics Research found that if the person you call your partner (or significant other, or whatever) is also the person you see as your best friend, you don't actually need to be married to reap the benefits of a long-term relationship. And it's this factor, rather than getting married (or not) that appears to matter the most for happiness.

'Maybe what is really important is friendship'

For their 2014 paper, the researchers' initial findings appeared to support the "if marriage, then happiness" idea: They found that couples who were married tended to have higher happiness levels than couples who were not.

But the second part of that finding threw it out the window: It turned out that the couples who were best friends and lived together were just as happy as couples who were best friends and married. In other words, marriage didn't appear to matter much at all.

To arrive at their conclusions, the researchers studied three separate data sets that included information about thousands of couples: The United Kingdom's Annual Population Survey, the British Household Panel Survey, and the Gallup World Poll. Then, they controlled for couples' age, gender, income, and health conditions (all of which could potentially affect their results).

Here's a chart from the study comparing the "life satisfaction" of couples who were married (blue bars) with couples who lived together but were unmarried (red bars). Couples who said their partner was their best friend are on the left.

People in a relationship who saw their significant other as their best friend and either lived with that person or married them were happier than couples who saw their best friend as someone outside of the relationship.

"What immediately intrigued me about the results was to rethink marriage as a whole," University of British Columbia economics professor and study coauthor John Helliwell recently told the New York Times. "Maybe what is really important is friendship, and to never forget that in the push and pull of daily life."

This study isn't the first to arrive at this finding.

Other research backs the idea that marriage isn't the key to happiness

In 2012, four authors published a statistical analysis and summary of 18 studies of people who wed and eight of couples who divorced. Social psychologist Bella DePaulo recently took another look at that meta-analysis in a blog post for Psychology Today.

Here's what the authors found, DePaulo writes:

"Except for that initial short-lived honeymoon effect for life satisfaction, getting married did not result in getting happier or more satisfied. In fact, for life satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, the trajectories over time headed in the less satisfied direction."

But that's not all.

"What is really remarkable about the combined findings of the 18 studies," writes DePaulo, "is that the designs were biased in favor of making marriage look good. At least 11 of the studies included only those people who got married and stayed married."

In other words, the results of this larger paper can't tell us a whole lot about the results of marriage. Rather, they really only give us insight into what happens to people who get married and stay married. We don't know much about what happens to those who get married and then get divorced or separate.

"Too many social scientists simply are not going to give up on the claim that getting married makes you happier," DePaulo writes.

For another 2012 study (this one a survey of American couples), researchers found that couples who lived together but were not married had higher self-esteem and were happier overall than their married counterparts. Both types of relationships, however, were still linked with increases in overall well-being. Other studies suggest that marriage might even be more closely linked with negative outcomes than positive ones: A 2011 review of the impact on happiness of major life events found that couples who got married generally felt less happy and less satisfied with their lives over time.

The key takeaway here? Find a partner you consider your best friend. And don't worry so much about the other stuff.

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On a recent trip, Nicholas Epley and his family went out to get some ice cream.

Since they'd brought their dogs with them, too, Epley volunteered to wait outside with them while his wife ran into the store.

"You go ahead," Epley told her, "and you just get me whatever you think I'll like."

A few minutes later, she returned, coffee-flavored ice cream in hand.

"I was surprised by that," Epley told me later, "because I thought she knew that I hate coffee-flavored ice cream."

In fact, he added, "it's probably the last flavor I would have picked out."

The mistake surprised his wife, too, because they've been married 20 years. "Of course she knows what kind of ice cream I like," Epley told me, "but in that case she didn't."

The incident might have gone unremembered, but Epley is a psychologist and a professor at The University of Chicago Booth School of Business. And he's all too familiar with the idea that we think we know our partners a lot better than we really do.

In his 2014 book, "Mindwise," Epley cites scientific evidence of that very phenomenon.

In 1997, researchers at the University of Texas at Austin recruited about 60 heterosexual couples at the school, who had been dating for between three weeks and six years. Members of each couple were randomly assigned to either respond to a bunch of survey prompts or guess how their partner would respond to those same survey prompts.

