The INSIDER Summary:
- A new dating term "stashing" is the latest trend plaguing couples.
- It refers to when someone doesn't introduce their partner to their friends and family and won't post about them on social media.
- It can have a lot of negative consequences, and cause the one being "stashed" to feel unimportant.
Dating someone is full of firsts. You experience your first kiss with them, first time sleeping over with them, and the first time saying "I love you." But if you find that you've been dating a while and you're missing out on the first time you've met their friends and family, you just may be "stashed."
"Stashing" is a term coined by Metro UK, but it's something that you've probably experienced at least once in your dating life. Stashing refers to the act of dating someone seriously, only to have them hide you away from everyone they know.
Some tell-tale signs of being "stashed," according to Metro, are not meeting your partner's family or friends despite dating for a while, not appearing on any of their social media feeds, and your partner not mentioning you when discussing what their plans are on the phone.
The term gets its name from when someone pushes a mess into a corner to hide it and make it look like a clean room, according to Metro, because that's exactly what this person is doing to you — hiding you away to make it look like nothing is going on.
This behavior is obviously hurtful for a lot of reasons. It can lead you to believe that your partner is lying about their life or cheating on you (or with you). It can also give you a complex that they're somehow embarrassed to be seen with you or that you don't matter enough to meet those close to them.
Meeting important people is crucial to any relationship's success. A 2012 study found that having a good relationship with your partner's family can actually decrease your chance of splitting up. It also found that simply having contact with your future-in-laws before a wedding can increase your chance of staying together.
It's important to note that there may be good reasons for their behavior. If the relationship is relatively new, you may not know everything about their family life. They might be estranged from their parents, their parents may have passed away, or there could be trauma in their family that they don't love to revisit. If you don't find yourself on their social media, they may just be a wary user or have an ex that they know will reach out and bother you if you tag yourself in a photo.
But all of these behaviors together can make stashing feel really crummy, and like something that is intentionally done to keep you on the backburner.
If you feel like you're being "stashed" by your partner, talk to them about why they may be holding back and not going public with your love. They may not have even realized they're doing it.
But as Metro warned, they may also try and act like you're the crazy one, and question why you need so many people to know about you two. This is when you know you are truly being "stashed" and that they're trying to hide you away.
While a relationship is about two people, sharing a life together is going to include the people closest to you both. If they can't commit to at least introducing you to their friends for drinks, it's probably worth finding someone who is happy to show you off.
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