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The 19 best trips to take to mend a broken heart

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Tasmania Australia Bridge

Breakups suck.

Yet, we somehow always find a way to pick ourselves up and keep going — whether it's by meeting new people or drowning our sorrows in a big bowl of Rocky Road.

However, sometimes the best way to get over an ex is to pack your bags and get away.

Whether you want to go the "Eat, Pray, Love" route or would prefer to party with someone new, here are the 19 best trips to take to mend a broken heart.

Machu Picchu, Peru

If you thought your ex took your breath away, wait until you see the stunning views of Machu Picchu, set high in the Andes Mountains of Peru. And if that won't do it, the multi-day uphill trek along the historic Inca Trail will.



Las Vegas, Nevada

Is there a better place to distract yourself from your ex than Sin City? Between wild pool parties, incredible shows, and the many games at the many casinos, you won't have a second to think about them. Even better, Vegas is home to some of the most famous pawn shops in the world, such as Gold & Silver Pawn Shop from the History Channel's show "Pawn Stars, Vegas," so why not make some money off of your ex's gifts?



Lisdoonvarna, Ireland

Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to put yourself out there again. The Matchmaking Festival in Lisdoonvarna is the perfect place to start. The festival, which goes from September 1 through October 8, attracts over 40,000 people, and pairs many of them off thanks to speed-dating events and dances in pubs. There are also daily matchmaking sessions with Matchmaker Willie Daly in his ‘office’ — the Matchmaker Bar.

 



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

A quarter of people would consider quitting their job if their 'work spouse' left the company

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biden obama

Do you have one person you confide in at work? Do you feel a bit lost when they're not in the office?

If so, you probably have a work spouse.

According to research by totaljobs, 17% of employees say they have a work wife or husband.

Over 4,000 employees and 100 employers in the UK were asked about their relationships at work, and 48% of said they had strong friendships with more than one colleague.

Work spouse relationships are more intense than a regular friendship, though, and they can be different for different people. Ultimately, it's a strong bond between two people at work who talk about the everyday frustrations and stresses of the job, as well as chatting and having fun together.

It doesn't always stop at the office either, with 42% admitting to communicating with their work spouse via social media outside work hours. Three quarters of those with a work spouse said they were "different" to their real-life husband or wife.

These relationships can be an integral part of someone's enjoyment of going to work.

About 60% of work spouses said their relationship meant "they look forward to going into work." In fact, over half (53%) said they would be sad if their work spouse left the company.

About a quarter (23%) of those asked said they would consider leaving their job if their work spouse left. Nearly one in 10 people (7%) went so far as to say their work spouse leaving would feel "like a bereavement."

However, rather than being a distraction, having strong relationships is actually seen as a good thing. Over half of the employers asked (56%) said strong work friendships increase productivity, and 70% said it's healthy for staff to have someone to confide in. In fact, 60% of employers said they encourage out-of-work socialising.

When it comes to power dynamics, though, only 24% of employers thought it was appropriate for managers to socialise with those more junior.

The 35% of people who said they didn't have any close relationships at work may be doing themselves a disservice as 54% of employers think strong work relationships improve company culture.

"It is certainly revealing that so many employees relate to having a 'work spouse' and someone they feel they can confide in above others," said John Salt, the director at totaljobs.

"Our research shows employers recognise the value of strong work relationships, with many already offering social events. The key is to accept work spouse relationships and encourage broader team cohesion. The two do not need to be mutually exclusive: get the balance right, and employers will reap the benefits of a happier, more productive team."

The research also showed that work spouse relationships may be born out of work-related issues. Half of people with a work spouse admitted to being frustrated in their job, compared to only a third (33%) who said they were satisfied. This suggests a work spouse may be a confidant who people look for to have a rant with.

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A therapist debunks the 'you made your bed; you have to lie in it' mentality about marriage

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wedding couple picture frame

Imagine accepting a job you had to stay in forever. Even if the pay stagnated, or there turned out to be no room for advancement, or your coworkers consistently brought in smelly lunches, you'd be legally obligated to stick it out.

The thing about marriage is that you're essentially taking the same leap of faith.

Sure, marriage is different — it's about love and passion and trust in much greater quantities than are present in the workplace.

But still, you're projecting yourself 20, 40, maybe even 60 years down the line and imagining that you and your partner will stay in just the same position as you are right now.

It's something Susan Pease Gadoua has thought a lot about. Pease Gadoua is a therapist and the founder of the Changing Marriage Institute; in 2014, she and Vicki Larson published a book titled "The New I Do," in which they argue against the one-size-fits-all marriage.

When I spoke with Pease Gadoua in June, I asked her if it was useful to keep the possibility of divorce in the back of your mind.

She told me: "When people see divorce as never an option, it can create some unhealthy dynamics."

Of course, the alternative — acknowledging that one day you might not want to be with your partner anymore — sounds terribly unromantic, not to mention impractical. Who wants to marry someone who thinks they might wake up one day and want out?

Pease Gadoua explained it in general terms. "Someone who has to stay in anything — be it a job or a marriage — that doesn't usually bring out the best in us," she said. "We tend to do best as people when we feel like we have a choice."

In other words: simply knowing that you have an "out," as Pease Gadoua called it, is freeing, even if you never use it.

old coupleThe existing concept of marriage, she said, is really a "shame-based model." There's this idea that "you made your bed; you have to lie in it." In other words, you married this person thinking you could be with them forever, and now you have to live up to that expectation.

But Pease Gadoua mentioned research by Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, which found that most people have no idea how much they'll change, and what they'll want out of life, a decade from now.

The implication for marriage is, if you accept that you might grow out of your relationship — or your partner might — you're freeing yourself to be in the marriage because you want to, and not because you have to.

That said, no one's arguing that if you feel a blip of boredom or frustration with your relationship, you should bolt. In the book, the authors propose the idea of a "relationship contract" that you and your partner regularly review and decide whether to renew.

It's a way of making sure that the relationship is evolving to meet both partner's needs and wants. (Still, as my colleague Erin Brodwin reported, the contract is a somewhat controversial idea among relationship experts.)

The main takeaway here is about being realistic. Love is a commitment— passion may fade, and there may be days when you want to strangle your partner, and still you stay. That's love.

But knowing that you can leave if you're truly dissatisfied with the marriage, or if you realize that your partner's notion of marriage doesn't jibe with yours, is somewhat reassuring.

SEE ALSO: How a 'relationship contract' could save your relationship — or ruin it

Join the conversation about this story »

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A psychologist explains how too many of us water down our daily language — and it affects our relationships

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"I just feel so, blah."

"I'm really good."

"Ugh."

"It's just whatever."

There's a surprising amount of utility is in words like, ugh, blah, and whatever.

Because they're amorphous and vague, we liberally cast them out into our conversations as an all encompassing net which catches a multitude of emotions.

Still, we get so used to speaking "text speak" that we often water down the genuinely positive and lump together the ostensibly negative into the ambiguous land of whatever.

There's nothing wrong with doing that on an individual level, but the cumulative effect of exclusively choosing vague words to describe how things are going results in a similarly watered down sense of connection to yourself and those around you.

