- I'm 25 years old and I've never had my first kiss.
- Though I'm now engaged, there are a few reasons I'm still holding out.
- Through abstinence, my fiancé and I have learned to trust, work together, communicate, and much more — contribute to the future of our marriage.
My fiancé and I decided from the start not to kiss for the duration of our dating relationship and engagement because of our trust in biblical principles.
And although it's been very challenging at times, we've also discovered wonderful things that have motivated us to keep to this promise. This is what works for our relationship and may not be right for everyone, but I think it's made us stronger. Here are just some of the reasons we've continued to wait.
We've become best friends.
One of the greatest aspects of our relationship is that we have gotten to know each other in a deep way. Without relying on the physical aspects of our relationship, in my opinion, we've had many opportunities for engaging conversations, discussing our thoughts and feelings, our families, our past, and so much more.
I remember when we first started dating about a year ago, we would take walks in the park and talk for hours. We would cherish every moment and opportunity for quality time, simply because we loved being together.
It's become obvious to me how compatible we were based on the times we spent together, talking, laughing, and sharing about ourselves. My fiancé has truly become my best friend and for me, the emotional intimacy we've built over time has become the foundation of our relationship.
It's helped us to trust one another.
In keeping our promise to not kiss, we, of course, also practice abstinence. With that, we've learned to really trust each other.
By choosing to remain abstinent until marriage, in my opinion, it's as if my fiancé is telling me: "I love you enough to wait until I'm fully committed to you." This has provided me with assurance and trust in his true love for me as a person.
I now have a lot of confidence going into our marriage because he's put our best interests in front of short-term pleasures and has shown true integrity.
We've learned to work together.
This journey has required a lot of self-control and annoying boundaries but for me, it has also been invaluable in the way it has taught how to work together. Creating our own boundaries and openly talking about them has protected us from crossing lines we've previously decided not to.
For us, some of our boundaries included kissing only on the cheek, avoiding time alone with each other in our apartments, etc.
In maintaining these boundaries, we've had to work together especially when it got tough. For instance, since we decided not to watch movies together at each other's home alone, we've had to brainstorm other ways to spend our time like trying out different coffee shops, finding the best Brussels sprouts in town, and reading books together.
We've found unique ways to show each other affection.
Beyond just having a close friendship, we've also come up with creative and very personal ways to show each other love and affection.
One way is through music. We are both musicians: it's actually what originally brought us together (we're both in the music ministry at our church). I feel so loved when my fiancé plays me a song he's written about me. And I do the same for him — expressing how I feel about him through song creates such an intimate moment.
We also celebrate "monthiversaries" every month since we started dating. For us, it is a way to recognize where we've come in our last month together. We usually write each other cards, try out new restaurants, plan a fun date, and exchange personal gifts like ciders or home-roasted coffee beans.
There's something special about waiting and being each other's first.
Finally, a big motivation for me has been in knowing that our wedding day will be both of our first kisses. I find it so special that we both were willing to wait until we found the right person. Now, I get to share that experience with my best friend and my future husband.
There are so many times when both of us have considered just getting it over with to avoid what could be a very awkward wedding photo. But in the end, I've already waited this long, what's three more months?
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