For one survey, participants had to indicate how much they agreed with statements like, "I perform well at a number of things." Another survey measured participants' self-perceived intelligence, athleticism, and attractiveness, among other things. The final survey asked participants to indicate how much they enjoyed different activities, like going to a bar and playing board games.

Sure enough, couples who had been together longer were more likely to express confidence in how well they knew each other. Yet results showed that relationship length was not related to accuracy. Moreover, couples were in general much more confident about how well they knew their partners than they should have been.

For example, on the survey that asked participants to rate their own intelligence, athleticism, and attractiveness, people thought they could correctly guess their partners' responses about 80% of the time. Unfortunately, they only guessed right 30% of the time — which isn't that much higher than if they'd guessed randomly (10%).

The illusion of familiarity can have real consequences — more serious, of course, than buying your partner the wrong ice cream. Maybe you have no idea that your partner feels badly about his looks, or that she hates going to bars even though you go all the time.

Perhaps the best solution is one that Epley puts forth in "Mindwise": Just ask. It's not easy, because we presume we should know what our partner is thinking and feeling, but it's probably better than guessing wrong.

SEE ALSO: Psychologists say a simple strategy can help you get over a rough breakup

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NOW WATCH: What you should talk about on a first date, according to research

This post from LinkedIn Influencer Travis Bradberry appeared originally on LinkedIn.

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that the ability to connect with others is a natural, unteachable trait that belongs to only a lucky few.

It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, this ability is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

Research conducted by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA shows that being social and connecting with others is as fundamental a human need as food, shelter, and water. For example, Lieberman discovered that we feel social pain, such as the loss of a relationship, in the same part of the brain that we feel physical pain.

The primary function of this brain area is to alert us to threats to our survival. It makes you realize how powerful and important social connection is. We’re hard wired to be social creatures.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.” – Ralph Nichols

MRIs of the brain show that social thinking and analytical thinking involve entirely different neural networks and that they operate something like a seesaw. When you engage in analytical thinking, the social part of your brain quiets down, but as soon as you’re finished, the social network springs back to life.

The social brain is the end of the seesaw where the fat kid sits; it’s our brain’s default setting.

Given that social connection is such a fundamental human need, you’d think that it would be easy to connect with everyone we meet. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Against our own self-interest, we get bogged down by shyness, self-consciousness, cynicism, pride, competitiveness, jealousy, and arrogance.

If you can get that baggage out of the way, you can connect with anyone — even those who are still holding on to their own. Here are some tips that will help you to connect instantly with everyone you meet.

SEE ALSO: 10 habits of chronically unhappy people

Leave a strong first impression.

Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this, you can take advantage of it to connect with anyone.

First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic.

Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation. It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

Be the first to venture beyond the superficial.

Our first conversation or two with a new acquaintance tends to be pretty superficial. We portray a careful picture of ourselves, and we stick to nice, safe topics. We talk about the weather and people we know in common and share the most basic details about ourselves. But if you really want to connect with somebody, try upping the ante and revealing the real you.

You don’t need to get too personal, but it’s important to let the other person know what you’re passionate about. Most of the time, if you open up, the other person will follow your lead and do the same.

Ask good questions.

If the other person seems hesitant to open up, encourage them to do so by asking substantial questions. “What do you do?” doesn’t further the relationship nearly as much as, “Why did you choose your profession?”

Search for questions that will help you to understand what makes the other person tick, without getting too personal.

Love is wonderful,  love is joy, love is the greatest thing in the world … 

Love is also an enormous pain in the ass. 

Marriage is hard work.

(Older people are nodding right now while young people are probably sticking their fingers in their ears and reciting their favorite lines from "The Notebook.")

So how do you make love last?

What myths about love are leading us astray and what do you have to do to have a loving relationship that stands the test of time?

I called somebody who looked at the research and has some answers …

Jonah Lehrer is the author of "Imagine" and "How We Decide." His newest work is "A Book About Love."

A lot of what you’re about to read is very unsexy and very unromantic. Sorry about that. But this isn’t fairy tale time. We’re going to see what the research says makes real relationships last so you can get as close to the fairy tale as possible.