Words are powerful connectors.  The language you use helps others to fully take in how you're feeling and to better understand what you need.  The language you use also helps you to process what's happening, which in turn helps you to gain clarity, feel validated and move forward.

Today's post is simple. Below are a myriad of words to describe different feelings and emotional states for those moments when you don't want to reach for "blah," and "ugh," or for those moments when telling someone you're "good" doesn't quite encapsulate how wonderful you're actually doing.

WHEN YOU FEEL HAPPY AND GOOD: open, confident, elated, taking delight in the little things, playful, energetic, optimistic, free, animated, at ease, certain, bright, reassured, eager, strong, dynamic, alive, bold

WHEN YOU FEEL SAD OR DEPRESSED: crushed, uneasy, dejected, offended, rejected, achy, appalled, humiliated, alienated, wronged, pessimistic, lonely, dismayed, victimized, guilty, deprived, discouraged, dissatisfied, diminished, powerless, ashamed, sulky, a sense of loss, doubtful, perplexed, embarrassed, hesitant, lost, unsure, disillusioned, heavy

WHEN YOU FEEL ANGRY: irritated, bitter, aggressive, inflamed, incensed, worked up, infuriated, sore, resentful, provoked, annoyed, disrupted

WHEN YOU FEEL INDIFFERENT: dull, nonchalant, neutral, weary, bored, preoccupied, cold, disinterested, listless, sluggish, passive

WHEN YOU FEEL AFRAID AND ANXIOUS: fearful, terrified, suspicious, alarmed, anxious, panicky, scared, worried, shaky, timid, restless, threatened, intimidated

WHEN YOU FEEL INTERESTED: absorbed, intrigued, inquisitive, nosy, intent, curious, adventurous, attracted, engrossed, challenged, drawn toward, passionate

WHEN YOU FEEL WARMTH: touched, close, loved, comforted, admiration, understanding, affectionate

WHEN YOU FEEL OUT OF CONTROL: incapable, alone, paralyzed, useless, dangerous, inferior, vulnerable, forced, empty, frustrated, pathetic, distressed, in despair, feeble, wild, unruly.

SEE ALSO: An 'ambivalent friend' is one of the most toxic relationships you can have

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NOW WATCH: A psychologist explains why self-esteem is a sham and can get in the way of your success

David and Victoria Beckham celebrated their 18th anniversary with the most adorable throwback photos

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david and victoria beckhamThe INSIDER Summary:

  • Posh and Becks celebrated their 18th wedding anniversary and proved that they truly are #couplegoals.
  • Both shared throwback photos on social media to mark the special occasion.
  • Even as one of the most powerful couples in the world, the two still only have eyes for one another. 


After 18 years of being happily married, David and Victoria Beckham are just as much in love today as they were when they first set eyes on each other. With nearly two decades together, two hugely successful careers, multiple tribute tattoos, and four children, the pair are looking back on their love in absolutely perfect throwback pics.

Both David and Victoria Beckham took to Instagram today to mark their anniversary, and we’re so thrilled (and honored!) they’re giving us a glimpse at their adorable and gorgeous life together.

I love you 🙏🏻✨Kisses x

A post shared by Victoria Beckham (@victoriabeckham) on Jul 3, 2017 at 11:26pm PDT on

Victoria chose to pop a pic of their wedding day onto social media with the simple yet sincere message, “I love you... Kisses x.” The photo shows the young bride rocking short hair (very Posh Spice of her!) and wearing her glorious champagne-colored gown. She stands beside David, who wears an all-white tux and holds a sleeping baby Brooklyn while smiling adoringly at his new wife.

Did you notice that David is holding both Victoria and Brooklyn’s hands at the same time? So sweet!

David, on the other hand, chose a red-carpet moment showing the duo in matching leather outfits. He added the caption, “Wow we really did this. Happy Anniversary to an amazing wife, mummy and strong business woman @victoriabeckham @brooklynbeckham @romeobeckham @cruzbeckham #Harpernotoninstagram Love you x”

david and victoria beckham instagram storyThe two also celebrated a little early last night, with Victoria Instagramming a glimpse at her hubby (with bunny ears, natch) as well as a look at the fire they were enjoying. It certainly seems like these two know how to keep the romance going.

Happy 18th anniversary, Beckhams!

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Rob Kardashian claims Blac Chyna cheated on him and posted nude 'revenge porn' photos of his ex-fiancé to his millions of followers on Instagram and Twitter

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Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian

The INSIDER Summary:

  • Rob Kardashian attacked his ex Blac Chyna in a series of insulting Instagram posts.
  • He shared a video of Chyna allegedly heading into weight loss surgery, which he claims he paid for after the birth of their daughter, Dream.
  • He also posted explicit NSFW footage of Chyna, including a video that appears to show her having sex with another man.
  • Chyna responded to Kardashian's attack on Snapchat, accusing him of domestic violence.
  • Later, Kardashian tweeted that his Instagram account was shut down. He continues to post from his Twitter account.


If you followed Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna's on-again, off-again relationship on "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" and the short-lived reality show "Rob and Chyna," you'll know that they ended on bad terms.

It's clear that Kardashian is still bitter over their breakup back in February.

On July 5 in a series of Instagram posts, Kardashian accused Chyna of having weight loss surgery and appeared to post a video of his ex allegedly having sex with another man without her consent.

The 30-year-old appeared to publicly shame his ex — with whom he has a 7-month-old daughter, Dream — in a series of Instagram posts that he shared with his 9.4 million followers. Among the insulting posts, Kardashian shared a video body-shaming the 29-year-old reality star, who he claims had weight loss surgery after giving birth, as well as a series of explicit NSFW posts on his Instagram, including a video that Chyna allegedly sent him that he said showed her having sex with another man.

The first video that Kardashian posted was of Chyna in a hospital bed being taken to another room. Kardashian claims the video (the second post in the screenshot from his now-deleted Instagram below) shows her being whisked off to have weight loss surgery.

Rob Kardashian Instagram

His full caption reads: 

Everyone wonders how Chyna lost all that weight after the baby and she lies to everyone but no I'm such a great Husband that on our anniversary I paid [$100,000] to do this surgery to get all everything fixed as much as they could. And then guess what she did after she was all healed when I was by her side the entire time. She left me and my baby which she had out of spite to get back at her other baby daddy. I can't believe [you] would disrespect me like this.

In the video, Chyna thanks her ex and he says he loves her. The content of the video, in which Kardashian is supportive, feels very much at odds with the body-shaming message he posted on Instagram.

In another now-deleted Instagram post, Kardashian wrote: "I had my daughter out of Love but this woman left the second I paid for her body surgery."

rob kardashian black chyna

Kardashian didn't stop at publicly body-shaming Chyna.

In a now-deleted video, he shared a video of his ex-girlfriend that allegedly shows her having sex, as well as posting a photo of a man she allegedly slept with and several screenshots of iPhone notes that accuse her of cheating on him and doing drugs.

Things got messier as he continued to level allegations at Chyna about her past and even exchanged words with rapper TI.

Kardashian shamed Chyna for breastfeeding for four weeks "because she wanted to drink alcohol so bad." He wrote in another note that he has spent a lot of money supporting her, shelling out $250,000 for jewelry in one day.

