- Modern dating means we have a lot more choice than we used to.
- While this makes things more convenient, it also brings about problems.
- For instance, you don't know if someone is only dating you, or you're one of many.
- It can be tempting to check your partner's phone to see if they are still on dating apps, but you'll probably find ignorance is bliss.
- If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
Dating apps give the opportunity to broaden our horizons and meet people we wouldn't usually have the chance to. But with that convenience comes problems, such as having too much choice, and the fact that initially you don't know if you're the only one, or one of many.
There's every chance when you meet someone you like, they're also dating a few other people. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, said Claire Stott, a relationship psychologist and data analyst at Badoo. But it does mean you should probably exercise a bit of caution in the first few weeks of getting to know someone.
"The reality is a lot of people date a lot," she told INSIDER. "At least in the early stages of getting to know someone, you might be one of three people they've seen that week, or they might have another date lined up in a week."
So be a little cautious, and maybe keep your dating apps active for a while, even if you don't fancy meeting anyone new right now. And try and see the relationship for what it is: the chance to meet someone new.
"Just look at it as an opportunity to get to know someone," Stott said. "That is ultimately what dating is — you're getting to know that person, and finding out whether they're compatible for you."
In these early stages, you might find yourself tempted to look up whether your new partner is still on dating apps or not — especially if you haven't had "the talk." But the best thing you can do, according to Stott, is to accept that they simply might be. And if you are meant to be together, a time will come where you'll only want to see each other.
"I think it is a tricky one to start looking at their online activity on a dating app — I'd probably say ignorance is bliss," Stott said. "Try and take what they're saying on face value. If they're saying I do actually really like you, let's see what happens, and if your gut is saying they're being honest with you, then fine. It's never good to investigate what other people are doing online."
Obsessing over whether someone is online, or whether they've left you on read, can also cause divides between people.
"This is why people get annoyed with each other, you see someone has been active ten minutes ago and hasn't replied to you," Stott said. "So try and resist if possible. For your own mental health it's just better to take a bit of a back seat in situations like that. It will be what it will be."
With all the terms and rules to adhere to, modern dating can already feel like a minefield, so it might be worth trying to take a step back from your digital life every now and then if you can. But just as it's tough out there, it's also exciting, Stott said.
"There are so many people you can get to know and it doesn't take much for you to click with someone, and to just build something more meaningful, and try and approach it as a positive rather than a negative," she said. "Ultimately, everyone is human. We're not robots, we do have emotion, and once you find a connection, it's worth a lot."
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