Everyone asks how you got married. Nobody asks how you stayed married. Time to find out the answer to that often-ignored second question …

SEE ALSO: Happy, lasting relationships rely on something way more important than marriage

DON'T MISS: Men shared the biggest hurdles they overcame to be successful at dating

1. Why online dating doesn’t work

You want to find the perfect person. You ask, "Do they like the music I like? Do they enjoy the same movies I do?" Um, let’s stop right there …

Because the research shows similarity doesn’t matter.

From "A Book About Love":

Another recent paper summarized the results of 313 separate studies, concluding that the similarity of personality and preferences — such as, the scientists say, "matching people who prefer Judd Apatow’s movies to Woody Allen’s with people who feel the same way"— had no effect on relationship well-being. Meanwhile, a 2010 study of twenty-three thousand married couples found that the similarity of spouses accounted for less than 0.5 percent of spousal satisfaction. In short, what we think we want in a spouse — someone who is just like us and likes all the same things — and what we want in real life are fundamentally mismatched.

Ruling someone out because they love Coldplay and don’t appreciate the subtle genius of Radiohead is a bad idea.

And all the online dating websites with their fancy algorithms fail because they’re based on the idea that similarity rules. Here’s Jonah:

Most online dating websites are focused on finding you a similar partner. But when you look at meta-analyses of thousands and thousands of couples you find that similarity is insignificant. It’s less than 1% of the variation in overall marital satisfaction. Researcher Eli Finkel argues that the algorithms they use are really no better than random chance because the idea that the person we should be seeking out is our doppelganger ends up leading us astray.

Looking for similarity is founded on the belief that if you share things in common, you won’t have problems. But over the course of a lifetime, every couple has problems.

So the only type of similarity that matters for relationships that last is in an area that researchers call "meta-emotions."

What’s that mean? Thank you for asking. It means how you feel about feelings. You want someone who handles emotions the same way you do. Here’s Jonah:

John Gottman at the University of Washington has amassed a persuasive body of evidence that meta-emotions are the real signal variable in terms of predicting whether or not a marriage will last. Do you believe you should express anger? Or do you believe in holding it in and waiting for it to fizzle out? Do you think happiness should be shared but anger should be suppressed? Sharing your meta-emotional style gives you a common emotional template, a common language.

With long-term relationships you should be less concerned with characteristics that reduce the likelihood of conflict and pay more attention to finding someone who has a similar style of dealing with conflict. Because there is always going to be some.

It’s like aging. You can’t avoid it. So smart people don’t ask, "How can I live forever?" They ask, “What’s the best way to handle it?” Here’s Jonah:

Daniel Wilde said, “Choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems.” There is no partner with whom we’re not going to fight and get annoyed and complain about. The question is how you deal with those problems. What Gottman has found is that people who have clashing meta-emotional styles, they have a really tough time dealing with conflict. Even minor annoyances tend to become huge fights, because one partner wants to express and the other partner thinks you should hold it in and then all of a sudden it explodes. In contrast, when you have compatible meta-emotional styles — when people agree on how feelings should be expressed — they’re able to diffuse these tensions before they get too big and dangerous.

(To learn the 4 most common relationship problems — and how to fix them — click here.)

So there’s going to be conflict but you want to find someone that you can communicate with using a common emotional language. So communication is good. Which leads us to another counterintuitive finding …

2. Arguing is good, too

Yup, fighting is okay. Even about little things. Yes, really.

From A Book About Love:

According to the scientists, spouses who complain to each other the most, and complain about the least important things, end up having more lasting relationships. In contrast, couples with high negativity thresholds — they only complain about serious problems —are much more likely to get divorced.

Arguing on the first date? OK, probably not a good idea.