One of the posts appears to show a text message exchange between the two of them, with what some people believe to be Chyna's number at the top. (You can see the exchange in the third on the top row of this screenshot of Kardashian's Instagram below.)

Rob K Insta

He later reposted a comment from the rapper TI, and responded by accusing him of paying Chyna to have a threesome with him and his ex Tiny Harris. Though the photo (and Kardashian's caption) has since been removed, she can see TI's response in the first post on the top row of the screenshot above.

At first, People reports that many of Kardashian's Instagram posts were being taken down, though it was unclear if they were deleted by the social media site or Kardashian himself.

After Kardashian's Instagram attack, Chyna responded on Snapchat and accused her ex-fiancé of domestic violence, according to People.

"Rob [you] did all this but [you] beat me up and try act [like] it never happen[ed]!!!!!"she wrote in a now-deleted Snapchat post. "[You] put hand on me I swear on god!!!! On my kids [I'm telling the truth,] but I'm supposed to be quiet because you're a Kardashian."

A second post, which was also deleted, read: "The light will come to the light."

Twitter users responded to Kardashian's insulting Instagrams as well, pointing out how "wrong" he was to post the explicit footage of his ex and how he may have broken the law by posting the reportedly nude images of Chyna without her consent.

Then Kardashian's Instagram account was abruptly deleted.

Later, it appeared that Kardashian had deleted his Instagram account and all of his posts had disappeared.

Rob Kardashian Instagram

However, the reality star quickly took to Twitter to explain that his account had been shut down. 

Kardashian continued to blast Chyna with graphic images on his Twitter account instead. The nude photos of his ex-fiancé remained on his account for a full half an hour before they were removed.

He posted a series of tweets reiterating some of his earlier comments on Instagram.

Kardashian's social media attack on Chyna and the allegations that he beat her are incredibly disturbing.

While we don't know whether the accusations are true, such abuse — whether in private or public — is in no way acceptable. However badly someone has treated you in a relationship, posting body-shaming material and potential revenge porn is never okay.

Join the conversation about this story »

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The 21 European countries where the average marriage age is the lowest

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If you're in your 20s, you might start hearing the voice in the back of your head telling you to settle down. (That voice could also be your mother.)

Apparently, people in the UK tie the knot at an average age of 27.  This is according to Provident Personal Credit, the loan company who analysed data on the average age people get married in European countries. 

If 27 is drawing near, don't panic, though — divorce rates are pretty high all over the world, so you could argue there's no rush. 

Here are the 21 European countries with the lowest average age of getting hitched, ranked in descending order.

=20. Slovakia — 31.35 years.

In Slovakia, there's an old wedding tradition where the bride wears a delicate green wreath on her head as a symbol of purity.



=20. Lithuania — 31.35 years.

Lithuanian weddings are often divided into three parts. First, there is the matchmaker who puts the couple together, then the ceremony itself, and then the "atgriztai," or "coming back," where the bride and groom return to the bride's parents' home.



19. Liechtenstein — 31.2 years.

In Liechtenstein, as the newlywed couple leave the church, a tradition is that they are "barred" from going through the town by local villagers. These people are then "bribed" by the best man to let the couple pass.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

This woman went on Twitter looking for a wedding date and instead found her husband

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wedding

The INSIDER Summary:

  • A woman shared the story of finding her husband through Twitter. 
  • She tweeted in 2014 looking for a wedding date and her now-husband responded. 
  • They didn't actually attend the wedding together, but three years to the date of the initial tweet, the two tied the knot. 


A woman is melting hearts everywhere after sharing the digital love story of finding her now-husband thanks to a single tweet. 

Llia Apostolou tweeted in 2014 that she needed help with a predicament that many find themselves in: She needed a date to a wedding and she had no one to go with. 

"Are you a man? Can I borrow you for a wedding next weekend?" Apostolou asked. "Bonus points if you can source a baby that I can pretend is mine, too."

A man named Phil Gibson replied to her tweet offering to take her, and the two proceeded to exchange witty tweets back and forth. "I can do this, I've got a suit and everything!" he chimed in.

 

 

 

 

 

The exchange didn't drum up too much attention at the time, but three years to the day of the initial tweet, Apostolou had some good news to share. 

 "Almost exactly three years later, I can say ... Reader, I married him," she tweeted.

Apostolou clarified that while she did not actually take Gibson up on his offer to accompany her to the wedding — she noted that her sister would probably not appreciate her bringing a complete stranger from the internet to her wedding — she and Gibson met up shortly after. 

Apostolou said that her initial wish to marry Gibson was a joke, and that it still blows her mind that the two actually did it. 

So, there's a lesson here kids — don't be afraid to shoot your digital shot. You just may find yourself at the alter IRL with your Twitter crush. 

Join the conversation about this story »

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Blac Chyna's lawyer has called Rob Kardashian's 'revenge porn' attack an 'assault'

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Blac Chyna Rob

The INSIDER Summary:

  • Blac Chyna's lawyer Walter Mosley has called Rob Kardashian's social media attack of his client an "assault" in a statement to Page Six on July 6.
  • On July 5, Kardashian posted explicit images and video of Blac Chyna on Instagram and Twitter, before they were removed.
  • Chyna accused Kardashian of domestic violence in two now-deleted Snapchat posts.
  • She is reportedly threatening legal action against her ex-fiancé.


Rob Kardashian could face serious legal consequences including jail time after he posted a series of explicit images of his ex-fiancée Blac Chyna to his now-deleted Instagram account and then his Twitter page on July 5.

Chyna, 29, is reportedly threatening legal action against Kardashian, with whom she has a 7-month-old daughter, Dream. Her lawyer Walter Mosley has called Kardashian's social media attack on his client an "assault."

The California-based attorney made the comment in a statement to Page Six on July 6.

"We are taking this assault against Chyna very seriously and still exploring all available legal remedies to her at this time," he told the website.

It's similar to Mosley's earlier statement to People, though the attorney was careful to refrain from using any words such as "assault" to describe the situation at the time.

"I am exploring all legal remedies and protections available to my client at this time in attempts to best advise her on how she may want to proceed," he told People on July 5.

Chyna initially responded to the images Kardashian shared to his millions of social media followers with two now-deleted posts on Snapchat that accused the 30-year-old reality star of domestic violence.

"Rob [you] did all this but [you] beat me up and try act [like] it never happen[ed]!!!!!"she wrote in a now-deleted Snapchat post. "[You] put hand on me I swear on god!!!! On my kids [I'm telling the truth,] but I'm supposed to be quiet because you're a Kardashian."

A second post, which was also deleted, read: "The light will come to the light."

Lawyers told INSIDER that Kardashian could face jail time and a fine if Chyna pursues legal action.

Blac Chyna

"If charged with California's misdemeanor criminal statute against nonconsensual porn, Kardashian could face six months of jail time and a fine,"Carrie Goldberg, a sexual privacy attorney and a board member of the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative, told INSIDER.

California-based attorney Lisa Bloom, who has represented Mischa Barton in a recent revenge porn case, said that Chyna could sue Kardashian for damages.

