The INSIDER Summary:
- A study found that 23% of people have dreamt about their partner cheating on them or having an affair themselves.
- They cited having feelings for another person or having to deal with a "difficult decision" in their lives.
- Experts caution those who have these dreams from taking it out on their partner or jumping to conclusions.
- They say if the dreams worry them, they should talk it out with their partner.
An affair is not something that's easy to forgive. It can cause lack of trust, anger, resentment, and feelings of abandonment. But even if the affair is all in your head, it can still have some rough effects on your relationship.
A recent study by Amerisleep found that of 1,000 people polled, 23% have had dreams in the past year where they cheated or were cheated on by their significant other.
And while a dream may seem like something you can forget about in the morning, the study also suggested that these dreams can be indicative of, or cause, real-life anxieties about the relationship. Nearly 30% of men and women surveyed said that they thought dreaming of an affair indicated that they had feelings for someone else.
Experts told INSIDER that it's kind of a toss-up whether or not a dream of infidelity is a sign that you or your partner want to stray from a relationship. It could be a sign of an affair or desire for one — or you could just be having a weird dream.
"While dreams can be your subconscious mind's way of alerting to a dormant want or need, when a dream occurs sometimes it can be just a dream and it's important to realize that you can just let that go," psychotherapist and author Judi Cinéas told INSIDER.
A dream about your partner's infidelity could also be the sign of some trust issues that you need to work on that have nothing to do with your partner.
"Just because you have a vivid dream about an emotionally charged topic, doesn't mean it's true or a predictor of someone else's behavior," Jonathan Bennett, a counselor and author of the site The Popular Man, told INSIDER. "If anything, your dream reveals a lot more about your own subconscious insecurities and fears than the actual behavior of your partner."
Dreams about affairs do not necessarily have to mean trouble in the relationship, but they can also mean turmoil in your life in general — nearly half of women and 36% of men surveyed said they chalked up their reason for dreaming up an affair as the result of a "difficult decision" they had to make.
Obviously a simple dream about an affair does not spell relationship destruction, but your response to it can cause strain — getting mad simply because you had a dream about your partner cheating is a quick way to make them upset for no reason.
"Whatever it means, taking it as gospel truth and acting as if that's so will most likely lead to real trouble in your relationship," marriage expert and radio host Lesli Doares told INSIDER."Blaming your partner for something you dreamed they did (as opposed to actually doing) is unfair on so many levels. Acting on your feelings as if the event really happened leaves your partner feeling attacked and with no way forward."
If you're repeatedly having dreams about kissing your ex or your partner kissing their hot coworker, it can be tough to let that go. If you can't seem to let the thought pass on your own, you may want to express it to your partner or someone close to you.
"I'd recommend communicating your fears and concerns with your partner following the dream," said Bennett. "By rationally and logically discussing your dream vs. the reality of the relationship, you can accept that your dream about your partner cheating is no more true than the time you dreamed that you showed up to science class in your underwear."
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