13 things you shouldn't say to someone who is struggling with their mental health

Mental health problems — most commonly depression, anxiety, and drug use — are some of the main causes of the overall disease burden worldwide. In fact, in the past week, it is estimated that one in six people have experienced an issue with their mental health.

It's likely either you personally or someone close to you has come up against a mental health problem. But unfortunately, we are not always well equipped to know what to do or what to say.

Sometimes it will be obvious that someone is struggling, but other times the signs will be a lot more subtle. According to the Mental Health Foundation, sometimes you don't actually need to know.

"It's more important to respond sensitively to someone who seems troubled than to find out whether or not they have a diagnosis," the foundation says on its website.

It's also really important you don't minimise the other person's experience in any way, which many people can do without realising. Sometimes, by trying to give advice or be helpful, the friends and family of someone with a mental health problem can do more harm than good.

Therapist and psychologist Perpetua Neo spoke to Business Insider about what you shouldn't say to someone who is struggling with their mental health. Here are the main topics and phrases to avoid.

1. 'But you're so rich, famous, successful...'

Someone lives in a nice house, has a good job, and has close friends. From the outside their life is successful and seems perfect, but they still struggle with depression. Neo said it's important not to minimise someone's pain by pointing out how super someone's life is despite their mental health.

"Don't tell them things like 'oh but you're rich, you're famous, you're intelligent,' because pain does not discriminate," she said. "And sure, if you are a starving child in Africa with one meal every three days, then your pain sucks, your pain is very different — but that doesn't mean that pain from depression doesn't matter."

If someone is suffering from a trauma from an abusive relationship, or is anxious and depressed about their life, comparing them to those who are "worse off" isn't likely to be much of a comfort. Instead, keep in mind that everyone's feeling are valid, no matter how things look from the outside.

2. 'I went through the same thing when I...'

Sometimes we relate to someone in pain by talking about our own experiences. But this isn't always necessary, and can come across like you're trying to compete.

"It is really not a competition," said Neo. "Sometimes when you want to tell someone the truth, no matter how you say it, other people come in and will tell you all this historical stuff, like they just want to compete with you. And that's just not what you should be doing."

Maybe you are trying to be empathetic by saying you have been in pain too, but it's more helpful to the other person to simply bare witness to their pain and tell them you are here for them. That way, they don't feel like they are burdening you with their feelings, and they know you're really listening — rather than waiting for your turn to talk.

That being said, there's every chance they might appreciate hearing about your own experiences. But wait for them to ask about it first.

3. 'You're just looking for attention.'

You should never tell someone they are just looking for attention. You have no insight into what they are feeling, so you should never try and invalidate them.

"We have a lot of empathy towards cancer patients, or anyone with a physical ailment, but why is it that we don't have the same empathy towards someone with an invisible illness?" said Neo.

"And by invisible, I don't just mean someone suffering from anxiety or depression, I also mean things like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, things that don't really register on scans, but are obvious problems for the person suffering through it — it's not a bid for attention."

There are some people, like narcissists and psychopaths, who might mimic mental health problems or fake having diseases, but that doesn't mean the majority of people are untrustworthy.