"Chyna ... likely has a private right of action against Mr. Kardashian for money damages for the emotional distress he has surely caused her," she told INSIDER.

"Attempting to slut shame the mother of his child is truly sick behavior as the law recognizes," she said. "I encourage Ms. Chyna to stand up for her rights as a woman to control which images of her own body will be made public."

As Business Insider notes, under California law, Kardashian could even stand to lose custody of his daughter, Dream, if he were to face other legal repercussions such as a restraining order.

INSIDER has contacted Chyna's attorney Walter Mosley, as well as Rob Kardashian's representative, for comment. We will update this story with any further developments.

If you or someone you know are being abused, reach out to RAINN (the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline) or Safe Horizon for support.

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: There's a 'third' Jenner kid in the Kardashian clan that no one's ever heard of

'The Wedding Ring Effect' is used to describe why married men can seem so desirable — but it's an egregious misinterpretation of the science behind it

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“The Wedding Ring Effect,” as it is sometimes called by the popular media, is the idea that simply by wearing a wedding ring a man is somehow imbued with a host of desirable characteristics.

With an understanding of how and why mate copying works, this may seem like an entirely logical extension. It is, however, an egregious misconception.

Mate copying (sometimes called mate-choice copying) is where an individual is preferred as a future romantic partner simply because they have relationship experience.

Mate copying is a form of non-independent mate selection arising from social learning. Someone gathers mate-relevant information about a potential partner by observing their romantic interactions with someone else. The “copying” part refers to developing a preference for a partner simply because someone of the same gender as yourself has had a preference for them in the past.

The basic idea is that people who have already been in a relationship have been “road-tested.” The logic goes they have proven they have at least some romantically desirable attributes because of their experience. This might seem odd, but there is plenty of good scientific evidence that mate copying exists.

Although the phenomenon applies broadly, we know that it is particularly prevalent among young women.

So, what is the value in mate copying? While it may not be obvious, the phenomenon does hold some utility. For one, mate-seekers (men or women) can readily identify a “good” (or at least passable) mate. In a sense, the person with experience is a “safer bet.”

Another advantage is that this information is cheap. Rather than going through a costly trial-and-error process to identify a suitable romantic partner (expending time and money on dates), the mate copier gets similar information from observing others.

A man holding hands with and embracing a woman is presumably considered by her to be at least an adequate relationship partner. The guy in the corner of the room alone staring at his iPhone may or may not be.

“The Wedding Ring Effect,” as it is sometimes called by the popular media, is the idea that simply by wearing a wedding ring a man is somehow imbued with a host of desirable characteristics.

With an understanding of how and why mate copying works, this may seem like an entirely logical extension. It is, however, an egregious misconception.

Seminal studies and a multitude of subsequent empirical work have thoroughly established that mate copying exists among non-humans, and there is a bunch of converging evidence suggesting that the phenomenon occurs among humans. However, having a heightened preference for someone that has been romantically “pre-approved” is very different from chasing someone who is married.

Studies have shown that romantically unavailable men are considered to be both more attractive, and more desirable as long-term mates. But there are also solid reasons not to pursue (or even desire) a married man.

For one, married men are probably going to be harder to romantically “obtain” than someone who is single. A married man is going to at least be reluctant to violate marital commitments, and prying him from his partner is likely going to be met with strong resistance.

Additionally, there are all sorts of social proscriptions against pursuing a married man. Doing so may well result in social derogation and/or exclusion.

In one of the most realistic studies of mate copying, Swedish researchers had women engage in real-life interactions with men who were wearing a wedding ring and men who weren’t. After the women had met and talked with each man (separately), each woman was asked a series of questions about the men she had just met. For example, she was asked her first impression of each man, their attractiveness and so on.

There were no major differences between the two men in terms of how they were perceived by the women, but the men without wedding rings were on average considered more attractive, both physically and generally.

Women suggested that they would rather have dinner with, have sex with, start a relationship with, and invite home the men not wearing a wedding ring. This may not come as much of a surprise, but it does suggest that while being in a relationship may make a man appealing in some sense, being married doesn’t.

Following on from this idea, research conducted in the US found that female participants evaluating a photo of a man found him to be slightly more romantically attractive and generally likeable if he was romantically available than if he was living with a romantic partner.

The much more important variable here was whether or not he had a history of commitment. Men who had previously been in relationships for three years were considered far more romantically attractive and generally likeable than men whose longest relationship had lasted only a few months.

Some research I conducted recently found a curious pattern of results. Namely, men with relationship experience were considered more desirable than those without experience if the men were described only (no visual representation). As soon as they were pictured alongside a partner, this effect completely reversed.

Taken together, these studies suggest that the idea of a man in a relationship is appealing in theory – but when it becomes a reality the appeal vanishes, or is at least mitigated.

SEE ALSO: The most insidious type of cheating isn't physical — here are 9 signs your partner could be guilty

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: RELATIONSHIP EXPERT: Trying to meet your partner’s needs is 'the most horrific advice I could imagine'

Here's how you should split the bill with your partner at each stage in your relationship

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couple bills marriage

The INSIDER Summary:

  • When working out who pays for what in your relationship, the key is communication.
  • Make a plan that works for both of you and be honest about what you want. 
  • Set goals and make sure you're both contributing. 


Couples get into arguments about everything under the sun. From liking a hot person's Instagram photos to the ending of "How I Met Your Mother" (my boyfriend loved it because he is wrong), there seems to be no topic off limits to quarreling couples.

Far and away the most common subject couples fight about is money. A study by SunTrust Bank found that 35% of couples cited monetary issues as the primary cause of stress in their relationship.

Luckily, with a little help, you can mange money conversations at any stage of your relationship. 

When you start dating, anything goes.

The dreaded reach for the check on a first date has been a topic of conversation since the beginning of dating. And while it's long been considered normal in heterosexual relationships for the man to pay on the first date, that's no longer true in modern society.

For a first date, it's safe to assume the person who initiated the date will pay. If you still feel more comfortable offering to pay or going Dutch on the bill, feel free to go for that wallet reach even if you were the one invited out. 

When you're in a new relationship, find a system that works for you.

When you begin dating someone more seriously, it's not exactly fair that one person continues to take on the expenses of each and every date. 

Once you're an established couple, find a system that works for you. If you or your partner are comfortable splitting each expense 50/50, so be it. For others who are in a relationship with a substantial gap in salary, it may be worth discussing a pay-what-you-can model, Michelle Brownstein, director of private client services at Personal Capital, told INSIDER. 

"There are a number of different ways to split up expenses once you're in a serious relationship — there isn't one way that is right for everyone," she said. "I think that paying for dates and activities proportionally to what each person earns in income can work well from a financial standpoint. However, the key to any arrangement equally splitting, proportionally splitting, or one person paying all the time is communication."

When moving in together, it's time to have a serious talk.

Once your relationship progresses, your conversations about money should, too. When you move in together, you'll inevitably have more expenses that you share and simply attempting to keep track of it in your head won't work. 

First, plan out how you'll be splitting expenses — couples do this 50/50 or based on income. Next, find out who will be in charge of putting what in their name (rent, utilities, etc.) and how the other person will be paying them for their share. 