But Gottman’s research shows that 3 years into a relationship, if you’re not arguing at all, you’re much more likely to find yourself arguing in divorce court. Here’s Jonah:

Gottman’s research shows that 3 years into the relationship, if you’re not fighting, that’s the indicator of an unhealthy relationship. At that point, you’re not holding in your farts anymore. You’re fully intimate. You’ve seen where they’ve got hair, you’ve smelled their morning breath. You’re not holding anything back. So if you’re not fighting, it’s often a sign of withdrawal. In a sense, you can look at complaining and fighting in an intimate relationship as just ways of showing you care.

Arguing is not a sign of impending doom, it’s normal and natural. No relationship is trouble-free. So, after years together, not fighting means you’re not communicating.

(To learn how to win every argument, click here.)

Some might be thinking, "Romeo and Juliet didn’t argue." And my response would be…

3. Forget Romeo and Juliet. Think arranged marriage

Yes, I know, that’s terribly unromantic.

But Shakespeare killed off Romeo and Juliet at the end of the play so he wouldn’t have to write about the contentious divorce settlement or mention the People Magazine cover describing the vicious custody battle over Romeo, Jr.

There’s infatuation and then there’s love. Infatuation is quick, romantic and easy. Researchers call it "limerence." Here’s Jonah:

If you want the purest example of limerence, it’s Romeo and Juliet. He falls in love with her in seconds. He sees her and he just knows. He walks over and starts talking in iambic pentameter. It’s when you meet someone and your heart starts racing and your palms gets sweaty and your mid-brain is just bursting with dopamine. You just get that high and you’re convinced: they’re your soulmate. It’s a very, very romantic feeling. It’s love at first sight. It’s what the movies are always going on and on about.

Thinking about soulmates and being obsessed with limerence is very romantic. It’s also lazy. It’s the idea that “If I find the perfect person I won’t have to fight, change or do any work.” And that leads to the problem with limerence …

It just doesn’t last. Here’s Jonah:

Dorothy Tennov, who’s done most of the research on limerence, found again and again and again that limerence doesn’t pan out. Her work is filled with all sorts of sad case studies of people who talk about the high and how at a certain point, they realized it was leading them astray. It was a pure fantasy but it was hard to shake it off. Limerence is chemical fiction. Because it’s cinematic, we’ve often confused it for real love. Love is something that can be measured over time and limerence doesn’t pass that test. The purest way to distinguish between limerence and love is: love lasts and limerence doesn’t.

Okay, opposite extreme: what does the research on arranged marriages show? They’re harder in the beginning. But after a few years they’re as successful (and often more successful) than “love” marriages.

Am I saying you should have an arranged marriage? No. Chill out. It’s the underlying lesson here that’s important.

Going into a long-term relationship focused on limerence leads to disappointment. But people in arranged marriages have no such illusions.

They don’t even know the other person. So they’re well-aware it’s going to take effort to make it work. And so they work. And so it works. Here’s Jonah:

Arranged marriages go in with this expectation that love is hard work, that love isn’t going to take care of itself. Because they barely know this person, there is no illusion that they don’t have to put in the work. Instead, they know by necessity that it’s going to require an investment of effort. Not that I want my kids to have arranged marriages, but the attitude that they’re premised on, the idea that love is work, that is the right attitude.

Romeo-and-Juliet-style limerence feels great and easy but doesn’t last. Arranged marriages sound weird but they have the right attitude: it’s gonna take some work. But if you do the work, it pays off over the long haul.

(To learn the science behind how to be a good kisser, click here.)

Okay, lots of talk so far about hard work. Let’s make this simpler. Is there a way to be more successful in your career and more successful in your relationship? Yeah. There’s one quality that leads to good things in both …

As a born-and-raised New Yorker, I'm an expert at ignoring people.

Nowhere does that skill come in handier than on a crowded subway, where my limbs are often entangled with those of other riders, our faces close enough for me to smell the latte on their breath. The key, I've learned, is to pretend they don't exist.

Seriously — don't acknowledge the physical intimacy, don't try to crack a joke about it, and definitely don't use it as an opportunity to ask where they're headed.

It's a way for everyone to maintain their sanity and happiness until they de-board. Or is it?

I recently spoke with Nicholas Epley, a psychologist, professor at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, and author of the 2014 book "Mindwise." In the book, Epley highlights a study he conducted with Juliana Schroeder, a professor at the Haas School of Business at the University of California Berkeley, which found that people are much happier on their commutes when they engage another passenger in conversation.