Apps like Venmo or your bank's payment applications are a good start because they allow you to keep a digital record of who paid what to whom. But if you want to take your money organization skills even further — and you should — there are plenty of tools to help you. 

Consider downloading an app like Splitwise that will allow you to punch in what someone owes you or what you've paid them. It will keep a running tally, which can prevent owed payments from slipping your mind. 

Or if you're really committed to a low-tech solution, you can't beat a whiteboard on your fridge. 

couple travel love

When you're married or in a long-term partnership, you should be completely open with your finances.

The biggest thing to keep in mind when you're fully committed to someone is communication, and discussions about money should be no different. Discuss with your partner how you'll be splitting up bills, if you're okay with a joint bank account, and how you'll view "your money." Don't hide your finances from them and be as open as possible. 

Inevitably, you're going to differ a bit when it comes to your relationship with money and that's fine, said Brownstein. Just be sure you put your compromising and communication skills to the test. 

"If one of you is a major saver and the other spends every dollar they make, you'll need to communicate and likely compromise to some degree so one person doesn't feel like they're doing all the work for long term financial stability," she said.

And whatever you do, don't keep money secrets.

"The other component here is not keeping secrets," Brownstein went on. "For example, if you have significant credit card debt and don't share that with your partner, this could have long term consequences. Aside from having to keep a secret, your ability to qualify for a loan (like a mortgage) in the future may be harmed by your debt. Be open and honest so there are no surprises down the line.”

When planning for your future, make a concrete plan.

In the same vein, you should have a serious talk about your financial goals. Find out what each of you wants to save for down the line — be it a private school education for your kids, a new home, or a trip to Hawaii — and make a concrete plan to get you both there. 

Whatever you want, remember that your partner is here for you and that you should both be working together once you've established that goal. 

"Don't force your goals on your partner and don't try to control them," Brownstein said.

"Work together instead of working against each other," she continued. "Additionally, if you need someone to help you set goals, work with a financial planner to help focus the conversation.”

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A therapist shares 3 reasons fighting with your partner is a good thing

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This post does not apply to abusive relationships. Abusive relationships are crisis situations and need to be treated as such. For more resources and help on understanding what to do about abuse, please click here.

Before we look at what happens when couples experience conflict, lets look at what happens when they don't.  

Relationships with no conflict have been proven time and time again to be the least healthy.* Typically, ‘no-conflict’ relationships don't end with a bang, but with a whisper.  

As in, one random morning someone wakes up and casually informs the other person that the relationship will be ending now, and 'could you please pass the salt?' Usually the split is pretty amicable, because there was no real investment in the growth of the relationship.

When there is real investment in the growth of the relationship, guess what else there is? A little something called: major disappointment sometimes.

Disappointments arise when there's a discrepancy between expectation and outcome.

We all know that an excess of comparisons and expectations have the potential to sabotage our happiness, but unless you're a living superbeing, you’re gonna have to hold some expectations in a relationship just like the rest of us. And you’ll most likely be better off for doing so. Why?

Because most of the time, your expectations will be met — though it's also true that sometimes they won’t be. If/when the latter happens, conflict occurs.

Conflicts can be constructive or destructive

When you fight dirty, it's literally destructive. You’re destroying trust, respect and confidence.

When you fight in ways which are constructive, you're literally constructing. You’re constructing and building deeper trust, upgrading confidence, and engendering real acceptance.  Here's why.

1.  Fighting renews courtship

When disappointment and subsequent conflict occurs, apologies are often (i.e. pretty much always) in order. A solid apology typically engenders feelings of warmth and connection, because during the apology process, you reaffirm all the qualities you appreciate about your partner and are essentially apologizing for losing perspective of someone else's wonderfulness.

If the apology is really on point, you might also get a declaration from each person to be more aware of how their choices impact the other, which you weren't necessarily expecting. Sort of like being at a new restaurant on a semi-sketchy street on the Lower East Side, and then getting an amuse-bouche like, 'oooh, ok..now this suddenly feels legit.'

Of course, a great apology can also result in another certain aspect of reconciliation that no one in the history of time has ever complained about.

2. Fighting constructively boosts confidence in handling stress together

You know which ingredient corporate leadership and team building events look to infuse most into their activities?

Stress.

In fact, the best team building exercises will deliberately limit the resources of the team so that stress occurs. Not coincidentally, what occurs next is creative problem solving, effective strategy implementation, and a concession to inter-dependence (i.e. some next-level bonding).

Stressful events aren't exactly a rarity in this life, and experientially knowing that you're part of a two person team that has effectively learned to use each other's respective strengths, focus together, and expertly seek out the best possible outcome when stress comes a-knockin' is like walking around with pocket aces. It's a special kind of assurance, and that assurance is built and won through many dealings with conflict.

3. Fighting provides an opportunity to be more deeply known and understood

Assuming nothing egregious has occurred, usually fights happen when one person experiences what the other person sees as a disproportionate reaction to "X."

If something has bothered you, there's an opportunity to explain why it bothered you. Fights typically trigger old wounds, and conflicts present an opportunity to share our unique histories and subsequent sensitivities.

Everyone has sensitivities because everyone has a past, but it's not like you sit around when you're happy and talk about stuff that makes you sad.

These hot-button issues more commonly arise during sensitive moments, moments of hurt, moments of disappointment.

Nestled within the hot-button issue is the chance to reveal yourself  more fully and to allow your partner to do the same — which is what intimacy is all about.  

Intimacy is about being fully seen by another. When you allow your partner to fully see you, and in turn bear witness to the full emotional landscape of your partner — those gestures of mutual acceptance are the stuff of true love.

*This post does not apply to abusive relationships. For more resources and help on understanding what to do about abuse, please click here.

SEE ALSO: A therapist explains why one of the most traditional beliefs about marriage is also the most damaging

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Fighting in a relationship isn't abnormal, but there's a line you should never cross

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The INSIDER Summary:

  • Being mad at someone is no excuse for insults. 
  • You should lay down ground rules for yourself that will prevent you from hitting below the belt with your comments. 
  • If you feel you can't get that, you should consider seeking help. 


When you're angry, you probably don't act like yourself, and that's completely natural. After all, when you're upset, your brain is wired to act out before the rational parts can catch up. So if you're ever mad at someone and feel as though you have a little cartoon man controlling your emotions, you're not too far off.

This, however, doesn't mean you should have free rein to do whatever you want. 

There are obviously some horrible things you should never, ever do when you're angry. These include anything physically abusive, mentally abusive, manipulative, and/or threatening. If you or someone you love are exhibiting these behaviors, you should seek help. 

But a lot of people tend to employ more common yet still hurtful behaviors when they're angry, and it can really escalate an argument. 

If you care about the person you're mad at, you should lay down a ground rule that you won't insult them with below-the-belt comments. 

This means that even if your brain is telling you to lob an insult, you should ignore it. 

"Saying things like 'you suck in bed' or 'the only reason I started dating you was that I felt sorry for you,' or 'no one would ever marry you, you're too (fill in the blank)," psychologist Vijayeta Sinh owner of NYC Family Therapy, told INSIDER. "Because these shots at others' dignity and self-confidence can have a lasting impact on how they feel about you but also how they feel about themselves."

These types of comments mark a change in your relationship. If you don't mean them, you'll never get to truly take it back. Even if you did mean it, a screaming match isn't exactly the best way to air your grievances with someone.  

couple arguing

Once you use this type of tactic during an argument, that person will forever know that you're the type of person who will go after them with harsh words, Sinh said.

"It erodes trust in a relationship when the other person knows you're willing to kick them where it hurts," she said.   

If you're feeling overwhelmed with anger and feel like you might say something too harsh or something you'll regret, take a step back and try to de-escalate the situation. If you don't think you can do that, it's better to walk away for a bit than to make a fatal error.

This is also good advice if you do mess up and hit below the belt, Rashawn Brewster, a marriage and family therapist intern and relationship consultant, told INSIDER. You may have an instinct to stay and try to make things better, but that distance is what you'll both need to help clear the air. 

"When boxers fight and one 'accidentally' hits the other below the belt, the ref steps in and gives the fighter a moment to catch his or her composure," he said. "When your argument begins to get heated and one of you takes a cheap shot, recognize it and ask for a few moments to regroup. Take a walk, read a book or whatever works for you, but don’t continue the argument until you’ve had a moment to recover from the blow."

If you or your partner or friend can't stop taking potshots when upset, it may be time to end the relationship or seek professional help. 

"Seek help and guidance from professionals who know how to give you strategic advice that will help you learn how to fight more effectively," Brewster said. "When fighters get knocked down or can’t figure out what to do next during the fight, they go to their trainer during a break and they get advice that will help them experience more success in the next rounds. You know that there will always be more rounds. The question is, will you leave the fight with your hands up in victory or with your head bowed in defeat." 

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3 things to say if you suspect your partner is unhappy in your relationship

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The INSIDER Summary:

  • If you think your partner is unhappy with you or just in general, you should address it. 
  • You can do this in a more direct way or find a way to get on the topic in a slow, more indirect way. 
  • In any case, create a safe and non-judgmental space for your partner. 


One of the most common misconceptions about long-term relationships is that couples should be happy all of the time. Obviously, that's not realistic. Life is pretty long and sometimes people hit roughs patches that can take a toll on their happiness level.

If you sense your partner is unhappy, it can feel like the end of the world or the end of your relationship, but that's not always the case.

To get to the root of the problem though, you have to figure out if there's a problem at all. INSIDER spoke with relationship experts about the best way to address your partner's perceived unhappiness.

 

Relate it to you. 

Everyone feels unhappy sometimes and your partner will be more open to sharing those feelings of unhappiness with you if they feel like you're both in the same boat. 

Let them know the next time you don't quite feel like yourself or are having a bad day in order to set the tone for the relationship of openness and safety. 

"Can you recall a time when you weren't feeling like your best self or perhaps a time when you were questioning whether you should stay or flee, hide or speak up?" Chelsea Leigh Trescott, a breakup coach, told INSIDER. "Start there. It will show your significant other that there is no shame to be feeling how they are feeling, and it will offer them hope that hey can bounce back."

Once you've opened up that conversation, you can then bring it around to a question or statement more directed at your partner. Keep the tone gentle and non-accusatory so they can understand that what they're feeling is normal and common. 

Psychotherapist Patti Sabla suggests framing the statement like this: 

"Sometimes I get really stressed and don't realize I have fallen into a funk (or gotten depressed, or withdrawn, or am not acting like myself, etc.). Could that be happening for you right now?"

young couple love

Open up the floor to suggestions. 

If you are lucky enough to spend a lot of time with your partner, chances are you've both shared fantasies with each other. You might talk about what you'd do with a million dollars, what you'd change about yourself, or which celebrity you'd like to be. 

Another good way to frame a conversation about a partner's potential unhappiness is similar to this. Ask your partner what they could have — realistically — from you or their life in general to improve it. If you make them comfortable and make it seem like just another hypothetical they'll be more likely to open up.

From there, you may be able to either implement that change or use it as context for finding out what could be bothering them, if anything. 

Buyer beware though: You should be prepared to hear something you may not like. Remember that if you don't get defensive, they'll be more likely to be honest. 

"They may say there are problems in the relationship and you may disagree,"Joshua Klapow, psychologist and relationship expert told INSIDER. "But if you asked, it is on you to listen.  Take the information in."

Sabla suggests a question like this:

"If you could wake up tomorrow and everything were perfect, what would that look like? What would be different in your life? What would remain the same?"

couple comfort hug sad

Be direct. 

If all of these routes seem counter-intuitive to you, you may just be better asking your partner point blank if there is something they would like to talk about and if there is anything you can do to help them if they are unhappy. 

This can work wonders because it will show them that you're intuitive, care enough to address their issues, and will get down to the point. 

"I suggest not beating around the bush, and simply asking them outright, from a position of empathy and concern versus hostility," David Bennett, counselor and co-author of the site "The Popular Man," told INSIDER. "Many relationship problems develop because there isn't direct communication." 

This approach does come with some risks though. It can be jarring to point out possible unhappiness out of the blue, so make sure you approach it with care. Don't reach for the question in a moment of frustration, but do it in a way that let's them know that you see how they might be hurting and that you want to help. 

Psychotherapist Gary Brown suggests a question like this:

"I've noticed that you have been a bit withdrawn lately.  I care about you and am concerned.  Can you tell me what's happening for you?"

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I'm a financial planner — and I tell everyone the same thing when they ask what to know before marriage

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In love, it's often said that opposites attract.

One of the quickest ways to observe this in action is to ask a couple to talk about money. Especially their money.

As a financial planner, I see this as a good thing. Big spenders benefit from being reined in by their partners. And super-savers benefit from learning that money can be enjoyed, not just stockpiled.

To be compatible, you don't need to have the same financial skill set as your significant other. But you do need to be able to talk about money with each other. And that begins as soon as (or before) you get engaged.

Figuring out how and when to broach the subject isn't easy. Unsurprisingly, the question of money and marriage came up during a Facebook Live I recently hosted for Business Insider.

As I said during the Facebook Live, you need to know everything about your partner's money before you tie the knot.

Once you get married, you're going to merge your finances— whether literally or figuratively — and it helps if both of you enter into your financial relationship with eyes wide open.

It's not that it changes whether or not you're going to get married. It doesn't change how much you love each other. But it's really important to establish a deeper level of financial communication before you officially start your life together.

Talking openly about money builds trust, which is an essential part of any lasting marriage. Trusting each other with finances leads to greater feelings of security, fewer arguments and — added bonus — a more fulfilling sex life, according to a survey from MONEY magazine.

If you can learn to talk about money, which is difficult for many couples, you'll be better at talking about other challenging topics in your relationship. Talking about money helps establish a good foundation for communicating with each other.

Don't be afraid to seek out a neutral third party for help if it proves stressful to manage these discussions on your own. You can meet with a financial planner to help facilitate the conversation, especially if one of you has any kind of embarrassment or shame around a certain financial topic, such as student loan debt.