The study featured a series of experiments, which took place in Chicago trains, buses, and cabs. For the train experiment, researchers recruited about 90 passengers and told them them either to have a conversation with a new person on the train, keep to themselves, or do what they would normally do on their commute.

Everyone was asked to complete a survey about how happy and sad they felt after their commute, and how pleasant and productive their commute was compared to usual.

Results showed that passengers had a much more positive commute when they talked to a stranger than when they sat alone or did what they usually did. Perhaps surprisingly, those who talked to a stranger didn't report being less productive than usual.

Here's where things get really interesting.

In another experiment, researchers asked a different group of participants to predict how pleasant and productive their commute would be if they talked to someone, enjoyed their solitude, or went about their usual business. Those participants said they would have a much less positive and productive commute when they interacted with a stranger.

The results of another experiment shed some light on why people feel this way: They generally think that other passengers don't want to talk to them.

Those last two findings don't surprise me at all — I don't think I've ever taken the initiative to strike up a conversation with a fellow commuter, at least partly because I assume I'd be bothering them. But if these study findings are any indication, I could be doing myself and them a favor.

This research doesn't stand in isolation, either. A 2013 study found that customers at Starbucks who had a social interaction with the barista felt more positive than those who had a more efficient transaction. (That particular study didn't measure how the baristas felt about the interactions.)

The big takeaway from these studies is that we aren't always the best predictors of what will make us happy. As for me, I'm going to try (keyword: try) to overcome the feeling that other people aren't interested in talking to me, and ask what they think about the sunshine, or compliment their swanky bag.

As long as I don't comment on the fact that their armpit is currently resting on my ear, everything should be totally fine.

SEE ALSO: 10 psychological insights into how people interact that could affect your success in life

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NOW WATCH: How to make your commute less miserable

Chances are, everything feels a little different when you've been in the same relationship for a long time. And it turns out scientists have some evidence to back that up.

The research is a little difficult to pin down. Like Tolstoy, scientists have spent more time studying unhappy relationships than happy ones, which means there's less out there than you might expect.

Plus, everyone — including scientists — defines a long-term relationship differently. Researchers think about couples in many ways: married, cohabiting, together 20 years, together 50 years, madly in love. That means some of the findings included here may apply to only one particular subset of people in "long-term" relationships.

But here are a few of the most intriguing observations scientists have made.

SEE ALSO: Happy, lasting relationships rely on something way more important than marriage

DON'T MISS: 12 weird psychological reasons someone might fall in love with you

1. You begin to think other romantic prospects are less attractive.

Don't remember meeting any attractive singles lately? It turns out a quirk of your brain may be making you less likely to cheat by toning down the looks of other possible partners.

That's the conclusion of collection of studies looking at how people in relationships — and particularly in happy relationships — see other people.

2. Your struggles become your partner's struggles.

That's not just because they have to listen to all your complaints about your terrible boss.

It turns out that if one partner becomes more depressed over the course of a relationship, the other is likely to follow, according to one study that tracked marriages for almost 15 years. The researchers found a similar connection when one partner had trouble completing daily tasks.

One possible explanation the researchers have suggested is that when one partner becomes more sedentary and more of a homebody, the other follows.

3. Some weird physical traits may sync up.

It's not just your mind that's affected by a long-term relationship — your body can change too.

One recent unpublished study of people who had been together for a half century found that partners have similar results on three physical fronts: kidney function, cholesterol, and grip strength.

That's an eclectic collection to be sure, and most partnerships won't last 50 years. (We'll also have to wait and see if the preliminary results hold up.) But the findings suggest that for some conditions, if one partner starts to see health problems, the other should be checked as well.

We spend the whole week with the same people, so it's only natural that a deeper relationship may develop. But the wisdom (and ethics) of the office romance are hotly debated.

One of the cohosts of "Shark Tank," Barbara Corcoran, tells us to go for it — but remember the breakup could get messy.

Produced by Sam Rega

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