Regardless of how opposite you might be on the financial front, there is good news: Money is important, but it's not the key to marital bliss.

Watch the full Facebook Live:

SEE ALSO: 8 things successful married couples never do with their money

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My wife told me I had a terrible quality I'd never realized — and now I see how it could have impacted my work

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My wife told me once that I was being dismissive.

I didn't really understand what she meant.

"Dismissive of you right now or dismissive in general?" I'd asked with a confused look.

"Dismissive in general," she'd say.

I couldn't believe what she was saying. It was a mystery to me.

Part of my issue at the time was that I didn't have any way of seeing my own dismissive attitude. There is no mirror to look into. I was too pedantic to listen to people, too engaged with my own upward spiral in the workplace, too full of pride.

Being dismissive is one of the best ways to make sure people hate you. At the grocery store, you smirk and tell the checkout clerk that the green beans are on sale. At the dinner table, you read an iPad instead of talking. In the break room, you interrupt conversations to correct people. "Well, you are a little fuzzy on your facts," you announce.

When you leave the break room, they sneer. They're glad you left.

Your body language speaks volumes. You look away from people, losing interest in what they are saying. You keep checking your phone. You look at your watch.

Dismissiveness is one of those qualities that is fairly common, but it's difficult to know when you have it. Ironically, everyone picks up on it. Being dismissive is also self-perpetuating. The more dismissive you are, the more you puff yourself up. Then you become even more inflated, which means you're less likely to notice your own dismissive attitude. There are people I know who are so dismissive they are completely unaware of the problem. There is a good chance they will never realize it.

How do you uncover the problem?

I've written before about how my daughters taught me to show more empathy. It is something you can learn over time. Your empathy meter can rise and fall, and it takes effort to keep it calibrated. In the same way, you can listen to how you talk, pay attention to the look people give you, and even ask a bold question.

"Do you think I'm dismissive?" is not a bad question to ask, as long as you trust the person you're asking. You should be prepared for an answer you won't like too much.

There's no person more hated in the office than someone who acts dismissive. Here's how the problem started to reveal itself in my own life. In a checkout lane, I'd sometimes look away from the person scanning my groceries. I'd glance at my phone or think about something else. I was being dismissive. To combat this, I started asking more questions.

"How is your day going today?"

"Do you know of any good specials in the store?"

Often, it's a college-aged kid in my area, maybe someone who is working on a degree in theoretical physics or chemistry. I have no right to dismiss them. I've learned a lot while waiting for my grocery bill. These were conversations I was avoiding before.

The good news is that the answer to the problem is to be more attentive to people, to see their value. Dismissing people means you are missing out on new information. And, even worse, it means you are are making new enemies. No one likes someone who is dismissive. That pride is pretty vapid. By ignoring others, you are essentially giving them fodder to think of you as haughty and rude. You're making enemies.

Showing more empathy?

Looking people in the eye?

Keeping your phone in your pocket?

These minor acts will make you more likable.

You'll make new friends, even at the grocery store.

SEE ALSO: 22 subtle signs that your coworkers hate you

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How to get people to like you, according to psychologists

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Making friends as an adult is hard.

There are so many things to consider — from where to meet new people in the first place to how you spend time together. And what happens if you really like them but aren't sure whether they're keen on you?

Several recent psychological studies suggest there are a few simple ways to make yourself more likable — something that can come in handy for everything from friendships to job interviews. Here are a few of our favorites.

Reveal, don't conceal

It's tempting to shy away from probing questions because you don't want to overshare or reveal too much personal information.

As it turns out, people might actually see you in a more positive light if you share that information than if you withhold it, according to a study from Harvard Business School. The researchers looked at how revealing versus concealing information affected two scenarios: potential dates and potential employers.

Study participants were split into two groups — half were prospects for dates, and the rest could choose whether or not to date these individuals. The dating prospects then got split again — half were "revealers" who admitted to engaging in some unsavory behavior, like fantasizing about doing something terrible. The other half were "hiders" who did not volunteer this information.

friendsWhen the volunteers were given the chance to pick who they'd rather date, 79% of them chose the revealer.

The researchers replicated the experiment in a job interview scenario and came to similar conclusions. For this experiment, the participants had to respond to the question, “Have you ever done drugs?” They could say yes, no, or choose not to answer. Then potential employers got their pick of the candidates. Overall, the employers were more interested in hiring the people who'd answered 'yes' than the people who'd chosen not to answer or said 'no.'

Other research backs up this idea. A large review of multiple studies from the American Psychological Association found that people who engage in what they called "intimate disclosures" tend to be liked more than those who disclose less about themselves. The same study also found that people tend to share more personal information with people whom they initially like. And people tend like others as a result of sharing personal information with them as well.

Share something personal

Along the same lines, disclosing something about yourself that you don't share with most people can increase intimacy.

aziz ansari Eric Wareheim master of none netflixA 1997 study by State University of New York psychologist Arthur Aron — the subject of a viral New York Times article called "Questions that can make you fall in love with a stranger"— is a classic example of this. Aron essentially showed that two people who were willing to feel more connected to each other could do so, even within a short time.

For his study, Aron separated two groups of people, then paired people up within their groups and had them chat with one another for 45 minutes. While the first group of pairs spent the 45 minutes engaging in small talk, the second group got a list of questions that gradually grew more intimate.

Unsurprisingly, the pairs who asked the probing questions felt closer and more connected after the 45 minutes were up. Six months later, two of the participants (a tiny fraction of the original study group) even found themselves in love.

Compliment them — but not too much

The words you use to describe others can mean a lot. Some research suggests that people subconsciously associate the words you use to describe other people with your own personality, a phenomenon known in psychology as spontaneous trait transference. This applies whether the words you use are kind or cruel, so choose wisely.

friendsAlthough compliments are generally good, be careful how you use them. Some studies have found that when it comes to winning people over, lavishing them with positive comments pales in comparison to giving negative feedback first and positive feedback later.

University of Minnesota researchers tried this out in a 1965 experiment. They had 80 female college students work in pairs on a task, and facilitated a situation in which those students would "overhear" their partners talking about them. (In reality, experimenters had told the partners what to say.)

In the first of the study's four scenarios, the comments were uniformly positive; in the second, the comments were all negative; in the third, the comments changed from positive to negative; and in the fourth, the comments shifted from negative to positive. Overall, the students liked their partners best when their comments shifted from negative to positive, suggesting that people like to feel as though they've persuaded you in some way.

 

Bottom line: If you want people to like you, don't be afraid to share things about yourself. And be complimentary, but don't overdo it.

SEE ALSO: How a 'relationship contract' could save your relationship — or ruin it

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Meet the power 'couple' dominating the World Wife Carrying Championships

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Taisto Miettinen and Kristiina Haapanen aren't married, but they do get extremely close.

Miettinen and Haapanen, both natives of Finland, are the six-time and reigning champions of the World Wife Carrying Championships. The yearly competition involves men hauling a female partner — a "wife"— across a 250-meter obstacle course.

The sport, called eukonkanto in Finnish, originated in the 19th century, when legend has it that a team of forest-dwelling robbers would sneak into homes in the dead of night, kidnap women, and carry them into the woods.

The tale has since morphed into a more light-hearted sport. Official rules dictate the "wife" can be any woman 18 years or older who weighs at least 108 pounds. If she is too light, contest officials will outfit her with additional weight.

Miettinen and Haapanen won this year's contest on July 1, with a final time of 68 seconds.

"The winning is the best part I think," Haapanen, 33, told Business Insider.

Sixty teams from a dozen countries were represented at the 2017 championships. Each heat involved three teams racing through two dry obstacles — typically sand or hurdles — and a wet obstacle at least one meter deep. Each was vying for the fastest time among the pool of 60 entrants.

world wife carryingHaapanen and Miettinen, both of whom are dating other people in their non-competitive lives, met in 2007. Miettinen had already been competing in wife-carrying for about a decade, but his current "wife" had a party to attend on the day of the competition.

Miettinen needed an alternate, and since he didn't have much time to search, he had to get clever.

"There were a lot of woman in dating sites, where they have put their own weight," Miettinen, who's now 52, told Business Insider via email. "I decided [to] send a message for woman whose weight is 46-49 kg. Kristina was the first one who send a message back to me."

Haapanen says she'd heard of the sport and was eager to give it a try.

Two years later, the "couple" won their first World Championship. They won again in 2010. And again. And again.

wife carrying coupleIn 2014, a rival pair of Finns stole the title from Miettinen and Haapanen. It wasn't until this year's competition that they finally stole it back, marking their sixth victory.

Compared to past events, Miettinen said the 2017 performance was on the slower side. The pair's fastest time is 60 seconds, but that was in the years before there was a weight minimum, he said. The team has yet to challenge the world record of 56 seconds.

Still, Miettinen knows he owns the sport.

"I am the first man who has won this competition over 40," he said. "Now I am also first one who has won over 50."

Haapanen said the duo meets up roughly once a month in the winter and roughly twice a week from March until the finals to train. She has no plans of stopping, and says the only factor in her longevity in the sport is whether Miettinen's legs can keep pumping.

He's told her that if they finish lower than the top three, he'll move into the senior division and dominate there. If Miettinen ever bows out, Haapanen said she might have to recruit other "husbands" to carry her to victory.

"Maybe I could train my own man," she said.

Watch the team in action:

 

SEE ALSO: Finland just launched an experiment giving 2,000 people free money until 2019

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Tinder is sending 2 people who have been 'too busy' to meet in real life to Hawaii together

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The INSIDER Summary:

  • Two Kent State University students began messaging on Tinder in 2014.
  • They kept joking that they missed each other. 
  • This went on until this year when Josh Avsec tweeted a screenshot of their conversation. A friend tagged Michelle Arendas, the woman he was talking to, in his tweet. 
  • The two exchanged numbers and now Tinder is sending them to Maui. 


You know that feeling when you just forget to text someone back ... for a year? 

Well, Kent State University students Josh Avsec and Michelle Arendas ran into that situation nearly three years ago — and now the internet and Tinder is determined to get them together. 

It all started in September 2014 when Avsec and Arendas matched on Tinder. Avsec messaged Arendas with a simple "Hey Michelle." Despite that dazzling and captivating message, she didn't respond for more than a month and explained, jokingly that her "phone died." 

"Wow you found that pretty fast," he played along. "It usually takes me about five months to find my charger." 

"Yeah I just wanted to make sure it was fully charged, 0 to 100 real slow," she replied. 

Then the conversation dropped off for another month when Avsec jokingly excused his absence. "Hey, sorry I was in the shower," he said. 

She then took another month to reply. "Hey just saw this message, sorry I was in class," she said. 

Then, another three months went by and in May 2015, he messaged her back. "Sorry Michelle I have made a horrible first impression, i it [sic] really caught up with finals," Avsec wrote. 

"Hi I really do apologize for just now getting back to you, I've just had a really really busy week," she wrote back seven months later. 

Then, nearly a year went by when Avsec replied in October 2016: "Michelle I don't want you to think I'm rude, midterms are coming up and it's just been really hard to keep up with it all," he wrote. 

Four months later, he got his response. "Hey Josh, just wanted to get back to you really quickly!" Arendas wrote in February 2017. "President's Day had me swamped recently, you know how it gets!!" 

Avsec posted the entire exchange to Twitter last week with the caption, "One day I'm going to meet this girl and it's going to be epic. Look at the dates of our Tinder texts." From there, it was retweeted tens of thousands of times and one of Arendas' friends tagged her and looped her into the exchange. 

Avsec told BuzzFeed News that this is what finally prompted him to direct message her and get her number and that the two have been chatting ever since. But once Tinder got wind of this constantly missed love connection that happened on its platform, it sprang into action. 

"It's time you got together IRL," the app tweeted. "You have 24 [hours] to decide the city you want to have your first date in and we'll send you there!"

Avsec tweeted back and said that the pair had decided to meet up in Maui, Hawaii. 

"After a long debate over your unbelievably generous offer, our dream first-date would be in Hawaii," he wrote. "Meet you in Maui??" 

Tinder responded, confirming that they'd be sending the pair there. 

"Aloha! We're sending you to Maui but you can't take two years to pack your bags!" the app's social team wrote back. 

Avsec told BuzzFeed that he and Arendas have plans to meet up in person before their big trip and it looks like the internet is waiting with bated breath for the two to live happily ever after. 

 

 

 

 Here's hoping all your swipes right end in trips to tropical destinations! 

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Prince Harry's gift to Meghan Markle is like the royal version of 'BFF necklaces' and we can't get enough

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The INSIDER Summary:

  • Prince Harry bought a piece of art and asked if it could be split in two for him and an "important person." 
  • Obviously, we're assuming that person is Meghan Markle. 
  • It's a sweet gesture even non-royals can learn from. 


When you're a commoner, you might borrow your partner's sweater to feel close to them. But when you're a royal, you buy expensive artwork and split it in two for you and a loved one. 

People magazine recently confirmed that Prince Harry purchased a sentimental piece of artwork from British artist Van Donna called "Everybody Needs Somebody To Love" for an "important person," which obviously, we're assuming is his current girlfriend and "Suits" actress Meghan Markle. 

But he didn't just purchase it for Markle. Harry reportedly also asked if the piece could be split in half for two people, according to People. That leads us to believe (or hope) that one piece hangs in his royal pad while the other is in Markle's home. 

It's not clear how much the prince dropped on the romantic present, which features two canvases (one with two children holding hands and the other with the name of the piece on it), but People reported that a painting by Donna went for $5,000 in 2016, and that her stock has only risen since that purchase.  

Harry reportedly purchased the work in October 2016, just shortly before he went public with his relationship with the American actress and philanthropist. But the artist just recently tweeted about the purchase, understandably freaking out.

An unnamed local art collector told People that they give Harry props for the sweet and innovative gesture and we have to agree.

"It's a bit like a charm bracelet — where you give half of it to someone you're involved with and keep the other half yourself," they told People. "We should all learn something from it, I think.”

And while we all may not all be able to afford a gesture worth thousands of dollars, we can still take a less-pricey page out of Harry's book. 

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